How did you make the decision to terminate pregnancy? **Title edited by MNHQ**

[dontknowwhattoexpect]

Just found out I am pg, cannot keep it. I am too young and we have no money and it's not the right time. i know I can't keep it. But it's sad because it would have a lovely dad and family and I think I could be a good mum.

Would be great to hear from anyone else who has been in this position and how you felt about it. How easy was it to make this decision? Was it hard if you knew you really wanted to have a baby but just not at that time? Esp if you knew it was with the right man, but again just the wrong circumstances?
I am struggling at the moment. I have a supportive partner but would like to hear from some other women so I don't feel alone.

thank you in advance
x

I fell pregnant after a rape, the decision was taken out of my hands and I had a miscarriage. I then got pregnant after a one night stand, complete shock, I was on the pill and we had used a condom. I had an abortion, I was in no way in a place mentally to have a baby.

I felt like you that I might not be able to get pregnant again, I now have a four year old son. He was an accident waiting to happen, both myself and my partner wanted a child, but because I got it stuck in my head I might not be able to, we were not using anything and my son came along.

I agree with PP there is no right answer only what is best for you

I had one in my mid twenties. I simply wasn't ready emotionally or practically. It made it clear to me that I would like to have children one day just not then. And I do now.
It was a serious decision but it was also a positive experience. My partner was nice and supportive. I learned I could make serious decisions myself. And finally I has it at a Marie Stopes clinic - money well spent. Nice staff and surroundings and a ventouse type procedure rather than taking pills to induce a miscarriage which they told me a lot of women find more traumatic. Only shitty thing after was when a locum doctor accused me of using abortion as a birth control method because I didn't want to go on the pill she was recommending wanted a coil instead. I blew a gasket at that but it made me realise there's prejudice about doing this.

I had one in November last year at 6 weeks.

My second son was only 12 weeks old at the time! ( Yes, was using contraception and also EBF.We had slept together ONCE after birth when this happened!). He was born via C section, as was my eldest child.

My husband did not handle the born of our second child well, was out all night and did literally nothing to help us.He even refused to hold the baby. Our first son is autistic so was already hysterical with the changes his brother had brought.I was already exhausted. (Things did not improve.We are now divorcing).

I knew I could not cope wih two babies under 1 as well as a child with SN. I knew I could not parent well like they deserve.

My OB was very supportive and said he would help us if we wanted to continue wih the pregnancy but his professional advice was not to.That did help.

I have no regrets. Just relief and gratitude that I had safe, caring medical support throughout.

Pregnancy isn't a guaranteed thing.
I've known several women who had children or got pregnant in their early twenties but were unable to do so a few years later. Including myself. Twenties could get pregnant easily, late twenties, very very difficult. No real reason.

I also know if one lady who terminated one, due to career reasons, and then she went on to have her family in her thirties. She then ended up with a unhealthy child (chromosomal abnormalities) not downs and not able to be picked up in pregnancy. These things are more common with age and I know she regretted how things had turned out.

All these things are a gamble. You get to choose.

Hi all,

We're just sending this over to our pregnancy choices topic.

I've had a termination and a baby, and I understand your fears on both.
For my termination the decision wasn't easy, but I believe it was the right one. I was living in a room in the hotel I worked in, no support network and too young and screwed up to cope with a child, father was a casual relationship and I was terrified.
I would say as a word of advice, please have someone with you for the procedure and a few days afterwards, I didn't and it was physically hard as well as dealing with the emotional side - I don't mean to scare you at all but I wish I'd had someone with me who could if nothing else, be a shoulder to cry on. I tried to carry on as normal so no one found out and I regret that because I believe with the right support I would have coped much better. I still think it was the right decision but I'd have done it differently if I could go back. I think looking back I thought I didn't have the 'right' to be upset so just buried it. I was wrong and I'd above all urge you to lean on ppl for support.
I wish you well OP

Having a termination has no effect whatsoever on anyone else's fertility or ability to have a baby. Unless in exceptional circumstances, it won't affect your ability to have a baby in the future. Please don't let scare tactics sway your decision, whatever it may be

Unfortunately it can if there is infection. But the same goes for having a coil fitted or any medical treatment in that area. Or indeed carrying a baby.

Hence my exceptional circumstances disclaimer.