Boy/Girl!!!

[AnotherHelen]

Im growing more and more worried about how i might react to the sex of my baby! i hate that im even writing this as there are far more important things than this, but, i have 2 boys already and my sister has a son also, she recently gave birth to a girl and now she and my mum and partner are worried that i may be very dissapointed if i get another boy, i am a very maternal person and there's no way i could ever look at any of my babies and feel disapointed!! but what if they are right? what if when he/she is born and they say its a boy, how will that feel? id hate to think i could EVER feel dissapointed about a baby, has anyone been in this situation? how did it work out?
Helen 28+1 xxxxx

oh muppety. It's weird this preference thing isn't it? As you said, you do bond with your baby whatever gender it is!

Helen, some friends of ours have 3 boys and they are a lovely family. All the children get on really well...

I only have the one ds, but I was determined to have a girl! Come from a family of girls and wanted the same - always expected I'd have a girl. Real shock to discover at scan that ds was a ds. Bewildered - wondering what on earth you do with boys! Took me a while to get my head round it. And I did miss my mythical little girl. BUT bonded v. well with my bump and felt this amazing recognition when ds arrived - kind of 'oh, that's you!' as if I was meeting this person I already knew IYSWIM. Now very glad I didn't have some unknown girl instead of my gorgeous ds who is (obviously) the best little boy in the world. So you can overcome a very strong preference for a girl, IME.
HTH

i also hate it when people assume i would love a little boy more this time as i have a dd already. it truly is not the case, i love my dd to bits and would really love another dd, i haven't even thought of boys names yet lol

Was discussing this tonight with a mum of six, five girls and a boy, said she was almost dissapointed number 6 was a boy as she didn't want everyone to think he mattereed more than the girls. Can totally identify with that now, OK I'd like a girl, but not if it made my boys feel less special.

Anyhow, with our three she'd be a tomboy anyhow- I am!

I think scans are a good idea to find out early on, by the time ds3 was born, we had totally bonded with a little man named Harry, not just a nameless and genderless fantasy.

Do lots of you know three-boy-families? They do say that once you have two boys it is very likely that a third child will be a boy too. I would have thought therefore families of three boys would be very common. I don't see many - do you? dh thinks it would be fab and a little 'unusual'

MommyD - we'll be a 3 boy family in September, not that unusual I don't think, I know a few.

I was at a toddler group this am and everyone was congratulating 3 women who were there with their new baby girls. They already have boys. Everyone overlooked me with my ds1 and 6w old ds2. A gradmother was also there with her grandaughter. The girls mother was in labour. I overheard her saying to someone that it didn't matter what the baby was since she already had her girl. She said a boy would be ok but she feels sorry for people with 2 boys. Glad she did not say that to me!

Its odd. My mum says that this girl preference is only really in our generation.When I was born apparently everyone said 'oh better luck next time' to my dad.

I admit a baby girl would have been the icing on the cake but other peoples attitudes makes me fiercy protective of my boys.

I had a boy first and then found out my second was a girl and I still feel guilty now because I did a littly yeh when I found out with my ds in the same room, both he and my DH wanted another boy but I was one of three girls and was never really girly but did want a girl. Having said that I would not have tried again had I had a b. Most of my friends have families of boys and they play really well together whereas my two will have slightly different interests possibly. Also they can share a room which is really nice. We will have to split our two up as they get older.

Muppety just read your message. When my mother in law went into labour with her third after two girls, my fil did not bother going to the hospital as he thought it would be another girl and when she had a boy, she said she was so proud of a boy because everybody else in the ward had a girl. She was also disappointed when I told her I was having a girl last time even though she already had 4 grandsons. My DS still gets a bit more fuss than my DD which makes me a bit sad. So it is our generation!

Muppety, how awful

My friend had 3 girls & everone thought she was destined to have girls but she went on to have 2 boys.

I have boy/girl & get cross when people assume i won't have anymore as i have a 'pidgeon pair'. I never looked at it by 'sexes' more as how many children i wanted, and besides in my short experience girls are harder work, give me boys anyday!!

Stilltrue - that is very sweet and true i LOVE it when my ds2 (28months) puts his little arms around me and says 'kisses mummy!' and my ds1 is very affectionate and very sensitive to peoples feelings i love them both so much - despite what gender they are! it is strange how so many of us really develop a preferance, and i think we shouldnt beat ourselves up over it either! I have to say although i think its terribly inconsiderate to be so blunt about it i can understand people's ideas that girls are better (not better but for want of a better word!!) my mum always says that most boys tend to venture off into the world when they grow up and when they get married they tend to steer their lives more towards their girlfriends/wife's family as girls are more likely to be their mums best friend for life and want to stay as close to home and mum and there family as possible, i can believe that im sure there are many exceptions but i do think boys are more likely to 'move away' Plus there's nothing better than a shopping spree with my mum and sister and i want that with my own daughter i guess! although my aunties neighbour just had her 16th baby!! as she badly wanted a boy and so far had 15 girls!!!!! she finally got her boy and is now saying awww he cant be on his own though can he!!!! - r u mad woman????

