Has anyone terminated a pregnancy they originally wanted not for medical reasons?

[Liv234]

My boyfriend and I have been trying for a baby for a couple of years and when I finally fell pregnant he turned into a completely different person (despite us having a previous miscarriage). He slept with another woman and says he doesn’t want to be with me anymore. Now I don’t think I want his baby. I don’t want to be tied to him for the next 20 years and from a mental health aspect I know I can’t raise this baby alone the way I would want to. I know I wouldn’t be able to go through adoption and feel like I’m only left with one choice. I know I’m the only person that can make this decision but has anyone been in a similar situation that can give some advice?

Feeling completely hopeless but like I deserve the chance to start fresh and can’t do that with his baby. Please help

Hi OP,

A couple of months ago I was in a similar situation. I fell pregnant with my ex after trying to make things work again (*big mistake) We wasn’t exactly trying to get pregnant but wasn’t preventing either and initially I was beyond happy and excited. I had also had a miscarriage with him a few years ago. As soon as I fell pregnant he changed, became very uninterested, no emotional support and cheated on me! He still wanted to be there and kept pushing to find out when scan dates were etc but my only thought was how can I do this and be attached to him for the next 18 years of my life. My mental health spiralled out of control and I ended up depressed and couldn’t function at all I was terrified I wouldn’t be able to cope alone (I wouldn’t have be able to with my mental health) and then have to deal with him to try to raise a baby. He was also controlling and I actually wished that he would just disappear so I could think for myself not make the decision based on him still being around.

I had a abortion at almost 12 weeks and it was honestly the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make in my life I was changing my mind constantly even up until the moment I went into the room, I had a meltdown and had to go back outside get my head together. After I initially felt relief but wow the heartache I felt the following weeks was nothing like I’ve ever experienced before and this was with me still knowing I made the best decision.

I thought that making this decision I would just go back to normal and pick up my life where it left off but that isn’t always the case and I still cry about it daily. I’m not at all saying that you will feel like this as some people are fine after and I’m sure I’ll look back in a few years time and be grateful I had this option but abortion can be traumatic for some and I think the longer you leave it the harder it gets and also if you’ve had a previous miscarriage this can also make it hard.

I know I made the best decision for myself and my future but it still hurts and it’s still early days for me to heal but I don’t feel like myself anymore it’s hard to explain.

Just thought I would share my story as sometimes people can go into abortion thinking it takes away the problem but sometimes it just trades one problem for another.

I hope you make the best decision for yourself

@Liv, I’m pregnant now actually. This baby is coming into an established family, my OH has two children. We’ve tried for 2yrs to get pregnant and we have been together for years, are still madly in love.

If I’m honest, I have no regrets. None. I knew when I decided to go down the route I chose that the men weren’t right, that I didn’t want to be tied to them. I am a child of divorce, so it felt like a big responsibility. I so pleased I waited because with my OH, I just knew he was who I wanted to go through this with. I knew. Even as we waited and wondered if it would ever happen, not once did I worry that I’d missed my chance.

@Sessy19 this is SO reassuring to hear. Thank you so much for replying. We will either stay together and try and make it work - which will give us another chance. Or we will split and both have a chance to be happy with separate people. I’m still feeling so conflicted but neither option seems “easier” than the other. Thank you for your support 💕

@neverlost61 thank you so much for your input, I’m so grateful to hear from someone in pretty much the same position. I don’t think it will be easy but then I don’t think either option will be easy. Basing my choice on how I’m feeling right now it feels like the right thing to do. And I have the reassurance that I can say no up until I am in that room. It is an incredibly hard decision to make and I know that miscarriage and termination are different but I recovered from that. It took me a long long time, but I did. Thank you for posting your story

Having a baby/being a parent is really hard. So is having a termination. Whatever choice you make if you can do so from a position of positivity more than fear then the process & outcome will be easier to deal with.

Very best of luck and a big hug to you xxx

Oh I feel your pain, what a difficult position to be in, if I'm honest I wouldn't know what to do myself, but if you were my daughter (and I have 2 of them) I'd want you to start again with a clean slate away from that asshole

Razzles I'm sending you an enormous hug too x

Have you talked to any professionals about how you are feeling? I mean a doctor or your midwife? They may be able to give you all the facts (medically) which might help you make an informed decision. It might also help you to know how you truly feel about one option or the other. X

i have had two terminations (one for similar reason to you) I regret neither, i don't rejoice in them either- but they were the right thing for me to decide about the rest of my life. I also went on to have more children at the right time. At a much advanced age to you. Not everyone who has a termination is wracked with guilt, 1 in 3 women have them, they are not all infertile / weeping /wracked with guilt forever more.

Good luck with your decision and also to you too @razzles

@Razzles I’m so sorry you’re going through this too, it’s not a situation you can plan for. Thank you for your input and if you need to DM please please do (I’m not just saying this!) and I’ll be here just to listen to you xx

Not entirely similar but was overjoyed when I fell pregnant, although in the middle of a very messy break up. My family felt it was an awful position and their lack of enthusiasm led me to lose all confidence and I had a temination. I suffered terrible depression/ grief afterwards. But every situation and every person is different.

I should say I never felt guilt. I also had a termination when I was very young and feckless and in that circumstance felt nothing but relief.

I've been in a similar situation and terminated because I didn't want to be tied to the guy for the rest of my life. At the time I didn't realise I had the option of simply not naming him on the birth certficate, or of telling my MW about the abuse and getting support from the relevant bodies to leave the relationship and protect my child from him. I've never really come to terms with my decision and still think about what might have been. In the immediate years following it affected my mental health really badly as I hadn't told anyone, so grieved alone for the baby. It was only when I ended up in A&E after a suicide attempt (because I wanted to "be with the baby") that I was pointed towards the relevant support and managed to get some counselling. It's made things better, but I still regret the decision and miss the child I could have had, who would turn 10 this October.
In hindsight, my family would have reassured and supported me if I had talked to them about what was going on. They would have helped me raise the child. But at the time it felt so overwhelming that it was difficult to tell anyone.

I don't say that to scare or upset you, just to say that you may have other options that you haven't considered or didn't realise you had.
It's a horrendous situation to be in and I wish you peace with whatever you decide.

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

I’m so sorry you’re in this predicament.

In an ideal world you’d hire a hitman and keep the baby you so desperately wanted.

I hope whatever decision you make you find peace with it.

I thought I would update since I hate when I go back to threads and they’re unfinished.

I ended up having the termination and feeling total relief afterwards - I think mainly because he ended it with me the day before I was due to go in. I absolutely don’t want his baby and I still love him immensely, having a baby tying us together for all of time would make it incredibly hard for me to get over him.

I strongly feel I deserve to find someone to be happy with and my time will come. It is so hard right now but mainly because I miss him so much.

Feel free to reach out if you’re in a similar position and I will do my best to be there for you!

Hi OP, hope you're feeling ok now.