Boy/Girl!!!

[AnotherHelen]

Im growing more and more worried about how i might react to the sex of my baby! i hate that im even writing this as there are far more important things than this, but, i have 2 boys already and my sister has a son also, she recently gave birth to a girl and now she and my mum and partner are worried that i may be very dissapointed if i get another boy, i am a very maternal person and there's no way i could ever look at any of my babies and feel disapointed!! but what if they are right? what if when he/she is born and they say its a boy, how will that feel? id hate to think i could EVER feel dissapointed about a baby, has anyone been in this situation? how did it work out?
Helen 28+1 xxxxx

Hahaha andif! you have helped - its great hearing other peoples stories! im sooo pleased you might be having a girl! i know what you mean about the not believing it until you see it though lol! i think some days i am really ok with it and then other days, especially when people say 'what u going to do if u get another boy??' i feel abit worried, but like most people say - i really am beggining to think im more worried about how i will cope with other peoples reaction more than my own! isnt it strange how other peoples opinions can affect you so much sometimes? xxx

Anotherhelen- I think the other peoples negative reactions just go to re confirm how positive you feel about child. Like I said My third boy was not'what I had ordered' nut if anyone insinuated it I was livid! Just made me love and protect him more!

not 'nut'.... 'but'!

I've got a girl (oldest) and three boys. When I had ds2 I was really sad that I was disappointed that he was a boy (despite having one of each already). I couldn't really understand why I was disappointed either. So when I was expecting ds3 I made sure that I found out at the scan what sex he was and although I was initially a bit disappointed by the time he was born I was perfectly OK with the idea.

I'm now expecting no.5 but this time I was less bothered because (as someone else said earlier) I had a miscarriage and then there was quite a high Down's risk so it all seemed less important. I would still rather have a girl, mainly for dd's sake - she's desperate for a little sister rather than another rumbustious brother! having said that she's quite ungirly really ... and we have found out again what we're having .....

Thanks Mamatoto! i think im feeling more and more positive about it all now, and yes i do feel if anyone said 'oh never mind' or 'oh dear' i think i would jump on them! i never looked at it all quite like that - that does make me feel better thankyou!!
Wow no.5 robinia!!! congratulations! and u know what it is!! r u not allowed to tell?? i know many people like to find out but just keep it to themsleves, i possibley should have tried to find out with this one, but i did with my first and then dp said he didnt want to with no.2 so i said i wanted to find out so he should leave the room, and i will keep it secret, but i accidently called him 'him' a few weeks later! (my big mouth! lol!!) so i promised i wouldnt ask this time! but i agree that it would have given me time to get my head round 3 boys! i have been 'tickling' this babies toes this morning and it sooo sweet to watch him/her squirm whenever i get them! how can i feel worried? [guilty, guilty, guilty,] xx

No blueteddy I don't think you are being harsh. I agree. Would never consider a third unless I was 100% sure wanted a baby and not just a girl.

I think the public make it worse. Society is 'down on boys'. The other day an old lady came up to me and asked what sex the baby in the buggy was. When I told her she said 'oh dear 2 boys'. I had never asked for her opinion. She then said I needed a daughter as sons are no good when you get old. At work I deal with the public and was actually pleased and proud to say I knew we were having another boy. That shut up all their 'bet you want a girl' and 'fingers crossed for a girl' comments. I wonder if people with just daughters get such a hard time??

I know how lucky I am. My boys mean everything to me. They are gorgeous and I would never swap them. TBH I think I too would fear other peoples reactions more than my own if a had another boy.

I got people coming up & assuming I MUST be wanting a girl when I was expecting ds2, just because I had a boy already & it really got on my nerves.
I really didn't mind what sex my baby was, as long as it was healthy, as I found out ds1 had a multicystic kidney at my 20 wk scan.
Ds1 is totally fine, he is now left with 1 kidney because the other one shrivelled up over time, but it did upset me at the time of his scan.
When I was given my 20 wk scan with ds2 I was SO relieved that all was ok that I didn't give a thought to his sex.
When he was born & people asked what I had, had I always said "A little boy" & not "Another boy"
Because he was not just another boy, he was my new little boy & an individual whos arrival was just as important as his brothers.
If anyone made a comment about "Oh another boy?"
I would say something like "Yes we are pleased that ds1 has a little brother to play with."
It makes me that people feel they have the right to act negative about your new baby being "just another boy/girl" when a new baby is something very special regardless of its sex.

at that womans comment muppety.
That is a load of pld tripe as well, because my Nan has 5 children, 2 boys & 3 girls & TBH the most attentive of them all is my uncle.
My Nan is 84 & he is round there every day to do her tea etc, and if he isn't round there he is always phoning her!
I adore my boys & it makes me cross when people make negative comments! (little boys adore their Mummy's too!)
But no, I think parents of girls don't get the same kind of negativity, it is really sad.

Sorry, that was meant to say old tripe!

I've been given sympathy loadsa times for my three boys.

Yeah OK, if I was given an order form for number 4 (IF!), then I'd tick the pink box, but would I change any of my boys? No way!

A sensible woman I met in a Waterstones once looked at my boys and my tummy (I was expecting no 3) and asked, 'do you like Barbies or Bob The Buildre?' I replied that I could just about live with Bob, but Barbies drive me around the bend, did when I was a little one too. She then said 'I hope it is another boy then' (we knew it was'.

I agree! a new baby IS very very special! i think they all deserve nothing but love and cuddles despite whats 'down there' (sorry) if i do have another boy then i will try and stop myself being bothered by other peoples tactless comments, im not sure people realise how hurtful they are being sometimes! - elderly people tend to be the worst!

