Maybe I'm being a wuss, but is anybody else on their 1st pregnancy & TERRIFIED of the whole birth thing?

[LittleBeth53]

Ok, so I'm wondering if there's something wrong with me! Every expectant mother I come across is totally fine with the thought of childbirth, even if it's their first baby. I know the end result will be totally worth it, but the whole thought of pushing him out sometimes knocks the breath out of me!! In a bad way!!

Maybe I'm being a total wet noodle about it, but I have nightmares about pushing out a 12lb sumo baby!

My pregnancy has been healthy & smooth sailing which means I'm booked into a birthing suite which also means nothing but run of the mill gas & air for me!!

Gulp!!

Anyone else feeling the same way?! Please say I'm not the only one......!

LittleBeth (have only read OP so apols if I'm repeating stuff here) - you are NORMAL!!!

Here's what you need to do to overcome your fears and empower yourself:

Avoid ALL negative influences - if anyone tries to tell you horror stories about birth, tell them to shut up before they get into the story. Don't watch that awful birth show on C4. The mind-body connection is CRUCIAL in managing birth, and even one story can unhinge one's confidence.

Buy a hypnobirthing CD - such as Maggie Howells' CD from the NCT (or direct from her website - just google her). Listening to this regularly (minimum 20 times) will transform your mental strength and ability to manage (NB: not 'survive': manage) your birth experience.

Read POSITIVE birth stories from Ina May Gaskin's Guide To Childbirth (I bought this on Amazon). Her books are SO empowering.

I too was terrified of birth (for about 20 yrs, as it happens) and by doing these three things have managed to give birth twice with nothing but G&A. I even planned a homebirth for 2nd birth - sadly only managed labour, not birthing at home, but even then my mental preparation meant I remained in control all the time, even with 6-8 medics surrounding me and telling me what they wanted me to do. I made sure that all the decisions were mine and as a result was not the slightest bit disappointed that I didn't give birth at home.

Giving birth is bloody hard work, and is also the most extraordinary, empowering and transformative experience any human being can have, and I feel that men's lives are the poorer for not being able to give birth. I honestly felt like a warrior afterwards, and feel as though I can do anything. This is 100% down to my mental preparation. Our culture does a fantastic job of robbing women of the opportunity to feel this good before, during and after birth, by presenting negative and fearful images everywhere we turn. You can choose to ban these influences and transform your mind and your whole experience. Go for it, girl!

Best of luck!

I know it's corny but you really, really won't care about how painful or scary it was as soon as you have your baby boy! I recently had an elective c-section and, even though this means I didn't experience labour pains, I was absolutely terrified! The night before, I sat on my sofa sobbing with fear whilst my mother and sister stroked my hair and made jokes to try to calm me down. On the day itself it felt surreal - I lost sight of the fact that I was about to have my much wanted baby and was convinced that something was going to go terribly wrong. Forward a few hours and all of these fears were completely forgotten as I fell in love with my baby boy. I was on the ward for several days and met many new mothers who had had a range of birthing experiences and I can honestly say they all looked delighted! It is all so so worth it and you're going to love it!

Really, the Ina May Gaskin book is fantastic for making you feel positive. She has a sensible head on her shoulders - read it.

I felt the same before I had my baby,I was trembling when I met my midwife(she was fantastic). I did find that watching one Born Every Minute helped me as I knew more about what to expect when I was in the delivery room. I didn't have a straight forward birth but I would do it again as it's so worth it. I felt really proud of myself and my hubby for having got through labour and having a beautiful baby girl.

The best thing to do is try to keep an open mind and don't be scared to ask for pain relief, you don't get medals for experiencing the pain all the way through!(I had an epidural).Having said that at the end of the day it's your body and your baby.

Good luck!

Drosophila I have found I am exactly the same. 2 births, only gas and air and yet the though of an injection makes my toes curl.
I talked myself through gettig a mole removed by repeating (in my head, I was not a total nutter) that I coudl do this, I had given birth twice for heavens sake.

It is an amazing experience littlebeth don't fear it, the endorphins, as most people are saying, are fantastic.
I was awful though, I felt that, if I had been given a report card, it would have said 'could do better'.
That was so silly of me, I should just have been happy with how well I had done.

