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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Boy/Girl!!!

133 replies

AnotherHelen · 29/06/2005 11:08

Im growing more and more worried about how i might react to the sex of my baby! i hate that im even writing this as there are far more important things than this, but, i have 2 boys already and my sister has a son also, she recently gave birth to a girl and now she and my mum and partner are worried that i may be very dissapointed if i get another boy, i am a very maternal person and there's no way i could ever look at any of my babies and feel disapointed!! but what if they are right? what if when he/she is born and they say its a boy, how will that feel? id hate to think i could EVER feel dissapointed about a baby, has anyone been in this situation? how did it work out?
Helen 28+1 xxxxx

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

tigi · 05/07/2005 20:39

I've got 3 boys. Ds was a perfect baby, and is still a sensitive caring boy, we are great friends. I naively expected ds2 to be a girl- a perfect family, one of each, and I was very miserable and sad afterwards. I felt cheated. I just wanted a girl to have a special mum/daughter bond with (like I have with my mum), and go shopping when she was older. DS2 is the most cuddly sweet little boy I could wish for (and he dances so that sort of helps!!!) We decided to try for baby 3 because I felt so broody, and a bit beacuse I needed to try before I regretted not trying for a girl when I got old! Anyway ds3 was born, and actually I was fine about it- I surprised myself! Now they are great friends. The younger two are especially close and share a room, and little one copies middle ones actions all the time! I do find that I have to make sure they are excercised well to get rid of all that energy (!), but we play cricket and football together so it's just great! To be honest it was my MIL who drove me more nuts about it, as there are no girls in the family, and she let her disappointment be known, although she seems over it now! The other thing that annoys me is all the 'you've got your hands full' comments! I reply, 'no they are lovely actually!'

blueteddy · 05/07/2005 20:47

Like you wouldn't have your hands full with 3 girls???!!!
I work in a school & believe me, the girls cause as many problems as the boys!

MrsMiggins · 05/07/2005 21:06

i really wanted a girl but had DS. As soon as he was born I fell in love & his sex didnt matter. He is now 3 and you couldnt wish to meet a more sensitive boistrous loving outgoing person. I adore him. I then had DD who is just 1yr. When she was born, several people said "you got the girl you wanted". How ridiculous. I love my children because of WHO they are, not WHAT they are. If I had another boy it would have been great - infact DH wanted another boy as he said he wouldnt know what to do with a girl !!

kizzie · 06/07/2005 09:24

Muppety - I agree. I think I'm worried about missing the relationship I 'might have had' with a grown up daughter. How silly is that!
Kizziex

Redhelen · 06/07/2005 09:40

Do you think - in this day and age we should be able to chose the sex of out second child - it just seems the sensible thing - and ultimately most of us want one of each (I know every ones different)- not to grow a national boy only army as I've heard some experts say to decline this arguement.

It seems to me we have so many choices in life with this issue one gapping black hole. My MIL has two sons - she lost a daughter (her first child) and has in truth never go over it.

muppety · 06/07/2005 09:41

Kizzie I am right with you! My DH keeps telling me to stop worrying about what might or might not happen in 20/30 years. He is right of course and I am enjoying them here and now. But I look at them and love them so much and then feel so sad that one day they will probably be closer to their MIL than me!! Its also true that the daughter in our heads might not be the one we actually ended up with.

Maybe I am unlucky in that who I know has affected my opinion. ALL of my friends are close to their mums and most tolerate their MIL at the very best. My brother is close to my parents but even my mum has to admit its not the same. How many men will spend hours chatting on the phone?

Deep doen I think I know I will have a thrid. Of course if I have a boy he will be loved and doted on as much as the others. It really is not about not wanting boys but about wanting a girl too. If first has been a dd then I am sure I would have loved an army of ds to follow. Also I think if second had been a dd I would have wanted another boy for my third.

Original poster

AnotherHelen · 06/07/2005 12:23

Ooh choose the sex?? hmmmm....... i dont know that i could do that.....

OP posts:

logic · 06/07/2005 12:39

I used to think that ppl shouldn't be allowed to choose the sex but this was back when I was the best parent ever i.e. had no kids. I thought that you should be grateful for whatever you got as long as they were healthy. Now though, I am coming round to the school of thought that it might prevent a lot of heartache and unwanted children. I think that most people would go for the boy/girl combination too.

Original poster

AnotherHelen · 06/07/2005 15:52

Its actually quite thought provocing isnt it? if we could all quite easily choose the sex of all our children what would we choose to have???? i think i would still have my 2 boys first, and then i would like a girl (but then possibly i would try and talk dp into a 4th to get 2 boys then 2 girls! ) i do kind of feel that you shouldt interfere too much which these things though, but then i can see your point of view logic! - it would make some people decisions easier!

OP posts:

Flummoxed · 06/07/2005 16:41

I have 4 boys, my first was stillborn. So many people have said to me during my pregnancy and since having my youngest, now 6 months, 'Ooh I bet you want a girl this time don't you' or 'Oh another boy, what a shame!' I really could wallop them (and me not a violent person)

My reply when pregnant was that I really didn't mind as long as the baby was ok and since that I wouldn't change my boys for the world and have never been in the least bit disappointed about not having a daughter.

People should have a baby because they want a child, not a son or a daughter. I don't understand how anyone can be at all disappointed in whatever they are blessed with.

Just what I think, but then I guess I have a very good reason for feeling as I do.