I think thats part of my problem! i love pink stuff and barbies and all things girly - im slowly dissapearing into a sea of bob the builder and boxers!

I did get one positive comment after I had ds2 & it was from another Mum of 2 boys.
She asked what I had, had & when I said I had a little boy, she said "Oh that is great! They will play with all the same toys & be great company for each other!"
I could have kissed her!!!

I had one fab comment too, blueteddy - when I told someone I thought #3 was a boy their reaction was "Oh how fantastic - a little boy gang" (my oldest has just turned three, middle about to turn 2 and #3 about to arrive)....

I haven't posted about this before because it's deeply personal but I've been through a similar thing and want to reassure you, Helen. It's what MN is for after all!

I think that most people have a preference whether or not they admit it. I wanted two children, and I daydreamed about two boys. Having a girl didn't come into my mind. I got my first boy but on my second pregnancy, I was told on the scan that it was a girl. I was absolutely devastated which is an awful thing to say but it's true. I cried for weeks. I slowly got used to the idea over the following months and chose a name and called her 'she' so I was sort of accepting it by the time she was born. The moment that she was born though, I fell in love with her. I can now see all the possibilities of having a girl - less Bob the builder for a start - and ds loves her to bits too. You won't be disappointed.

Junior magazine has an article this month on how we are all'down on boys' as a society. When people say negative comments to me i say 'we ( my dp and I) make lovely boys so the more the merrier!'

My DS3 was due last Wednesday (am still waiting for him to arrive) I have been through every emotion in the book during this pregnancy ... basically i was hoping for a girl. Decided to find out on my 20week scan - and i cant deny i was devestated. I have now worked through all the emotions , have come out the other side and cant wait for my 3rd little boy- also feel quite guilty about how i initially felt - and am also ready to take all those annoying comments head on!!!!
Last week i was asked "Oh, two boys already what are you hoping for"
My reply - "well i am really hoping for a baby"

Oh thanku logic! i suppose its only fair to be honest about how you feel! i can see why people feel like they shouldnt have an opinion on which sex they get, but i think if people do feel very strongly about it, then its more healthy to be honest and admit it, after all no matter how people feel about a new babies gender - not bothered, or very bothered im sure their no.1 priority is a healthy baby above ALL else, and concerns over gender come maybe 2nd on the priority list! i can see wonderful benefits from having 3 boys, but obvioulsy for some reason its more socially acceptable to have both!
LOL!! tessiebear! good answer! i can understand your reaction at your scan! - but its good that you are ok with him being a him now! i LOVE my two boys and this baby too no matter what he or she is! i guess i just need a bit more girlyness in my house!!! - there's so much male-ness in this house if this baby is a boy too i fear i may start growing a willy and a new-found love for cars!!

Fingers crossed ds3 gets a move on too tessiebear! he's obviously found himself a comfy spot! xxxx

AH - I have, in the following order - bbgb. I was delighted to have 2 boys close in age (though dh wanted no 2 to be a girl!) He then got "his" girl, and I was chuffed too (bf her for ages btw). DH hoped no4 would be her sister. It was not to be! Our little ds3 (18m) is the sweetest boy ever and dh's best little mate atm. Dh adores him, and so do I. When your next little one is the same age, putting his/her little arm around you saying "my mama", you will forget you were ever worried. But you know all this anyway...

I was very honest with my closest friends about how I felt after my 20 week scan with ds2. Only the ones that would understand though. It also meant that when one of them phoned to say she was having a girl she was lovely and understanding when I was a little upset. It is a personal thing though and you have to very careful who you share it with.

Part of my problem is that Ilove all things girly. I have saved all my barbies/sindys since I was a girl for my daughter!! I find it hard to be enthusiastic about 'boys toys' Also I think I was hoping for that mother/daughter realtionship that I share with my own mum.

Interesting you felt like that logic. I was on the may thread and when I read you were having a girl I thought 'oh lucky you'! Just goes to show. Thankfully though despite my feelings after the scan there have been absolutely no problems bonding with my baby boy.

I know what you mean Helen - i am TOTALLY outnumbered in our house - even the dog is a boy. But that makes US MUMS extra special IMO!!!!
I have now come to the stage where it is easier to just embrace the whole boy thing than fight it!! For example - i am quite a girly girl and never been bothered about Football - but know i even support a TEAM. I stand cheering like a looney at DS1's matches, and am even considering joining a local womans team (when i am no longer pregnant obviously!

I have bgbb and was hoping no.4 would be a girl mainly for dd who was desperately hoping for a sister. When I told her it might be a boy she flatly refused to entertain the idea. I felt I had to find out for her and had to pay for the privilege. I have to admit I did have a big old cry on the way home. Dh's comment was that we're not that neat and tidy a family but I really wanted another girl, I've still got all my girlie clothes from dd. Finding out definitely helped me and I thought of a name for him and refused to budge from it. Of course we absolutely adore him (now 21 months)wouldn't swap him and dd was fine when he was born. I did dress him in just white for a while and newborns are fairly unisex and unboysy. However I do love having a sister myself and when I see dd playing by herself and all the boys together I do feel a little wistful and sad for her. If only we had a bit more space and money I might just give it a go but of course could end up with another gorgeous baby boy....

Spidermum I have the same family as you ! My dd really wanted a sister but loves our 28 month old to bits. I worship him ...we all do ( he is spoiled!!!!!) but he deserves it!
I am now pg with no 5.......

Post script - People say to me ' but you have a girl' and I know I do and she is lovely ...they ALL are but its inexplicable. I cant help the way I feel and i sooo wish i did not feel like this but its just in me this desire for another little girl.