Abortion

[user1490522234]

HI I'm so sad to post this I'm 36 years old mother of 1. I have found out I am pregnant. This is unplanned and I did not know I was pregnant I have taken some over the counter medicine which I have since found out causes birth defects . I cannot bring myself to bring a baby into this world knowing I may have caused defects. My dr cannot guarantee me that there will or will not be defects so I have opted for a termination. I'm so sad as I would have loved to have kept this baby. I feel so guilty .

epically =medical

OP, you definitely should have an abortion, if you don't want the baby.

But if the only reason is that you're scared about the Ovex impact on your baby's development, then some serious research in a serious journal might help put things in perspective.

Basically, with the confidence interval of 0.81-3.56 they're saying that the baby is either less at risk of malformations or more at risk of malformations. So no statistically significant difference compared to not having taken the Ovex.

Mind you, it's totally understandable to stress about whether your baby's gonna be healthy or not. I went to the hot springs just before finding out i was pregnant and spent the whole first half of the pregnancy wondering whether i hadn't damaged his spine. Since the spine seems to be fine, i've now graduated to worrying whether the huge amount of stress i'm currently experiencing (finishing PhD, looking for a job, moving to another town) won't result in him being autistic. Once that's be solved, i'll surely worry that he'll die in a car crash or smth.

So... chances are your baby is fine. Most medication these days has warnings against pregnancy, mostly because research on humans is lacking (for obvious ethical reasons) and the pharmaceutical companies want to protect themselves.

In this case, maybe it could be useful to try and decant worry from facts. And if you decide that you don't want the baby for other reasons, then by all means, an abortion is the way to go.

Op I think there are other issues going on.

Given your age and you not wanting a 1% risk that your baby is born less than perfect why would you be trying for another baby in the future
If you can't wait 2 weeks for a test to see if everything is ok how are you going to cope with waiting 17weeks for an amniocentesis to be done on your next pregnancy

No other issues going on. Having amniocentesis is normal. Taking this medicine while pregnant is not normal.

Having an amniocentesis is far riskier than the medicine you have taken.

If you don't want this baby, then fine, but you say that you've really wanted a second child and 'would loved' to have kept him/her. It's your anxiety which is amplifying the risks that you see, not the actual risks of what you have taken.

I really think some urgent counselling should be your first step, as otherwise, you'll always find a reason to terminate (if you get pregnant again), and may well never have the second child you say you want.

Do you know how many weeks you are? Medical abortion (with pills) is generally up to 9 weeks and will likely be more complication free under that gestation. If you think thats borderline I would definitely consider paying Marie Stopes or similar and going private to get it done quicker.

Why don't you just say you want an abortion?

The fact you say you really want this baby but wont wait the 2 weeks to see suggests you don't actually want to be pregnant.

The reason you have an amnio is because your age puts you at greater risk than 1% chance that things wont be the perfection you crave.

Have you ever had an amnio before. They are not like a scan where you have a bit of gel rubbed on your tummy.

I feel like you're getting a hard time here op.

If you don't feel like now is the right time to have another baby for whatever reason, that's okay. It doesn't mean you can't try again in a few years, months or weeks.

In terms of your mental health, it might be worth you seeking some counselling before and after the abortion. It can be a difficult time and could be made worse if your mental health is suffering anyway.

For goodness sake! The OP is pregnant. She does not want to be pregnant but feels anxious at the thought of having a termination.

She did not post for opinions, she posted for support! Why are people trying to talk her into carrying a pregnancy she has already decided she doesn't want? Not your uterus, not your problem!

I agree fruit.

I hope you're ok op

Well finally went for hospital appointment yesterday and took first pill, going in tomorrow for the day to take the next lot of pills. Feel like a weight has been lifted off
My shoulders. Not looking forward to tomorrow btw, but havnt changed my mind in two weeks and hours and hours of research, I know I'm doing the right thing for me. Thanks for all your posts.

Look after yourself, op. Give yourself time to recover. I hope it all goes as smoothly as it can and that you have some good support in rl.

Best wishes for your future

Well went in on Wednesday for the second lot of pills for the medical abortion, 22 hours and 14 pills later and still nothing happened. So went back in on Friday for another 4 pills - they kept me in for 5 hours and still nothing happened. Ah I'm sick of waiting. Have to go on Wednesday to see the consultant to see what to do next. The other 5 girls who were in were all done by dinnertime ! X

So you've had no bleeding or anything? Will they be wanting to surgically manage it do you think?