I got upgraded with my second birth though

Not sure what my point is
Don't worry and don't regret anything.?
Does that sound phylisophical?
Should I go to bed cos I can't even spell anymore.

I would go back, in a heartbeat, and repeat it all though.

You could read 'Ina May's Guide to Childbirth'. I'm due in 2 weeks with no. 2 and really looking forward to it! First time was not at all easy but I did feel amazingly strong, empowered and happy afterwards. Now I've read this book I'm feeling SO positive about doing it a second time!

Oh, just realised SpeedyGonzalez said the same.

You have such a joyful time ahead with the baby- focus on that. I have never been happier than this time now. As for the birth- if it gets really painful you can access whatever you need to manage the pain. I did ABOUT 14 HOURS WITH NO PAIN RELIEF ( ignore caps)and then went for an epidural and it was bliss after that. I ended up with a massive sumo baby and an emergency C section and it was fine- itis the way we all come into the world. You are going to be just fine and what a prize at the end.

Hiya,
I had a home birth, first baby, 36 yrs old. I did loads of preparation ( hypnobirthing, belly dancing, acupuncture etc..) because I was determined to have a good birth. I have friends who said they loved their births, and women who have told me they felt no pain. It is normal to be scared but try not to be caught up in all the fear stories and medicalisation of it. We are designed to have babies, it is normal and healthy and our bodies are so clever if we allow them to do what they are made to do. Its like climbing a mountain; most if it is really difficult, but so worth it when you get to the top. Its a great acheivement to beable to look back and remember pushing yor baby out! Go for it I say!

I wasn't terrified (had my first birth 2 weeks ago), and that was precisely my mistake!!

I didn't prepare myself to panic at the time of the birth, and in the end I got really scared and didn't know how to deal with it! So I think you're in a better position than I was.

Respect your fears and prepare for it, I think you have good chances to have a better experience than I had.

(by the way, I had a good and uncomplicated birth, which means that the fear didn't cause any problem, anyway)

Please don't worry. I was worried as you are but when it came to it, it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be, even though I was an old and knackered first time mum. I found that TENS worked pretty well to manage the pain relief upto about 6cm dilated and being able to move around during contractions helped too. Then after that I had gas and air.

The trouble is that for every horrible story about childbirth, there are many many people like me, for whom the pain was manageable and the birth was fairly uncomplicated, and we tend not to talk about it so much because it honestly wasn't that big a deal.

I would definitely recommend the book that some others have mentioned - Birth Skills by Juju Sundin. Obviously hypnobirthing works for many women, but I didn't feel it would help me. The Birth Skills book is very down to earth, and I used some of the practical ways she recommends of managing the pain. It also recognises that if you have a long and difficult birth then the methods might be useful at the beginning but then you might choose to have an epidural or have to have a C-section, so doesn't set you up to feel like you've 'failed' if it's not a drug-free natural birth.

What frightened me before was not just the pain but the fear of feeling scared and helpless. I was lucky enough to have an 'easy' (relatively speaking) first birth and although it hurt a lot, I felt I could cope and didn't feel scared (well, except before the midwife first examined me and I had been thinking "If it's like this at the beginning, what will it be like later?" - turned out I was already 7cm dilated).

I haven't read the whole thread but try hyponobirthing. Honestly it is great - I've had 3 children, used hypnobirthing for the third and it was the quickest, easiest, least painful by far. You can help your body give birth more easily by learning how to relax and tune in to your labouring body.

I wish I had known about it when I had my first child at 21.

It's normal to be slightly worried about the logistics! Had my daughter 4 months ago.

Something that really helped with my fears, and with the birth itself, was natal hypnotherapy cds. I became pretty calm about the whole thing and had a lovely birth (in the water, doing yoga moves and breathing whilst listening to the cd). Still needed entonox and pethidine in the end but it helped so much with pain relief and feeling that it was all natural. I wasn't scared at all. I was so calm the MW didn't realise I was in labour and I was still smiling between contractions at the very end (maybe the drugs ;-))

You have to listen to them regularly in the weeks before the birth. A few of my friends used them too and we all reported really positive experiences.

