OLD temp buddies, still together.

[rainbowdays]

Sorry I could not think of an original title

Just an update on my scan yesterday. I had only an external scan, so not as clear as having an internal. Gestational sac measures 6 weeks, which is exactly the same as last week. So that was not what I wanted to hear. I am not giving up on this pregnancy yet. I will just wait til next weeks scan to see what that one says. I am not easy to scan and I know that early scans can be very variable in dating. So I will keep hold of the slight hope that this might still work out ok.

And Chooster - do a cheap test to put your mind at rest that it is just a bug you have......

Sorry you didn't get the re-assurance you need rainbow . But as you say, keep thinking positively and see what the next scan shows. I really hope it all works out. .

Feeling much better now thanks so must have been a little bug... .

Minxi, I am terrified about my next labour because of the complications with the first. Were you advised to have number 2 as c-s? Or did you elect? Or did it just go that way again? Happy belated birthday! How are you feeling? We are doing fine thanks, H is a real joy, she has just dropped her afternoon nap, not sure if this is about the right time, but we are going with it. Weaning is going well, we were going to do purees, and started out that way ? even gave a little baby rice, even though I thought I wouldn?t, but purees are not for H it seems, so we are doing the baby led weaning approach. The gagging is pretty frightening, but she seems ok with it

Rainbow, sorry to hear that you have not had the reassurance you hoped for. But I am pleased to hear you are not giving up. Thinking of you.

Fettle, 9 weeks is such a long time. I would be annoyed if people saw fit to keep telling me it was not that long. I have said it before and I will say it again, you are amazing. I don?t like it when dh is not home for one night, it feels weird, so 9 weeks would be hard. I remember dh went on a tour of the US for 3 weeks a few years back, we had just moved into our new house, new town, I didn?t know anyone, had not started working in that area yet and it was awful ? that was without having children to deal with too. I hope the 9 weeks fly by for you.

Chooster, glad to hear you are feeling better. A road trip sounds like fun. I am sure the boys will be fine on blow up beds, it will be a mini adventure for them

Iamamummy, sorry to hear that things are so hard for you. I can only echo what everyone else has said really. I am really lucky, my dh is fabulous ?. He works super hard, and some evenings can?t help out with H but whenever he can he does bathtime or bedtime ? he loves being a dad and wants to spend time with her at every opportunity. I think that it is crass of your dp to say that he rescued you and even suggesting those that complain ended up in council houses on their own . I grew up in a council house, and my single mother had very little money ? my upbringing was pretty dysfunctional ? but not once has dh (who comes from a well to do family) ever suggested he rescued me. Sounds to me like your dp really doesn?t realise how lucky HE is. Hope things work out soon for you.
Also, I know this is controversial, but I also don't understand why it is so important for people to have their own money - IMO couples are a partnership. So at the moment your contribution to the family may not be financial but what you are doing is worth SO much. I am still earning maternity pay, but once that stops I won't have to ask for money to spend, and just because I am stop bringing any money in, doesn't matter - because we are a team and I am contributing in so many ways.

Lottie, how are things? How is the breastfeeding going? And your routine? Is it getting easier with every day?

Right, I really have waffled on? hope everyone is doing just fine.

Ready I was terrified about second birth too (my first had ended up being a c-sec under general, the epidural hadn't worked but they insisted I was making it up when I said I could feel things, only when I said what was that metal against my skin did they believe me even DH!!! I was then put straight under had high bp for over a week which the initially the hospital sent me home only when midwife came round she sent me staright back to hospital for another week - it was an awful experience and not the one I had hoped and planned for!! The second I didn't know what to do and was so scared about going through the whole thing again and ending up the same way that I was persuaded to do elective - which as terrified as I was, the consultants and aneathatist midwifes all knew about my prev exp (different hospital too - made loads of other mistakes) they were really caring and it was a lovely experience... third was fine too and although terrified all over again for this one - am not thinking about it at the moment... so all in all it has to be your decision of vbac or elective personally the elective was the easy option and I was happy with my decision.

rainbow hope everything will be okay - do you have many symptoms?

I dont really have any symptoms, just a bit tired not even sore boobs - keep thinking I have imagined this one up?! I have a dating scan on Friday so I will see what is going on..

Must go - dh back from trip today and I have loads to do hello to everyone...

Hi All

Must go and do some chores, but just saw this new symbol and wanted to try it out!!

Rainbow - sorry you're still in limbo - hope you have some conclusive results one way or the other (hopefully positive obviously) next week. In the meantime, positive thinking seems a very sensible thing to do.

Ready - I'm not surprised you have some anxieties about giving birth again - it wasn't exactly straightforward experience for you! You need to make sure that your MW knows all your concerns when you are next pg, so she can try and ease your fears. You planning number 2 then?!

Chooster - hope you are feeling better now. I've been feeling sick on and off for months now, but I know it can't be anything exciting, but it is still very annoying. Probably stress or something in my case!

Minxi - glad to hear you sounding quite calm about baby number 4 - I hope your dating scan goes well.

