Maybe I'm being a wuss, but is anybody else on their 1st pregnancy & TERRIFIED of the whole birth thing?

[LittleBeth53]

Ok, so I'm wondering if there's something wrong with me! Every expectant mother I come across is totally fine with the thought of childbirth, even if it's their first baby. I know the end result will be totally worth it, but the whole thought of pushing him out sometimes knocks the breath out of me!! In a bad way!!

Maybe I'm being a total wet noodle about it, but I have nightmares about pushing out a 12lb sumo baby!

My pregnancy has been healthy & smooth sailing which means I'm booked into a birthing suite which also means nothing but run of the mill gas & air for me!!

Gulp!!

Anyone else feeling the same way?! Please say I'm not the only one......!

Inform yourself about the whole process and make sure the midwives keep you up to date during it.

For me the worst part was before I got to the hospital. It wasn't as unbearable as I thought, though.

Would like to second themildmanneredjanitor's observation that it's productive pain, not sudden, horrible pain. The bit where you're actually pushing the baby out is physically demanding, but I kind of enjoyed it in a weird way.

You'll do it! Women for hundreds of thousands of years have done this and you'll do it too

thanks flolondon for posting that clip, Im not a first time mum but am in "to vbac or not" limbo and that clip has really helped. Gonna try and get some hypnobirthing cds and get positive!
All other first time mums, the book Stand and Deliver really really helped me get my head in a good place first time around, focus on how your body can do it and not that you cant. And trust ALL the other ladies that have said, you absolutely do forget the pain.

Just wanted to say thanks to all who commented on this thread, first baby due in 8 weeks and have been in denial about facing the impeding prospects of experiencing labour due to intense fear! I feel more confident now and ready to 'bring it on' lol! Definitely going to invest in some books recommended! Just now the end result will be worth it, why else would soo many women do it?!

It's a lottery.

I've had an appalling birth (short but crawling the walls bad) and a breezy birth.

I remember thinking during the bad one, Oh God, so and so just took a paracetomal I'm such a failure. It was nonsense. As I found out with the second, some births are just easier than others.

I would say take the drugs, abandon the birth plan, if it's bad it's not you doing something 'wrong' it's the birth.

I know that other people will disagree, but do remember Kate Winslett who, bless her, has admitted that she claimed to have had a 'natural birth' when she actually had a c-section because she felt like such a failure for not delivering vb. With her second child she pushed it out and had an epidural like so many others. She told the truth, good on her. Just like celebrity diets, celebrity births aren't always to be believed, especially if they're first births.

The only bit of advice is if you can move when you have to push get up, don't lie flat, I hugged the bed. Then try to poo. Bizarre as it sounds, that's how you get the baby out.

I hope it goes fantastically well. If it hurts or it's not the way you wanted it, it's not you - it's the birth.

lazy - I haven't read the entire thread. Start hypnobirthing. If you can't get on a course then get the book by Marie Morgan 'Hypnobirthing' and the matching CD. That will calm you down and it will be easier. Borrow any relaxation CDs you can.

Also hire a tens machine. And read up about what will happen, it's a lottery as whoknew2010 said and you might get lucky. Ignorance won't make it hurt less, but it might make you more scared, which will probably mean it hurts more. So get informed.

good luck!

Can I reassure you that it's normal to be scared of birth, especially as you hear horror stories about it all the time, and antenatal classes focus almost entirely on pain relief, leaving you with the over all impression that birth is a traumatic and excruciating experience.

For some it is, but it doesn't always have to be. I had two totally different labours, both essentially pain free. My first was 50 hour marathon, long and slow, not painful, but too uncomfortable to allow me to sleep. The most painful parts were the initial contractions (which were probably my cervix effacing and dilating) which were like very harsh period pains, once I was fully dilated and my waters broke (about 36 hours later!) the contractions themselves weren't painful, just all consuming. Ultimately the Dr decided (after 48 hours+) that I was too tired to go on and gave me a drip and hauled DD out with a ventouse, the contractions from the drip were intensely painful, partly because they were unnaturally strong, and also because I was lying on my back with my legs in stirrups. All my "natural" contractions that I'd had whilst walking or kneeling were uncomfortable but in no way painful.

