Don't want termination, partner does

[Syslik]

Hello.Looking for some advice.I have been with my partner for 12years.He has 2children from previous relationship(16y, 18y)and we have a 2.5y old boy together.
He always knew I wanted to have 2children but after our boy was born he made clear he didn't want any more despite me wanting another one.
I was on a mini pill and missed a few whilst on holiday(i know my mistake!)and got pregnant(now around 6-7weeks).
Took me ages to tell him as I knew he will go absolutely mad.He eventually made me to call the clinic to make appointment for termination which wasn't for another week.Every day a spent crying and couldn't believe I would ever find myself reading pages about termination and people's experience.I went to the appointment and had a scan but broke down in tears again when the consultant and a nurse asked me if I was sure about it.I know I would always regret it and not sure if I could ever get over it.
The only reason why I was considering the termination was that it was my fault that I got pregnant and it is not fair to my partner as I never wanted to have another child against his will.He just feels too old(he is 46, I am 38) and too tired to have another baby and can only see the limitations on his life/lifestyle the baby would cause for another 10years.Mind I pretty much do all the care for our little boy anyway.
He keeps pushing me to go back to the clinic and I don't know what to do.He feels it would finish us off when he is happy with the life we have now.I am so depressed about it.

I had a termination just three days ago because my husband didn't want it. I was 14 weeks pregnant. I am devastated and wish I had been stronger to stand up to him.

@Tinkerbell08 - sorry you are in the midst of this. I hope reading through this thread is helpful but every woman's situation is different so you need to do what is right for you. It doesn't look like your husband is putting your wellbeing first, so you need to.

Thank you and I know your right I tried to bring up yeh subject earlier and his reply was I don’t want anymore children,you would need to terminate.I was awful when I had a termination before I needed to have anti depressants and could not even function a day without crying.
I think this baby would split our marriage up which then scares me as I will be alone with 3 kids,I seriously don’t know what to do as it’s becoming harder to hide as the nausea is so bad

Yeah my husband said the same thing: I don't want another child. You need to terminate. If you don't, you are taking away my choice to have a third child and ruining my life. When I told him i wanted to keep it he said that it made him sick to his stomach.

I terminated four days ago (on Friday) and am completing traumatised. A week before my husband started to come around but he voice still dominated my thoughts and I was so vulnerable and emotional I couldn't trust my own judgment so I just went along with what he said.

I am so devastated to no longer have this baby especially since I was 14 weeks along and had already seen two scans and everything was going well. If I could turn back the clock, I would keep it.

My only is advice is to see an abortion counsellor. Your situation might be different from mine but I would advise trying to do what you want and keep your husband's voice out of your head if you can (I know it is hard).

Thank you for your advice mrsgrumpy it’s a weight off just been able to talk and say it out loud I’m heading to the doctors Friday and hoping to get some advice but my husband is suggesting a just take a pill as that his answer to an unwanted pregnancy never mind the emotional trauma afterwards.
I hope things get better for you my last termination back in 2009 I was 14 weeks to and i feel your pain as I know what it was like I will keep you posted on the next thing I do

@mrsgumpy I am sorry for your loss, I hope it eases with time.You just did what you thought was the right thing for the relationship and it may prove it was in the future.Sending you hugs x

@Tinkerbell08 I so feel for you, it is not nice to be in the position like that.Can your husband see how much it would break you if you went ahead with the termination?What does he say to that?My partner just kept saying I would get over it but I knew I would probably end up like you described your experience and resented him.
Would he definitely leave if you keep the baby? I hope he will change his mind,I wish I had a better answer.
I think my partner accepted I was not going back to the clinic after my midwife's booking appointment but it still makes him incredibly stressed and can only see the negatives.
Good luck whatever you decide but I hope you find a way how to keep your baby and save the relationship x

Thank you so much it’s little messages like this that honestly help me and support me especially as I feel totally alone and haven’t even told my best friend as frankly I’m embarrassed by the situation as I don’t know what to do.
I’ve been on the pill for years and always been so careful I can honestly say I don’t know how I got pregnant as I take my pill religiously and don’t know if it was a bit of a crazy accident.
I need to get my head on and be strong in making the right decision for not just me but my children too as I don’t want this to effect them,although my youngest would love to not be the baby anymore.
Thank you again honestly I will keep you posted on what happens next

Thanks everyone for your kind messages. Good luck tinkerbell

Hey all thought I’d keep you posted went to the doctors and need to have a dating scan she was so lovely and gave me great advice so much so I went home and told my husband.
After a string of crying he was very good and understanding with what I was trying to get across at this moment in time he knows how I feel and said he will support me although he still does not want anymore children.
I’ve told him I can’t go through the emotional trauma again of a termination so at the moment we are just looking at finances and what to do next but he’s being so much more supportive

brilliant.

possible relationship-saver - make sure he gets the snip before there is any further possibility of pregnancy after this little one arrives. ideally he should get that organized while you are still pg so he get get his convalescence over and done with.

finances may be tough but no matter how poor or rich you are, there is always someone worse off and someone better off, so focus on being content.

Great news Tinkerbell08 :)x

Just reading through these and need some valuable advice. So yesterday i found out my girlfriend of 3 years is pregnant. Her clear blue test said 3+ and it ties in around our sexual encounters etc. However here is where it gets complicated. So a month ago she tells me she kissed another man while extrememly drunk, but this morning she says she cant remember the night and doesnt know if anything else happened and then tells me she is 98% certain it is mine but wants an abortion. So i thought I had got over the kissing someone else thing but now I am back at square one because there is a chance she did so much more which makes me feel sick.

So part of me feels horrible that if it is my baby then I know I need to respect her choice but I also told her that as selfish as it aounds I can not raise another mans baby and if she had the baby I fear I would resent them because there would be that little doubt in my mind that this baby is not mine. Anyway she wants an abortion one for this reason of not knowing who and seconsly because she doesnt think she is ready to be a parent. Its a long rant I know but my head is a mess. I love this girl and had forgiven her for the kissing but now that kissing could possibly be so much more so i dont know about that and I dont want to resent her for a choice of an abortion. Ahhh heads all messed up

Ask him how he feels about a vasectomy? If he didn't want to have any more children he could have taken care of contraception.
Ultimately is your decision not his. You are both responsible for this pregnancy.
Consider if you can raise two babies alone in case you want to go ahead.

Why didn't the twat get a vasectomy? These bloody men calling the shots as and when it suits them. It's your choice, it really is.

Hi all baby is doing really well I’m 28 weeks now eeek we don’t know what we are having yet but have a feeling it’s a little boy other half is so so excited funny how things change.
Just thought I would fill you all in an thank you again for your amazing support xx

That is wonderful Tinkerbell, it was an awful situation for you (all) to be in but glad it came right for you.

Another little update it was a boy he is gorgeous and my husband is in love he was the missing piece of the puzzle funny how things change isn’t it @Syslik what about you?? Xx

Congratulations @Tinkerbell08
Fantastic news and great to hear back from you.
We now have a beatiful baby girl who I love with all my heart.
My partner is not resenting her as I was worrying about but it definitely affected our relationship in a negative way.
However it was the best decision I made and I am incredibly blessed to have her in my life.
I wish you and your family all the best 💖

Congratulations @Syslik that’s wonderful news so glad she’s healthy and your blessed with her in your life,wishing you good health and happiness for you and your family xx

Lovely end to the thread