Iamamummy - how you doing? Have you asked for help?

Well DH is safely back in Afghanistan now - feeling pretty positive at the moment. Waiting for the negativity to hit me, as I tend to have major highs, followed by big lows - wish I had a flat emotion scale, but then I suppose I wouldn't be me!!
But we had a good 2 weeks, busy but good and I've so much to do in the next few weeks, that I'm sure that most of the weeks will whizz by before he's home again.

Hope everyone else is doing ok - really must get on.

xxx

hello hello

ready- don't worry about your next birth please! There is no reason why it would be the same as your first. Don't forget that your body has gone through the experience now and you have also learnt loads from the experience that will help you next time around. Try to think about the positive things and reflect on the negatives with the question- how can i avoid that next time? I don't personally believe that an elective c-section is ever the best solution. Have faith in your body and it's abilities .

rainbow- sorry your scan wasnt more informative- it must be hard waiting. Why didnt they offer an internal scan?

hi everyone else

Sorry to hear you're feeling a little wobbly about a second labour ready... its always good to get these things out in the open so definately speaking about this to your next midwife would be really beneficial. My best pal had a emergency c-section after being in labour for a ridiculous amount of time and for her second they were really pushing her to have a second c-section. she did some research though and fought for a natural labour / birth and thats what she got with her second daughter. I guess this will be a briedge you'll have to cross at some point... When do you think you may ttc again (if thats not too personal! ).

So so pleased that you had a good 2 weeks with DH home fettle - it seems to have flown by! What did he make of you weight loss? As you say you've loads to do / think about over the next few weeks that hopefully it will pass as fast as possible. I always imagine that your DD older than she is.... not sure why...

All good here - work busy but boys are just great. I visited 2 friends yesterday with newborn baby boys.... Ahhh, they were both so so adorable. Its wierd this nausea thing Fettle - do you get it every day? Mine has come back again but I know I'm no PG - I may go to the doc if I still feel like this in a week or 2. Its not a massive issue but its just an underlying sick feeling.

Chooster/Fettle, I would say it is stress/worry. But do get these things checked though ladies.

Fettle, I hope the time flies by for you ? so much to do I am sure it will. Are you excited about moving, or feeling apprehensive? It really is gorgeous up that way.

Crikey Minxi, that sounds like an ordeal ? I was definitely numb, it was hilarious to be able to wiggle my toes yet not feel the ice cube the anaesthetist was rubbing over my legs! Are you going to find out the gender this time?

I was thinking of you Honeyapple as I wrote my fears down, good practice for you ? see the thing is, I have no idea how I could have avoided what happened with H, so how could I possibly actively avoid the same thing happening next time? Of course I know every pregnancy is different, and H?s head was stuck in an odd position. But the thing that frightens me the most is that I am not big (ahem) and I had a 9lb3oz baby and I have heard they get bigger!!! Big babies run in DH?s family, there is not one under 9lb!!!

I am not thinking of ttc just yet girl and besides I have to wait for a year due to the c-s, so they told me, and I am being good . The surgeon said to me when I was on the operating table ?come back and see me when you are ready for your next? so I just assumed that I would be encouraged to have a c-s next time. But at my 8 week review the consultant there said that there was no reason why I couldn?t have a vbac. so I really don?t know. I will definitely talk to my midwife when the time comes.

That said, I was going to ask you all about gaps? I am fairly sure it has been discussed before, but I was thinking I wouldn?t want them too close together, so would want H to be a little bit more independent before number 2 is born. What age do they start to be more of a help than a hindrance?

ready - NEVER!!!

ready- some MW believe that 95% of women- given enough time- can deliver normally- ie vaginally. When you say that DD was stuck/ in an odd position, what you could have been encouraged to do is to get mobile- walk around- try different positions- ie get on all fours etc. (obviously I wasn't at your birth so don't know what was suggested). There is a definite opinion in hospitals that 2nd stage (ie pushing) shouldn't be longer than 2 hours- however there is very little evidence that putting a time limit on this is neccesary.

sorry... back in a minute! supper is burning...

Hey Ready - you should get formal counselling from Honey!!!

Chooster - I went to the GP about my nausea a while back and was prescribed antiacids for a month and given a blood test for H. pylori (bacteria that cause ulcers). It improved drastically very quickly with the treatment, but has come back sometimes worse than others over the last few months. I was told if it came back that I'd need a tube down into my stomach to look for stomach ulcers, so I'm going for the head in the sand approach at the moment, but I really ought to go back! I just want the antacid drugs back as they worked a treat!

DH was very impressed with weight loss and noticed pretty immediately despite his slightly spaced-out demeanour for the first few hours he was home!

I'm sure the next few weeks will fly by, but I've just read about a major operation about to start out there in the area where DH is training the afghan army, so you can count on him being involved somehow - just hope we don't lose loads more guys - they are saying this offensive is going to be far bigger than the one last year when loads of guys died or were injured.

