Anyone know of a 20 week gender scan that was wrong?

[Biw]

Hi all, I had my mid pregnancy routine NHS anomaly scan this week and I'm lucky enough to use a hospital that discloses sex if asked. For reasons I don't want to go into I had my heart set on a girl and was devastated when the lady said I was having a boy. I know I'm grasping at straws here (as presumably it must be easier to predict a boy) but is there any chance she could have been wrong? Ofcourse we all know the important issue is to have a healthy child and I am thankful everything is going well so far but I'm ashamed to admit I feel pretty empty after the scan and the excitement of becoming a mum has died a little somewhat. I'm having a growth scan at 24 weeks and hanging on to hope that I may hear differently.
Help!!!
Thanks ladies

I also think the question that Morloth asks is interesting: 'I wonder why the preference on MN is so often for girls?'

Whilst I don't necessarily think this is something exclusive to MN, I do feel that it's true that women are steered to hope for daughters. Having tried specifically to buy something lovely for my friend's little boy as a Christmas present, I found a huge imbalance between the availability of clothes for girls and boys, for example.

If you think of Monsoon, there'll generally be less than a quarter of its stock designed for boys. An independent baby shop was even worse - there was just one rail of clothes for boys - about a tenth of the total stock!

This is really an observation about the fact that women are marketed to far more than men on the high street, perhaps because we're seen as suckers. However I don't think it's too large a leap to infer from that, that we're encouraged to wish for cutesy baby girls who we can pamper.

Sorry this has gone off on a tangent from the OP. I'm not suggesting for a minute that your misgivings about boys are so superficial. Morloth just made me think, that's all.

Can I offer a thought to counterbalance Kitcat's tangent? Yes, there are less interesting clothes (though there are some lovely ones). But on the whole you won't get ripped off to the same extent over boys' clothes (I'm always shocked when I try to buy presents for friends' new DDs - the clothes just seem so much more expensive).And to counteract the clothes thing, boys' toys are so much more fun - just think, no my-little-ponies and barbies, just lots of lovely brio railway track (ok, I'm a total tomboy and would have bought these if I'd had a DD). And when they get older, boys get to play football, which is fun (retired women's Sunday league player here...) instead of netball, which is complete pants...

Seriously, though, I'm sorry you feel so sad Biw - I can sort of imagine how you're feeling as I would have felt a bit disappointed if I'd found out I was having a girl (more out of worries about my own inadequacies - what if she'd been a girly girl and I hadn't known how to relate to her). In fact the reason I found out at the 20 week scan was to give me a chance to adjust to the idea if it did turn out to be a girl. But as many have said, scans are rarely wrong, specially this way round. So I do hope you can use the next 20 weeks to get your head round the idea of a lovely little boy. And I second the comments made by some other posters - my DS is very loving and sensitive, and likes making cakes (real) and lego casserole in his toy oven, and recently picked out a pink train for his train set :-) (He has also been eyeing up the glittery pink Cinderella carriages in Boots - maybe I should crack and get him one).

My 7 year old DSS still secretly hankers after pink toys -having a boy does not necessarily mean a pink-free household!!! And we still get lovely cuddles even now he is 7. Hoorah for boys, and for girls.

I thought most women, regardless of their preference, felt a wee bit sad at finding out the gender because it meant saying good bye to one scenario, one set of fantasies and the sometimes silly ideas we impose upon how our children will be......

I know I was v. sad when I found out DS was a boy, DD a girl and DS2 a boy but for the reasons mentioned above. Well, I was scared DS2 would be as much of a handful as DS tbh.

But I got over it in my pgcies and when the babies arrived, I loved the bones of them.

Biw, you will too. Your little boy will be a total smasher and you will dote on him. You won't be able to help yourself!

I just wanted to add, that generally 'society' seems to add to the whole preference issue.

What I mean is, as a mother to two DS,now pregnant with my third I often hear, "ohh bet you want a girl this time"!

And even if you say you have no preference, you are pushed to to agree!

When I say, nope, no preference, just a healthy baby thanks, you can almost see the tumble weed roll past!

Each child is a special and individual addition to a family, bringing their own personality and I get excited thinking about meeting this little person and them joining our family and watching my sons welcome them.

If it is a girl, great, I will get to experience the other side of the coin, and if its another boy I will be treated like a queen when my boys are older!!!

Thats just my opinion and I dont want to discount anyone's feelings,and its obviously a very emotive issue.

But I feel that the OP has come for support to make sense of her feelings, (that she did say she was ashamed of) and has maybe voiced what it appears others have agreed with albeit using different terminology.

