Maybe I'm being a wuss, but is anybody else on their 1st pregnancy & TERRIFIED of the whole birth thing?

[LittleBeth53]

Ok, so I'm wondering if there's something wrong with me! Every expectant mother I come across is totally fine with the thought of childbirth, even if it's their first baby. I know the end result will be totally worth it, but the whole thought of pushing him out sometimes knocks the breath out of me!! In a bad way!!

Maybe I'm being a total wet noodle about it, but I have nightmares about pushing out a 12lb sumo baby!

My pregnancy has been healthy & smooth sailing which means I'm booked into a birthing suite which also means nothing but run of the mill gas & air for me!!

Gulp!!

Anyone else feeling the same way?! Please say I'm not the only one......!

Woman would not have a 2nd (plus) baby if it was that bad and as most woman have more than one - just shows u it can't be so bad.

I have the lowest pain threshold possible- I winge at a paper cut but I coped and I had nasty labour with a third degree tear. Anyone that says it is an amazing natural experiece is a 'nutter' imo. But it is bearable and I would go through it all again any day to get my lovely babies.

Btw - gas and air is great.

I think a lot can depend on the care you recieve and how you are treated - I was lucky enough to get, generally, a very high standard of care.

Apart from one rather bitter and twisted midwife who was positively scowling at me. She came around the ward handing out leaflets about Kegel exercies (to tighten the post-birth fanjo).

She asked if I wanted the leaflet, I said no thanks I've been doing Kegels for years. She sniffed and said well you know that you'll have to do them every day of your life now, to avoid incontinence I said chirpily 'no I won't, I had a c-section.' She harrumphed and shuffled off.

Have managed to avoid incontinence so far unlike dh

Oh yeah gas and air kicks ass - I got the giggles at one point and made dh have a go on it while the midwife was out

I love gas and air! I kept my mouth piece from my 2nd labour!!

And - If you deliver kneeling on the bed like I did they dont steal the g and a from you!! When I had dd1 they took it from me when I pushed I managed to keep it for the whole time with dd2

I wish you could buy it on Ebay!!!

I was scared both times! The first time I was induced and ended up with ventouse delivery in theatre. So second time I was worried what a "natural labour" would be like and if I'd get one! The first time, I was given a spinal for the delivery and have little recollection due to the pethidine I'd also been given! Second time, went into labour the day before induction (40wks +13), used a Tens machine once I realised that "this was actually IT" and once the time was right I got in the birthing pool which I also delivered in. My experience was lovely and if it wasn't for the fact I suffer severe SPD during pregnancy, can't really afford another and am getting on in years I would love to go through it all again! Oh and I read (and partially used) a book called Hypnobirthing: The Mongan Method - the breathing and "pushing" techniques really helped me! DON'T WORRY, it's fear that causes pain so just try to understand what's happening and enjoy it - after all think of the end result xxxx

it's awful. BUT I would rather give birth than take my driving test again. Have failed it four times, so if you can drive and you will send me forged documentation I will have this baby for you and i can say fairer than that. Had the last two with no gas and air.

I couldn't take the gas air. It 'paralysed' my breathing. I couldnt breath in.

After posting saw a couple of the posts before mine and had to comment! I used gas and air after the delivery for the placental delivery as my midwife managed to mess it up slightly (nothing for you to worry about, it was all good in the end)! I'd tried it when having 1st baby and instantly threw up - hated it. However, when I used for the placental delivery it was heaven - I loved it and felt totally happy and at ease with the world!

