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Pregnancy choices

This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

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Original poster

Pregnant and don't want be

53 replies

Tia2005 · 11/04/2016 13:16

I'm about 4 weeks and I no it sounds bad but I really don't want to be I had a baby 7 mths ago and I can't do it all again.i go back to work soon and there going to be really funny I'm in total shock I really need advice

OP posts:
Oswin · 15/04/2016 11:20

2under2 why should she let it sink in for him? He's being a dick.
Op doesn't want to be pregnant so she should go and see a doctor soon to book a termination of that's what she wants.
The father doesn't need anything to sink in. Op needs to do what she needs to do.

Gileswithachainsaw · 15/04/2016 11:21

shock doesn't excuse a person from saying he will stop supporting her and not see the kid if she does.

who would say that unless they were already looking fir excuses. think his reaction has done her a massive favour tbh. now she can see what he's really like.

Gileswithachainsaw · 15/04/2016 11:24

She doesn't need his opinion or approval anyway. he's not involved from the sound of it.

Pootles2010 · 15/04/2016 11:27

I think everyone's been advising OP to get lots of advise, and to think things over. He doesn't sound like much of a partner anyway - he says he doesn't look after OP's baby now, so not a nice person.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 15/04/2016 11:27

Your 'partner' doesn't get to decide. You get to decide -- after all, you're the one who will literally be left holding the baby.

You have time on your side - go and see your GP or go straight to BPAS and let someone talk you through your feelings and your options.

[flowers}

2under2aagh · 15/04/2016 12:38

Can none of you remember what it's like when you're pregnant

Hormones raging and thinking oh god what have I done? etc to being blissfully happy the next min. It's classic buyers remorse

I'm just advising her to give it some time

it's hard to think rationally when you are in the first trimester

Yes her partner sounds like a dick but she's only 4 weeks, not like they've been arguing about it for weeks,
it won't even have sunk in properly maybe next week he might apologise and man up

MNHQ
BeccaMumsnet · 15/04/2016 12:44

Hi Tia2005 - would you like us to move your thread over to our Pregnancy Choices topic?

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 15/04/2016 13:13

2under Not only does OP need to think rationally in the first trimester, she is perfectly capable of doing so, with a bit of support. Which she is clearly not going to get from her partner - did you miss the bit about him doing nothing to help with their 7 mo?

It doesn't matter if it 'sinks in' in a week or two weeks, he's doing nothing to support the child he already has - presumably that's had 16 months to sink in? OP needs to think and act like an independent unit, because that's the situation her partner has put her in.

I'm wondering if you have an agenda here?

2under2aagh · 15/04/2016 15:44

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2under2aagh · 15/04/2016 15:49

Can anyone who is currently pregnant state that they are able to think rationally?

It's easy to forget the brain fog when you're not pregnant

All anyone on mumsnet ever seems to say is leave him..have an abortion
Sane advice over and over

Doesn't anyone form their own opinions anymore?

albertcampionscat · 15/04/2016 16:00

2under2, on that basis pregnant women shouldn't be allowed to vote. FWIW I am (very) pregnant right now. I'm tired, and snappier than normal, but I'm a long way off being irrational.

No one here is telling the OP to get an abortion. We're saying that's a legitimate option open to her and that she wouldn't be doing anything wrong if she went down that route - just as she wouldn't be doing anything wrong if she decided to go ahead with the pregnancy.

Gileswithachainsaw · 15/04/2016 16:17

All anyone on mumsnet ever seems to say is leave him..have an abortion
Sane advice over and over

oh give over. the op said she did t want to be pregnant. all anyone has done is say to talk it through and make the decision that she feels is best for her. the partner here gets no say given his nasty response which quite frankly is unforgivable, and the fact he has already proven in the 7 months they have had a baby together that he's a shit dad.

and that we want her to know that she's not a horrible. person should she decide to not go ahead with the pregnancy.

I am.too worrying about your agenda given you seem to be minimising the ops feelings with pregnant fog nonsense amd minimise g a ghastly response by saying "give it time to sink in"

are we reading the sme thread?

2under2aagh · 15/04/2016 16:24

We aren't supposed to rush into voting now are we! That's silly. Did you find out about a new candidate and go vote based on the fact you had just heard about them?

No didn't think so! We vote after considering the facts.

Do you think she has never heard of abortion before?

She's an adult with children, I think she knows it's available to her and anyone else in England.

