abortion consultation tomorrow, worried!

[ShouldveThought]

I'm just going to go straight to the point before I chicken out.

I found out on Thursday that I'm pregnant, did two tests and both massive +ves. I'm in my early 30s and while I'm in a relationship it's rather turbulent, and he's a good couple of decades older than me. I've never been irresponsible with my pill til now and typically the one slip up I have and I'm peeing on a stick and getting a result I don't want.
I'm not debating my decision for a termination, and I have the consultation appointment tomorrow, a 40 minute drive from home. I have no idea how far along I am, feel sick all the time and think my boobs have a mind of their own. Other than feeling a bit ill I don't feel anything except randomly teary and irrationally scared of what I know is a relatively simple medical procedure. Because I don't know how far along, I can't decide on the method, and when I mention to the other half that I'm scared I get shit for being a bitch and treating him with no respect, told that I'm being manipulative and I'm just a stupid tart that's got herself pregnant. Then the next minute he's really nice.
I'm a professional, have to travel for work in just over 2 weeks, and I want this over with now, but at home I feel like a stupid teenager and hate myself so much for being so damn irresponsible when I know I don't want kids. I know it wasn't just the 1% failure rate, I know I messed up.
I'm scared. I'm lonely. I can't admit this at home and I just want to curl up and die because I can't see the point. I don't want him there with me because I do bad things on my own, I don't want the sarcastic comments etc, and I want to cry if I feel like it and make bad jokes if I feel like it. Is there any way I'll be able to drive myself home after the treatment?
This makes no sense, I just needed to splurge.
Can't decide whether to go for medical or surgical.
I'd rather be alone than have my fears downplayed.

I'm just so relieved that no more feeling sick and exhausted after Friday and a day in bed on Saturday. Came to work for the afternoon and feel more like myself instead of thinking "I'm fucking pregnant " every 30 seconds
Now to keep the Mr happy til Friday so I can have a lift I think

If the "mr" is still being an A-hole and calling you names on friday then why not book into a local hotel near the clinic? then you could leave your car at the hotel, taxi to the clinic for a surgical and then taxi back and sleep it off at a hotel?

If he's being a pain I'll be able to public transport on my own. I made sure to ask. He should be ok, I think he's beating himself up for being ill.
I just can't believe how much better I feel already

OP i'm glad you're feeling better now there is a plan.

I confess i'm struggling to understand how your partner could be so horribly unsupportive - it takes two to fall pregnant.

However, I hope it goes well on Friday

Ok so thought I'd explain what happened at the first appointment in case anyone else is in the same situation.
So first off I called local family planning on the Friday morning, who told me that bpas deal with everything in my area so they gave me the phone number. Rang their advice line and wasn't left waiting, spoke to a very nice woman who let me do my nervous gabble and then she went through where the clinics were for the consultation and explained all the treatments happened at the Merseyside centre, so I chose to go there for both. Booked me an appointment for the following Tuesday, everything covered by the nhs. They do have appointments available for consultation and treatment on the same day, but there was a two week wait. Apparently a lot of women from Ireland use those :(
So day of consultation I get there early, drink my coffee and go in. There's entry control on the door so people can't just walk in off street. Got given a lot of forms to fill in, medical history and emergency contact. They also won't contact your gp if you don't want them to.
Then it was waiting. There's tv and magazines in the waiting room, but my advice is to take a book! I was about fifteen minutes late going in to the scan room. It was straight on with the scan first to work out how far along, and first off they do an external scan on your stomach. If they can see ok they don't need to do an internal one, which they didn't for me. Then I was told that I was at 8 weeks 2 days.
After that I was offered a chlamydia screen, which you do yourself in the ladies, just a vaginal swab that you stick in a pot and hand back. After that back to the scan room. They do print off the scan pic and I think you can see it if you want. I got a glance at it but it didn't make me feel any different. There's a thumb prick blood test, and that didn't hurt at all, and if you come out rhesus negative like I did they offer you an injection when you have the treatment to stop your immune system attacking any future pregnancy.
Then the nurse went through the different options, in as much detail as you like. At this point I was concerned about transport so was told you can drive home after surgical with local, and the medical so I picked medical. All my annoying nerdy questions were answered well, very nice nurse. So I signed the consent forms, which do mention scary possible side effects but they're very rare and they do just have to mention them. They also have to write down notes saying you're sure of your decision and a brief reason. As I was under 9 weeks, the medical is done in one day.
All signed up back to the waiting room, then called in to see another lady in an office. She again confirmed that I was sure of my decision and asked why I didn't want general anaesthetic. So I explained, and she said that if I change my mind to not eat for 6 hours before, and not drink 2 hours before and I could change my mind. Then she booked the appointment for me, a week after the first phone call. It could have been the day before but I want to minimise time off work.
There are counsellors available at any point of the process, and while I didn't take them up on it she was really nice and helpful :)

Really good post op, positive that are able to be so helpful to others at a difficult time for you. Demystifying the process whilst it is so fresh in your mind is a real service to other women.

Please please don't stay with that vile man. It takes two to get pregnant. He should be supporting you. He sounds like an abusive arsehole.

Oh also, if you have the medical abortion, they can't fit the implant for you on the day.

