Don't shoot me but... what exactly is so hard about having a baby?

[Naivenewbie]

Ok, I know that sounds like I'm be deliberately provocative. I'm not really. But I'm expecting my first baby in 10 weeks (eek!) and am just wondering what specifically it is that turns your world upside down? Don't they just eat and sleep at the beginning? Seriously, don't think I'm taking the piss. I am just genuinely wondering why my house has to turn into a pig-sty, why I apparently won't be able to get out of my pyjamas before bedtime, cook a meal, wash my clothes etc. People keep implying these things to me and, whilst I am open to them (rather like my PJs actually), Im just wondering why it's the case...

I said to my friend recently about her new-born, can't you try to sleep when he does? And she said it's not that easy, you find so many things to do. And I'm wondering - WHAT?

Thank god you posted that Morningpaper. I was beginning to get paranoid that I was some highly strung pessimist with my first born. He cried all the sodding time and would not bloody sleep.

I fully expected the same with DS2 and he was the most chilled out baby ever. Me and DH were still the same people so I don't think it was anything we did/didn't do.

FWIW I hated the newborn stage as they are quite dull really. But I loved the toddler stage.

Just thought I'd share that my fantastic, adorable son is fifteen days old today. I love him so very much - but sometimes think it would be quite nice to coo over him then hand him to someone else for the night. I have had two hours sleep in tweleve hours.

You suddenly go from everything being about you to about this little bundle. The fact you have to watch what you eat during pregnancy is nothing in comparision to forming your whole day around the little person who is entirely dependant on you. I was going to put "routine" there, but there isn't a routine with a new born - they do what they fancy, and you will comply, thank you very much.

The moments when they're content and looking up at you with those huge eyes, and its obvious that you are the most important person in the entire world to them - those moments make the exauhstion worth while. But they feel very few and far between when you're sleep deprived, recovering from the birth mentally and physically, and having your whole life up-rooted around you.

Also - you will have moments where you will be thinking "What the fuck have I done?" / "I wish things were the way they used to be" etc. This is normal. If any parent tells you that they never had a single thought along those lines - they're lying outright.

Good luck, and please reread your first post about two weeks after birth I'm off to sleep.

Naivenewbie...there isnt any reason...even though i had a very prem baby and was feeding ecery 3 hours....let them fit in with you...dont pick them up all the time...you will make a rod for your own back,crying doesnt kill.
Plan meals a little better and hoover when they are asleep. Get them used to noise. Close their bedroom door,they dont need to sleep in your room.
Its wonderful...dont let them rule your life...they are the wonderful addition.The calmer you are ,the calmer they will be.

alypaly: With respect, I think your advice is pretty much nonsense from start to finish. Are you a Maternity Nurse?

took 2.5 month to majorca and had a fab time ...on beach all day...its all about being organised and well planned. And some of it is about making do, rather than saying 'i cant do this because of baby'.
Once resentment sets in things can go pear shaped.

I wish you luck and hope the optimism carries on. If you feel like that now ,maybe you will cope well...

No morning P...just a mum who thankfully found it easy despite the prem baby.Not nonsense for me

Nothing you read on here or anywhere else or that anybody tells you will prepare you for what it is like to have a first baby!!

How hard you will find it depends entirely on your personality, the baby's personality and how much support you have.

Having said that, I do think it is a Good Thing to go into the whole motherhood malarkey with a positive outlook , but also not too blinkered: that's what MN is for, I wish I'd had it for my first few months with DS1...

Personally, agreeing that newborns are just too cute for words, I still prefer other people's babies, because you can hand them back. I do not like the whole total dependency and lack of control over what I am able to do when in my life. I have to admit, I have babies only because I like toddlers/older children .

DS1 (v highstrung wee boy at 6 yrs, and a nightmare screamer of a baby) almost finished me off (and I did not even have PND) and put a real strain on our relationship, but it can't have been that bad as I am currently expecting DS4 .

If OP comes back: very best of luck to you, naivenewbie, hope you have a good delivery and enjoy your little one. Seeing your child develop and grow, and looking after it, is likely the most exciting and boring thing you'll ever do.

i think the op has been scared away!

Had no help from partner,as he was working from 6am til 8 pm every day,then out golfing at weekends. No family except for very elderly mum,who was scared to death of prem baby. Maybe being an older mum (33) at the time helped as i didnt mind the nights in too much. I was fortunate except for prem baby,not to have colicky babies and screamers...but stress is a greta cause of that and i am sure they pick up on your stresses.

They are wonderful and they dont stay tiny long enough.