Maybe someone thinking outside the mn bullshit box and giving some original advice would actually help her out...

instead everyone is saying the usual mn advice leave him and have an abortion...

regardless of the actual circumstances

2under2aagh · 15/04/2016 16:26

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albertcampionscat · 15/04/2016 16:28

Er, actually we vote on polling day (or earlier if there's a postal vote). We could, I suppose, consider our options carefully and vote three months later, but it'd be a bit daft.

OP - sorry for hijacking your thread. Good luck with whatever decision you come to.

wonkylampshade · 15/04/2016 16:28

2under2 I honestly think you need to take a step back. This is so inappropriate given the situation the OP is in. Perhaps you should start another thread if you want to have this debate?

wonkylampshade · 15/04/2016 16:29

And it is absolutely not your place to lecture the OP on contraception.

Gileswithachainsaw · 15/04/2016 16:31

the actual circumstances are she's pregnant and a doesn't want to be and the partners threatened to leave her and not support the baby if she has termination. and who has already proven he's useless.

I'm intrigued as to what it is people are meant to say here.

anyway op.

whatever you decide you are not a bad person. do what YOU feel is best fir YOU.

pay no attention to the blackmail. it's your body.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 15/04/2016 17:26

As I didn't even know I was pregnant till I was 13 weeks gone and managed to deal with two massive work events and a promotion in that time, I can categorically state that being pregnant didn't stop me thinking rationally. But that's not helpful to the OP.

People have suggested she access counselling to help her make her decision. She should take the time she needs.

However, I don't believe her partner who has been through a pg and 7 months of DC1 being here and still hasn't managed to actually do anything to help, will magically change his spots once things have 'sunk in'.

2under2aagh · 16/04/2016 16:30

Why pick and choose certain words to focus on and start arguments? Typical mn nonsense

I said the shock of just finding out she is pregnant and the raging hormones will all be affecting how she feels so to give it some time. It can only have been a few days at most if she is 4 weeks pregnant.

Lots of men do come around and decide to support their partners after they first find out

I work in the medical field and shock does induce a fight or flight impact also baby brain actually affects your short term memory and therefore your thought process

Once we are no longer pregnant we forget what it felt like that's why I asked if anyone who is currently pregnant can state that they are able to think rationally

I really think some people on mn don't know how to read and comprehend sentences

differentnameforthis · 16/04/2016 16:40

I work in the medical field and shock does induce a fight or flight impact also baby brain actually affects your short term memory and therefore your thought process

I hope that you don't talk to your patients the way you have talked to the op! There is no need to push that way you have. Your manner is cold & uncaring.

I will say that during all three of my pregnancies, 2 that I continued with, and one that I terminated, at no time did I lose the ability to think about what I wanted & needed. I think you are being very rude about the op's state of mind, and her ability to think rationally, and what you are doing sounds like nothing other than trying to undermine her instincts.

I am pretty sure she knows her situation better than you do.

If you can't be supportive, you need to leave. But I think that will be too late, as you already seem to have scared op off with judgemental ramblings. Which is just what she needs after reaching out for support.

Hope you are proud.

Oswin · 16/04/2016 17:30

2under2 the I think your confused. The ops partner doesn't want her to terminate. He has been a crap parent and partner for a long time why would he change now?

People don't lose the ability to make decisions during pregnancy.
I have been pregnant 6 times and never once lost my mind.
I had two abortions and feel the way now as I did then.
Most sensible decision I could make.

Gileswithachainsaw · 16/04/2016 18:37

So you think she can't possibly know what she wants?

and the partners had 16 months, how much longer do you think he should get?

when you say you work in the field I hope to god you mean your a janitor in a lab or something.

Gileswithachainsaw · 16/04/2016 18:40

And from.what I've seen no one's booked her an appointment fir tomorrow or anything. they have said take some time.to.think.

but as for the partner, well he's not a factor she should consider. op knows all she needs to know about him.

GoulashSoup · 16/04/2016 19:01

OP I am sorry you find yourself faced with this situation. As someone ttc having just had two mc I want to say that YOU ARE NOT A HORRIBLE PERSON. Your situation can in no way change mine and mine can't change yours. You need to make a decision based on what is right for you and your existing children. If I was in your situation I would feel exactly like you do and that is with a very hands on and supportive partner. I can't imagine being pregnant so soon after having given birth and with the exhaustion of having such a young baby. Please do find somewhere supportive to work through your options.