I have just come back form my fourth abortion. Please dont judge me and if you are going to have negative comments please dont comment.
I had 3 terminations when i was aged between 17 and 21. Fast forward 7 years I have had another and I have never felt so bad. I was in an abusive relationship with my first three and this time with a new partner contraception failed. I was really happy when I was pregnant and I dont know why I done it. I felt like this was my dream and my chance to have one and it also felt like a gift as my Mum passed away 12 weeks ago and I was 12 weeks preg. But I felt I had to do it. My partner didnt want it and didnt think he would cope if i had the baby. In addition I live at home with my Dad who is a bully and I dont get on that well with him at times. My brothers live miles away. I am also in my final year of college and should I have continued with the pregnancy I would not have been able to graduate this year and finding childcare would be very difficult as I am a nurse and most creches only open until 6- i work until 8.30 and do nights.
right now I have never regretted anything so much i hate myself and cant believe i done this to myself. I feel like i am going insane and im terrified i will never get pregnant or have a pregnancy without miscarriage again. Will these feeling subside? Can anyone please help me?