I found out my daughter had an abortion.

[figray]

I posted last year that my daughter who was 19 at the time was pregnant. Well it is unbelievable what happened after that, a few days later she told me it was a false alarm and her period had started. Like a fool I believed her and thought that was the end of it.
It wasn't as I later found out she had been pregnant all along and had an abortion without anyone knowing except for her and her boyfriend. This all came out when they had a fall out this year.
The thing is I am so angry and sad about it. Not just the fact she had it but the lying to me. She claims she lied as she didn't want me upset but I know it's because she knew I would try to talk her out of it.
I've got to pretend everything is ok when really I have become very depressed about it all. On top of that I have to go to my sisters at Christmas and be all happy about her new grand daughter who is 6 months old. My grandchild would have been the same age.

I know most people will say it's her life and her decision, I agree with that she's an adult and I am pro choice.
I just can't get over the sadness and depression and have said some awful things to her about it.

I feel
So sorry for your daughter.
This has nothing to do with you, it is her body and totally her choice. Why on earth would you say awful things to her? What did you think that would achieve?
I think you should apologise.

FFS!
Woman up and behave like a mother!
You are upset about it. Fair enough.
You can't help the way you feel, but in this case your dd comes first and she shouldn't have to deal with your emotions.

I'm sorry about the abortion you had forced on you.
I've been through a situation like that myself and it's painful.
Would you consider counseling for it now?
I have had some phyco therapy and it helped more than I thought it would.
I doubt you would want your dd to have to suffer the same feelings about her abortion as you have about yours.

Look, whether she was pressured into a termination by the boyfriend is irrelevant. It was still the best decision she could have made for herself

Would you have preferred she went ahead and had the baby under those circumstances. A baby is for life, I am sure you are aware...but not your life her life.

Something that I hope will perhaps be a positive thought for both you and your daughter - terribly sad though this is, wouldn't it have been worse for everyone if your DD had started a family with, and been tied for life to, a man who's clearly a manipulative, abusive twat?

I hope he is now an ex.

Apologise to your daughter for your reaction, and make it clear to her that you know how out of order you were and how you've justifiably risked what you call your good relationship by what you've said.

And then think hard... it sounds as if your DD knows you better than you know yourself, and knew all too well how you, too, would have tried to guilt and manipulate her. Not good. Not really such a great relationship for her, maybe. Learn from this, though, and you could end up all the closer.

OP I had an abortion at the age of 17 and it tore me apart inside
My mam came with me (bf wouldn't see me until I'd "took care of it" but she didn't talk to me during the entire day. She would text me when she was drunk saying it was her grandbaby and that she felt guilty for encouraging me to go ahead and have an abortion.
The year after that I met my husband and we now have a 4yr old DD and I'm pregnant with baby #2. My mother wouldn't talk to me when she found out I was pregnant with my daughter - but once she was born we started to build a relationship again. Only recently have I been able to talk about my termination without feeling like crying. I don't regret my choice, just the way my mother behaved.
Please make amends OP and never throw it in her face during an argument

Hello OP,
Obviously, it has been quite a few years since you made your post. I’m not sure if you’ll see this, but I really wanted to respond anyway.
I am so very sorry for the horrible responses you’ve gotten here. I can’t believe how unkind people have been towards you - just terrible.
I would be devastated to find out my daughter had an abortion without telling me. Yes, it was her decision, and yes, she was likely worried you’d be upset and try to talk her out of it. But it would be perfectly natural for you to have been upset. Why wouldn’t you be? Anyone saying you shouldn’t have been has lost touch with reason.
And while it was absolutely her decision to make, that doesn’t negate the fact that that the abortion would have a terrible impact on you as well! This would have been your grandchild. Of course you have the right to have been upset! And we all lose our tempers from time to time, and say things we wish we hadn’t. The important thing is that you clearly realized that and no doubt tried to make amends.
I hope that things are good for you and your daughter now. Again, I’m very sorry for the total lack of empathy you were shown. People can be just horrible sometimes. I wish you all the best!