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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

To find out or not to find out the sex, share your experiences please...

73 replies

Hermya321 · 18/03/2010 10:36

Hello,

This is purely for my own curiosity. I'm currently 8 and a bit weeks pregnant and the question has been raised as to if we will find out the sex. Me and DH have sort of decided on what we'll do. But I would like to hear about what other people have done and why.

So my questions are, did you or didn't you find out? What were your reasons for finding/not finding out? If you did find out did you share with others?

Thanks

OP posts:

hophophippidtyhop · 18/03/2010 13:24

We found out with dd, as we wanted to know and didn't feel it would spoil the birth thing -we still wouldn't know what she looked like.Personally it made the whole thing more real for me, and i wanted to be able to choose clothes and things with more choice, no pink, but all the neutral clothes were cream/white/green and not alot of them to choose from. We didn't tell anyone because fil had had 'a dream' about what it was and didn't want to know, which really frustrated my mum and mil! we are going to find out hopefully in a couple of weeks, but will ask our parents if they want to know before blurting it out.

Louise2004 · 18/03/2010 13:34

We didn't as we wanted to look forward to the surprise.

loueytbg · 18/03/2010 13:52

We didn't with DTs. At the time the hospital policy was not to tell you but we had assumed that we would see anyway because we had so many scans. DH was convinced we were having 2 girls, I was sure that at least 1 was a girl. You can imagine our shock when we got 2 boys. Wouldn't change that moment for anything in the world - DH was just over the moon (he secretly wanted boys all along...)

This time, the hospital will tell us if we want to know but I think we are still not going to find out because the surprise last time was so much fun. Also, this is my last so I want to have the debate fun over choosing boys and girls names

cinnamongreyhound · 18/03/2010 14:05

I agree with mrsjuan that there is enough excitement just of having a baby and meeting them for the first time to not worry if they are a boy or a girl.

We found out with my first because it was very important to my husband to feel there was one certainty with the pregnancy, as he found the whole not knowing when the baby was going to be born and how I would be very difficult. I didn't want him to know and me not!

I was convinced I was having a girl but it was a boy and I was very disappointed! I cried for a while and was glad that I had time to get to used to the idea and I also liked calling him him and not it. Looking back and knowing how I felt the first time I held him I don't think that I would have felt that disappointment if I had found out at the time he was born.

Having said that I am definately finding out this time! I couldn't wait 40 weeks when I only waited 20 last time. It was nice being able to say he or she and to buy some things in preparation! Plus this time I really don't mind what I have, I've had such a wonderful experience with my little man another boy would be great but I would also be happy to have a girl and have one of each.

We'd also like to knowfor practical reasons, my stepson is going to share with my son and the baby will go into his room. If it's a girl I would like to decorate the room in a slightly more feminine way! I would also like to buy some clothes in advance and don't want it all to be white.

I am very excited about finding out so it couldn't have been that bad a choice the first time around!

Congratulations on you pregnancy and good luck with your decision!

mumabee · 18/03/2010 14:59

We found out at the 21 week scan. We had names picked out before TTC and wanted to put a name to the bump as soon as we could. Sonographer asked if we had any idea before he told us and we said yes. I'd been dreaming of a boy and was right. There was a slight moment of 'ah, boy's clothes are so boring and it would be lovely to have a girl to dress up' but all we wanted was a healthy baby.

We have told people the sex and our family and friends refer to him by his name. It bothered me when the baby was referred to as 'it' because he has been a real person to us since the first scan. We have had a few comments about the names we have chosen but that's not our problem.

Meeting our baby for the first time in less than 9 weeks will be a huge surprise and cannot wait to have him with us. It's also been much easier to get baby clothes and given us something to focus on, rather than all white or yellow. We have some white but also reds, greens and orange to break up the boy-blue and makes it a bit more exciting.

Good luck with your decision and congratulations on your pregnancy.

hippopo · 18/03/2010 15:27

Great post megonthemoom.

