Maybe I'm being a wuss, but is anybody else on their 1st pregnancy & TERRIFIED of the whole birth thing?

[LittleBeth53]

Ok, so I'm wondering if there's something wrong with me! Every expectant mother I come across is totally fine with the thought of childbirth, even if it's their first baby. I know the end result will be totally worth it, but the whole thought of pushing him out sometimes knocks the breath out of me!! In a bad way!!

Maybe I'm being a total wet noodle about it, but I have nightmares about pushing out a 12lb sumo baby!

My pregnancy has been healthy & smooth sailing which means I'm booked into a birthing suite which also means nothing but run of the mill gas & air for me!!

Gulp!!

Anyone else feeling the same way?! Please say I'm not the only one......!

I was very nervous during my first pregnancy and the Hypnobirthing book by Marie Mongan completely turned that around. 6 quid on Amazon - best 6 quid I ever spent! I I highly recommend it - I'm now on pregnancy no.3

Normal! Do hypnobirthing - helps immeasurably! I can see others have mentioned it too but I can only say it again - invaluable!

I had terrible birth fear but a friend of mine is a hypnobirthing counsellor and I had 4 sessions (one to one) with her, plus got a hypnosis CD to listen to - brilliant! I used to listen to the CD every night (put me to sleep most nights).

Worst thing you can do is watch tv programmes/films involving births (although I got a hypnobirthing video to watch and that was impressive - a few grunts and moans and there was the baby!) - I, for e.g., should NOT have seen "knocked up" at 7m pg.

However, DS's birth was nothing like that - it was almost all self-managed in the end (I had to be induced) because there were a couple of emergencies going on so I had been left to it as I wasn't dilated enough to be a problem - so they thought! Best thing that could have happened IMO - just got on with it, no being told what to do when, body took over and did it all for me - yes it hurt but because no one was fighting the natural waves of the contractions, it all went pretty smoothly and stage II was only half an hour tops.

I'll say it again just for good measure - if you spend money on nothing else, spend it on hypnobirthing in some form - it's Brilliant!

No, tis normal. Think it's fear of the unknown. This will be my 4th birth and am kacking it more than the last 3 times; not sure why, but presumably due to every pg and birth being different.
Interestingly though, my 1st was the one I worried least about!!

I'm on to my 6th and still terrified of giving birth again with no good reason as all my previous labours were pretty straighforward, i'm just a massive wuss

Me too.

Terrified.

I've seen it happen to a friend and I am the world's greatest wimp.

Forgot to mention the hypnobirthing too - I did it, and did a preg relaxation CD every night as I fell asleep. I'm not sure if this contributed to the fact that I had a euphoric bithing experience or not, but it was lovely and relaxting, and the marie mongan book is v empowering read.

I'm 25 weeks with my first - and also petrified.

you are not alone

everyone has shared their stories - and stories they have heard

im being very ignorant to be honest - i refuse to go to any classes - read any books or watch any programmes - if i dont know whats going to happen then i wont worry as much - i think!

i wimpered my wat through an internal examination the other day - im pretty sure a baby will not be able to get out !!

and if one more person says 'hey you know some people empty their bowels while pushing' i will just freak

oh god that all looks even scarier when i write it down!!

Cant the stalk bring me my baby???

I was petrified too til I did my hypnobirthing course. Birth didn't go to plan but at no point was I frightened which I think really helped me and my baby cope.

Number 2 is due in October and, whilst I hope things go a bit smoother this time, I'm not dreading it.

I am the biggest wuss in the world usually btw, that's just the power of the hypnobirthing-brainwashing! I'd really recommend it, even if you just the Marie Mongon book or a few of the birth relaxation CDs off Amazon it will help. I'd recommend the course though, it really turned how I felt about labour around.

Someone has probably already

I'd really recommend this birth skills book

It's basically techniques you can use to manage while in labour - I half used some of them, but the main plus point of this book is the way it's written - it's very positive and made me feel very confident about the whole process (without being too lentil-weavery). It covers possible epidurals / interventions too, so not unrealistic about just breathing through everything lots of real stories in there too.

fwiw I'm pregnant with my second (only 13 weeks) and worried about the birth as it can't possibly go as smoothly as it did last time! I agree it must be very normal to be worried about impending childbirth, it's the complete unknown, I think you would be a bit odd to not worry about it!

