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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

To find out or not to find out the sex, share your experiences please...

73 replies

Hermya321 · 18/03/2010 10:36

Hello,

This is purely for my own curiosity. I'm currently 8 and a bit weeks pregnant and the question has been raised as to if we will find out the sex. Me and DH have sort of decided on what we'll do. But I would like to hear about what other people have done and why.

So my questions are, did you or didn't you find out? What were your reasons for finding/not finding out? If you did find out did you share with others?

Thanks

OP posts:
mrsjuan · 18/03/2010 10:43

I always thought I wouldn't find out but in the end I did mainly because I was impatient and the pregnancy seemed to be taking ages and I wanted something to keep me going!

For us, there were so many other things to look forward to when the baby was born - what she looked like etc. that the surprise of the sex was not important - just the fact that she was coming was exciting enough.

I have never regretted finding out - it meant that we could think about names, refer to her as 'her' rather than 'it' and buy a few things in preparation. (didn't go over the top, mainly because I'm not a great fan of pink and partly just in case they'd got it wrong!) I wouldn't say it helped with bonding or anything like that - I simply liked knowing

krugerparkrules · 18/03/2010 10:43

i so wanted to find out - but then i was the type of child that would hunt down my christmas presents and make sure i knew what they were! DH didnt want to know, come around 20 weeks he wanted to know and I didnt!!! I guess for us it was very special not knowing, as having my daughter involved alot of science and medical help, and it was nice to have one bit of the pregnancy that felt "unplanned". Seeing her land on my tummy, looking down at her and realising it was a girl, made not knowing a wonderful moment. It is also lots of fun as you will get all the old wifes tales about whether you are having a boy or a girl during your pregnancy, and as this is the only child i will have, it allowed me to dream through the 9 months of the possibility of a boy or a girl. However I know lots of people who have known, and who have not known, you still have to meet the little baby, which no scan or knwoing of sex can prepare you for!
Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy

bobblehat · 18/03/2010 10:45

I didn't find out with either of mine. The only thing that got me through labour was the excitement of finding out.

If you decide to find out, just remember they don't always get it right!

NinthWave · 18/03/2010 10:46

Hello Oct 10 board buddy

Didn't find out with the first one, as I as just relieved to be pregnant with an actual baby - didn't care which set of genitalia it had!

We are thinking of finding out with this one, as I think it would be helpful for DS to know if he is getting a brother or a sister. Mainly because he is a bit about it all at the moment and I think it might make it more 'real' for him a few months down the line (he will be 3 when this one is born).

yellowcircle · 18/03/2010 10:58

We found out both times. I am a practical person and I like to plan stuff. So...when I was pg with no. 2, I found out that she was a girl. I then gave most of DS's baby clothes to someone who just had a suprise third baby and had got rid of the baby stuff from the first 2.

I genuinely did not mind what sex either of my kids were, I just wanted to know either way. We deicded on a name for them as well before they were born as we knew what sex they were going to be.

If you want to find out, do so. If anyone asked me if I knew, I'd just tell them. Careful about sharing names, though, people always have an opinion regardless of whether the name is popular/unusual etc. Some people can be very rude about names!

cleopops · 18/03/2010 11:00

my twins are 7 weeks old, we never wanted to know and had no preference what we had.After 8 hours of traumatic labour, i had an emergency c-section under general anasthetic,when i woke up to be told i had a boy and a girl was the most amazing thing in the world.if we had another baby i would do the same again,its the best surprise ever!

becksydee · 18/03/2010 11:09

we decided not to find out the sex for a few reasons. firstly, we didn't think it mattered; secondly, i had a very strong feeling it was a boy right from the beginning so i wasn't bothered about finding out officially, plus it was quite exciting waiting to discover whether i was right or not (i was ); thirdly, it irrationally annoyed some of our friends & family that we weren't going to find out, which is always fun ; lastly, we don't really hold with all the 'pink for girls, blue for boys' stuff, so the fact that no-one knew his sex until he was born meant that all the gifts of clothes that we were given were all gender-neutral colours & designs. of course all the blue stuff adorned with cars, robots, monkeys etc came flooding in after he was born , but ho hum! & we could also have chosen to find out ourselves and not tell anyone else, but i'm not sure i would have trusted DP not to let it slip!

