what you REALLY want to say when asked "how are you?" but don't!

[heth1980]

All throughout my pregnancy (am nearly 37 weeks) people have been asking me how I am and i always say "fine thanks". I've been a bit more honest recently and have even admitted to being a bit tired to a couple of people, but what I really want to say is:

1. I'm so tired I can't think straight anymore
2. I feel like someone has deposited a concrete boulder in my pelvis and it's slowly splitting me in 2
3. I am SICK of going for a wee
4. I cannot get comfy no matter what I try 5)I am scared of having to give birth again 6)I am scared I won't be able to cope with an oppinionated toddler and a newborn
5. I am scared that my piles will get so big they will take over the world.

anyone else like to tell me how they really are?

Ooh, thanks Liz! I think it's my payoff for not getting acne...

I'm only 9 weeks, have just told people to cries of 'you must be so happy' and all I want to say is:

I'm terrified of having a toddler and a newborn
I'm an only child and don't know the first thing about siblings
Although I know I will love this baby, I cannot really imagine it now

Instead I say, yes, of course.

15 weeks

what I want to say

1. I hate people (I work in customer facing job)
2. I can't remember how to do the basics in the job let alone the constant updates/changes so I will stare at you blankly until you leave me alone
3. My hips and back hurt. I do not want to move
4. I am knackered constantly but keep waking up due to back/hip pain, being too hot/too cold, needing to wee etc etc
5. Yes I would have thought the nausea would have stopped by now too.
6. Please leave me alone I do not want to have to be nice to people

What I actually say: all of the above.

Like my last pregnancy I doubt I will be talking to anyone by the end. Because of my constant moaning I suspect they will be pleased with this.

What I find hardest is when one of the neighbours catches me when I'm just coming home - now they are lovely neighbours and of course I'm grateful for their concern, but when they start going "ooh how are you doing? Not long to go now!!!" etc. I have to answer with some platitudes and a wee chat - and I just want to go "LEAVE ME ALONE I DO NOT WANT TO SPEAK TO YOU, my feet are killing me my pelvis is killing me, my heartburn is killing me, my baby is jumping on my bladder, I'm ravenous, and I HAVE to get in my house right now, have a wee, down half a bottle of gaviscon, stuff my face with a sandwich and lie down so BUGGER OFF"

(19 weeks)

"Do anything exciting for your birthday then?"

"Yeah, I got smashed on cocktails and went skydiving, followed by all-night multi-position sex marathon.........I'm pregnant, fuck off."

Arcadie, you made me laugh so much I had to go to the toilet!

I have 2 sons aged 10 and 2, I could have written your post!

Now 27 weeks and am suddenly exhausted, just want to hibernate, feel guilty that not doing the usual park,walks,activities etc just cant face it!(have bad spd as well)

Resorted to buying eldest an Xbox 360, just so we can play together without me having to move off the sofa!

Little one likes watching the Lego games we play on it so has been a bit of a godsend tbh!

Feel like bad mother for encouraging slovenly ways, but tell myself that normal service will resume after babies born!

And of course, would never admit that in real life, just smile and say, "great thanks"

morethemerrier I wasn't meaning to be funny..... but I'm very glad you chuckled! I whinge but I have a weekend of almost certainly no passion booked as DPILs are having the 4 and 2 yr old for us. SPD excuses any amount of laziness. I'm just lazy with no excuse.

I havn't really told anyone because no one wants to know reality (41+4) - and I wonder wether anyone on this thread want's to know without me seeming like a big woosy 'my life is terrible'

I've been living in my living room for 6 months - and not been off the bed in 6 weeks (poor DH)

I'm ashamed of not having had anything than a strip wash in 6 weeks and that my hair is averaging a wash about every 3 weeks (ewwww!). And yes HCP HAVE been looking down their noses at me about this.

That I'm biting back screams when turning over in bed so as not to wake DH

That I can't put on and take off my own trousers and even with help I'm doing the above

I'm horny - but see above

I can't move my own legs when I walk

Pooing in my living room (commode)

That I'm going to end up with a c-section becasue I'll be immobile

That I'll have to not breastfeed to make sure everything goes back to where it should be

That everything won't go back to where it should be (make that where it was before, has never been where it should )

That march 1st is a really long way off to be getting shortlisted candidates for my PA (even though I'm dead excited I've been given 18 hours a week - that include HAIRWASHING!!!!)

That I'm going to miss out on the perfect house on the council list becasue I'll be stuck in hospital and I'll have to wait years to get a house where I can go upstairs and use the toilet.

RL answer - 'ahh not that bad really, all things considered' Which is also true really

oops that was a bit loooong

"My arse hurts. Thanks for asking."

think the worst thing I has was restless legs. It's not that common but it's so annoying as so not to disturn other half sleeping I paced around downstairs until I was so tired I would fall asleep anyway. Worst of it is, baby is now six months and I still get a touch of it. Hope it will disappear with time!