My second labour was a stop~start one, I had mild contractions for 4 days or so each evening, which went by about midnight. On the 4th night they were stronger, and DD2 was born in my living room, as I knelt on the floor leaning on a birthing ball in less than 4 hours and with no pain what so ever.

The best thing you can do is to read as much as you can. I don't mean scary birth stories on forums, but good books. Pretty much anything by Sheila Kitzinger will fill you with positivity and hope, and I also love "Birth Reborn" by Michel Odent and "Child Birth Without Fear" by Grantly Dick-Read. It was Grantly Dick-Read who first described the Fear~Tension~Pain Cycle. Knowledge is power and power is pain-free, when it comes to giving birth.

i was exactly the same, please don't worry, the m/vs are experienced in this and will make the birth experience as enjoyable as possible. just be aware that it will hurt a litle bit, but pain relief is always there should you need it.

everything will be fine.

agreeing with whoknew2010. 1st & 3rd births bad, 2nd 'easy'

I was worried that I'd miscarry as at least 3 of my immediate family have, luckily I didnt.
Also I was scared of the hospital care.
Basically I ended up with 2 lovely delivery midwives, one nice student who sat with me most part and I delivered my 10lb baby on gas and air! I was proud and high ;P haha

Only bad part was a couple midwives on the wards, they were horrid but I didnt care much because I got good support from the breastfeeding specialist too.

Overall I'd say I had a good exp.

I want another and again am going through the same fears...or at least will be once I'm pregnant!

Good luck btw.

It's completely normal to be worried about the birth - all i can add is that you will not give labour another thought once your baby has arrived safely as you will be worrying about why his/her poo is black/curry-green/mustard yellow colour and whether those tiny milk spots on his/her face are normal and is he/she looking a little bit yellow (ie jaundiced) and how to get some more sleep etc.,etc., ...... and by the way - it's worth all the worry!!

No matter how much you prepare yourself, every birth experience is different and you just have to go with whatever feels right at the time. My first baby was back-to-back, labour was stop-start and went on for 2 days. I was knackered and in lots of pain and decided to have an epidural, which was the biggest relief ever! Had a nap and was all set to push her out. I had my second DD 6 weeks' ago, totally different experience. Painful, but very quick (2 hours 10 mins in my notes). When we got to the hospital, the midwife started running the birthing pool and then examined me and said the baby would be there before the pool was full, and she was, no time for any pain relief at all. Whatever happens, the only thing that matters is getting the baby out one way or another, and how that is achieved is irrelevant - drugs, epidural or nothing. Good luck and be open minded about the birth plan as it can all change once you're in labour anyway!

Hi,

I gave birth for the second time 3 weeks ago and was also still nervous even though I'd done it already.
My second birth was totally different from the first, which had a high level of intervention because I was having twins.

This time round I when I got to the hospital I was fully dilated. I had a tens machine and it must have worked a lot better than I thought it would. The reason I got there so late was because I wasn't expecting to deal with it very well and was in a bit of denial about how far along I was as I was always waiting for the point when I couldn't cope, but it never happened.

Please don't be put off by the horror stories. I think a lot of women like to subconsciously tell their birth stories as grusemomely as possible.

I'm not saying it isn't tough, but it probably won't be as bad as you think if you are dreading it that much.

Good luck.

Hi - mine was absolutely fine and thought two days later I could do it all again. And this was a supposedly traumatic birth with hours stuck at 9cm on just gas and air and birth pool followed by epidural ventouse and forceps and episiotomy. Really truely absolutely fine - even made jokes. You can do it! Had a doula which really was reassuring - th thing is not to panic and just go with it, even if going with it means groaning like a banshee (I'd recommend that incidentally!!)

I had two birth without any pain relief (not planned) and I did not shed a tear. Yesterday I twisted my ankle and I couldn't stop crying. Not sure if that tells you much except I think the body prepares itself for what it expects and somehow you get through.

