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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Anyone know of a 20 week gender scan that was wrong?

66 replies

Biw · 23/01/2010 21:31

Hi all, I had my mid pregnancy routine NHS anomaly scan this week and I'm lucky enough to use a hospital that discloses sex if asked. For reasons I don't want to go into I had my heart set on a girl and was devastated when the lady said I was having a boy. I know I'm grasping at straws here (as presumably it must be easier to predict a boy) but is there any chance she could have been wrong? Ofcourse we all know the important issue is to have a healthy child and I am thankful everything is going well so far but I'm ashamed to admit I feel pretty empty after the scan and the excitement of becoming a mum has died a little somewhat. I'm having a growth scan at 24 weeks and hanging on to hope that I may hear differently.
Help!!!
Thanks ladies

OP posts:

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xkatyx · 23/01/2010 21:46

it is very unlikely to get seeing a boy wrong as there is more to see, most likely to get it wrong with a girl.

they were only 70% sure with me so i had a private scan to find out, maybe have one of those they will tell you 100% as they use the 4d to see it all.

MumNWLondon · 23/01/2010 21:54

They can get it wrong but more usual the other way around (ie they tell you its a girl and its not).... or if you have a scan before 16 weeks when its harder to tell (my friend was told boy but it was a girl but that was at 14 week scan).

I was also slightly for a couple of hours when they said a boy but it only lasted a few hours and I'm now looking forward to meeting my DS.

Don't hang onto the hope its a girl though...

Original poster

Biw · 23/01/2010 21:56

Thanks both. Deep down I know you are right although I can't resist the temptation of asking again at 24-week scan. You never know.............

I envy mums-to-be who genuinely have no preference.

OP posts:

purpleturtle · 23/01/2010 21:58

I have a friend who hurriedly had to re-name Reuben at birth, when it turned out 'he' was actually 'she'. Tia is gorgeous! I don't know whether scans in America (where she lives) are done any differently to here, but they definitely got it wrong!

I'm not sure I'd encourage you to pin your hopes on their experience, though.

MargaritaPracatan · 23/01/2010 21:58

i was told she was a boy at 14 weeks, happy.

then told girl at 20 weeks, happy.

Original poster

Biw · 23/01/2010 22:00

You have a good attitude MargaritaP!

OP posts:

TheBreastmilksOnMe · 23/01/2010 22:02

I'm sorry you feel this way about your pregnancy being a boy and let me reassure you that you will love this little boy when he is born so much that his gender won't matter a jot. You will probably even feel guilty about your feelings now and how could you ever have not 'wanted' him. It is something you will get used to as the pregancy progresses and you should also remind yourself how fortunate you are to be able to carry a healthy child. Many women cannot and would love to be in your shoes.

I am speaking as somebody who always imagined she's be a mother of girls and afer finding out I was expecting a boy I did feel a little suprised and taken aback but now he is 16mths old and I truly cannot imagine him any other way, nor do I want to. I'd quite happily have another 3 boys too! I just love him so much. You will too.

lockets · 23/01/2010 22:04

This reply has been deleted

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pinkheart · 23/01/2010 22:05

its definatley a lot easier to tell a boy from a girl on anomaly scan. although the hormones can make girls bits swell to like a boy and boys bits shrink to look like a girl.
which hospital did you go to, kings lynn nhs recently did an audit on their sonographers and they were 100% accurate with their sexing of babies. did your sonographer point the bits out to you? we do, just to show the parents also.

Original poster

Biw · 23/01/2010 22:05

Thank you. Needed a pep talk and I know everything you say makes sense and you are absolutely right but it's still pretty raw and I guess I'm pinning for the baby girl that never will be (unless ofcourse the sonographer was wrong...unlikely I know..)

OP posts:

Original poster

Biw · 23/01/2010 22:09

Lockets - thanks, there's HOPE!!
Pinkheart, 100% is pretty spot on right? I'm using Chelsea and Westminster. I was so nervous I asked the lady to look out for the sex and write it on a folded piece of paper for later so I didn't get to quiz her. Must admit at no time did I actually see anything vaguely resembling genitals so God knows how they can tell - altho am sure with years of experience they know what they're looking for...

