Pregnancy post-MC, bring your cake but no more wine or tightie whities - Totally's Grads continued part 3....

[clareanna]

Alba- your wish is my command!!

Hi all

I'm now 7 weeks with no bleeding, but some cramping mainly if tired. Look like death warmed up, white and drawn. I don't feel very sick and think that I should be sicker even though I know that I have had a mc when feeling very sick.
There's part of me now wanting a scan as I would be able to see a heartbeat at this stage. The other part of me wants to leave it until about 10 weeks as that would really confirm things.
I have seen and heard the heartbeat before on a scan and went on to mc.
My 2dd's ages 7 and 5 are on hols so no chance of a rest, but I'm worring so not sleeping properly anyway.
Wish I could decide what to do.

Hi Ladies,

Sorry I'm not living up to my happy name at the moment! I was just really really tired and emotional for some reason - haven't been like this for weeks but it's just really hit me in the last 2 days. Now though I've started to get these pains in the middle of my belly. They are fairly regular. I don't think they could be movements cos they are definitely more pains. I'm just so so so worried now again. The worry just never ends it seems.

Sorry for the self indulgent post, I had written a big long message and just lost it, I'll log on shortly to name check

hope you are all well ladies

Quick rant... just seen midwife for booking appointment really wanted a chat with her about birth options, maybe finding a doula as with DS I saw a different midwife every visit post-natally whilst having a very hard time feeding a tiny baby, and they all said different things, and for the birth itself was told I was high risk when they induced me and was then abandoned on antenatal ward all day with no-one coming near me till DH finally insisted (2 hours before DS was born) want some continuity and a bit more care.
But, she had a trainee with her, and the trainee did the appointment. I left really upset and sure I want to find a doula or private midwife (trainee was v matter of fact and totally unsympathetic about the miscarriages when we got to the 'so this is your 3rd pregnancy?' 'No, 4th actually...' after I'd already said 2 mc's). Thankfully proper midwife came back in at the end and asked if she'd had a listen for me (she hadn't) and promptly got her doppler out. I could have cried with gratitude.

Have to have consultant appt at 20 weeks because DS was small for dates/low birthweight. If I get one of the patronising SHO/Registrars at the hospital I will run away screaming.

Definitely made my mind up I want a homebirth, and someone there I know and trust. Just the idea of going near the hospital is really upsetting me, far too many bad memories. Question now is can we afford a private midwife, or just to go with Doula option...

Sorry, that was a long rant.

Happy, of course you're tired and emotional, you're pregnant, it's normal. (see my rant above, and I'm perfectly normal ?)
Regular midwife did say to me she'd squeeze me an appointment at the end of a morning anytime I needed reassurance - maybe worth calling yours and getting an appointment soon just to set your mind at rest. Oh I wish all midwives were the same (nice ones only please)... in fact, can we all have Malteser as our midwife? (unfortunately she'll be busy with a newborn when mine comes along...)

Annie I had scans at 8, 10 and 12 weeks, worth every penny for the peace of mind, stress is never good for you, especially not now (though I was lucky and found a great little clinic that charged the same for all three as many do just for one). Google and see what deals you can find, or if money is tight, a little white lie to the EPU (tell them you're spotting) will get you a scan. In fact, some EPUs you can just show up and be seen after waiting, though they're few and far between. Best of luck, the uncertainty is so hard. Do everything you can to assume the best.

Alba just seconding your rant. I'm sick of trainees, registrars, and the whole what you can and can't do thing. It's not their body or their baby, what it really boils down to is whether they are prepared to listen and take our feelings, particularly as post-mc pregnancies, into account. And generally it seems not.

And there seems to be so little we can do to change it - the frustration is horrible.

Happy I do hope you feel better soon. No words of advice, just big hugs x

Thanks everyone for the welcome and also HI! to those who remember me from the TTC after MC thread. How exciting and brilliant that we're here now!

Happy tired, emotional, worried. I'd be amazed if you were anything else. This is so so hard. If it makes you feel any better, I've been having random cramps, pains, and a weird feeling that my tummy is really bruised since day one this time around. I can't remember this happening with DS1 but am also not sure if that's because I was completely without fear! Oh those halcyon days!