Another happy Labour / Birth story here

with my first all went smoothly but it did hurt (still only G&A tho) but im now convinced it is because i was terrified and sooo tense.

with my second, i made a concious decision to relax and just go with it. i mean really, its not like you can make it stop and fighting your body only makes it worse. so with every contraction i just took deep breaths and focused on getting through each contraction in turn. and the result was an even easier birth with no pain relief.

so it will be hard, but RELAX and it will also be fantastic.

good luck.xx

Here's a positive for you-I had my pfb 40 yrs ago and while the labour was long[20 hours] there was little real pain-a bit like moderate to mild period pains and at the end I asked the gynaecologist how long and he said,'stop talking and push,your baby's here!'After only 3 pushes there he was.
I had dd 4 years later-quicker but still no pain relief except local for stitches and no real pain.I used a breathing technique from a sadly out of print book called 'The new Childbirth' by Erna Wright.The tone is a bit old fashioned and a bit patronising maybe but my gosh it works.

I had one of those births that I had dreaded before the Big Day. My main 'aim' pre-birth was to stay at home until I was having contractions 3 minutes apart. I really, really wanted this. I had a dream of being in a dimly lit room with dh there if I needed, totally private to get on with it until I absolutely had to go to the hospital.

In the event, I was 13 days overdue with a baby with a predicted birthweight of 10lbs, I had a back-to-back baby and I had to be induced. All the things I'd been afraid of. I sat in the driveway before we went to the hospital telling dh that I'd changed my mind, we were just going to sit at home and my baby would just have to come out ON MY TERMS, Goddamnit!

Anyway, it was fine. It took about 18-20 hours, I did about a third of that without heavy duty pain relief and then opted for the epidural in good time as I knew that because of the situation, I couldn't really have the things I needed to cope without analgesia (my nice quiet dark room, movement etc). I didn't even know that I'd need the epidural until the day..

But you know it was never really painful. I mean, it was, but it was just so unlike any other pain I'd had before in the way it builds up and then subsides. In between the contractions, even if they're bad, it was (for me) just gone. You know when they say you forget the pain after childbirth? Well I forgot it between contractions.

I had a very medical birth and an emergency trial of forceps where I was prepped for section.. but despite all that, it was still a beautiful birth. And what you can't know now, no matter who you speak to or what you read, is that those movements inside you are more than a dream of a baby, they are a real live person that you would endure any amount of pain in the world for.

I will never forget being wheeled away from theatre after the delivery. I'd kind of been in shock during the forceps/stitches, I was shaking uncontrollably (a side effect of the spinal block), and though I was aware of my dh beside me talking to a screaming infant and I touched him with my finger, I hadn't seen his face full on, nor had I held him. On the gurney on the way back to our delivery suite, they put him - in a towel - alongside me, kind of under my arm.. but I still couldn't see his face. In that corridor, I put my hand down to his feet and he kicked me.. and his kick felt just the same on the outside as it had when he was inside me, and for the first time I knew this was my baby.

Anything would be worth that first moment of recognition.

oh mrsbean you just made me cry

Also want to second Privetdancers recommendation. It's very reassuring and I did use the pain relief tips in it for the first stage of labour and they were very effective. Gave my book to a friend due in August and she says it's the first thing she's read that makes her feel she can cope with labour, and she was previously terrified.

I felt this way too. I told myself - well it's got to come out so no point me worrying myself silly!
My first was a bit difficult but my second was a dream. Everyone's experience is different - hopefully it will all go smoothly for you. There's no other feeling like it in the world when you finally hold your baby for the first time. All the pain just melts away!

Good luck

You will be OK.

I was more terrified than I'd ever been in my life before. Natal hypnotherapy is brilliant... definately, try it!

DD's birth wasn't easy but it was at least pain-free (honestly!) and I coped with all the anxiety...

You're never going to get anything as good as a baby without going through ten tonnes of crap first.

Yes - birth is pretty appalling, as are many aspects of being a parent.

Still think as a trade off it's a very good deal though. Between 2 and 24 hours of deep unpleasantness (sporadic), followed by years and years and years of joy.

I've had three difficult births - none of them any fun at all, but I still look back on them as the happiest moments of my life.