I have found that friends who didn't find out would really try and preach to you not to find out and made me feel I had no will power by finding out and was spoiling the 'surprise'. Annoying.

fruitshootsandheaves · 18/03/2010 15:34

didn't find out with the first three, but did with DS2 as I wanted to know if the pregnancy felt different knowing what/who was in there. Also so we knew which room he/she would be likely to have and which clothes to keep so we could get organised beforehand.

DD came with me to the scan, she was nearly 8 but then wouldn't talk to me for the rest of the day as she had wanted another sister! (I told her to blame daddy!)

DH didn't believe that it was a boy so everything stayed neutral and the poor boy didn't have a wardrobe for about 3 months!

megonthemoon · 18/03/2010 15:41

hippopo - you're right. people can be quite preachy about why you shouldn't find out (like my dad and SIL). Funnily enough my SIL never found out with her 3 and did the whole "why do people not want a surprise?" but then was the most eager person to know what we were having and phoned up within an hour of the scan wnating to know whether it was a boy or girl!!!

pigleychez · 18/03/2010 15:59

We decided not to find out with DD and really enjoyed that suprise. I had a horribly long 27 hour labour with her and found it helped me through it knowing i would get the surprise at the end.... Although it ended in theatre and all abit scary, I was so relieved she was out that I forgot to ask the sex

Im now 32 weeks with my second and again we decided not to know.

DD looked incredibly cute and pure in her little white outfits during those first few weeks. Within 2 weeks of her birth she had gained an entire wardrobe of pink anyway from gifts!

I enjoyed buying all the creams and neutrual clothes etc, plus its come in handy with number 2. My friend had a girl first time and bought everything pink, Just found out shes preg with a boy so has to buy everything again in blue or other colours.
So whatever you choose id recommend not buying the big expensive things in pink or blue!

mazzystartled · 18/03/2010 16:05

didn't find out with DC1 (DS)- really wanted a surprise

found out with DC2 (DD) and was partly thrilled to be having a girl, and partly weirded out and sad for the little boy it wouldn't be. But I think it really helped DS, who was not even 2 to get his head round it a bit.

tried to find out with this one (DC3 due end April), but baby wasn't complying. DH very disappointed that we can't either the pink stuff or the blue stuff out of the loft.

NightLark · 18/03/2010 16:47

I didn't find out with DS - wanted the surprise.

I didn't find out with DD either, though I was more tempted. That time it was because the scan had very much the aura of an anomalies scan - it was a serious occasion and I would have felt oddly flippant and, somehow disrespectful of the sonographer's job if I'd asked.

Odd, but that is how I felt.

If we ever have another I'll want to know, as I have one of each now, and I'd like to know what to save/replace for any new arrival. But that's fantasy land.

Lovethesea · 18/03/2010 16:51

Didn't find out first time and was really looking forward to the surprise reveal moment. Birth went traumatic and was very in shock and quite detached so didn't enjoy the news.

This time I decided to know (hospital policy had also changed) to help me have a different birth experience, and to help sort DD's clothes and give to neighbour (new baby girl).

Sonographer confident its a boy so we are arguing over one name shortlist only - but still won't be 100% certain until that arrival moment! Have told people because can't be bothered with the stress of not letting it slip.

Also might move house this year and knowing whether we need 2 or 3 bedrooms longterm helps.

RunningGuerita · 18/03/2010 16:54

We've decided not to find out. It's our first, we're thrilled I am pregnant and will be over the moon whatever the case.

To get over the "it" and to make it more real, we've given the baby a boy's nickname and call the baby he. (There are loads and loads of girls in my family so I think I will have a harder time adjusting to a boy, this is why we've gone this way.)

LillianGish · 18/03/2010 17:01

Another control freak here! I think it's good to find out if you have a preference - I really wanted a girl then a boy - which luckily I got. I wanted time to get used to the idea as I didn't want anything to spoil the total elation of the day (I'm sure nothing would have done, but I did say I was a control freak!). I found knowing and naming beforehand really spurred me on through the labour and birth and definitely helped me to bond as I felt as if I'd already known them for several months when they finally emerged. It was also particularly helpful for dd when ds was born - she knew who was coming and she couldn't wait to meet him. I think if you don't have a preference there's no need to find out - of course it's unbelievably bad form to admit to having one even though I'm sure more of us do than like to admit it.