Otherwise I didn't get much else apart from feeling BIG towards the end!

god, i hate you all!

whenever i'm feeling horribly broody, all i have to do is accidentally open a pregnancy thread and vow that i never ever want to be pregnant!

although, i am very sorry for you all, and hope that the rest of the time really does pass quickly and well.

i'm now practising my RL answers (because if i can vomit during a period i'm pretty sure i'll have hell on wheels when i'm pregnant)

Week 39+3 when I say 'fine, a little tired' I REALLY want to say:

The two hernias I have developed ache.
My SPD is killing me.
The sciatica feels like daggers every time I take a step.
I am knackered after averaging 4 hrs/night in the last 5 weeks.
Feels like I want to throw up constantly and feel full all the time.
My legs aches and 'stretch' down to my knees.
Back pain is constant.
Constant Braxton Hicks and tummy feels like it will explode.
I've been constipated for about 4 weeks.
Heartburn is constant.
I've got vericouse vains and piles.

I think that's it!

Then I lok after my two other kids, house and husband. My husband was up a bit with our youngest last night and has just got up. He told me 'I feel sick'

Sympathy???? No!

The fact I have "a very neat bump" only means that everything which would be on my front if I had a large bump is, in fact, still on my insides. This means my bladder, lungs and stomach are compressed to the size of a peanut and I have to either go for a wee or eat every ten minutes.
I got up last night to go to the toilet (only the 73rd time...) and needed to go again before I got back into bed.
It's been snowing here in Germany for the last two months and I can't bend over to do my boots up so I have cold feet most of the time.

Hee hee
Just read all your coments and soooo agreee.if one more person tells me my bump looks big I think I will go crazy. That accompanied with lack of wine and sleep and needing to go to the loo ALL THE TIME is enough to drive anyone crazy!!!

So jealous of my sister who has just had her newborn!!

• Indigestion that hits every evening and then lingers leaving me in agony for a good 3 or 4 hours before eventually making me vomit. I've thrown up so many times in this pregnancy that my throat now bleeds afterwards.

• I've had a urinary infection for 6 weeks now and the midwife kept losing my results so I've only just been given antibiotics for it and those have now given me a case of thrush so bad that I want to rip my vagina off in order to get some relief from the itching.

• It actually feels like the baby is attempting to exit via my belly button.

• I can't get comfy ever, in bed, on the sofa or in fact anywhere.

• Stretch marks have started to appear on my hips and I still have 5 more weeks of stretching to go.

• I only ever get to spend time with my DP in the evenings, at which point I'm too tired to function and fall asleep within an hour of him getting in.

• I'm too tired to do anything with my days but I'm getting cabin fever from staying home so much

But of course everything is fine when people ask, "oh yes it's all very exciting, not long to go now" ha! not long, 5 more weeks of this sounds like a life sentence actually.

I'm only 9 weeks but this thread has brought back the memories of how crap it's going to get before this baby's out!

Everyone's saying "Oh how lovely, what a nice age gap, you must be delighted"

I want to say "Well it was unplanned, we have no money, DP has no employment, I am a crap mum to DS just now, I feel like vomiting 23 hours a day and am producing so much saliva I can barely say 'hello' without dribbling, I am managing a few Malteser-sized poos every third day, despite living on Weetabix, and as a result my anal fissure is back ALREADY, I have spots, and I am a hormonal mentalist. Roll on the SPD. Fuck off."

Instead I smile and say "Yes, delighted".

First time around I was way too busy worrying about the slightly soft egg yolk I ate the day before I found out I was pregnant to notice such things. This time around I haven't had decent sleep for 3 years and the newfound awareness of my body which came following the last pregnancy is not a sodding blessing.

Happy healthy pregnancies to the rest of you!

I'm fine but can't sit down as i think tiger woods has hidden his golfballs in my knickers, which also feel like red hot pokers!!!

Also, when DP asks how I am I say "tired" and he says, "I know, me too" I just want to KILL him!! But I won't, I think...

My OH also says 'me too' about the tiredness- aaargh!
I'm only 5 weeks so, like, recently diagnosed, but I'm already so tired I want to curl up in a darkened room and never wake up.
I'm working 16 hours a day in a hot, cramped kitchen, get no sleep because 19mo no.1 sleeps shite and gnaws on my boobs all night (which is pretty fucking sore actually) but I'm too tired to do anything about it. I have no fight left in me.
I am of course very happy to be having another baby but the return of the piles, plus the mild panic setting in about a repeat of my last labour is taking the shine off.
God, that feels better. Thanks OP!

Great thread - really appreciated as today am feeling massively rough due to 21 month old waking at 4am and not going back to sleep, sitting at my desk trying desperately not to just give up and lie down on the floor to get some much needed kip! (Why did I stay up 'til 11pm last night watching Click?!!)