And Alba - poor you! Sounds like a properly rubbish appointment. It's just so disappointing isn't it? I know that at my booking in appointment, I found myself getting very defensive of the babies I'd lost. I think I had to tell the midwife about four times that this was my third pregnancy. And then she said to me 'so you have three children already then?' NO! I have one son. I have miscarried twins. How hard is that to get your head round?!!! I also loved that in explaining to me the appointments system, she explained that they'd see me next after my 20 week scan because they 'didn't get involved' until there was less chance of me losing the baby. Which I know is true. But it's pretty much devoid of any tact whatsoever I think.

On the up side, she told me that my local hospital had opened a birthing centre and I was exactly the sort of Mum it would suit (easy-ish birth with DS). So hurrah for that!

Oh and I think I felt movement last week. It felt like it did with DS but it still seems quite early to me so it's possible I'm completely imagining it. Hope not.

I'm feeling movements already too, Limelight, not every day though which is slightly unnerving... and I do have to be sitting very still to feel them. Active little one it seems from the scan, and also from midwife listening today -- she found the heartbeat, then another noise which she said was a kick, then a swoosh as he wriggled away and she couldn't find him again... not that she tried for long, had heard heartbeat already and shown he was moving around - that was enough.

I have to say usual midwife is really lovely. Has booked me in for another appointment at 18 weeks, I think she saw I was on the verge of tears, and is making sure she looks after me. Just hope horrid trainee isn't there next time.

Unbuffy, I do think some of the medical profession are rather dismissive of MC in a self-preservation kind of way as it's very upsetting for them to emotionally connect... but it wouldn't take much for them to learn a little sympathy and tact. Oh and on the adult company I second listening to radio4 I've started switching it on when I'm working from home, otherwise it gets rather lonely (though I don't like the afternoon play, have to find something else at that point).

Sorry for no namechecks prior to today -- everything LadyBee said yesterday (or was it the day before?), that was one impressive post! I just struggle a little to remember everyone, but reading and thinking of you all

Any lurkers planning to join, here's today's list, just add yourself in (and see how fast you move away from the bottom of the list )

Friday's list

Meita - baby#1 - (not telling) - 34+3 wks, due 17th August
Boodleboot - baby#3 - 1DD {10} 1DS {5} - 30+2 wks - due 12th Sept - next scan 2nd July
TFLS - baby#1 - 29+2 wks, due 23 Sept
LeeWT - baby#2 (DD1 2yrs) 28+2 wks, due 30th Sept
Louisesh - baby#1, 28 wks, due 1st Oct
Effilump - baby#5 (ds 22,15,16mnths. dd13) 25+3 wks EDD 18th Oct
SamanthaB123 baby#3(2x DD's 11 & 9 yrs) 25+2 wks, EDD 20th October
Sarahlou8 - baby#3 (DD 11, DS 9) 25 wks, EDD 22nd October
DomesticGOddess - baby#? 24+6 wks, EDD 22nd October
emmielou81 - baby#5 (DS 6, DD 3) - 24+1 wks, EDD 28th October
BestLaidPlans - baby#1, 21+2 wks EDD 14th November
Unbuffy - baby#2 (DD 17 months) - 19+6 wks EDD 27th November, scan 13th July
HappyGirl - baby#1, 18+2 weeks, EDD 8th December
Zayja - baby#1 - 17+6 wks, EDD 11th December
Goodluckbear - baby#1, 16+6 wks, EDD 18th December
Malteser1981 - baby#1, 16+6 wks, EDD 18th December
Gilda - baby#1 - 15+6 wks, due 25th December - next scan 9th Aug
BunnyBaby - baby#3 - 15+6 wks, EDD 25th December
LucyT66 - baby#1 15+3 wks EDD 26th December
sparklyrainbow- Baby#1 15+2 weeks EDD 30th December
AlbaDeTamble - baby#2 (DS 2) - 14+4 wks EDD 3rd January
toomuchteaching - baby#1 14+2 wks EDD 5th January
Redheadgal - baby#1 14+1 wks EDD 6th January 2011 - next scan 20 August
diggingforvictory - baby#4 (DS 1) 12+6 wks EDD 15th January
WestYorkshireGirl - baby#1, 12+3 weeks EDD January 18th
Marrow - baby #6 (DD 4) 11+3 weeks EDD January 25th
Culina - baby #3, 1DS, 11+2 weeks EDD 21 January 2011
Clareanna - baby#2, one DS 9+1 weeks EDD 11th Feb 2011 NEXT SCAN 13TH JULY
LilRedWG - baby#2, 1DD, 8 weeks EDD 19th Feb
LadyBee - baby#2, 1DS 7+6 weeks EDD 20th Feb 2011
Muser - baby#1, 6+5 weeks, EDD 27th Feb, Next scan 19 July
BUnderTheBonnet - baby#2, 1DD 6+3 weeks 1st March

