Is there a thread for the old birds who are pregnant and over 40?

[hippychick66]

I'm on a fab thread on the ttc section but am now 7 wks preg .

I know it's early days but I wondered if there was a thread on here for the older pregnant woman who might be experiencing all the same things as me.

God, I hope I'm not tempting fate by coming over from the ttc side!!!!!

Thanks to all for your kind messages. I'm bleeding now but it's not heavy and the pain is coming from my endometriosis more than anything else. If it hasn't happened by Monday when we go back to emergency gynae I think I might ask for a D&C. Am now becoming paranoid that it was molar or something and we wouldn't find out if we went for a natural mc. Am i paranoid or what??

It's so annoying that we weren't able to see anyone yesterday cos they might have been able to tell me exactly what was seen on the scan. I didn't ask at the time cos I was too upset .

How is everyone else??

I am 44 and just found that I am pregnant again 7 weeks. Almost 9 years after the last one. I have 3 children 11,10 and 8 years which needed highly interventional pregnancies ,: cervical stitch, xtra hormone and C sections. I do not know whether it is selfish and too risky for my existing family's sake to continue with the pregnancy. Before having my surviving children I had 2 miscarriages and my first son died at 4 days old. Any thoughts??

Tmi warning for this post for those of you in early stages please don't read on... But I want to help Hippy if I can

Hi Hippy, in my experience where you're at just now is the worst, the waiting, the uncertainty - huge hug, it was the worst days of my life. I couldn't handle it and had an ERPC 2 days after the scan (privately, NHS would have been a longer wait... If you have health insurance you're likely covered, your area may be better but round here the NHS is broke). I think I was at a very similar stage to you.
It's not molar if they told you your little bean had got to 8 weeks, so don't worry about that, there's more than enough for you to deal with anyway.
I had started to miscarry naturally by the time I went into hospital, and it felt like early labour. I was getting through pads rapidly too. It was a relief by then to get the GA and get on with it, though heartbreaking it was then just emotional pain the physical bit over and done with. No pain when I came round. Though I'm glad it had started naturally as there was no doubt by then for me it was all over. Before I went in for surgery the consultant told me it can last weeks naturally at 11 weeks and even though it had started his advice was to go ahead with the ERPC (i was 11 weeks, my little bean only made it to 7-8 weeks).

Very best of luck, I do hope you get all the support you need. It's very very hard but it does slowly get easier.

Alba x

Thanks alba It seems like we got to the same point and so did our little ones.

I know it is all over for sure - even if they hadn't confirmed it - I am cramping and bleeding. It's the actual passing of the preg that I'm scared of. Like you I just want to get the physical bit over with now.

Thank you for telling me if it got to 8 weeks it can't be molar. How do you know that pls? I didn't really think it was - it's just in for a penny in for a pound - why not worry about every bloody possibility.

Thanks, so much for your support and honesty.

xxx

Hi hippy
so sorry to hear what you're saying, I too was petrified of what I might see, but it's unlikely you'll see anything identifiable. I know someone who did go through it naturally, too much blood and too many clots to see anything for sure, and I can tell you the few hours I went through full on can attest to that too. sorry that's tmi but I was so scared and needed to know that. I had some mattress protectors left from when I had DS and I needed them
re molar... I was googling like mad whilst waiting and molar PGs do not have an identifiable fetus. So they would not measure length and tell you date. I watched the screen and could see the same little bean as 2 weeks before, but not moving and no flashing dot? sorry to say, but if you saw your little bean then molar was not the issue.
I'm so sorry to be telling you all this.
If it gets too much, do go to A&E as I sincerely hope they'll take you seriously and give you stronger pain relief or ERPC (pretty much same as D&C). There was no pain and very little bleeding for me after that.
There are so many unanswered questions to begin with, and so much to worry about, there are some wonderfully supportive women on the TTC after MC thread (in the conception section) and sadly a lot of us mc'd in the last few weeks, so lots of answers and help there if you need it. We're not neccessarily all ttc again yet, some just confused, upset and getting our heads together again. For me, one day I'm desperate to try, the next back to grieving, but the intensity of the pain is getting less.

Thanks alba. There really is no such thing as TMI. There is nothing worse than being scared and if someone can guide you through it then that is such a help.

I didn't really see the bean but my DH did. I will check that it was 8 weeks when I see the cons at the gynae unit on monday.

I am desperately hoping that it doesn't all kick off before I get the chance for the minor op.

I would love to try agian - I want all the things that we thought we were getting. But I'm scared that because of my age the next egg might be a wrong-un as well and that this whole nightmare might get repeated. To early to think about it I guess.

