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Pregnancy choices

This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

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Original poster

abortion consultation tomorrow, worried!

70 replies

ShouldveThought · 05/10/2015 16:02

I'm just going to go straight to the point before I chicken out.

I found out on Thursday that I'm pregnant, did two tests and both massive +ves. I'm in my early 30s and while I'm in a relationship it's rather turbulent, and he's a good couple of decades older than me. I've never been irresponsible with my pill til now and typically the one slip up I have and I'm peeing on a stick and getting a result I don't want.
I'm not debating my decision for a termination, and I have the consultation appointment tomorrow, a 40 minute drive from home. I have no idea how far along I am, feel sick all the time and think my boobs have a mind of their own. Other than feeling a bit ill I don't feel anything except randomly teary and irrationally scared of what I know is a relatively simple medical procedure. Because I don't know how far along, I can't decide on the method, and when I mention to the other half that I'm scared I get shit for being a bitch and treating him with no respect, told that I'm being manipulative and I'm just a stupid tart that's got herself pregnant. Then the next minute he's really nice.
I'm a professional, have to travel for work in just over 2 weeks, and I want this over with now, but at home I feel like a stupid teenager and hate myself so much for being so damn irresponsible when I know I don't want kids. I know it wasn't just the 1% failure rate, I know I messed up.
I'm scared. I'm lonely. I can't admit this at home and I just want to curl up and die because I can't see the point. I don't want him there with me because I do bad things on my own, I don't want the sarcastic comments etc, and I want to cry if I feel like it and make bad jokes if I feel like it. Is there any way I'll be able to drive myself home after the treatment?
This makes no sense, I just needed to splurge.
Can't decide whether to go for medical or surgical.
I'd rather be alone than have my fears downplayed.

OP posts:

MrsP777x · 09/10/2015 15:20

is all I can offer to you OP. I admire your strength and bravery xx

littlegreen66 · 09/10/2015 17:25

So glad you're OK, OP.

Original poster

ShouldveThought · 09/10/2015 18:41

It's now nearly five hours since pills and still no sign of bleeding, but cramping like a mofo (like day 1 period equivalent, mine are nasty) and not needed any painkillers yet. Having fingers crossed for some action soon. Thanks again everyone

OP posts:

Bogeyface · 09/10/2015 19:22

Mine took almost 24 hours, I think it was 23 hours and a bit, I was on the verge of going back to the clinic to get surgical removal when it all came away.

But, I had 1 tablet orally on the Friday evening that did...something, and the next oral tablet on the Monday evening that started the contracting (I think).

Have they given you a deadline to go back if it hasnt happened?

Original poster

ShouldveThought · 09/10/2015 19:29

If I get no bleeding in 24 hours I have to phone. Something is happening judging by the amount of pain, just about bearable without painkillers, only not taking them because I feel sick, just no blood yet

OP posts:

Bogeyface · 09/10/2015 19:36

I can describe what happened to me, if you would like me to? I dont want to do it and be too graphic for you (its not gross but still).

Original poster

ShouldveThought · 09/10/2015 20:14

We have red, after a very painful walk to the chip shop. But I'm stupid and didn't take the painkillers! Now hiding in bed near to bathroom feeling sorry for myself but ok. It's not much worse than my usual period pains tbh.
Graphic doesn't scare me bogeyface :) I'm worse when I don't know and tend to overshare myself... Think a snooze attempt is in order

OP posts:

NameChange30 · 09/10/2015 20:31

Take the painkillers! Don't be silly!

Bogeyface · 09/10/2015 20:42

Ok so...

My cramps got worse and then the bleeding started (eventually), I was carrying on as normal as I could and then they really started to bother me. Not painful exactly, just made me stop and rub my belly (I had a different medical method to you though) then I felt it pass.

It felt like passing a large clot, but it looked totally different. I was 6 weeks and lost a collection of tissue, including a grey mass that was probably the sac, the whole thing would be about the size of half a satsuma. Then I had light bleeding for a few days and spotting after that. But, at 8 weeks there is a very good chance that you could see the contents of the sac, and that could be very upsetting for you so be prepared for that. If you can, dont look at it and if you have to look to sort yourself out then cover it with tissue before you look at it directly.

You are doing so well, and I am thinking of you

Original poster

ShouldveThought · 10/10/2015 08:51

Well it's morning and I'm still here

Not going to lie, that was quite quite painful! After my last post I did the sensible thing and got smacked off my face on codeine which meant I could get some sleep.
Was getting worried coz after the walk I had some blood, then it stopped, then I was getting what looked like clear thick discharge with tiny spots of red. Then I went to sleep. Woke up about midnight, so 10 hours after taking pills, needing the bathroom, ran across the landing feeling bleeding, got to the loo and it felt like I was weeing blood, and then while I was sat there there was what felt like a big clot. I couldn't see to find out how big or what it was but it was different to period clots. Then went back to bed, had some more cramps but not as bad as earlier by far, went back to bathroom and same happened again.
Then I remembered to take my antibiotics and went back to sleep. Only woke up one more time in the night. This morning I feel so much better, just a bit of a codeine hangover and very very mild period pains that I'm barely noticing. Still quite a lot of blood but no worse than day 1 period. Just feel odd having to use pads.