Flummoxed · 06/07/2005 16:46

Tigi, there are all boys in our families too. My sister has 4 year old twins and SIL has 3 and 1 year old boys and won't be having anymore. It was kind of expected that I would have a girl as our baby will be the last grandchild on dh's families side, but no, and we don't care!! We like boys, they have great toys

Oh and I get the 'hands full' comment constantly, but reply like you as they are fantastic!!!

blueteddy · 06/07/2005 16:50

I agree 100% flummoxed!

Flummoxed · 06/07/2005 17:02

It's also one of the reasons I didn't find out what I was having at the scans. I do like the surprise, I find knowing before is a bit like peeking at your Christmas pressies before Christmas, takes that lovely surprise away. And also because it really didn't matter what sex I was having.

Midwives all the way through were convinced my 2 year old was a girl, but he certainly isn't (although I could pass him off as one with his lovely blonde curls ) and I sort of knew my youngest was a boy.

I have beautiful boys and I am very happy with my lot

Original poster

AnotherHelen · 06/07/2005 17:07

Oh Flummoxed! im sorry!!!!! how horrible about your first!!!! in fear of sounding like im contradicting myself i DO agree with you! like i said i do come from a big family and i think it was inevitable that i would probably have a few babies myself and like i have said to dp if i knew before i got pregnant this time that i would again have another boy - i would still do it without any hesitation at all!!!!! i guess i must remind myself of that sometimes!!

OP posts:

blueteddy · 06/07/2005 17:12

Me too!
I couldn't believe that even the doctor who was going to perform dh's vasectomy asked if we were sure we did not want to tyr for a girl!!!
FGS you do not try for a girl, you try for a baby & I would have thought a doctor would not come out with something so silly.
Also, if we had intentions of another baby we wouldn't be inquiring about a vasectomy!!!!
My boys have both been mistaken for girls as baby's too, infact poor ds2 was called "Princess" by one of the stewerdesses on our flight back from the States last year!!!

Original poster

AnotherHelen · 06/07/2005 17:21

Oh blees him! my ds2 has just had his hair cut! up until a couple of days ago he had blonde curls! and i lost count of the people that called him her? he now looks like he could be an ex-con!

OP posts:

logic · 06/07/2005 17:33

Don't get me wrong, I adore my little princess and wouldn't change her for the world but I do know of people who have kept trying for a certain gender and then having the "wrong" one and rejecting the child. I don't think I would have taken steps to ensure another boy though - even if I'd had the opportunity.

I can't imagine how terrible it would be to lose a child, flummoxed.

It turns out that my dd has a (fairly minor) medical problem that will probably require an operation so even the 'as long as she is healthy' statement is a bit depressing atm.

muppety · 06/07/2005 18:06

I don't think you should be able to gender select. I mean IVF is very drastic and I think its the only guaranteed way isn't it? Sperm spinning and other methods are not 100% and I would hate to think any child would be rejected because of their sex.

The important thing is that all of us on here who thought we had a preference would never for one minute change the child we have once we meet them. It must be terrible to lose a child and like I said before the way I felt after ds2 scan is absolutely not something I am proud of in any way. Now when I look into his face I feel guilty because he is the most gorgeous little thing (as is ds1 obviously!!)

Flummoxed · 06/07/2005 18:30

Muppety, it is awful to think that some children are rejected because they are not the 'right sex', but sadly they are.

One of my cousins first had 4 boys and desperately wanted a girl, hence the 4 boys. Eventually she did get her girl and definately favours her. All of her children were born after I lost my first little boy, so she knew what we had been through, but it still wasn't enough that her children were all ok. She also greatly risked her own health by having more and more and was constantly advised not too. If I had been told there was a risk I may die if I became pregnant again, I certainly wouldn't take that chance. My children need me!!! Madness!

AnotherHelen - from reading some of your other posts and how fondly you speak of your boys, I really don't think you need to worry about how you will feel if your new arrival is a boy too. I think it will be absolutely fine.
Also have to say that each of my 4 pregnancies were different, so I really don't think anyone can go on that theory.

I know everyone here loves their little people, no matter if they would have preferred the opposite sex. If you are like me then you wouldn't want to change them one little bit (even if our 2 year is the most wilful little man you could find, but sooo cute and funny too )

blueteddy · 06/07/2005 18:59

It is awful isn't it flummoxed?
There is a woman who lives in the town that I live who has had 12 children in total (2 were stillbirths) of which she has 9 boys & 1 girl!!!
She only had all these children to try for the girl.
Imagine how that must make her boys feel & how much she probably favours the girl.
There was also that woman who was on GMTV before she went abroad for her sex selection.
She had 4 lovely boys around the breakfast table & she said in front of them "I didn't mind what ds1 was but I wanted number 2,3 & 4 to be girls."
I felt really sorry for her boys.

muppety · 06/07/2005 20:36

If I had a thitd and it was a girl would try soooo hard not to let the boys feel second best. Also I would never want them to feel that I only really wanted a girl. I admit if I could I would have ordered pink last time, but TBH by the time I had a second scan at 39 weeks, I was relieved he was 'still a boy'. I had bonded with him then/he had a name etc.

juicychops · 06/07/2005 20:50

i really wanted a girl and when i found out the sex of ds i was a little disapointed but soon got used to it. but now i wouldn't mind having another boy cos i love him to bits

HelenEmjay · 19/09/2005 19:10

Sorry to revive such an old thread but i remembered this and had to say i had a girl!!! so my gutt instinct WAS right all along! She was born last monday morning (12th) and she weighed 7lb 5oz! and she is called Olivia!

HelenEmjay · 19/09/2005 19:11

Sorry i USED to be AnotherHelen now helenemjay!

compo · 19/09/2005 19:13

oh wow, it's always nice to see the end of threads like these. Congratulations

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