Thanks again - so many people have been fab.

my consultant said my age is not an issue - and one of the girls on the TTC thread said she's been told something similar too. It's just bad luck. Rotten horrid awful luck, but there are lots of people on this thread alone proving that we CAN have babies in our 40's. My great grandmother had a few, so I'm clinging to that one too....

Positive thoughts and a big hug. Hope your boys have bounced back already, my DSCs seem to have, they're been really kind to me, but for them, it's one of those things... amazing how resilient kids are, wish I could be... (reminds me, Ande, DSD1 finds it hilarious that she sometimes gets odd looks when out with DS... that T-shirt your DD wants would be very useful for her!)

waves to everyone else on this thread, sorry for the sad news and all the very very best to all of you and your beans -- Hippy and I will both be back!! (hope you don't mind my thinking positive thoughts for you Hippy)

Hippy, the TTC after MC thread is here

xxx

Thanks so much alba - YES in the words of Arnie - "We'll be back!"

You and TFLS have been so helpful over the last couple of days.

Gonna stop bringing you all down now.

Go off and have a nice romantic time with your men.

alba I had a quick look at that thread and will watch it ready for when it applies to me. Ta. What is SWI - I'm guessing snogging with intercourse???? Close?

Is that cos you all hate the whole baby dancing expression.

Please anyone else who wants to post do go ahead, I feel like I'm hogging a bit.

Perhaps you're all off snogging with intercourse what with it being valentines day.

shagging with intent??

You got it! So glad they outlawed Baby Dancing... Can take no credit, was some time before I joined them, but great acronym!

Very best with the next few days, the best I can tell you is that it will pass, but you must take the time you need xxx

Yes - one of the posters came up with SWI because we all hated the awful BD so much! I always thought it was a curious term to find on Mumsnet.

Will be thinking of you tomorrow Hippy. I hope they can answer your questions as well. When it happened to me, they could tell my the measurements etc from the scan which helped make it more real. You'll know when the time is right to think about trying again. From being on the other thread, I've come to realise how common miscarriage is. It's not something suffered by just us oldies.

Alba - hope the alleged post m/c increase in fertility comes your way

Sorry - forgot to say welcome to Outdoor Mum. I'm not sure what to say about your question as it's so deeply personal. Have you seen your doctor and got a view from them on the risks so you can try and make a balanced decision.

Thanks TFLS and thanks for all the much needed help and advice on the other thread, all you grads who keep popping back to keep us all sane and well informed are so kind. It's been hugely therapeutic for me to have somewhere to write it all down... sorry for my splurges - I've probably repeated myself plenty.

Wishing you all the very best with your little bean.

Good luck tomorrow Hippy, I do hope you're not kept waiting for long.

well hippychick you could come and join my community. its quite the norm for asian families to have children into their forties. As long as you are mentally physically fit and capable of raising a child why not? Society will always judge you have to grow tough skin.

i was about 11 and my oldest sister 22 (7siblings in all) when my mum had her last child. I was embarrassed, i thght how will i live this down at school. But no one cared. When he was born my mum had it easier because she had older children to help her look after the child.

it's funny how things have changed i am expecting my third and the nurse raised her eyebrows at me like in shock i had so many kids? See in todays times having more than 2 children is seen as being a scrounger. oh she must be on benefits with all them kids . im thinking she may be entitled to them or maybe her husband works, and heck i thght it was a couples right to choose how many kids they want, why is it disgusting..

ignore them! Besides i think there are more benefits to being a mature mother.

Hi guys am booked for the evacuation of blah blah blah etc tomorrow morning at 7.30am. Bleeding is still very stop start so am hopeful that it will not all kick off before then.

Feel much calmer now I know what's happening. Just didn't want to have to manage this myself and I knew it would freak the boys out if they were in the house when it happened.

Just wanted to say thanks so much for totally letting me hog this thread yesterday - it was a huge help.

I'm glad I started the thread but feel sad when I read how I started it all!!

Doc today said it's about a 1 in 4 chance of MC and we would start again with a clean sheet. She also said my 2 previous pregnancies were a good sign (sorry if you MC'd on first pregnancy and that comment seems insensitive) - I'm just trying desperatly to be positive rather than negative.

Welcome to Outdoormum, I hope someone answers your question and that I haven't sent you scrurrying off with all my bad news.

Hi all, had the evacuation yesterday (always makes me think of children in 1940's clothes being ushered onto a stream train.)

Feeling ok physically - shell shocked emotionally.