Don't watch one born every minute (although it's fascinating AFTER you've given birth)! I was horrified watching that as my birth was nothing like it. It's not a good idea to lie on your back and try to push the baby upwards, with scary bright lights shining at you, it just slows down the labour.

I did have some complications at the very end but I think the cds helped me interpret the birth very positively despite all that.

You'll be fine - most people have good births, but the stories aren't so exciting, so you don't hear them.

You'll be fine. Women have done it for centuries... without all the medical help that's available to us It's a natural process and so long as you embrace the contractions rather than working against them, you'll manage. Promised.

PS I am a weirdo who would love to give birth again - if it didn't mean having a howling newborn to deal with afterwards!

the thing with giving birth is although it does hurt at the time, the whole thing passes in a blur and it's over.

when the contractions start just keep telling yourself that the stronger and longer the are the sooner it will be over- and you will have your lovely new baby.

trust your body and try to relax

My first labour - I had an episiotomy (sp?) and ended up with a 9 and a half pound baby. I was very scared at the start (was being sick after each contraction). But once I got to the pushing stage I just kind of thought, right this has to be done. i just kept thinking of all my friends who had done it before and figured it must be do-able.

When my sis came to visit me a few hours after he was born she asked me to honestly say what child birth was like and I remember clearly (and it was 10 years ago) saying that if I had to go through it every week for the rest of my life just to keep him then i would do it - no worries. Fortunately I only had to do it the once .

I wish you all the best. It really is something that is so unique and so different for each person that there is no way i can prepare you for it. All I can say is that you will soon have your wonderful baby with you and the whole labour thing will be a distant memory.

Every time i watch people giving birth on TV i want to do it all again!!! But I am a bit mad . I am currently trying for #3.

Everyone feels the same but when the time comes you really don't get time to think about it. My advice would be don't try and be a hero and take the pain relief that is offered. I was glad when it was time to give birth as I had such a rotten pregnancy!!!!

Holy cow! When I posted this question, I never thought I'd get 145 replies! Feel much better about the whole thing, thanks everybody!

And put your handbag somewhere safe.
Even off my face on morphine I had the sense to lean over and puke on my DH rather than my lovely new handbag. Good luck.

My first isn't due til December but I'm absolutely terrified already. I have a very low pain threshold yet am horribly bloody-minded and determined to have a home birth with nothing more than gas and air, if at all possible. My own worst enemy I'm sure.

Not read the thread but before I do just wanted to say, I have had 3 babies and the thought of giving birth terrified me more each time and still does now

I wasn't scared until I was actually in labour. The first four-five hours were okay, then I had an oxytocin drip and they broke my waters (and I was btw very overdue, 44 weeks), and suddenly, very suddenly, it hurt a lot more than I was really expecting, and because everyone had soft-pedalled how much it hurt I just wasn't emotionally ready. I think it's better to know it can feel awe-inspiringly agonising. Not everyone feels that way, but some do. So with Baby Number 2 I felt ready and much more accepting, and although it hurt just as much I knew it would so I was ok.

If you do want an epidural ask EARLY. You often have to wait for two or more hours for an aneasthetist. So don't wait till it's too much for you.

With the first birth I had an epidural, which was fine, but in the second stage I was vomiting every time there was a contraction because of the gas and air they gave me while i waited for rthe guy to come and stick me, and I just couldn't push very efficienlty - lo, the forceps after a 2.5 hour second stage. With dd the second stage lasted about 2 minutes. I could feel the pain change to the hot kinda burning pain even through the epidural - they do NOT numb you totally. I'd say if you are scared and have a family history of induction (as I do) an epidural can be the best choice. DON'T LET THEM BREAK YOUR WATERS TILL THEY HAVE DONE IT...

NB; I breastfed both babies within an hour of the birth. Didn't affect that either. I am very happy for those luckier than I am who can have a natural brth, but OTOH I found breastfeeding utterly easy and painless. The whole thing is a bit of a lucky or unlucky dip... Nobody is to blame. And nobody should blame themselves.

I'm 20 weeks; this thread is soooo useful! Not too worried about the labour bit... TERRIFIED about the pushing bit. Utterly terrified. I'm so bloody frightened of tearing or having to have a cut (I'm sorry I can't spell the 'e' word), sometimes it really encompasses me