Phew glad that's over!

OP posts:

Bogeyface · 10/10/2015 12:31

I am so glad that you are feeling ok, and that its all over.

Take care of yourself and have a really easy weekend, order in food and make a nest for yourself on the sofa :)

Original poster

ShouldveThought · 11/10/2015 11:36

In case anyone was worrying, I'm on day 3 now and I feel a hundred percent better. Not even any real cramping to talk of, and the talk of excessive bleeding was unfounded for me, it's just like a period and easily managed with night time pads. There have been a couple of big clots but I haven't even really noticed them. I've been out shopping and had a day knitting yesterday. Got some housework to catch up on today. Expecting work to be far easier to deal with tomorrow. Not much nausea left, just a slightly grumbly tummy I presume from the antibiotics.
I feel like I should be feeling a loss or upset or something, but other than a couple of random blubs yesterday I honestly feel great. I just hope it lasts

OP posts:

whatdoIget · 11/10/2015 11:46

Thanks for posting this. Fwiw, I didn't feel upset when I had a termination. Just felt relieved and knew I had made the right decision. I think that we think we're supposed to feel upset because the only discussion of abortion in the press seems to focus on women who felt bereft and were unsure they had made the right decision for them, or where perhaps coerced by family or partner. From talking to friends who've had similar experiences to mine, and from threads on here, I suspect that most women know they have made the right choice and are therefore able to easily get past it. The more we talk about it, the better I think. Hope work goes well for you tomorrow.

Thurlow · 12/10/2015 10:27

I'm so glad to hear that you are feeling better and that it all went ok for you.

I never really felt upset either, so don't question how you react - I mean, it wasn't a pleasant experience and I'd rather I hadn't had to make a decision or had a medical procedure, but I wasn't traumatised or particularly upset. I was just relieved that it was over. So please don't question how you feel now it is all over.

I wondered, lots of people are commenting about how honest and helpful your posts have been about the experience - what do other posters think about starting a thread where people could share their honest experiences, for other posters to read if they want to know what might happen to them?

Bogeyface · 12/10/2015 10:54

I didnt feel upset either, just relief that it was over and I could go back to normal. I did get tearful quite easily for the week or so afterwards, not at what had happened but in a PMTish kind of way, which I assume was the hormones making their way out of my system, so dont be worried if that happens.

How are things with the Mr?

Original poster

ShouldveThought · 12/10/2015 11:07

Thanks guys.
Things with the Mr are ok, just got a lot of his health problems to deal with, so tempers are a bit frayed but it's ok. Need to get him relatively sorted before next week when I'm away for a week on a course... Not helped that he doesn't trust me with good reason, and I'm still doing things like this post behind his back. Not making any rash decisions until hormones have settled down and I see that negative test a week on Friday. Starting to think that it's better if I'm alone.

OP posts:

NameChange30 · 12/10/2015 11:40

"Not helped that he doesn't trust me with good reason, and I'm still doing things like this post behind his back."

What do you mean? What reason does he have not to trust you?

Please don't feel guilty about posting. You need support and you're perfectly entitled to get it here!

Original poster

ShouldveThought · 12/10/2015 12:46

Long story involving me sending my ex a Facebook message, talking to my friends about him so they think he treats me like shit when they don't even know him, getting drunk at a festival and snogging someone last year... I'm not good at relationships!

Done a bit too much at work and a bit sore now. Hope my hormones clear up soon so I stop whining and acting like a victim. Can't wait for next week when I can just be myself

OP posts:

Alibabsandthe40Musketeers · 12/10/2015 13:21

The snogging part isn't great - but the talking to your friends is just fine!!

That is two groups of people who now think he treats you like shit - both your RL friends and a big group of strangers on the internet!

Posting on MN isn't 'doing things behind his back'. He sounds like a nasty controlling wanker - he's nice to you as long as you behave yourself like a good girl, yes?

NameChange30 · 12/10/2015 13:23

"talking to my friends about him so they think he treats me like shit when they don't even know him"
They don't think he treats you like shit, they know he treats you like shit. He DOES treat you like shit. You are perfectly entitled to talk to friends (and even us) about problems in your relationship. He sounds bad because he is bad. If he doesn't want people to think badly of him, he should stop treating you like shit!

As for the infidelities - I wonder if your heart is really in this relationship? Maybe you know deep down that he's a cunt he isn't right for you.

If you feel you're not good at relationships maybe counselling would help? I certainly think you need to get better at weeding out the arseholes. People often recommend the Freedom Programme - maybe check it out?

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