blackcurrants · 18/03/2010 11:15

We've decided not to find out. This is our first and I suppose we're just delayed-gratification junkies. I'd echo Becksydee in that we were trying to avoid pre-birth pink/blue-ification, too. I think I'm enjoying imagining what our lives will be like if it's one or the other - it definitely helps that we have no strong preferences either way.
Interestingly, I can imagine wanting to know more with a second child, so I could figure out in advance what our larger family would look like - but at the moment I'm not so agonizingly curious, and I'm not trying to introduce an unborn baby to a little toddler...

Hah! Here I am, musing about a 2nd at only 21wks pregnant. I imagine I'll change my mind in, ooh, 14 weeks :D

MrsJohnDeere · 18/03/2010 11:23

I'm such a control freak that I couldn't bear the thought of the sonographer knowing the sex and me not, so I did find out. I even paid for a sexing scan with ds2 (was at a hospital that won't tell you with him).

Also, if I'm being honest, I wanted time to get used to the idea if I was having a girl. I have a difficult relationship with my own mother and was concerned that I might struggle to bond with a daughter.

Original poster
Hermya321 · 18/03/2010 11:41

Beck Thats really interesting, I'm a little bit the same. I am so convinced that it's a boy that I can't even imagine having a girl. It's strange isn't it. I'm glad to see you were proved right though.

OP posts:
WildMountainThyme · 18/03/2010 11:53

DS1 we didn't want to know.
DS2 we decided againt finding out.
DS3 we did find out and it was great to know!
DS4 we couldn't as the hospital had changed it's police. We would have otherwise.

WildMountainThyme · 18/03/2010 11:53

Police? Policy

Ebb · 18/03/2010 12:17

I was convinced I was having a boy right from the bfp but was adament, I wasn't going to find out. However at the 20wk scan they flagged a problem with the heart and suddenly it just felt really important that 'it' became a 'he' or 'she'. I was right and it was a boy.

I'll probably find out with no.2 but I don't have any feelings on this one at all. Maybe because of a previous mc, I'm just not getting excited.

We didn't tell people we were expecting a boy merely because I'm a control freak and very particular about clothes and the Grandparents have noooooo taste whatsoever. MIL once bought him a lime green gingham short dungeree set and socks with flowers and butterflies on.

WorkInProgress · 18/03/2010 12:32

I found out. Glad I'm not the only control freak around here who had to know. There is so much going on when you give birth, certainly no lack of surprise then. Also it helped my DS feel like a real baby when we found out at the scan., all a bit unreal up to that point.

Anifersgirl · 18/03/2010 12:50

We had our scan yesterday and we always knew we wanted to know what we were having - our attitude was 'why wait' and it was the most exciting and wonderful thing ever. We genuinely had no preference, but it turned out to be what both our gut instincts said it would be. We came out of the Ultrasound with enormous grins on our faces just over the moon.

But we have decided that we're not sharing the gender with anyone (MIL was outraged that we'd be finding out and said she didn't want to know as it would spoil everything for her..)

Knowing what we're having has suddenly made 'it' a little person. DH is giddy with excitement and we just can't wait to meet them now.

Like Mrs Juan said, actually meeting our little baby for the first time is going to be overwhelmingly exciting, knowing what gender it is now feels like it's prepared me for one of those emotional upheavals and has allowed us to get properly excited.

We're one of the only couples amongst our friends to find out - the main reason people have given for not finding out is the surprise. I'd also probably say that if you have any preference either way I'd not find out, as I've known a couple of people that were disappointed (although finding out you're having a healthy baby seems like the least disappointing thing in the world, whatever the gender - some people huh!?)