Other thing I meant to say - everyone's experience is different and birth plan's are really birth "wishes" so be prepared to change it - just make sure that birthing partner knows what you feel strongly about and how flexible you are as it may end up being their call!

haha sorry, if its any consolation tho blame DD, the midwife left me to it for while thinking I would be ages, half hour she comes back to see top of DD's head, she was determined to be born that night x

TooManyChislers oh dont say that I got my driving test in the next 6 to 8 weeks (worried)

Before giving birth i always considered myself the biggets wuss ever, i knew the pain was going to be horrible, horrendous and nothing i have ever felt before

I also knew the baby had to come out soon or later so i decided to empower myself i read everything going did hypnobirthing (just read the book didnt do the course) bought natal hypnotherapy CD and when i went on maternity leave at 38 weeksi watched and watched Home and Health TV programmes eg Portland Babies, a Baby Story, Bringing Home Baby, and these programmes had women giving birth , some making it look easy and some not so much, but the majority had me belive and trust in the ability of a womans body when it comes to giving birth.

This might be too much info but never mind. I was 4 days overdue and was getting very impatient and wanted the baby out sharpish i had to coerce DH to do the deed and 30 minutes after we finished i was in labour, for the next four hours in between contractions i was on the toilet with my body just emptying itself in preparation for labour i had read that it might happen but it was still amazing that mother nature can work this way (only time i would call diarhoea amazing

Was lucky enough when i got to the delivery unit to get the only birthing pool, after 3 hours in the pool the pain was getting intense so was given G and A within a minute i threw up so had to get out whilst the pool was drained, filled and cleaned

Used my Tens whilst waiting but the DD decided she was gonna come there and there . So had to push and press my tens machine which the midwife wanted to take away from me insisting i use G&A and i kept saying no the Tens is working better for me thanks.

i know pain thresholds are very different but giving birth made me realise i was not as big a wuss as i and everone who knew me thought i was. Seriously i thought i was going to end up taking all the drugs i could and i would have too

I was absolutely terrified, I am the biggest wuss when it comes to pain. And yes, it was painful, but not even close to NEARLY as bad as I thought. ('Course I'm American and once I was dilated to 7 they epiduraled the crap out of me )

But you sort of...go into a zone. Trust me! I'm not remotely a "all right, let's get this done," kind of girl, and that's how I was. Just, "F**k it, I have to do this, let's just do it."

I'm so glad a posted this question because after reading all the replies I feel a lot better. Some of them have made me cry.

I'm still terrified mind you but I know my little boy at the end of it will be worth all the pain. I look at all the clothes & sleepsuits we've bought for him & I just can't wait until the day I get to dress him in them & cuddle him for hours.

Thank you everybody.

Agree with TooManyChislers. as awful as giving birth is (in my opinion!) I would definitely rather do that than take my driving test again

LittleBeth - best of luck with the arrival of your new son. I think it's totally natural to be scared of the unknown and until you are in labour yourself, you can't really anticipate how you will react to it - you may surprise yourself with your pain threshold - I know I did (I faint at the sight of blood and am a complete wuss about anything medical...). I haven't read the whole thread, but it seems that you've had lots of reassurance and positive stories.

I've just had my fourth - the last three were all without any pain relief at all (not even G&A) because they were so quick and easy. So, the first one can't have been all that bad can it otherwise I wouldn't have done it more than once.

The best thing is that as SOON as the baby arrives and you have your first cuddle, you forget the whole labour thing anyway and end up staring at this amazing 'prize' you get at the end and thinking how amazing they are and how clever you are .

I loaded a hypnobirthing CD onto my ipod and listened to it all the time. It had loads of affirmations telling me to: "trust my body it will know what to do; birth is a natural powerful experience.." etc. this was brilliant, I went into labour without fear! I'm not saying labour was fun but the breathing and relaxation techniques really helped.
Good luck!

I was terrified as well but tbh as someone else has said I was so uncomfortable towards the end (I was 14 days overdue) that the agonising fear I felt (especially at night) morphed into a desperation to get the baby out. Although the fear never went away completely I was surprisingly less frightened on the day it all started than I had imagined I would be.