OP posts:

MammyG · 23/01/2010 22:18

Hi Biw
During my first pregnancy had my heart set on a girl for different reasons. very strong girlie household and am very girlie just couldnt see myself raising boys. Am now a mom to two of the world loveliest little boys that make my life worthwhile and I wouldnt swap their impishness for anything in the world. During 2nd pregnancy realised half way was having another boy. Was a bit disappointed and like you felt the shine had been taken off things but then chose a boys name and just started to fall in love with my little man until I couldnt wait to meet him. I also have my teenage brother living with us so am only girl in house! not the way I had planned things but couldnt imagine being happier! Life has different agendas for us sometimes - you might be surprised at how much it might suit you!

ilovesprouts · 23/01/2010 22:21

hi i was told i was having a boy at 20wks and got my boy

pinkheart · 23/01/2010 22:22

Biw, i know 2 of the sonographers there, seeing them later on in the week so will ask if they have done an audit on their % right or wrong.
dont embarrassed about asking them to point it out to you. sometimes it really is hard to see unless you know what it is your looking at, for girls there is 3 little white lines, which we call the hamburger sign, and boys is obvious when you see a little extra bit pointing at you!

Heated · 23/01/2010 22:29

Can you pinpoint why you want a girl?

Delving into the realm of stereotypes, ds is sensitive, very affectionate, empathic, likes cooking and clothes shopping with me - which actually I put down to him being pfb and nothing to do with gender. I do also have a dd; she is best described as a mischief.

A friend this month gave birth to an unexpected girl having been told it was a third boy - but I wouldn't pin your hopes on this - technology being so good these days, I think it must be a rare occurrence.

MumNWLondon · 23/01/2010 22:31

BiW - at my scan (Royal Free) the sonographer pointed out the boys bits to us. I honestly would not have been able to tell at all. She said she was 100% sure.

I felt a bit that I wanted a girl - I already have a DD and a DS, just DD wanted a sister so much so I wanted it for her.

I have got over it, but she is still a bit and asks me whether I'll have another baby so she can get her sister .

Pinkheart - am impressed that they keep track of these things at all (ie audit of % right or wrong) - at 14 weeks sonographer refused to comment saying they had a policy of not saying at that point as too easy to make mistake as both have "sticking out bits" at that point. Do the sonographers write it down and then it actually gets checked when the baby is born????

teaandcakeplease · 23/01/2010 22:34

I grew up with 4 brothers and being the only girl.

I had a little girl and when I got pregnant again, I desperately desperately wanted her to have a little sister. At the scan when I discovered it was a boy I was very sad, I so wanted her to have a little sister. I also probably won't be able to afford to have more, it's a squeeze in our 2 bed flat as it is.

In my head I knew I should be grateful for whatever I was lucky enough to have, one of each is surely perfect? But in my heart I struggled and knew it was wrong, but it actually took me to after having the baby and a number of weeks in to bond well. He is now 12 months and is simply delicious and I do feel very guilty that I ever felt differently. He's my gorgeous little man and my daughter loves playing with him.

cloudydaze · 23/01/2010 22:38

Biw, I am currently pregnant with my 3rd (DS3) and have had all pregnancies at C&W and from my personal experience they have never got the sex wrong. They actually haven't had to tell me with 2 of them as I could see for myself! As I haven't seen a girl scan I'm not sure what you would or wouldn't see but with a boy I have always found it to be rather obvious - it's the testicles that stand out. I've always understod that when they do get it wrong they have said girl & it's been a boy, not the other way 'round.
I too, like TBOM & coming from an all girl family, always just assumed (I now realise!) that I would only have daughters.
I know it's an adjustment to get your head around having a son when you expect to be told it's a daughter. But regardless of its sex you will be, I'm sure, totally blown away when you meet that person that you have helped create. And the love & joy a child brings you, regardless if it's a boy or girl, is really amazing. I hope once you get used to the idea that you're having a son you enjoy the rest of your pregnancy & look forward to meeting him!