Shaz10 · 18/03/2010 12:53

I found out because I couldn't stand the thought of being able to know and choosing not to!

mrsjuan · 18/03/2010 12:53

Hope you have more willpower than me Anifer - we weren't going to tell anyone either but had phoned both sets of parents before leaving the hospital carpark and managed about half a day at work before they got it out of me

Gracie123 · 18/03/2010 12:56

I found out with DS, and was desperate to find out again, but just got back from my detailed scan and they said they couldn't tell

I'm a little cheesed off to be honest, but I don't think she looked very hard or seemed very bothered she just said 'oh, it's probably a girl. Don't buy anything pink though. Not really sure.'

My sister had two girls and was told both times and both times said 'but you're not sure right?' and the sonographer insisted and laughed showing her the ovaries and fallopian tubes, so I know it's possible and not just a case of 'not seeing a willy'.

I'm properly impatient and really wanted to be able to call it 'he' or 'she', but I don't want to now in case she got it wrong

wizbitwaffle · 18/03/2010 12:56

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emsyj · 18/03/2010 12:58

We were convinced from day one (in fact, even before day one - before I knew I was pregnant!) that we would have a girl. Don't know why, and it wasn't a preference thing particularly - we wouldn't have been disappointed at all if we had a boy, I just always had a feeling we were having a girl. So we couldn't resist finding out at 20 weeks whether we were right, and we were .

If we'd not been able to find out from the NHS scan then I wouldn't have bothered paying for one to find out the gender. And equally, if there hadn't been a clear view for the sex to be determined then I wouldn't have been bothered, but we just couldn't resist knowing.

Eglu · 18/03/2010 13:00

We didn't want to find out with DS1, but the SHO working with the consultant gave it away.

So for DS2 I definitley didn't want to know. I didn't even want the mw to tell me. I picked him up and looked myself, although I knew all through that he was going to be another boy. I would have been really surprised to see a girl.

megonthemoon · 18/03/2010 13:03

Somebody earlier in the thread said that the only thing that got them through labour was that they would find out; for me, the only thing that got me through labour was knowing that I would soon meet my little boy who I'd been imagining since my 20 week scan!

DH and I both wanted to know. We're planners rather than surprise people, so it made sense for us to know. We were able to start visualising a little boy in our lives, and to focus in on the names we liked. We spent time thinking about raising a boy, and we spent time buying clothes for a boy (not that I do gendered things - he had no baby blue - but it meant I knew not to buy dresses!) I was able to talk to my bump using the name we had picked. It really helped at moments when I was down during labour that DH could say things like "not long until we meet X" now, and I had that thought in my head as I was pushing him out after 43 hours of labour!

FWIW, we only told people if they askes, and we never shared the name (in case we changed our minds). So people had lots of surprises left.

But each to their own. Many people can't think of anything worse than knowing in advance; I can't imagine how not finding out until the last possible moment makes giving birth better in any way!

D0G · 18/03/2010 13:11

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countrybump · 18/03/2010 13:12

I didn't find out either time, and didn't want to. I had loads of scans with DC2 and so had to be very restrained and look away when they told me to!
Both times I have been 100% wrong with my predictions and totally surprised to be told what sex my baby was. DH discovering the sex of DC2 when she was born is a really magical moment.
For me, although I was of course keen to know what sex my babies would be, I could see no good reason to find out earlier than birth. I also didn't want to form ideas about what they would be like etc etc. I didn't even want to know what they would be called, so we never decided on names until they were here with us and we had had a chance to see what name suited them!

KatnKankles · 18/03/2010 13:19

My gut instincts have always been right but it's been nice to confirm them!

DS1 - 14 years ago weren't allowed to find out, knew he was a boy anyway but the not knowing for sure was quite exciting.

DD1 - 12 years ago, found out at about 32 weeks, was desperate for a girl so I really wanted to know.

DD2 - Found out at 20 week scan, was nice to give her a name and plan for her. The other children called her by her name whilst she was still in my tummy and it def helped them to bond.

DD3 - Due in 8 weeks... same as DD2 really.

I think there are benefits to either, this time I wasn't going to find out but the p;regnancy seemed so long that I gave in!

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