My response would be:

1. Sick of getting a nose bleed almost every time I blow my stuffy nose

2. Most of what you all said - especially the bits about not being able to get comfortable

3. Can't believe I have 8 weeks left (potentially 10 if this one decides to stay inside)

4. No my bump has always been big, it hasn't just grown to this size over night - my jumper is probably better fitting today

5. Yes I am sure there's "only one in there" thanks very much for asking

6. Yes I'm well aware it's going to be difficult for my nearly 2 year old to suddenly have a baby around dividing our attention

7. I'm sick of being desperate for a wee only for a trickle to emerge and then needing another one 10 minutes later

8. For a species put on this earth to multiply, we're not very well designed for it are we?!!

9. Terrified of the birth now I know how painful contractions are. I haven't forgotten!

This has made me cry with laughter-thank you ladies!

I'm 8 wks in to my pregnancy and 4 wks into the f**king sickness...

1. I have to run to the bathroom sink to spit a pint of drool every five minutes.
2. Friday night was spent doubled up on the floor breathing through some INCREDIBLY painful "growing cramps". Growing my arse.
3. I haven't really left the house in a WHOLE MONTH. I'm self employed, run a business from home and NEED to be out and about for it!
4. I have a disgusting red freckly rash around my eyes, chapped lips and dry skin. Managed to get rid of the moustache this morning thank God.
5. Errr oh yes, and this afternoon I have finally caved in and booked an appointment with the doc to BEG for anti-nausea drugs. I already feel like a failure.

At 28+5 "fine thanks" for me actually means:

My pelvic floor is so weak that I wet myself when I sneeze.
I get a stitch trying to walk with my husband despite me asking him to slow down a bit.
I'm an emotional wreak

These comments make me feel loads better - wow - everyone feels pretty rough! I'm 36 weeks and on my second baby.

• have Pelvis dysfunction (as yet unresolved) from last birth causing tremendous pain through the pregnancy and it sometimes means I can barely walk.

• keep getting 'electric shock' style pains around the pelvis/legs at inopportune moments

• had swine flu and it made me cough so much I nearly wet myself in M&S

• seem to get thrush when preggie - a lot - why? why?

• terrified of natural birth again - it really, really hurts (some people maybe more than others) and i have not forgotten it, and do not wish to repeat the experience. Any suggestions?

Oh ladies you have made me laugh reading this thread today. You have also re-enforced my conclusion that I must be mad to do this again.

9 weeks with no.2 and have been suffering for 4 weeks already. DH is aleady demented as this is his first and simply can't understand why his wife has become the hormone monster from hell. The best friends are about the only ones who know and since they have both had children they get the brutal truth when they pose the question....

I like lists so here we go...

1. I need to eat every 5 minutes but I also have constant nausea, which means that although I am hungry I can't actually think about food without wanting to stick my neck down a toilet.
2. I can't go anywhere near our kitchen as the smell makes me want to vomit (DH is now chef extrodinaire)
3. I have lost the will to use my razor in relation to my legs (waxing here we come)
4. I have headaches that hang around most of the day.
5. I can't sleep for more than 4 hours a night becuase of the need to pee (DH is a very light sleeper), oh and I am constantly consitipated with the most horrific wind so for gods sake don't feed me vegetables.
6. I am constantly exhausted and haven't seen 10pm on a clock for weeks. (Is 6pm to early to go to bed do you think?)

The problem is that I know that I have SPD,24 hour heart burn and additional stretch marks still to come. I suspect I have succomed to some form of memory failure from having no.1 as I don't remember it being this bad. Could it be that mother nature has had a hand in erasing those essental grey cells that would have forewarned me of this....hmmm I wonder :-)

30 wks and yup standard response 'Yeah not bad' when what I want to say is:

I am bloody BORED.

I am sick of folk touching my tummy. Even when they ask first then I feel like a cow for wanting to say 'No bogger off and stroke your own.'

I would like some sex without feeling like a carton character that has swallowed an acme cannon ball with a 'twinkle' that has all the sex appeal of a badly overgrown privet hedge.

I am sick of greasing up my bump before bed, in my lunch hour and when I get out of the shower and I am sick of the paranoia that the first time I miss a session my first evil stretchie will rear it's vile head.

I am sick of the kicks in the ribs but also sick of worrying that when she's still for a bit something is wrong.

I am sick of people that have only had one child waxing lyrical about the 'best' birth method. How do you know when you've only done it once....???

I am sick of people asking if it's twins!!!

I am sick of farting like a caveman - but do find it funny when they wake me, my fiance and the cat at 3am!

I am sick of the weight gathering round my jowls like Desperate Dan.

I am sick of work folk that are fatter than me thinking it's acceptable to comment on my weight gain in places other than my bump - they wouldn't walk in and say to anyone else and comment on their slightly bigger bottom.

I miss having painted toenails.

I miss red wine

I miss vodka

I hate my veiny boobies

I hate the fact everytime I walk my puppy for longer than 10 minutes I have to squat behind the nearest bush and do one of my 37 wees of the day

I hate the constipation that I fear may be mother nature tring to prepare me for childbirth.....

But despite ALL of these things I love the fact I am going to be Mummy to a little girlie of my own

Did I mention missing vodka??