Thanks mudandmayhem, I just know when looking for info I believed what "real" people wrote and not the official sites lol. One more not scary story out there may help someone.

Ok so it doesn't look like I can have a lift, the Mr is really not well to the point where he can barely walk, but I'm freaking out about the thought of medical so I reckon I'm going to go on my own and take public transport.
I can do this right?

Is there a friend or family member who could give you a lift home? If not could you afford a taxi?

Might be nice to get a lift/taxi home afterwards as you might be feeling tired.

Alas no family, and friends are miles away, the ones who can drive anyway! It's not too bad a train journey, only 30 mins, and I'll taxi at both ends. Sod the expense! I may also be really mature and go to the comic shop opposite station for a treat if I feel up to it.
The Mr is feeling guilty, and like he should come with me but he's barely been out the house for 6 weeks after a bad infection. Still not better. So think best he's not sat around a clinic waiting room for a couple of hours going nuts.
I'm just reminding myself of all the times I got myself home from uni in one piece in far worse a state than I will be in tomorrow! Trying to keep positive!

Yes you will be ok. Glad you're taking taxis at both ends! And do treat yourself.

My tip would be to take a couple of snacks. I went with a close friend when she had a medical abortion and she was there for several hours. You might not feel hungry but it's always good to have snacks just in case

Good luck xx

You'll be ok, I promise. It takes most people a few hours to start bleeding, so you should be home by the time it starts. However, put a decent pad in (remember that you can't use tampons) and take a change of pants and trousers with you just for that tiny chance you do feel uncomfortable on the train.

I had to wait 6 hours between my two appts, in a different town. I booked a cheap hotel room and crashed there for the afternoon - read a book, had some food, had a bit of a nap. I felt I needed it after the stress of the preceding week.

Take plenty of ibuprofen, take it before your second appointment and keep taking it, don't wait for any pain to kick in (not that I really had much pain, no worse than a bad period). Eat as much as you can. I found I bled very heavily the first night, so put towels in the bed - under the sheet helps keep them in place better - and I also found folding a small towel and putting it between my pants and my shorts made me feel more protected and better able to sleep.

I don't know if you will have to have them, but I was given a dose of antibiotics to take afterwards and those actually made me feel physically worse than the bleeding did. Horrible things. Not to worry you, just to say if you have a bad stomach for a few days it might be the ab's rather than anything else.

Good luck xx

When my friend had her abortion they kept her in for several hours, until the pregnancy was gone. Didn't know some places just gave you the pill and sent you home.

They must all do it differently! I had one tablet at 10am, the second tablets at 4pm, waited half an hour or so to see if there was any adverse reaction, and then sent home.

Best of luck to you

Hope you are alright lovely

Ok so after being told that I could change to surgical I fasted this morning, then phoned the clinic to check on the train, and they can't do surgical today. Tomorrow is 9 weeks so I'm stuck with medical, hungry and I'm so upset I was told I could just decide on the day when I can't. And now I'm going to be in pain on public transport. At least they're giving me codeine...

So clearly I'm in the station burger king about to feed my face

If you are 100% certain you never want to have children, please ask to be sterilised. What's the point of pumping your body full of synthetic hormones, all the while with a small chance of actually conceiving, which will inevitably lead to abortion/s?

You're very brave. Hope it all goes smoothly for you. Your dp sounds like a real arsehole.

I don't think this is the right moment for that, Aquarius.

OP - hope it is a nice lunch, I am envious of you sitting in Burger King

That's rubbish that they couldn't accommodate your request today.

I hope that everything else will go to plan and you're not in too much pain later. Honestly perhaps public transport might be best, after all, just in case.

Is it a long journey or will you be home before too long?

OP can I just thank you for your incredibly helpful posts - my first consultation is on Tues next week (I found out on Tues this week) and I found your post so helpful. I'm also hoping to be offered a medical, and was heartened that you think it might be able to be done in one day (am just 5 weeks pg - think you say under 8 weeks you just need one appt). Please do let us know how it goes if you can bear it, and good luck with the public transport. Sorry that they wouldn't let you do surgical after all and hope you don't have too much pain. Thinking of you today.

Ohdeargawd, at bpas if you're less than 9 weeks it's on same day, at same time, as in my appointment was 2pm and I'm out at 2:10. Who is your appointment with?
Just like that, no hanging round. Had blood pressure and temperature taken, nurse explained everything, gave me one tablet to take, then pointed me at the loo with instructions to have a wee first, then stick the four other tablets as far up as I could. Then I got given some codeine in case I need it, antibiotics for later, then had my anti D injection and when they were sure I was ok to leave with no questions rang me a taxi!
If you're freaking out or anything you can give me a PM.
Thanks everyone for kind wishes. Fingers crossed for this to be over soon!

Ok, that sounds do-able, well done for being so pragmatic and helpful, thank you! Sounds like the more emotional appt is the first consultation. Am dreading the scan. Good luck with the rest of your day...I might pm you after my appt on tues to find out how it went.

You don't see the scan. And there are counsellors there at every stage if you feel like talking to someone. I'm thankful that I've had no doubt about my choice. I'd say first appointment was more stressful, but mostly because I had no idea how far along I was and didn't know my options. Waiting for the first appointment was the worst by far. Thinking of you xx