Ooh and another thing - you know the bit in Fantastia where they do the Sorcerer's Apprentice - with all the endless broomsticks carrying endless buckets of water? Substitute buckets of water with dirty washing - and that's what the laundry is like after you have a baby.

Alypaly - with respect if you didn't have a colicky baby I would suggest you have no idea how far stress impacts upon colic. To suggest otherwise is just a bit - well, smug frankly.

Ha ha ha ha! Easy!

Fantasitc, tiring, exhilirating, lonely, suffocating, amazing, boring, frustrating, comfortable, painful, scary, all of the above but NOT easy!

But having a positive attitude helps and try to enjoy it because it will be over before you know it. The newborn stage is actually much easier than the toddler stage. Once they can walk that's it!

no longtalljosie...just relating my own scenario...not smug at all...as i said i was fortunate...so obviously dont know what it is like to have babies with colic,but i DO know what it is like to have a poorly prem baby...so smug,definitely not.

I think the toddler stage was a piece of piss.

imo pivotal is the acceptance baby will (to an extent) rule your life

they cry - you respond
need fed - you fed
soiled - you change
cry - you soothe

this show 'em who is the boss is total mince!
they are a dependent baby with physical and emotional needs and initially they are the boss of you. until you both settle into deeper understanding and semblance of order

i am not saying you lose all control, but be prepared to relinquish well ordered controlled life. i found that part initially baffling and frustrating.but you have to go with you and baby flow

only when i allowed myself slack to do this did my self-persecution ease. i had tried to live a pre-baby life with a baby. tried to be Ms Organised etc until i gave myself permission to just be good enough

Alypaly, also with respect... I was not stressed when I had my dd (and remain unstressed she is 9 months old!), in fact I was living with my parents for her first 12 weeks, so had no household chores to do either. Nevertheless, she had bad colic for several weeks, bad sleeping, bad exzema.

These things have nothing to do with being stressed, and I think it's quite insulting to say it does.

Your comments above, and use of the phrase 'making a rod for your own back' do indeed make you sound like an 'older mum' - my Great-Grandmother of 90 years old made exactly the same comments to me!

Sorry, just re-read my post and didn't mean to sound so insulting AlyPaly. "Rod for your own back" really touches a raw nerve with me now! Hopefully I'll get over it by the time I'm a great-grandmother.

You do appear to imply that if someone has a colicky baby it's likely to be their own fault for being stressed, though, alypaly (you don't specifically say that, admittedly).

I would say that if DD had been my first child, rather than my second, I think it would all have been a lot easier than it was with DS. They are very different personalities.

Having them in your room is recommended to reduce the risk of SIDS.

when I had DS1 i was advised by the midwife not to always pick baby up when he cried. As they can do this for comfort. She showed my how to wrap him up in preborn position and it really helped. At times he just wimpered back to sleep and then he settled. I found it a really helpful piece of advice...as babies can be the best 'salespeople in the world'...i.e i cry,you pick me up...now im smug baby cos youve responded.

I am eternally grateful to my midwife for her advice

Babies can't be smug!

I don't know what age people learn that emotion or sensation, but it's definitely not in their first year of life!

And 'comfort' is just as important need as 'hungry', 'thirsty', 'tired' or 'pained'... surely?

How selfish of your baby wanting comfort from its own mum.

Your MW sounds like an arse.

baby cries pick it up!a baby needs nurturing and love and affirmation.this training a dog show it who is boss mentality is baffling

i ran faster than a sprinter when my baby cried and always picked up. that ole school, "spoil a baby if you pick it you all the time" is harsh

But what's wrong with comfort? If you were crying, would you like it if your DH refused to give you a hug because you were doing it for comfort?

Why shouldn't a baby be cuddled? And how else are they supposed to ask for it other than by crying? If you say to your DH "could you get me a drink of water, please?" and he does, are you a smug wife because he's responded?

And there is a baby personality thing here yours (and some other babies I've met) would just whimper back to sleep but not all babies do (one of my NCT class members who did the same thing reported in awed tones that "sometimes he cries for as much as twenty minutes..." either of mine would have been just getting warmed up after twenty minutes).

FWF i said a rod for your own back ,with picking them up...trying to be helpful...it was a general term which i think you have taken the wrong way.Crying doesnt always necesitate picking up...it can be attention seeking and they do become a bit like pac=vlovs dogs...ie i will cry,you will come running syndrome.IYGWIM
Babies do sense stress as do animals....

for everyone thats having a go at me.i have agreed and anotated that i was fortunate to have my situation. I have also said that i do not know what it is like to have a colicky baby but bigBUT have had a poorly PREM baby....so i didnt have it that easy.