GraceK · 18/03/2010 17:15

We didn't find out with either of my pregnancies. Our midwife during the first birth stayed for two hours after the end of her shift just so she could find out what she'd been helping to come into the world - she said it was one of the reasons she'd become a midwife (the "congratulations it's a ..." moment) and that she would have clocked off as normal if we'd known. So if you want consistency of care through your labour, I would suggest not telling, even if you do know.

I also have a friend who's first baby picture is in full football kit as her parents had been told they were having a boy & Dad insisted she wear it (due to the cost) in the baby pics!

Original poster

Hermya321 · 18/03/2010 17:31

pigley That sounds really nice and I like the idea of a surprise.

OP posts:

LadyCressida · 18/03/2010 17:46

We didn't find out for several reasons and I still think for us it was the right decision. I'd like both types so really have no preference what this one is.

It's lots of fun to keep guessing and I do really think it will give me more incentive to push when the time comes!!

We just call them BabyD all the time anyway rather than he/she.

I would really hate to be told one thing and then find out 20 weeks later they had got it wrong - think that would mess with my head quite a lot.

Also I'm sure it has saved me HEAPS of money because the white stuff in the shops is very dull and if I knew what it was I would have spent a fortune on cute blue/pink things by now!

Finally not knowing annoys my MIL who keeps going on and on about what spoilsports we are.

schroedingersdodo · 19/03/2010 00:38

I personally see no reason not to know. I think giving birth and having a baby is new enough for me - I feel no need for more "surprises"

And I really like to think of the baby not as a "baby", but as a boy. Makes it easier to visualise things.

solo · 19/03/2010 00:45

Through depression and worry and a nasty exh whose birthday was around the date my Ds was due and desperately not wanting a boy child because of it, a psychologist/counsellor suggested I find out so that should the 'worst' happen and I have a boy, I would have time to get used to the idea. It was horrible when I did discover my Dc was a Ds, but I did get used to it and was in love with him before he was born. He was born the day before my ex's birthday so it was close!

Found out with Dd just because I could. I actually didn't mind what I had the second time around.

lockets · 19/03/2010 00:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Nymphadora · 19/03/2010 06:57

Didn't find out with dd1&2 although was convinced dd2 was a boy as the pg was so different. Don't want to know this time either ( and I DO hunt out my Xmas presents )

SparkleandShine · 19/03/2010 07:12

With DS1 I didn't know and got fed up as wanted to buy blue or pink rather than white or beige also it was such a pain deciding on 2 names...

NoahAndTheWhale · 19/03/2010 07:22

With DS we didn't try to find out. Was convinced he was going to be a girl.

With DD we decided to ask abd she crossed her legs at the vital moment . Actually glad we didn't find out. I was convinced she would be a boy. Have decided I am no good at predicting the sex of an unborn baby .

MissusRabbit · 19/03/2010 07:41

With DD1 we didn't find out, we lost DD2 so when we found out with DS it really helped psychologically to know. We didn't tell anyone we knew about DS as we didn't want to spoil other peoples surprises!

DC4 - due in a few weeks and despite a million scans still don't know, although i've been very tempted. But the further i've got it seems silly to have waited so long then cave in at one of the later scans. Although our friends and family don't believe us

I can't wait for the 'congratulations, it's a boy/girl' moment

Everyone has reasons either way - just do what you thinks best..

PanicMode · 19/03/2010 13:01

I am pg with number four and we didn't find out with the previous three - although I just knew (and was right) that DC1 was a boy!

We found out with this one because it wasn't planned and I got seriously depressed about it, and have had antenatal counselling which I hope will have helped me to avoid getting PND. I thought it would help me bond better if I found out, but actually, I'm a bit disappointed that we did find out - the surprise at the end is so wonderful and it's always been very special having DH telling me that we have a boy or a girl after all my exertions!!

We haven't told anyone what the baby is though - hard though that has been. Still have 6 weeks to go and haven't cracked yet!

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