Anyone know of a 20 week gender scan that was wrong?

[Biw]

Hi all, I had my mid pregnancy routine NHS anomaly scan this week and I'm lucky enough to use a hospital that discloses sex if asked. For reasons I don't want to go into I had my heart set on a girl and was devastated when the lady said I was having a boy. I know I'm grasping at straws here (as presumably it must be easier to predict a boy) but is there any chance she could have been wrong? Ofcourse we all know the important issue is to have a healthy child and I am thankful everything is going well so far but I'm ashamed to admit I feel pretty empty after the scan and the excitement of becoming a mum has died a little somewhat. I'm having a growth scan at 24 weeks and hanging on to hope that I may hear differently.
Help!!!
Thanks ladies

Hi
Rosieposey so funny you mention the nappy changing. I have two boys. Was changing cousins little girl last week and it was so odd - totally something missing!

Am expecting 3rd. Would like a girl for me cause I have such a good relationship with my sister and my mother but at the same time my two boys are such good friends and genuine companions that another little buddy for them wouldnt bother me either!

I will find out at 20 weeks tho cause I think these emotions are healthy once addressed and dealt with. Its perfectly ok to feel how you are feeling - it will pass and you will adore your little mr.!

Thanks everyone - very helpful to hear different experiences and mostly what I've read here suggests there's no point hoping C&W hosp may have made a mistake!

Romanarama, I could have done without the moral lecture. You're not saying anything I don't already know - grown up, emotionally mature adult and mother to a happy, balanced 3 year old girl that I am. Ofcourse I'm going to love my child, boy or girl, but personally I don't see what is is so wrong about expressing a preference either way. Perhaps it's cultural, a British thing? I'm non-British and come from a culture that is frank with no pretence of political correctness.

We are all different people and it is inevitable that some of us may have a preference either way for various reasons (and not be afraid to express it for fear of offending other people's morals). I have always dreamt of having 2 daughters and would love to have given my little girl the sister she wants - I have no qualms whatsover against expressing these emotions BEFORE the baby arrives. Once he arrives it would be time to face up to having a son and enjoy the privilege and blessing of motherhood once more.

Until that point I'm still hoping for a miracle though...sorry if this offends some....

Sorry I would have to agree with Romanarama -- you sound as though you are sulking that you aren't receiving your favourite toy at Christmas and you are on this board "wishing for a miracle"?

How sad. I would go on to the ttc boards where some women have been trying for years to conceive even one child -- let alone two healthy ones! I think it might put your thoughts into perspective and make you realise just how blessed you really are.

I agree with littleTM. Thousands struggle everyday to have even one child, you're fortunate to have two. Boy or girl, does it honestly really matter?

It wasn't a moral lecture OP, I was recounting my experience.

But if you'd like a moral lecture, I lecture you that being 'open' about the fact that you wish your child was different is deeply hurtful for the child, quite morally wrong and a parenting failure.

I have to agree with Romanarama and littleTM. I definitely wouldn't have had a gender scan if I had a preference as it seems unfair on the child and you don't enjoy the pregnancy as much. However, I'm sure once your little boy arrives your maternal instinct will kick in and you will be delighted (I hope!)

I think when they make mistakes with the scans, more often than not it tends to be saying it's a girl when it's actually a boy, rather than the other way around. Easier to identify a boy correctly from the scan.

biw I too had a preference for a girl with my second pregnancy. For me it was because my DD very sadly died aged 14 monthslast year and I just wanted her or something very much like her 'back'.

I got pregnant immediately and at my 12 week, 20 week scans was told 'boy'. I felt very disappointed because I so wanted my 'baby girl' back. I had to have numerous growth scans and even asked at each of them if baby was still a boy ! I googled stories of wrong gender scans.. and learned a few tales of girls' labia looking like boy bits and kept hoping for a girl

anyway, what I am trying to say is that sometimes having a gender preference is understandable.. BUT I am so happy that the scans were right.