I have two gorgeous boys who are wonderful BUT I cant have anymore children and I'm afraid I do really mourn the fact that I'll never have a daughter. I know I should just be gratful for what Ive got but I do feel sad that I'll never have that mother/daughter thing with my own girl.
I feel bad even admitting it.
Kizziex

Oh kizzie! you shouldnt feel bad about saying these things, i think it makes you feel better to say these things and get them off your chest! it may not be the same, but this baby will HAVE to be our last, and so if its another boy i think i will also feel bad for the girl i wont ever have! its ok to want a boy or a girl, i think when people become completely obsessed and even stupid about it then its wrong! Like my aunties neighbour, it just shows even if we could (or could afford) to have lots and lots we still arent guaranteed to get a girl (or boy) xxx

I have two older brothers.... and I am the only one who has 'moved away'!!! You can't predict what your children will grow into, be they boys or girls. Heap on the love and most will remain close, even if they become geographically far, IYKWIM.

That comment was awful, Muppety. Two boys must be brilliant, they can share a room and be best friends!

I had lots of comments when I was pregnant too along the lines of 'oh you must be desperate for a girl!" and 'Oh I hope it's a girl for you...". Nobody asked what I wanted and it really wound me up but I ended up not saying anything and just nodding politely.

Two boys IS brilliant - mine don't share a room, and sometimes seem to fight constantly, but they are far more affectionate than most girls I know. They also have similar interests and need lots of exercise which makes weekends simpler (and cheaper..) - just lots of dog walking in the fresh air with rugby balls flying around!

I think you're probably right - it IS better to say things than bottle them up.

The funny thing is that i was really hoping to have another go at IVF and was absolutely convinced that IF i did get pregnant then it would be a boy. I would have been totally delighted to have baby 3 but am sure would still have been sad at not having a daughter.

Anyway was told that there was no chance of it working so wasnt meant to be - boy OR girl....

Good luck with your baby!!!
Kizziex

Oh thanks kizzie! - im sorry you cant have another, i didnt want to ask why just in case u thought i was being nosey (i can be a little nosey )
I love my boys - they share a room together, and early (not too early) in the mornings when they wake up you can here them chatting with each other about cars and what game they are going to play! - its really really sweet! I think its ok for us to want a specific gender but when other people 'give' there opinions wanted or not! (i know most people only mean well) it really does hit a nerve!

I think I can probably get over the pink/barbie/girly thing by indulging my friends daughters now and again.

What really worries me though is when I get older. A lot of women have said thats the first time they actually missed having a daughter. My mum is not nearby but we chat loads and are really close. My MIL however is very nearby and whilst I would not deprive her of seeing the boys I keep my contact to a minimum. I would NEVER call her for a chat or go for lunch with her. Neither would DH. he is a good son but it really is not the same as a mother daughter relationship. All my friends have daughter so will I be old and home alone!!??

It is not always the case muppety!
All the men I have ever seemed to go out with have been such mummys boys & my own dh didn't leave home until he was 29 & that was with lots of pushing from my estate agent mother!
Also, like I said b4, my uncle is by far the most attentive of all my 84 year old Nans 5 children & that includes her 3 dd's who kind of do what they have to!
You never can tell!!!

I think boys and Mums can be close- my Dh left home at 27 and whilst their relationship simmers rather than boils, i's OK. BIL still lives with MIL at 30, they share a mortgage now and will nevr part- I think it's a bit sad (its the result of a sudden marital breakdown) but they do seem incredibly happy that way.

Whilst I have moved to Wales partly to get away from my Mum, whom I clash with badly.

Don't think genetics is the key whoever said that, I'm all girl family, dh is all boy, mil all girl, fil ? (adopted) Mum mixed and dad was eight boys and eight girls.

Id love my boys to stay close to me - they are my little gang and the thought of them growing up and not being around much kills me! but at the other end of the scale i really wouldnt want them to be dependant 'mummy's boys' my cousin is like that and i think he is such a nice good looking lad (he is 34 and still lives with my auntie and does everything with her and his dad) he would make a great husband and dad!

Is your uncle married blueteddy? On the whole I think maybe the 'sons a son till he takes a wife' thing is kind of true. Also I still maintain even a good son is unlikely to chat for ages on the phones/'do lunch' or go shopping! I accept not all daughters will do that though. I also think not only does your relationship with your son depend on his partner, but that will also be influenced by her relationship with her mother. In otherwords you will be less close to your MIL if you are close to your mum. Maybe it would help if one of mine was gay!

He was married, but is now divorced!
He does have girlfriends though & the last 1 was very attentive to my Nan too.
I think he just really thinks the world of his Mum & goes out of his way for her.
I was going to say to you that your ds's will have to find a wife who does not have the greatest relationship with their mother.
That way she will be likely to have a close relationship with you & go shopping etc & you will be no1 Nanny to the grandchildren etc etc!
A gay ds would be another option!!!
I think it is generally a steriotype about the son, daughter thing & how close they are to their parents when they become adults.
It all depends on the individual TBH & I can tell you now that I have a lot less time for my Mum than dh does with his!

I must say that I am more likely to go shopping/do lunch with my dh than my Mum!!!