I'm gonna jump off this thread now, cos I want to stop depressing you all. I will check into see how many babies we get. The more babies born to over 40's ladies the better news for us all.

Good luck to you all and sorry again for hogging the thread the other day.

hi everyone,

I'm new....42 years old and 8.5 weeks along. I just discovered this thread today and read it straight thru. Hippychick and others, I'm so sorry for your losses. My first pregnancy ended in m/c when I was 35 so I've been through it myself. It is devastating. I went on to have 3 healthy pregnancies and I adore my 3 littles who are 5, 3 and 1. I hope this does not offend anyone as you all seem so positive about your pregnancies! But truthfully this one came as a shock to me as I really felt done, and my 3 are all still quite small and while I adore them, the pregnancies took a lot out of me with hormonal anxiety/depression and terrible sickness/exhaustion. I know I will adore the baby but the pregnancy - UGH - feel so overwhelmed by it. I hope this is not insensitive after what many of you have gone though to get here....just wondering if anyone out there can relate at all. Thanks forletting me vent and again my apologies for being such a downer!

I am 40 in April and on my 3rd pregnancy, although I have a complicated history. So in brief - My daughter was born April 2005 and died October 2005 from a genetic condition, I miscarried number 2 in 2006. I am waiting for an early dating scan and a CVS to see if this baby has the same condition my daughter had.
So although Im excited Im apprehensive about the possible result knowing we have a 1 in 4 chance the baby will have the condition.

But wanted to post on here, hoping good vibes will make sure baby is healthy and I can eventually enjoy a good pregnancy with a healthy baby.

Hi all and a wave to those from the over 40 ttc'ers. Am cautiously joining in.

I am 41 in April. We live in the Middle East right now.
Am 4 weeks tomorrow and had my beta hcg at 12dpo come back at 76.4. Will be having the follow up draw on Sunday to check rate of increase so am hopeful. Have had 3 boys already and no problems ttc until this one where I've had 2 chem pgs and an early mc at new year. Doc has me on progesterone supplements and has also given me baby aspirin but as I haven't had the phospholipid test I'm reluctant to take them.

Wifey, how far along are you? Hoping this is a happy healthy pregnancy and baby for you this time.

So sorry to hear the sad tales from Hippychick and others. I knew it was supposed to be much more risky being pregnant over 40 and this thread does seem to confirm that - or so it feels.

May be being a bit selfish but just wanted to post my news. Following a positive screening on the combined test (we decided not to test further but to just live with whatever the outcome was) I've just had a great 21 week scan. The radiographer was lovely. Kept telling me everything looked perfect and well within limits, to stop worrying and to start enjoying this pregnancy. We're having a girl to join with DS (2 years last week). I was sure this one was a boy so have yet to get my head round the news. DS told me this morning that he wanted a sister not brother - so maybe he knew!

hello, I am new to this. I am 40 (41 in oct) and would like another child. I have 3 (15, 13 and 8) and came off the mini pill almost 2 weeks ago. I have been having unprotected sex with my partner who is 32 since then, and wondered, could I get pregnant this quickly? Its lovely to hear everyone's stories on here, some happy, some sad. My heart felt thoughts to those stories who are sad (hippychick - hug x) I am very nervous at the thought of another baby, but find myself thinking about nothing else!

Ilovegregoryhouse- sorry haven't been back for a while, I am 7 weeks this wednesday (3rd) I am supposed to have my scan next week,, but haven't heard from the hospital, and my GP is off today, so I shall be on the phone to her tomorrow as instructed by her. If I get no joy then I shall phone my genetic counsellor to let her know, as she is waiting for my dates to book the test I need (well the baby has the test not me), then I shall phone the maternity dept at the hospital, the early pregnancy unit and anyone else who can deal with it for me.

Sorry to hear about the problems that had been posted about before I first came on, in 2006 I had a missed miscarriage, which went on to a natural miscarriage, and that was my choice. But I was told that as I had had a previous full term birth. It is extremely scary.

My post seemed to have lost part of it, What it should have said was - that as I had had a previous full term birth, then the risks of another miscarriage were as normal as anyone else, and it had shown I could go full term.
Sorry doesnt sound how I wanted it too. [confused[

Any news TheWifey? Hope you and your are ok.

I've just got back from ANC, blood pressure fine, fundul height fine, urine fine. However they've booked me a scan for 4 weeks time (I will be 32+4) just to "check". Assured me everything appears fine, but they would like me to have the scan and then have an appointment with the consultant.

Anybody else had this?

TIA
xx