Undutchable · 23/01/2010 22:40

I had a scan at 20 weeks and even I could see it was a boy... I have the picture somewhere.

I have 2 boys. When I had DS1 I didn't find out first and deep down would have preferred a girl.

But I fell in love as soon as I saw him. When I was pregnant with DS2 I actually wanted another boy and was blessed with one.

busymummy3 · 23/01/2010 22:48

so does anyone feel it would be better if you were not told the sex of baby .My last DC was 6 years ago and that was our hospital policy at time. now it is different you are told at 20 weeks apparently. I still think I would rather not know as its part of the excitement of pregnancy then the birth .( can see practicalities thogh)

momofnearly2 · 23/01/2010 23:21

Biw. When pregnant with my first I secretly hoped for a girl. I had alway's imagined myself as a mother to girls. When they told me he was a boy I felt a little sad.

However has time went by the fact he was a boy grew on me and made me smile everytime I thought of him.

He is 10 months old now but from the very moment he was born it just "felt right" that he was a boy. I loved him instantly and now can't imagine why I ever felt sad. So much so that I am pregnant again and tbh hoping it's another little boy. Obviously I will be sooo happy if it's a girl but since having a boy I can now only imagine myself with boy's. Oh how times change!

The sonography was probably right about him being a boy but don't beat yourself up over your feelings because as soon as he is born you will love him so much and wonder why it ever bothered you.

Good Luck.

fluster · 24/01/2010 10:24

I was told i was expecting a boy with my first pregnancy,but i was so convinced it would be a girl and low and behold i was right.Was a lovely suprise although a bit of shock to,i had picked the name bought tons of boys clothes etc but soon got over it.My daughter is now 5 and im currently 7 weeks pregnant with number 2,will probably ask the sex again but still keep an open mind.

rosieposey · 24/01/2010 10:49

After 3 girls in 16 years i was not ready to be told that i was expecting a boy. I really wanted another girl as i knew exactly how to handle them and what to do with them so when i was told i was expecting a boy i was so disappointed and shocked as i had really really wanted another girl.

Gradually as the weeks went by i started to see lots of cute little baby boys, buy little boy outfits and just generally start getting boy stuff together i began to get my head around it all as well as naming him.

Sometimes its just that if you make up your mind in your head that you want one particular sex and you dont get it then you are bound to feel some disappointment. Dont worry about feeling like some of the shine has gone off your pregnancy, it'll come back again.

By the time my son was ready to be born i was so excited about meeting him and dont get me wrong, those boy bits took a bit of getting used to nappy-wise after all those girls but I fell completely in love at first sight, he is so much fun and we all adore our boy

I can truthfully say that if we are ever so fortunate to have another i would not mind (for the first time in all of my pregnancys) what sex i was told as there are benefits to both sexes, I think boys are gorgeous though - i love my DS soooo much so try not to worry as you will too. Congratulations and good luck for the rest of your pregnancy

Romanarama · 24/01/2010 11:01

Bwiw please don't use messages on this thread to 'hold out hope' that you're having a girl. It's 99,9% certain that the little mite in you is a little boy and it's totally unfair on him to wish him different. Get ready to be a mother and to love him because he's your child. I wanted a girl every time if I'm honest, and have 3 boys (the scans at 20wks were all correct). I'd still like to have a daughter, but I did make a decision at some point to grow up a bit, behave like a responsile adult, and realise that my children are not my toys, but people. You can't help having a preference, but it's not up to you to choose. It is up to you to give your son unconditional love and to make sure he feels it and knows he's wanted. You really have to, so if you think that's going to be a problem for you you should address that (by talking about it with someone who can help - a friend or professional) before he's born.

4andnotout · 24/01/2010 11:03

When I was expecting dd1 my friend was told that she was expecting a ds, so everything was blue, the nursery, all clothes etc and then when she went into labour she delivered a girl

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