We share the pain and mourn the loss with:
Jollster - one DC, two babies lost, recent MMC w9/@11, 26th Feb
Cheepz - one DS, recent MMC w9, 26th March
Freezing - one DD, recent MC w11, 28th March
BarrenBrook - third and most recent MMC 12th May
MsJL - 4th and most recent MC determined 8th June

MIA
JodieO - baby#4 (DD 8, DS1 6, DS2 3), EDD 25th December
MrsRigby - baby#2 (DS 15 months), EDD 14th October

The babies are arriving! Huge congratulations to:
Totally with daughter Faith Juliet, 9lb5oz born Tuesday 16th February 2010
Amyboo with son Matthew James, 4.714kg (10lb3oz) born Tuesday 30th March 2010
Hoops with son Benjamin Scott, 7lb4oz born Friday 2nd April 2010
Memorylapse with daughter Olivia, born Friday 16th April 2010
Jacanne (due 29th April/6 May) awaiting news
Becky78 with son Thomas Christopher born 22nd May - 9lb 1oz

big squeeze back to you Jollster -- very happy to know you're still lurking, when's your first scan?

Hi Ladies,

Hope you are all having nice Fridays. Sorry I've been so down. I've decided my mum's nagging is right (despite it annoying me) and I'm going to give my MW a quick ring after this post just to see what she says even though I know she'll probably just say pains are normal etc but maybe even hearing that will cheer me up / make me back to a happy confident pg lady again!

Annie I second the suggestion of having scans if you can find reasonable value ones. I ended up being lucky and having an early scan at 8 weeks and then the regular one at 12/13 weeks but had I not had the 8 weeks I definitely would have gone for a private one. Maybe even just hearing the heartbeat although it's no guarantees will give you some assurance that so far so good?

Alba so sorry to hear about your appointment - how frustrating. I hate how they don't appreciate that we have been pregnant before although we may not have a baby to show for it, it was still our baby/babies and i'm sure you are all the same as me and still think about it all the time. Great though that in the end they took the doppler out and found the hb! Well done Alba's baby .

You know maybe I'm just being daft and these 'pains' are movements, it's just they are so different to the bubbles I felt on Wednesday. Oh I don't know. I just wish wish wish MW had taken out the doppler at the 16 wk appt.

Anyhow off to ring the MW and see what I can do.

Jollster big wave to you too!

hi, working from home today - which makes time stand still at this point of the day

quick rant

So my GP asked me to send on the report after my scan last week so he'd refer on to the midwives. I faxed it to him on Monday, and put a copy in the post the same day.

Decided to check today whether the referral had come through at the hospital, so called them to be told 'no, nothing here and we're up-to-date with our referrals, call your GP'.

Called GP, passed from pillar to post then reach secretary, 'no, no referral done, but it might be on "the tape"', presumably a dictaphone tape? When I say, well, time's ticking on, can we push it along please, she just said, 'oh don't worry, it'll get there in time'. Well...I wouldn't worry, except this is the THIRD TIME I've had to chase for a referral for a pregnancy from this GP.
First time, they didn't send it at all, and I ended up missing the window for my NT scan, last time with MC I had to chase twice for it to be sent, so my confidence levels aren't that high in their efficiency.

This is a huge bugbear of mine. How hard is it to fill out a form and email it or fax it? It's a standard letter FFS, they just need to put my name and birthdate on it.

--rant over---

Do you think anyone would notice if I had a wee nap? It's very warm and snoozey this afternoon.

I expect most people are dozing at their desks in the office anyway

LadyBee, why not make an appointment with the GP to check directly if the referral has been sent. Call the hospital just before your appointment so you have latest update... and ask the GP directly why no referral. Hopefully that will get things moving ? Good luck.

I really must get on with more work, I can focus for about 20 mins max today... then again, missing out on lots of office conversations... they probably aren't doing any more than me, if not a lot less...

Hello all. My sickness has kicked in properly now. I threw up behind a tree today. Classy.