It's not great for you - just making it drag on and on. Are you feeling okay?

Just a very small amount of bleeding. Yeah I think maybe surgical, cant see them trying medical a 3rd time ? Not too happy about the surgical :( but maybe it's the only way. Think they will scan me first tho to check what's happening. I'm a bit upset as I would like it over - was hard watching everyone else go home when it was over for them. X

I bet it was I hope they get you booked in for a scan soon so that they can get on with the next step. I'm not sure if they'd try the tablets again. Surgery's not the most desirable of options but at least you'll have the peace of mind that it's all over. Look after yourself

Goodness, here for the hand hold xx

I've just come across this forum. I'm hoping that writing this all down will help in some way and for anybody reading, thank you! I found out in March 2016 that I was pregnant. Completely unexpected and at 42 something (stupidly) I thought wouldn't happen. Myself and my husband have been married 15 years and we have 2 young children, 4&6. We struggled to conceive naturally so after 8 years our 3rd round of IVF was successful and we were graced with our first born. Our second child arrived 22 months later and for me my family was complete. To be faced with an unplanned pregnancy at my age was a complete and utter shock and the thought of going through all the baby stage again frightened the hell out of me. I had no elation after seeing the 2 lines on the pregnancy stick, as awful as it sounds I contemplated throwing myself down the stairs to hopefully induce a miscarriage, I knew at the time that I didn't want to go through this again. So why, just over a year on, am I still punishing myself and thinking that I'm the most horrific person ever. Since March 16 my life has been on hold, I've missed my children getting another year older and I'm wracked with guilt. For anybody out there who had these emotions, does it get easier? Why am I so guilt ridden with the decision I made which I know in my heart was the right one. I just want to make peace with what I've done and enjoy what I wanted to protect. Any advice much appreciated.

OP, I hope you are well. Girls, please let me share my story, too (nobody clicks on my op called ambivalent and I am tormented)
girls/mums

I am 42 and got pregnant at first try. Boyfriend is 49 andwe have been dating for 7 months. We have been talking about babies before and back then I thought I wanted a child, but when I found out I told him in a weepy voice. I did one more Sainsburys test, that was positive, too, and did 2 more at the doctors, positive, too, and I missed my period, too. When the test showed negative first, I was relieved, when they turned positive I felt aggravated.

I love babies, the smaller the better. I love toddlers, too.

My only problem is I would have wanted to spend more commitment free time with boyfriend and not become a mum so fast.

Boyfriend wants the baby very much and I think he would be a good father. We dont have a lot of money. My own relationship with my mum wasnt ideal, she had abortions which I judged and I used to say I would never have one, and now it is in the back of my mind.
I am afraid I will be a mum like mine was and I also feel that it is too early in the relationship, even if it may be my last chance biologically.

I told my boyfriend how I felt, he keeps reassuring me that he would help a lot and not leave me alone with the baby, he wants it.

If I decide not to keep it, I might lose boyfriend, I think, if I go ahead with it, I might do what I`ve always done all my life, consider others first, not what I want. I may be in a situation that I did not want and have to carry it on for at least 20 years.

I also never thought I would want a termination. I don`t even kill spiders.

I should feel happy, I think the ideal situation is to feel happy when someone is growing inside you. When I wake up, I always feel as if wake up to a reality that I am not happy with.
I feel so selfish. I feel I am not able to concentrate on somebody else for the rest of my life. This boyfriend is my first ever nice boyfriend, previously I had only short and impossible relationships.

I do have lighter moments when I can actually imagine having a baby and even being happy about it, and thinking termination is OUT OF THE QUESTION. Then, starting in the afternoons, the "no" side creeps up and culminates in calling BF telling him how I feel.

I wrote to an analyst and we are going to talk.

Thanks for listening.

I am sorry, Smarties.

Maybe because (as I read in a forum about ambivalence) motherhood is a sacred cult to this very day.
Maybe because it is against our own feminine nature.

I googled ambivalence about pregnancy and found that forum. It helped to know I wasn't the only "monster"

Well I'm the op. Eventually the termination was successful. And after weeks of crying I feel totally myself again. I know I made the right decision.