I did do a lot of preparation around managing what I expected though. I kelp telling myself that this was an event that wasn't really in my control. Hwever I did a lot of reading and talking, hired a birth doula and talked a lot to her and discussed how I like things to go, always remembering that things could change. I controlled the things I could and let go of the rest. It took a lot of work for me as letting go of control is not really in my nature but when the birth actually arrived I was much calmer than I had any right to be given how scared I had been.

No it's normal. I too had no worries about my first because I didn't have a clue what to expect. Strangly the terror increased with each subsequent birth.
Labour and birth hurt like nothing you can possibly imagine and looking after a baby is exhausting and relentless. However, you get used to it!

I was concerned about giving birth the 1st time, absolutely terrified the 2nd time, to the point where it was my main topic of conversation with EVERYONE.

I went into labour with 2nd, and was convinced I had eaten something dodgy, it was not as painful as I had imagined it would be you see, so it must have been something dodgy I had eaten.

I am a complete wuss, but I didn't even ring my partner all day, so convinced was I that it was the dodgy food. I walked around and got on with my day and just knew thought if I went to the loo, I'd feel better.

The tummy ache came and went, and still I didn't twig, ha ha.

I finally went to the hospital, still able to walk and talk fine (apart from every few mins when I'd get a contraction) and arrived at hospital at 7.15pm.

It did become more painful then, but someone once told me that when the pain becomes too much, when you can't take any more, it really is almost over.

I reached this point at about 7.40pm.

My beautiful DD was born at 7.58pm. I didn't even notice her head being born.

You can do this. I am such a big wuss, yet I coped with no pain relief at all. Imagine how much less painful it would have been had I had pain relief??

Please let us know when you have had your beautiful baby, so you can update us.

When are you due??

Have the epidural. I was advised to do this by a friend, i didn't (thought she wasa wuss), was a nightmare, had epi with my second, read the paper during the whole thing. Very relaxed, pleasant even. Don't know why we have this whole 'natural birth' crap, you wouldn't dream about having a tooth extracted without anaesthetic. But one way or another, the overwhelming odds are that you'll both survive it, so hey ho.

I decided to have an epidural both times and didn't get one either time. it was too soon, then it was too late.

Littlebeth - I know exactly how you feel!!!! I am due with my first baby next week and I swing between feeling really positive about it and then wanting to cry because I am so frightened. Like someone else said, I feel more frightened in the middle of the night for some reason.
But I have been listening to natal hypnotherapy CD's which have helped quite a lot with positive thinking, and have also been to ante natal classes so I know what the process is and what to expect.
I think I just can't get my head around the fact that I will be pushing a real live person out of me, and that at some point I am actually going to go into labour, it feels so surreal!
On a positive note though, I realised that out of all my friends who have had babies, when you get the first call or text telling you that their DC has arrived, the mum has never mentioned the birth, it's all about how amazing the baby is etc. That makes me think that the pain of labour and birth really quickly leaves your mind once you are holding your baby. That's the thought that is going to get me through the next week anyway
Good luck

NB NB be aware of your own pain threshold. and try to remember an epidural is an option! with my 3rd i was in utter agony and panicking but totally and completely forgot that i could have an epidural!! DH not very helpful in this.

TooManyChislers I had the same experience. 1st birth, I was refused the epidural because I wanted it too early and the midwives decided I was doing ok without
and 2nd birth, I was too late, and there was only one Dr on duty who was administering an epidural to another lady in labour.

I didn't realise it can be quite difficult (in my hospital at least) to get an epidural on demand within a short time of asking for it, especially if you are not in labour between 9am and 5pm. Well, that's what I was told.

That's just my experience.

I can't remember any pain now, I couldn't remember almost right after the births - its true what blonde with a bump is saying. It leaves your mind really quickly and it leaves entirely. I didn't get the opportunity for an epidural so I must have felt something.

In any case always remember it is only a few hours of your life.

DH tells stories about me screaming and saying I couldn't do it and the midwives smiling and reassuring me and then when my body did it in spite of me, my being astonished at how easy it was - I don't remember, all I remember is my babies.

Don't be afraid.