Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To find out or not to find out the sex, share your experiences please...

73 replies

Hermya321 · 18/03/2010 10:36

Hello,

This is purely for my own curiosity. I'm currently 8 and a bit weeks pregnant and the question has been raised as to if we will find out the sex. Me and DH have sort of decided on what we'll do. But I would like to hear about what other people have done and why.

So my questions are, did you or didn't you find out? What were your reasons for finding/not finding out? If you did find out did you share with others?

Thanks

OP posts:

tiredfeet · 19/03/2010 13:17

interesting thread. I don't mind whether the baby is a boy or a girl, and if it was just down to me I'm not sure whether I'd ever be able to make my mind up whether I wanted to find out at 20 weeks, or leave it as a surprise. But DH has said he would really like to find out the scan, so I am happy to find out. Still feels a long way off at the minute though!

upahill · 19/03/2010 13:26

No we didn't find out.
I was sort of curioius and then decided not to. Everybody told me I was having a girl and I pyched(sp?) myself up ready for a girl and I had a boy. my heart sank for oh about 1 second and then I was so overjoyed. Not that I had a boy but that I had a baby and everything was ok.

The next time everybody was asking if I wanted a girl this time and I gave out the usual stuff 'Oh I don't care Hopefull it will be healthy' When the baby came out as a boy I almost raised my fist and went 'YESSSSS! Don't know why though!

MrsDmamee · 19/03/2010 13:36

i knew with ds1 he was a "he", didnt ask at my 1 and only scan way back in the 90's but i knew and had him named early on.

DH wanted to find out what ds2 was and again i knew it was a boy, and we had it confirmed at scan. This pregnancy DH left it to me to decide and for a while i was ok with keeping it a surprise.
But this pregnancy has had lots of complications( 16 wks of MS,bleeding for 5 weeks and now baby has kidney reflux) and ive found it hard to relax and enjoy it, and even the thought of pouring over names: if its a boy or if its a girl, started to seem trivial to me.
so we found out the other day and im (for the 1st time in 26 weeks) happy.
But we are keeping dc3 gender a surprise for ourselves as we just want our baby born healthy now and really dont want the GP's going overboard buying(gender specific) clothes and asking about our shortlist of names now we know.
It still seems trivial now as im still worrying but worrying about a person rather than a it/he/she.

Katy86 · 19/03/2010 13:43

with first DD i decided i didnt want to find out. So we made this clear when we got in the room to have the scan. They said they understood but then when it came for them to look at the sex of the baby one lady said to another 'XX'. I was so angry as im sure anyone who has had biology lessons know that XX refers to a girl and XY refers to a boy. I turned and said to them 'so its a girl then' they were very apologetic but i think you have to spell out to them u dont want to know and your NOT stupid when u go in there if u dont want to know.

Lozza79 · 19/03/2010 15:47

I found out a few weeks ago that we're having a little boy! He's our first. I always knew that I wanted to find out and luckily my boyfriend was the same (otherwise I would have made him put his fingers in his ears when they told us - nothing was going to stop me!). The thing I hadn't expected was just how much better I felt about everything once I knew. Because we haven't had kids before, I found it very hard to picture how things are going to be. I still do, but at least now I can sort-of visualise us with our son. It makes it a bit more real, somehow.

We can't agree on a name either, so I can't imagine the hassle or stress of having to decide on two names instead of one just because you want a surprise at the end!

sweetkitty · 19/03/2010 15:55

I have known with all 4, one as yet to be born.

It's a very personal decision and there is no right or wrong, you are either in the "like the surprise camp" or "want to know" camp.

I must admit knowing what I was having helped me to visualise and maybe bond better (although having never not known I have no experience of the other side IYSWIM), it took none of the surprise and happiness of actually seeing the baby once she was born. This time my other DDs know they are having a little brother and they are all delighted and mega excited to meet him. The older two kiss my bump every night and say "night night boy baby" boy baby seems to be his name right now.

JBroRo · 19/03/2010 16:30

I'm pregnant with my first and we decided not to find out. To be honest, we didn't even consider the option of asking. However, I certainly wouldn't preach to anyone else who has asked.

There are a number of reasons for us not finding out. Firstly, we're genuinely not bothered whether we have a boy or a girl. All I want is a healthy baby at the end of this pregnancy. That may sound twee to some but that is my honest feeling.

Secondly, we know of 2 sets of friends who have recently had children. Both were told they were having girls and both ended up having boys. From what I know they were remotely bothered but it's led me to think what's the point in asking if the answer isn't 100%. I can appreciate that if you are told you're having a boy it's more likley to be accurate but if I was told I was having a girl I would still think 'maybe it's a boy' due to the experience of my friends.

Each to their own though.

JBroRo · 19/03/2010 16:31

I meant they weren't remotely bothered! Oops

Mumcah · 19/03/2010 16:44

I found out the first time but haven't found out this time (8 weeks to go).I don't regret finding out the first time but I always felt envious of people who didn't know.I love guessing what it is.Also I might have an elective c section and would like some surprise.

Emster30 · 19/03/2010 19:30

I would have liked to find out but DH really didn't want to. My attitude was that it's a bit of excitement at the halfway stage, and giving birth is going to be enough of a big deal without needing a surprise at the end of it! There's no way we would have managed to find out and keep it secret. DH's point of view was that he doesn't want to be telling people "he's arrived" or whatever - the excitement comes in saying "It's a girl!".

