am i wrong not to tell dp ?

[chdmum2491]

that i want an abortion ?!

Whilst it is your body and ultimately your decision, you should tell your partner.

Mainly because he's obviously a long term partner who you already share a child with. He's an insintric part of your life, no? So he deserves to know that you are considering terminating the pregnancy.

Honesty, trust and all that.

sat in the doctors waiting now. going to get all the facts and then let him know thanks for everyones responses

You've just had a name change fail.

no i meant to change it to 20 i wasnt name changing just editing

You need to talk this through with someone as your posts over the last few days are very up and down. Monday you were worried about miscarrying again and were going to POAS until your scan, Tuesday you didn't know what to think and today you want a termination. This does not sound like someone who knows what they want and this is something you need to be very very sure about.

Are you just scared about possibly losing another or having another child with health problems rather than not wanting another child at all?

Agree....speak to someone in RL confidentially ....whether it's your husband or not. It's an anxious time for you no matter what you decide.

I haven't seen your other posts, but if the description of them here is correct, then I think you need to find someone who you can safely talk all this through with.

And having a 'secret' termination does not make it all go away as you will still have to deal with what it really means to keep that secret. And what it means, long term, for your relationship to live with the knowledge that you felt you couldn't talk to him. Those are things that might also be worth exploring if you can access counselling.

I haven't seen your other posts so I don't know your background.

I agree that you would really benefit from talking to someone experienced in this, such as a counsellor at Marie Stopes or BPAS.

Are you worried that you might have another miscarriage and to essentially preempt that happening?

In terms of not telling your DP, while it is your body, it is also his baby too, so it's not a decision to take lightly. While it might seem easy to keep it a secret there will be the practicalities of having to go to hospital and then keep feeling poorly/bleeding secret for a few days. Also it's one of those things that can be very hard to keep secret. I haven't told one of my closest friends that I had a termination as I know it would be irreversibly upsetting to her. But the number of times something has almost slipped out... It's very hard to keep it to yourself.

Please think carefully OP.... While you might not have been devastated your mc, a termination is very different as you ultimately make the decision to end the pregnancy - it's not out of your hands like a miscarriage. I speak from experience sadly.
Counselling could help to get your thoughts together.

Hope you have some rl support. Sorry you are in this position.

*by your mc

how far gone are you?

5 weeks today, ive booked he appointment now will speak to him when he gets in from work
i was not trying to be deceitful i just didnt want to cause him any unnecessary upset

Do you think he will try and talk you round if you tell him? If that's what you're afraid of and you're sure you want to terminate then you have to think about how his reaction will affect your decision and ability to think clearly.

You should tell him if you don't want anymore children though. Hope you're okay

i hope youre ok

no he wouldnt try and talk me round, no i just thought that if we had one more he'd be over the moon but i just cant do it again, i no it shouldnt of taken me this long to figure out but it has and im gutted it has to come to this because ive always said i could never abort but now im in yhis position i dont see any other way

and i am fine thank you for asking

Please post back for any support you may need either way. I've been through similar.

Take care Op

ive told him and now i cant stop crying because i dont want him to hate me or be upset

Oh you poor thing. What did he say?

that he wants whatever i want, he is very lovely and supportive

I'm glad he's being supportive chdmum. I hope both of you are ok.

Well there you go then that's one weight off of your mind. He is supporting what you want which is great. Now you just have to decide what to do!

Thinking of you Op thank goodness you have some RL support.

thanks

Hi Op. Hope you're ok. I just want you to know that I was in your exact position about 7 weeks ago. I was pregnant with a planned second after a miscarriage and thought I'd made a terrible mistake, considered termination behind dhs back and went as far as booking an appointment at bpas and choosing method of termination. In the end, I decided to give myself 2 more weeks to think properly and move past the freaking out stage. After long discussions with DP about my worries we decided to continue with our pregnancy and I am now 11 weeks and genuinely looking forward to our new arrival. I'm so glad I waited a couple of weeks instead of reacting to my initial feelings so just urging you to think carefully. Whatever you do is your choice but don't rush. Pm if you want to chat, have honestly been where you are.