My first birth was textbook. I must say though that it was still a 'traumatic' experience but can't have been that bad as I am due to do it again ina few weeks.

It is hard work but tbh not the horror I was expecting. It is weird because your body just kind of does it and the pain is like no other in that it is not an indication of something being wrong (unless you are having a difficult birth of course).

Breathing excercises did help me in the first stage as did trying to remember that each contraction was a step closer to the end result. And the endorphins are FANTASTIC. I was on such a high afterwards.

NO you're not a wuss. It's hard not to be scared with all the horror stories people tell. Although to be fair, by 40 weeks I was just looking forward to losing two stone really quickly!

Just plan as if you are going to do something more strenuous than you have ever done in your life. Find out as much as you can & get loads of rest in the week before. Eat carbs if you can stomach them and expect to be very very tired for a day or two afterwards.

You'll be fine. Good luck & congratulations.

I was and I went through hell when ds was born. What got me through was to think of the woosiest friend with children that I had and held on to the thought that if she could get through childbirth then so could I .

I had an epidural when things were well on their way. For me the first 8 cm dilation were totally fine (didn´t even feel anything until I was 5 cm dilated), then I wanted the epidural.

So had an easy birth, made even easier by the epidural (administered this far into labour it doesn´t affect the baby), in fact, it saved him as he had his cord wrapped around his neck and pushing him out would have strangled him, so when the doc said: "Hold on there, don´t push", when I was fully dilated I was able to not push, which was a good thing.

I did not have an epidural for my second one, who weighed 10 pounds, and popped out in just over an hour (barely got to hospital in time).

The pain, for me, was like really strong menstrual cramps.

Something else nobody tells you: You will also wee and poo, and possibly vomit (I was sick with both of them,in a random bin but docs very happy as it´s sign of speedy labour, which indeed it was).

A thing that REALLY helps to speed up the process once it has started is: Walking. Keep moving, best not to lie down until you feel you have to.

Good luck , it will be fine.

also, after birth I felt like Super woman! I was on a real high for a few hours, I felt I could have climbed a mountain! I was like: "yeah man! I did it man! Look at me!"

then I cam crashing down to earth again.

Still, it was a nice side effect!

I was a bit anxious but not very worried really. I really do put this down to fantastic preparation from an antenatal yoga class with a teacher who was a doula and natural birth guru. I didn't follow the whole natural birth thing completely the first time - had an epidural after 24 hours but all happened without further intervention. The whole thing was actually wonderful - YES it was painful - but I felt so ready to meet the pain and sort of trust it and work with it. Maybe like a determined marathon runner? Not that I'm determined enough to do that - would much rather give birth.

Went on to have two home births with no pain relief - always went back to the classes and really believe they made a huge difference in how calm I was - I didn't add any more pain to the contractions by tensing up through fear because I had a strong faith in the physical process.

I am not special but I think the preparation I had was superb.

If you have time to get to a similar class I'd STRONGLY recommend it to give you some confidence and free you to enjoy the labour if you can. (BUT if you hate it and ask for every drug going you're not a failure - luck plays a part and the drugs are legal!)

Don't know where you are but my teacher was Arlene Dunkley Wood in east London. You could google her and get in touch for suggestions of something similar in your area.

I really thought of me and my baby being a team during the labour - working together to get to our first astonishing meeting. It can't be too comfy squished into the birth canal for hours so you two are in it together.

PS I was very active in labour - walking round and round the block, standing up etc - that really helps keep things going. I'd love a fourth - partly to experience giving birth again - I hate to think I'll never go through that elemental miracle again.

Very best of luck to you and your baby! I'm sure you'll be a good team.

worrying about the pain of the birth is like worrying about having a plaster whipped off your knee just before the start of the london marathon.

I was so nervous, and yes it is very painful, but not as bad as you imagine. Generally you have a gradual build-up, so it's not like going straight in at the end.

The key is to relax and not to panic as this makes the pain far worse. By the time you get to pushing, it is a relief that you can do something productive.

Everyone I know seems to think it was not as bad as they had feared, and it is SO worth it! Good luck and try to enjoy the rest of your pregnancy without worrying.