Try not to think about the birth. At all. Thinking about it won't help, before or during labour. Baby's going to come out whatever you do. Just try to relax. Seriously.

I used a birth preparation/relaxation CD from 32 weeks onwards - keeps the fear in check! I recommend it - it really helped me throughout and in the run up. In the last few weeks I really wasn't nervous and despite 30 hours of contractions & getting totally exhausted I did it all in birth centre & had a great time. Loved the pool & gas & air .....

here it is

MrsBean you made me tear up too.
Hurrah for positive birth stories of all shapes and colours!

Hi LittleBeth53,
I am having exactly the same apprehensions you are, except I am due in 3 weeks. What made it feel worse was going to the hospital tour last night so made it all feel that more real, am feeling quite anxious about the whole thing, especially how DH will be once he sees me completely lose my dignity!
You can't help feeling like this without going through it yourself, depsite the amount of people telling you you'll be fine.

The way I am dealing with it at the moment is that I know it's going to happen soon, there's no getting out of it, yes it's going to hurt, but DH will hopefully admire me for going through it all....
....and then I think about how it's going to be once we're home and getting all the lovely visitors cooing over him/her.....then I am relaxed again!

Hope this helps?!

I think this is such a wonderful thread.

It makes me cry (although everything makes me cry right now)

I'm 9w+6 (first child) and totally freaked about childbirth. Actually, i'm freaked about all-things-pregnant, but childbirth is numero uno.

You hear so many horror stories, and although some are true and I know labour can be really, really, really hard, this thread just affirms that there's an end result which is so worth it.

As strange as it to say (because pregnancy is all about a baby) sometimes (for me) the fears disconnect me from that. Am I making sense? I don't think any of us who haven't had a child can really understand the joy. It only comes with the child...

So thank you all for sharing these wonderful stories and making me feel a hell of a lot better!

So true. Even after the big push, I was surprised when a baby emerged

It's wonderfully, beautifully all worthwhile in the end

I think it would be more odd not to be worried about labour during your first pregnancy, tbh.

I am due in 5 weeks and am seriously bricking it. Both the delivery and the: oh-I-have-a-baby-now-what bit.

I am rollercoastering from utter panic and tears to a weird calm. Hopefully the calm me will take charge when it actually happens, as we all know being anxious can make it feel more painful.

As I've never done it before, I have no advice to offer you, just reassurance that I think everyone feels the way you do. And just tell as many people as poss partner/doula/mw/dr what you do and don't want.

Hi - whatever it may look like I doubt if there has ever been a mother who did not experience fear and trepidation about labour! That is why we read all the books of course. Alas there has developed a culture in Western Society that inhibits women sharing their experiences - I always felt it was insulting to characterise women as 'old wives' who took pleasure in scaring younger women. Frankly i have never met one of these malicious types and I wonder what purpose this stereotype serves these days?But as a result many women are wary of being criticised for 'giving advice'. Of course it is really about sharing the huge range of our experiences which helps new mums to prepare for pretty much anything.

Personally I found myself trustng and respecting my own brain to manage the job and I cooperated fully with its every need during pregnancy - lots of water, sleep, no coffee. That seemed to pay dividends in that it did not clobber me with pain and during labour (well the second stage as I was simply not aware that first stage was occuring!)my conscious brain receded into a state of deep meditation - luckily my husband and Mum (a nurse and Health Visitor) were on hand to do the interactive bit!)
So listen to your body (well brain) and go with it and practice some of the strategies (NCT is good). Mind you we all have to make a decision at some point about medical intervention and that too is an individual one! Hope this is helpful and that your post elicits genuine responses from women sharing their experiences with you. Just the solidarity helps I found. Best wishes!

Wow - you seem to have been unlucky in the folk you know! Were they being malicious and trying to scare you or did you simply find what they were saying worrying at the time I wonder? If the latter can you now, with hindsight, appreciate the points they were trying to make?
Birth for me was amazing - twice. But superlative as my body was in growing and delivering fab babes it ripped me up inside. NB If you have bad stretch marks by the end of pregnancy opt for a Caesarian if you can - imagine that damage on the inside and how it leaves your love life... I had to go private to get a repair (which sort of works) but not before being reduced to tears by a horrid male consultant who said 'What did women expect when they had babies?'
Most women are fine it seems but some of us just can't stretch...If this is you act before baby No1.