My DS is now 2 weeks old and I instantly adored him. I know it sounds so cliched, but really as soon as I saw him I knew it was right for me to have a son. He is the loveliest most chilled out cute little baby and I'm happy he is not a girl, for many reasons that have only just become apparent to me

All I'm saying is that you will love your baby boy when he is here, it is very unlikely that they got the gender wrong. Good luck

That's a sad story Crumpette... Congrats on your DS!

You can't help what you feel and I think it's better to admit feeling disappointed with the sex, then you get over it quicker than if you deny how you feel. My story is opposite to Biw's, I have a girl and wanted a boy, was told it's another girl, felt disappointed for a couple of weeks, now I can't wait to see my girl (due in March) and will be almost traumatised if it turns out scan was wrong and it's a boy... But I would love him too!

BiW -I would try to get yourself excited about a boy by looking at cute baby boy clothes or lovely baby boy nursery accessories, spending time with friend's little men, thinking about how you'll have a little version of your DP to smile at you, pondering baby boy names, etc.

I think it's natural to quietly have a gender preference -which is why I think finding out through scans is good (DH's family disagree!) because you don't ever want a moment of disappointment to come at birth. You've got a few months to get used to the scan result (if your 24 week scan confirms it is indeed a boy) so you've plenty of time to come round to the idea.

Having said that my DH bought me a baby mag a couple of weeks ago and I was a bit shocked to read Kirsty Gallacher saying she's really hoping for a girl -you can write what you like on mumsnet without doing any harm, but if you're famous a say that to a magazine, your poor child may read it someday and feel sad and unwanted if s/he turned out to be the 'wrong' sex!

I wonder why the preference on MN is so often for girls?

It is quite odd, you would think there would be an even 50/50 split.

I think wanting the opposite sex to the DC you already have is pretty common -although from this thread so is wanting a sis for a girl or a bro for a boy. As a first timer I have no real preference -though DSS would prefer a boy and DH would prefer a girl -so either way someone will be happy!!

I really wanted a girl but didn't find out the sex as my husband didn't want to know. Once DS was born I really didn't give a second thought to the fact that I didn't have a girl. It really does become inconsequential when you have a healthy newborn staring up at you. I think if I had found out he was a boy at the scan I would have had similar feelings to you.

I don't want anymore children and couldn't care less that I won't ever be the mother of a girl, and tbh if I did want another I'd probably be wishing for another boy as the one I have is so lovely. I never would have believed that I could feel that way.

I can understand your disappointment but I really don't think it will affect you once your son is born. You will probably end up like me thinking that boys are the best thing in the world.

i've heard that boys are more cuddly with their mothers than little girls are which is something I will defo take full advantage of if I end up with a boy. I remember when I was little it was all about being with dad and getting attention from him! I know everyone is different but from speaking with girl friends who have children the ones with little boys are very very gooey about them indeed. I suppose each sex has its own unique pros and cons butI reckon as soon as you see the little fella your heart will melt...xx

Gosh aren't Romanarama and littleTM sanctimonious? Biw I can completely understand your feelings, after all these are feelings aren't they, and you can't always control how you feel. I'm pregnant with my 3rd boy and am definitely a bit disappointed that it's not a girl. But of course I'll still love him regardless as I do my other two sons. What I think is worse is to feel that you have to bury these feelings. My Mum always told us (my sister and I) that she wanted 4 boys! Can't say I was ever particularly upset at that or ever felt unwanted. Of course we are all lucky to be able to have healthy children, no-one disputes that. Personally I think it's only natural to have some preference. I'm pretty sure of the results of my scan but like you there is a little part of me that hopes they may have got it wrong. So shoot me for only being human!

eeclaire - I dont think Romanarama and littleTM are being sanctimonious at all, they are just surprised, as I am, how someone can feel that strongly... I never normally give a second thought to threads like this because I do believe that people can have a preference, of course they can... But the language Biw uses is all about being devastated and having to 'face up to having a boy' and still hoping for a miracle that its a girl... Thats not a preference for a girl thats an aversion to having a boy and I think the two things are not the same. Having a boy is not something to be suffered and to be honest the OP and following comments from BIW makes the whole thing sound quite sad. As a mum of 3 boys, one of whom died at birth I find this quite insulting.