Have taken the day off as I feel awful. It's weird because I'm very happy that I feel so awful. Although not looking forward to a long train journey this evening. I'm off to the shop to see if I can find any food that makes me feel better.

An appointment with my GP wouldn't be available til this day next week at the earliest - it's just the way my practice works.
I'll just call them every day from Monday to ask whether it's been sent, become the proverbial squeaky wheel, so they do it to get rid of me .

All my phone meetings are done for the day and we do 'summer hours' now, so lots of people will have left for the day (can you tell I'm rationalising my lack of afternoon attention?)

Boy it's hot though, just went out to pick up some milk and it's scorching! (the weather, not the milk).

oof Muser that's no fun...where are you off to this evening on the train?

Happy have you felt your belly when the pains come? If your bumplet is tightening/going hard they could just be early Braxton Hicks - I got these quite early on, took me ages to work out it was the bump contracting a bit. See whether you can feel it tightening next time you feel it?

Muser try iced lollies - cold, sweet and fruity might be good?

Ready salted crisps are good. So much for my "I shall put all healthy food inside me" schtick. The food that looked best in the shop was crisps and tinned spaghetti hoops.

I'm not doing very well on sweet stuff at the moment. Sometimes it's fine, sometimes it immediately makes me want to throw up. Salty, on the other hand, is good.

I am off up North this evening to meet my new nephew and break the good news to all the relatives. Very exciting.

Hope you get your referral through LadyBee, must be so frustrating.

Hello everyone, sorry I've been a bit AWOL, the last couple of weeks of school are just crazy.

News at my end... have been recruited to a couple of Oxford University studies, one of which will be scans every 5 weeks to help produce international growth charts. The midwife was like "Oh it's so nice to have someone keen to volunteer." In my head I'm thinking, "extra scans, are you crazy lady, why wouldn't I!?"

I've also told my new boss that I'll be starting in September and fingers crossed not coming back after Christmas, he was absolutely lovely about it (which was good because I've been so worried) but I bet inside he was cursing me! Oh well.

I've left it too long to namecheck, but I hope everyone is doing well, especially those at the top of the list in this crazy heat. Welcome to newbies, it's lovely to see you here, and sorry to those with crappy midwifes and/or pains... I hope both get better soon.

Have a lovely evening all.

Oh wait, alba, feeling things... can you explain? I wasn't expecting anything for at least a couple more weeks but you're only 2 days ahead of me. What am I looking for? Or am I being silly as it's my first?

To all those ( and sadly there seems to be many) who are having problems getting themselves referred/seem by a midwife/one with a personality you have my sympathy! I work with the buggers!!!

Have to admit I feel very lucky, I know my CMW and plan to have a homebirth supported by two excellent midwives of my choice (unless of course it's Xmas day and I have a feeling they might feel differently atttending when they are off duty that day!!)

Alba - if you need help or advice regarding IDM just ask....I'm a SOM and so can get my hands on a list for any regional area.

Have to say though being a pregnant midwife isn't a barrel of laughs as I am only too aware of the rare complications and I really hurt myself at work last week helping in an obstetric emergency. As much as the midwives would love to lighten the load so I could take it a bit easier, it's too busy to realistically do so. So its hi ho hi ho back to nightshift I go............see you on the otherside!

Have a good weekend all xx

toomuchteaching I didn't feel things this early with my first, it was probably about 17/18 weeks with DS -- it's a difficult feeling to describe, slightly swooshy bubble popping kind of thing... just recognising it sooner because I've felt it before I think. Slightly similar to wind, but not quite in the same place... of all your scans! Though I may get similar to check growth after DS being so small...

Thanks Malteser, presumably IDM is independent midwife and SOM is supervisor of midwives? I have a health visitor friend who's letting me know nice local doulas and breastfeeding counsellors, so might start there. Lucky you having trusted colleagues lined up. Not so great being on nightshifts... don't know how you do it!

Alba, Happy thanks for the suggestions. Due to having had 7 mc's previously, I would get referred for an early scan if I asked my doctor, and have done so with previous pregnancies.
I don't know if I want to get on the rollercoaster of ups and downs that I associate with getting an early scan and bloods done and maybe having to get the bloods repeated every 48 hrs and the scans every 10 days. It takes it out of you the constant waiting for results and to see if the growth rate is "normal" for the between scan time.
On the other hand would love to know if everything looked ok.
I really can't decide what to do.