I kind of came round to DH's POV more as the scan got closer. As someone else said, I don't like the idea of defining my child by pink or blue just yet - I hate the expression "pink bump" or whatever.

So anyway the scan was last week and the sonographer didn't even ask us if we wanted to know, he assumed we didn't (he even said he didn't focus too much on that area in case we saw!).

MammyG · 19/03/2010 21:07

I am expecting #3.
I didnt find out on either of the other two.
Even before I got pregnant I really thought I would find out this time. This will most likely be my last baby. I was worried that if it was another boy I would feel 'ah lovely another boy' instead of 'totally YIPEE' as I did with other two. I thought if I knew all along I would just look forward to meeting the little boy or girl I had bonded with. DH agreed with me and we seemed all set. Now Im expecting (13wks) and early pregnancy was frought with difficulties now it doesnt seem as important. I just want this baby to be ok. So am back to square 1 not sure will i or wont i find out. Also really dont think I could keep it to myself. Hats off to all those who manage that one!

MinnieMalone · 19/03/2010 21:28

I didn't want to at all with first pregnancy. I so wanted to - but didnt -with my second and I'm glad I didn't. It was one of the loveliest, most magical bits of giving birth.

LittleSilver · 19/03/2010 21:41

I never had any interest in finding out the gender for before it was born. Why ruin a fabulous suprise? If I had to choose the best moment of my life, it was realising that DC1 was a DD. Thank you God.

LittleSilver · 19/03/2010 21:43

Katy86; I would have been bloody furious!

nickytwotimes · 19/03/2010 21:44

I thought I would with dc1, but when we had the scan we were just so amazed and relieved that it didn't seem important any more.

Haven't found out this time either as the surprise was lovely.

Nowt wrong with findingn out though if it is what you want.

bluecheesefiend · 19/03/2010 21:59

Hello everyone - I have a question: DH and I are insanely curious but really want to have a surprise on the day, which is driving our friends and colleagues insane (which is funny in itself!) however I mentioned to someone that the sonographer had asked us if we wanted to know the gender and we declined... and was told that means it's a boy as the genitals can be seen. That honestly hadn't occured to me and now I feel a bit deflated...! Is it true? Another poster further up mentioned the sonographer stating XX or XY, but I'm not sure how they would be able to see that from an ultrasound (maybe I didn't read it correctly). Is there anyone out there with some technical / medical savvy who can advise? Thanks!!

LittlePushka · 19/03/2010 22:36

Congratulations! We chose not to know in both cases. The ONLY thing in my birth plan was for the midwife not to tell me the sex, to let me look myself. And I have to tell you, the joy of doing that was immense...totally irrespective of what sex baby was.

Both times were real, precious moments of history and I am so pleased to have them!

Good luck with your pregnancy!

megonthemoon · 20/03/2010 18:23

Just been thinking about this some more (I'm 15 weeks pg so will be able to find out in a bit over a month so am a little preoccupied about whether it is a boy or a girl at the moment): lots of people say they like the surprise and don't understand why people find out, but for those finding out at the scan, it is still a surprise - it just happens to be a surprise at 20 weeks rather than 40 weeks so we all get the surprise, it is just whether you are patient or impatient!

hippopo · 21/03/2010 01:07

megonthemoon loving your post again!!!

blackcurrants · 21/03/2010 02:19

bluecheesefiend as I understand it, you can see if it's a girl just as much as you can see if it's a boy. (i.e. female genitalia are visible - look like 3 vertical lines, I've been told). Dunno if that helps.

LLJ4 · 21/03/2010 10:57

bluecheesefiend Often they ask before they go looking, IYSWIM.

I had to find out with DS. I had pretty weird ante-natal depression and became completely obsessed with having a boy, to the extent that if I had been told I was having a girl I would have been on suicide watch I knew I would need several months and possibly counselling to come to terms with having a girl. It would have been completely impossible to do that safely after the birth.

Fortunately it was very clear at the scan when DS squatted over the sensor and waggled himself at us so I didn't have to consider that.

Finding out that DS was a boy at our 20w scan helped to lift the depression.

This time I'm not at all fussed, so I'd be quite happy not to find out. It's all a bit far off at the moment (6-7w pg) but I'm already trying to work out how to tell the sonographer to tell DH she can't see what sex it is.

TaurielTest · 21/03/2010 11:27

SO what have you decided, OP?
I didn't with my first, and won't with this one either. Partly wanting the surprise, partly feeling it was somehow intrusive and unnecessary to find out, partly wanting to delay the moment when certain relatives could start applying their gender stereotypes to our child (hope that doesn't sound too pious), partly thinking I'd hate to be told the wrong sex at scan and having to readjust post-birth.

Have been surprised with this second pregnancy the number of people who expect me to find out sex this time even though they know I didn't last time. Have other second timers had this experience?
Rationale seems to be that I must surely want to know if I'm getting the same or 'different', and to know whether I need to buy stuff in the opposite colour. Uh, I'm sure s/he will be different anyway, and s/he will be sporting DS's old baby clothes in any case!

Original poster

Hermya321 · 21/03/2010 16:25

Puddock I haven't as of yet, I'm still wavering. But the more and more I think about the more I am kind of leaning towards not. I think my reasons are the same as yours, I sort of want to not have my baby being given a bail load of pink and blue before the birth and I think I want the surprise. Plus I would be a bit hesitant just in case I was told the wrong sex.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3