BIW - I know this may sound strong but if you want another girl just because you like the idea of 2 daughters, then I think you need to stop wishing for something else and start looking for all the amazing wonderful aspects there are about boys... If its for a stronger reason that is more personal (as you've chosen not to say) then I think you need to address that in another way before your son arrives... He IS your miracle

There's nothing wrong with having a preference, as many have said, but it's the being quite so gutted at having a boy/wishing for a miracle that I don't understand. But perhaps after struggling for three years to conceive I simply can't put myself in your shoes.

I think at this stage though, it's unlikely to be wrong and you are just going to have to get used to the fact. At least you have some time and I'm sure you'll love him to pieces when he's born.

yes I do know of two gps' that were having babies and asked for the sex - both times it was wrong bothe times it was girl prediciitona nd got boys

I have found out with 5 of mine and they were right every time! (2DD 3DS). You have a healthy baby, that is what matters! I found out at 20 weeks DD had major organ problems and went on to loose her at almost 24 weeks. Then lost another at 20 weeks. Gender just seems irrelevant now. Let go of your 'fantasy baby', this is the baby you are meant to have! I have enjoyed my boys just as much as my girls.

Agree with Romanarama and littleTM as well.
After a disabled ds, 3 recurrent miscarriags pregnant again now etc etc.
Please God you have a healthy baby, cos that really is all that matters.
Be grateful for what you have been given.

Chooster -- you could not have written a better response.

The babies we end up having are our miracles and for those of us who have sufferred losses and repeated miscarriages, this sort of post doesn't make much sense.

Of course we can all have our preferences but wishing for the "miracle" of a different baby is incredibly sad and might I say ungrateful?

I don't think I'm being sanctimonious at all. It was a crushing disappointment for me finding out that ds3 was a boy. Even this morning, 4 years on, I combed their hair and thought wistfully how I'd like to be plaiting hair before school. But these wonderful little men are my children and there's nothing in their life nearly as important as me, their mummy. I would never want them to have the slightest notion that I want them to be different (actually I don't anyway, being disappointed at not having a girl is not the same as not wanting boys), so I have only said these things anonymously here, and in private with dh. I think they're important feelings, and important to come to terms with, but telling all and sundry about it seems to me to be very unfortunate. I would never even hint at those feelings in any way or circumstance that it might be repeated in front of them and make them feeling the tiniest bit unloved.

Sorry but I also agree with Romanarama.
You sound selfish and spoilt TBH and it upsets me a lot when my dsis has just had her last cycle of IVF which hasn't worked and she has now been told it is unlikely she will ever have her own child.
Yes I can understand gutted for a few hours (I was when I found out DD was a girl not a boy) but you come across as very self absorbed a miracle would be my dsis actually holding her own baby not your beautiful son suddenly changing into a girl to suit you.

Thats really sad reading the posts of people who have lost their lo's It puts it all into perspective and it's true that you should be very grateful for your babies regardless of what you get.

My pg was high risk and i was always in the day unit being monitored. If my lo stopped moving for too long i was so scared as i loved him fiercely even before he was born and couldn't wait to meet him, i would have been utterly devastated not to have him in my life.

Reading the above posts makes me even more grateful.

Wow! The OP having asked her question in the terms that she did, and some of the responses seeming to suggest that she might still hold out hope for a girl, I think Romanarama's advice made complete sense.

The opinions that seem to oppose those that the OP was hoping for really aren't sanctimonious. They're just realistic.