Just that really: last baby 5 years ago. Thought my family was complete, got divorced and had just started HRT, got complacent and careless in a new relationship. Now 7 weeks pregnant, termination can't be carried out till 12 weeks due to waiting times. Date is booked but I'm going through absolute agonies with the decision.
It's a new relationship, he's a lot older and doesn't want children. I haven't told him. I feel stupid and ashamed. I left an abusive marriage and thought I'd found happiness. My gut feeling is that the relationship will end if I tell him. I had high blood pressure and heavy blood loss after my last child. I'm worried about the health risks to me and risk of a disabled child. The financial burden would be very difficult and I would be on my own with little support. The risk of miscarriage is 60%.
I feel incredibly stunned and lucky to be pregnant at this age. It's not the child's fault its mother is stupid. I've always welcomed pregnancy, even unplanned. I feel selfish when other women going through IVF would do anything to be in this position. This would be my last pregnancy and I would love the child, even if disabled.
The pros are emotional, the cons are pragmatic. I know the sensible choice is to terminate. How to find peace with that though? By all means have a go at me, I deserve it. You can't judge me any more harshly than I judge myself for this.