Whilst I hold different views, I am sad that there seems to be a feeling that the OP is ungrateful or any less thankful for a healthy child than the rest of us.

I dont imagine for one second she wanted to offend those who have suffered losses and those who have suffered difficulty.

This, for her could cause difficulties after the birth of her son in bonding, and for me it appears that she is trying to deal with her issues before then to avoid that. By being honest and trying to seek the advice of others whether we agree or not, can only be a positive thing.

BiW also wanted to add, probably better to get used to the idea of having a boy now... when DS was born I didn't really bond with him very well (possibly as he wasn't a girl(!)) and it took months to get over, not ideal at all. Was desparate to get back to work at 6 months because didn't really feel I loved him like DD, and didn't really want to look after him. He's 3 now and I love him to bits but it took a lot of time.

Its ok to be disappointed, and as I said after my recent scan I was disappointed again that DD will not have her little sister (I grew up in family of girls) but honestly when I was reading DD her bedtime story tonight I was feeling grateful because ok she's not going to have a sister, but at least I have a wonderful DD and as other posters on this thread have pointed out some envisaged having girls and only have boys.

So its ok to be disappointed for now, but its important that by the time he is born you have come to terms with it and are excited to meet him. I am not holding out any hope at all that scan was wrong, I am sure it was right... its my attitude that has to change...

MumNW -- I have a feeling some of the posters might take insult to you feeling sorry for them for "only having boys". It sort of feeds into the stereotype that a mother isn't complete unless she has a girl, which is simply untrue.

Of course we can all have our prefernces. For instance, I am terrified of having girls due to a very complicated relationship with my mother (that I am afraid of repeating). But had this pregnancy been a girl, I never would have wished her differently or sat around moping for something that was just not meant to be.

As LittleTM said, if we were to go and look at the ttc boards where women have been struggling for years to fall pregnant, these fantasies about wishing one sex over another and wishing for miracle sex changes on a scanner suddenly seem so trivial.

I wanted boys and got them. The little girls I know look way too hard to me. DS, you feed him, exercise him, give him a cuddle and we are all good. The constant negotiation I see my friends with DDs doing looks way too hard.

It is true though about feeling ever so slightly disappointed at the scan regardless. I wanted a DS2 and got one and had a big rush of relief, but then just the slightest little twinge that I would never have a girl to mould into a really strong independent woman.

Then I got over it .

Sorry didn't mean to offend... more just meant I was clearly totally pathetic for being disappointed that it wasn't a DD when I already had a wonderful DD. Obviously don't feel sorry for someone who has a one sex family BUT I can understand someone with a single sex family wanting a child of the opposite sex, thats all.

And Morloth... I am constantly negotiating with DS aged 3, its very hard. DD on the other hand very compliant easy child (hence my preference for other girl).

But maybe these things are down to personality and not sex.

THANK YOU! Absolutely nothing wrong with expressing a gender preference. Doesn't make you any less worthy of being a mother than anyone else. I have really enjoyed reading everyone's point of view and the fact that there has been such a huge response implies this is an area of great interest to alot of people.

Romanarama - Talking about other people being "sad", I think it's rather "sad" that after so many years you are still combing your son's hair wistfully thinking about the daughter you never had. It seems you are unable to confront your true feelings. I don't think anyone who has expressed a gender preference on this thread (and let's face it they've been quite a few - probably 50/50 split) is suggesting they won't or don't love the sons they have been blessed it. Some of just are quite happy to say what we think and not what we think we should feel.

I really wanted to have a girl and had a boy... and he is the greatest little boy ever
Don't worry too much about it!

I was so convinced that I was going to have a boy that I'd even convinced DH and he's usually so fact led without any nod to whimsy! Thus we were both a bit crestfallen to learn that LO is actually (probably) a girlie. I felt very guilty about that as I know that LO is definitely wanted regardless of sex. But still doesn't quite feel real.

However, a trip out looking at all the little clothes (girls do have much more fun clothes than boys - but how I wish they weren't all flippin pink!) got me excited about having a girlie.

And then there was a news article on TV about underage drinking showing teenage girls in outrageously short skirts and I remembered why we were wanting a boy!!! Hopefully we can encourage more appropriate behaviour.

Biw, I think it's your tone, rather than your stated feelings, that makes you sound kind of insensitive in some of your posts. It's not that you shouldn't say what you feel, or have those feelings - it's the way you are putting them across (and fwiw, I too come from a non-British, non-PC culture ... I don't think that is really the issue here).

I hope you manage to "face up" to having a boy when the time comes, for his sake and also for yours.

And also, I can't see how you conclude that Romanarama is unable to confront her feelings when she has quite clearly and explicitly spelled them out in her earlier post.