GP appointment this afternoon

[thequickbrownfox]

So, discovered I am pregnant again two days ago. I have a DD (7) and baby of 10months, plus two stepchildren who are regularly with us. Live in a three bed house. The practicalities of another baby are impossible, in terms of space and financially. We're managing nicely as we are, really enjoying our baby and I'm frightened to plunge us into a world of overstretched stress. There are the inevitable challenges of blended families, and I think we are (broadly speaking) on top of those.

The more I think about it, the more I just want this not to have happened.... I'm pro-choice but deeply uncomfortable with the idea of a termination. Yet I think that is what I have to do. I don't think we can cope with another baby and we certainly don't have space for one.

Well we haven't discussed it properly yet, and I think he was having the same feelings as me last week about trying again - but in all honesty in the cold light of day I think he should get it done. He did suggest it was a lot for him to go through at which I couldn't help but laugh - erm, two gigantic baby births and now a termination, hello? He did concede I had a point!

Funnily enough the hospital just let me go he moment he arrived, so I don't think I was properly checked out. Wasn't given a follow up appt or a testing kit - I think I should probably have tested on Wednesday so I'll see if I can pick one up today.

How are you feeling in yourself? This whole situation has been a complete bastard to cope with but I'm feeling better by degrees (start of the week was a different story altogether).

Ooh yes, do test as I'm curious as to whether I am an anomaly or whether we should all test later than three weeks after. I am not feeling great in myself tbh. I feel deeply tired, I wake exhausted. I feel brittle. I was saying goodbye to dc2 this morning as was flying south to see mum at lunch and I managed to pinch a nerve in my neck, locking me into our hug, so painful I started crying out and couldn't move...my dh had to 'unlock' me. As soon as the nerve was released I was ok, all pain gone. But think I must be really tense. I also have period pains, but not sure if this is now a period or not, so of course am paranoid about that. Neither of us want to try for a baby, I really am exhausted by juggling our three kids and work, and sick mum. Have you ever thought you are sailing too close to the wind and you are on a tightrope? I wondered today whether I might benefit from taking some anxiolytics. How are you? It has been so comforting talking to you quick bit sad that we are sharing this experience together.

ohdear I hope this isn't seen as butting in to this thread but I'm going through something very similar physically after medical management of miscarriage. It's been 5 weeks since I took the tablets and I have bled for most of that time. I had a scan 2 weeks after which said it was a complete miscarriage but then she said there was some "fluff" (I may have misheard this) still there which might pass now or with my next period. She told me two wait two weeks after the bleeding finishes and take a hpt, but every time the bleeding stops it starts again suddenly without warning a few days later.

I've been a bit in denial because I really don't want to have to go back to the maternity hospital and sit with all the pregnant women, and so far the bleeding has been light-medium the whole time. I'm going to be really sad/cross if I need a d+c after all this because they talked me out of it at the time saying there would be a long wait (I'm abroad).

Anyway just wanted to say that it's been very reassuring to hear someone else going through it too.

sweet Great to hear from you although obviously shitty that you are going through similar dramas to me. I would be interested in whether your hpt is positive or not, I know six weeks on mine would still test positive as you need to be lower than 5hcg to get a negative and I am on about 135. My bleeding seems heaviest and most clotty in the mornings. By last night I had got to a 'wipe and no bleeding, hurrah' point, but full on bleeding again this morning. I also have crampy period pains, do you?? From what I understand, 'recovery' leering is supposed to stop before a period starts, but if you don't get a period within 8 weeks then that's bad and you need to see a doctor. I don't know if you would need a d and c, here they give you methotrexate which is a form of chemo, to clear out any residual product. But if you don't have a fever and don't feel unwell in yourself, then it is unlikely that you have residual product. But then why are we still bleeding????

Ohdear, sorry it's taken me so long to reply. I have been quite busy with dd1's birthday this week and attempting to finish off Christmas shopping [nightmare]. I also wanted to find a quiet spell so I'm not replying on the hop. How are you? How is your mum? Are you managing a decent length of visit?

Sweet so sorry to hear you're experiencing problems too. The whole experience has been really challenging from start to finish. My bleeding has mainly stopped now, but I'm getting persistent headaches which are getting me down, and I'm still feeling quite volatile, tired and emotional. Brittle is the perfect word. Doesn't help that dd2 has taken to waking up for an hour or two in the small hours (hence I'm writing this at stupid o'clock in the morning!!). I still haven't done a pg test, must must do that tomorrow. I am anticipating it'll be a straightforward negative, as physically I'm ok bar the headaches.

I'm so glad to have been able to talk on here to you too ohdear, it's been a quiet place to just chat and think about it all without overcrowded emotional baggage and everyone else here to consider. Sometimes I feel I'm so busy and barely managing all the things I have to do every day that I am not getting a chance to really process it all.

My friend posted on FB the other day that she lost her much wanted baby at 18wks a month ago, and had had a funeral for him. Made me so sad and guilty, although my feelings of wanting to try again are subsiding.

Christmas will be a good distraction, it'll be busy here- we were supposed to be having work done to the house this week but it's fallen through (bloody company didn't send the materials on time and consequently we've lost our joinery slot), so although I'm peed off it'll at least give me some time to clear out some of the kids crap before all the presents arrive and fill the place up again!

Just a quick update from me. Just before Christmas my blood hcg reading was down to 29 which was good in that it was steadily falling, but bad as I was still not ok and had to carry the burden of what was going on over the festive period. To add our the dramas, I then caught flipping scabies!! Presume it was from the train going south to see mum, as no one in our family had them, and apparently they can live for three days without a human host, so I presume my nine hours on trains to see mum had got me infected. Either that or being at the hospital to get my bloods taken. Anyhow, Christmas with scabies and also norovirus which whipped through our entire family taking about three stone combined weight off us, meant it was a really shit period. However, my bleeding did stop over Christmas, ten days before, and then right over Christmas I had my first period following the abortion. It was seriously heavy and I was bleeding through pads really quickly, but I had read that the first period is always a bad one. I am onto mu second period right now and it is also v heavy but not as bad.
I went back to the hospital for bloods at the start of January and the brilliant nurse suggested I poas rather than get my poor arms stuck with needles again, and hurrah hurrah hurrah, the test came back negative. I was then signed off from hospital, and widely I then felt immense grief that I had lost the final connection with this baby that wasn't meant to be.
Mondays which are the blood test days, are still quite emotional for me, (4 weeks since my last and final visit) but I am starting to feel 'normal' again, and finally like I am starting to draw a line underneath the whole ugly experience. Having had both skin cancer on my face (not a melanoma) and an abortion, I would hand on heart say the abortion was the worse experience of the two.