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Pregnancy choices

This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

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Has anyone terminated a pregnancy they originally wanted not for medical reasons?

44 replies

Liv234 · 16/04/2019 07:55

My boyfriend and I have been trying for a baby for a couple of years and when I finally fell pregnant he turned into a completely different person (despite us having a previous miscarriage). He slept with another woman and says he doesn’t want to be with me anymore. Now I don’t think I want his baby. I don’t want to be tied to him for the next 20 years and from a mental health aspect I know I can’t raise this baby alone the way I would want to. I know I wouldn’t be able to go through adoption and feel like I’m only left with one choice. I know I’m the only person that can make this decision but has anyone been in a similar situation that can give some advice?

Feeling completely hopeless but like I deserve the chance to start fresh and can’t do that with his baby. Please help Flowers

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Sessy19 · 16/04/2019 08:21

My goodness, what a terrible situation for you, you poor darling.

I have had two terminations, neither was a planned pregnancy, but with both, I just knew it would be in no ones best interests. The first, I was fond of the guy and he adored me, but it was much more serious for him than for me. He was older and had never wanted kids. I didn’t tell him actually.

The second time, I was engaged. We ended up not marrying but not because of the termination, years later. We had a whirlwind romance but our relationship just wasn’t ready for it.

And on the other side, my mother had my brother after a one night stand, the guy turned up a few months after the birth and my mother stayed with him in an abusive relationship (she was the abuser) for many years and it has destroyed our family quite frankly.

It’s such a personal decision. No one should tell you what is right and what is wrong. The option, I believe, gives everyone the power to make a decision about the course of their lives that sadly not everyone has. You will not be alone, there is support everywhere for women who have had experiences like yours. I hope you get some support here, but there might be other boards that are more sensitive to your specific story xxx much love xxx

Sessy19 · 16/04/2019 08:22

Sorry about the terrible grammar in that post!! ^

alaric77 · 16/04/2019 08:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

windysowindy · 16/04/2019 08:32

Hi OP. I had antenatal depression and went through this. Call your midwife and they can help and allocate a Mental Health Visitor. There is a lot of support, please call this morning ❤️❤️❤️

Liv234 · 16/04/2019 08:43

Sessy19 I’m new to all of this, where could I find another board where this might be more appropriate please?

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Liv234 · 16/04/2019 08:45

alaric77 I understand that this baby was planned but my situation was completely different and had it been like this I would never have willingly entered into a pregnancy. I get things can change even after a baby is born but it’s the mental aspect of willingly putting myself into that situation that I know I will struggle with.

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Rememberallball · 16/04/2019 08:49

@Liv234, there is a board called pregnancy choices where your post might be better. You can report your own post and ask MNHQ to move it there for you xx

NottonightJosepheen · 16/04/2019 08:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Legofriday · 16/04/2019 08:53

You could try relationships board. Lots of helpful posters with experience of this.

You can report your own post and ask for it to be moved to another board.

You sound like you know what you want OP. You also sound very rational and sensible so I'm sure you'll be ok whatever you choose.

bluebambino · 16/04/2019 10:11

Hi, I'm sorry I can't offer any advice in your situation but there is a board called "Pregnancy choices" under the heading Body and Soul. You may get more help there. You could ask admin to move your post by reporting it and requesting it be moved or you could start a new post.

It sounds like you have a very difficult decision to make. I hope you manage to get some good advice xx

Cannyhandleit · 16/04/2019 10:17

I was in a similar situation a few years ago but I actually ended up miscarrying! I 100% believe had I not miscarried then an abortion would have been the best option, I am now so great full not to be tied to that particular person and his family! If it feels like the right thing to do then it probably is!

AnyaMumsnet · 16/04/2019 10:31

Hi there all,

We're moving this to Pregnancy Choices at OP's request Flowers

deardeardiary · 16/04/2019 14:09

It doesn't matter that you were in a good place when you conceived, you are totally entitled to make a decision based on your circumstances now and I am sorry they are so bad. I really feel for you and I don't wonder at all why you want a fresh start. That's what you deserve. I hope you can come to the right decision for you really soon, please don't feel under any pressure and only do what is right for you xx

HollowTalk · 16/04/2019 14:34

What a bastard he turned out to be. How far along are you? I think that will greatly affect how you cope with a termination.

Liv234 · 16/04/2019 14:42

@HollowTalk I am 12 weeks. It’s definitely making it harder but nothing compared to a lifelong heartache, surely?

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Liv234 · 16/04/2019 14:48

@Sessy19 can I ask how you feel about it now? (Feel free not to answer). Did you go on to have other children/come to terms with your choice?

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Dinosforall · 16/04/2019 14:53

Feeling completely hopeless but like I deserve the chance to start fresh and can’t do that with his baby.

I think this answers your question. You only have to look at the Relationships board to see how many people are tied to idiots for life by their children.

Nonotmenori · 16/04/2019 15:09

Hi OP, I found myself pregnant 6 years ago with an abusive exes baby. I terminated it and to this day I don't feel guilty as I knew it was the right thing to do for me. I couldn't stand being tied to him for 18 years.

stucknoue · 16/04/2019 15:10

It really is your decision. If you wish to continue then getting child support from him doesn't require you to meet up as it can be done through payroll however if you don't feel ready to be a parent alone then termination is a legitimate choice - allow yourself to grieve the end of your relationship (and baby) then you can move on. Nobody will judge you either way - is there someone irl who can support you?

Petitprince · 16/04/2019 15:17

If it took you a while to conceive, I'd worry that you may not fall pregnant again should you want to. Age may play a part in this too. This happened to a friend of mine and she regrets never being a mum. But there are no guarantees in life, and you have to go with your heart.

HollowTalk · 16/04/2019 15:25

I would go ahead asap, OP. I know it'll be really tough but you will get past it. Otherwise you'd be tied to that man for the next twenty years.

HollowTalk · 16/04/2019 15:25

I don't think that's helpful, @Petitprince.

Petitprince · 16/04/2019 16:25

I meant to offence, just trying to highlight that fertility can be tricky and (particularly if it takes two years TTC) that sometimes it's not a case of having a baby now or later, but having a baby at all.

Petitprince · 16/04/2019 16:26

Sorry meant NO offence!

Liv234 · 16/04/2019 16:56

@Petitprince if I’m being honest we could have been more dedicated in the year we were trying. I’m also only 25 so if I had to go down other routes later it gives me time. I just don’t think it’s a solid reason to bring new life into this already shitty world x

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