Honey - did your buyer pay for your buggy yet? I've just had a pretty unsuccesful e-bay sell - sold 7 items for not very much and I'm not sure it's been worth all the hassle! I'm definitely not great at this selling malarky, perfer buying!!

Right - suppose I'd better put the children in the bath.....

byeeeee

ps Greedy - you're terrible - Toby already is indendent - makes his own meals, baths himself, does my shopping, undresses himself.... [OK, so I need to either completely re-do everything, or tidy up afterwards, at least he's trying!!!]
Ready - every age gap has it's positives and negatives! Personally I'd just decide right I'm ready to try again (no Pun intended!), and go for it - it may take another 2 years, or it might happen immediately, so deciding on the perfect age gap is really just pointless, I'm afraid!

hi fettle good advice about the age gap thing. In a perfect world where you could get PG as soon you wanted- I would think an age gap of 3 yrs would be marvellous. But I know lots of people prefer them closer together. (I have a 4 yr and then a 5yr age gap...)

Ready- You mention being worried about the size of your baby- nature is a wonderful thing- women do not make babies that are too big for them to give birth to . OK- now a load of you are going to say they had massive babies that would never come out- but I REALLY believe that in the right environment (ie NOT hospital) and given enough time, then nearly all women can have straightforward births. In hospitals MW and obstetricians are just not patient enough! They don't like doing nothing and just watching/waiting... they like to DO something- ie they like to intervene. The World Health Organisation has said that there are too many c-sections- ideally the figure should be maximum 10% not 25% as it is at the moment. It is only in the last 30yrs that hospital/medical birth has become the norm and there is no evidence that it is safer than a home birth. Infact if you give birth in hospital you are more likely to have drugs or epidural and then need intervention. RECLAIM YOUR NATURAL ABILITIES AS A WOMAN TO BIRTH YOUR BABY!!!!!

Right ok- can you tell I am studying with the NCT?

oh dear ready- why are you sad? Sorry if my post upset you

why Ready?

Blimey Honey, are you really getting brainwashed indoctrinated trained by the NCT - I'd never had guessed Good you're getting into it so much though - I'm pleased you're obviously enjoying it.

Just have to give some possibly unwanted or hopefully already considered advice, that you are a bit careful with people who have real medical reasons for intervention, such as me with my obstetric cholestasis and others such as preeclampsia as then intervention really is necessary, but I'd perhaps have been made to feel that I was failing my baby and myself because I had to be induced IYSWIM?. I'd loved to have had the opportunity for a home birth with no drug intervention, but I couldn't for the safety of my baby.

Oooh - I'd love to have a real-life discussion with you about this over a bottle (or 2) of wine! When are we going to arrange a proper thread meet-up?!

xxx

Ooh - crossed with you Honey there!

xxx

ps - just seen the Daily Express says it is going to snow and be -12deg again next week!! When is this weather going to stop? I HATE SNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (except where it is supposed to be, where you can sledge and ski, so I suppose I like snow as long as I don't have to drive anywhere in it!!).

Ready - {{{{hug}}}}}, sorry you are feeling

fettle- absolutely of course I am only talking about women with totally normal/uncomplicated pregnancies- I am not at all against medical intervention when it is needed . But my concern is that some medical interventions have ended up being routine- instead of being for the women that truely need them. No one should feel they have failed- any in the end of the day- all we really want is happy, healthy mums and babies.
(and yes I am getting a bit indoctrinated! But it is SOOOOO fascinating reading about all this stuff that we take for granted. I have always questioned things- but only recently have I become aware of how much in maternity care appears quite arbitary and not based on medical evidence.)

rainbow- how are you?

I guess I feel because, as fettle said, I feel like I failed H somehow.
I went 2 weeks over, she never engaged at all, I only ever dilated 5cm over hours and hours of contractions without pain relief and even another hour with gas and air ... and we didn't know her head was stuck until she was cut out, so I wouldn't have been told to try different positions as we never got to any pushing stage.
We lost her hb during the induction, I thought we were both going to die at one point, so the decision to have a c-section was taken in the early hours of the morning after days of no sleep for me, and goodness knows what for H. It felt like the safest (and only) option to get our baby out safely. We couldn't take the risk of losing her.

To be honest, I am not really sure I have got over the birth of H. Some nights as I fall asleep I replay the events over in my head and I don't think that is helping me come to terms with the prospect of doing it again with baby number 2.

I'm not being very eloquent today I am afraid, and I really ought to go and get some housework done while my precious poppet naps

Interesting Honey - Sounds like you're having a great time with your training - its right up your street! By the way I liked your comment about the fact that you enjoyed cuddling the babies but you'd felt you didn't need to go there again. Thats a nice way to feel about it .

How are you ready? You OK? I hvae to say I like my 3rd age gap (but then I dont know anything else ) DS1 had some good time with us on his own and now I get some good time with DS2 when DS1 is at school. Also he much more self-suffient so is often at friends houses / birthday parties etc most weekends, so again I can see a lot of DS2 on his own. But I guess there are pro's adn cons to any age gap.

Hi fettle - Hope DH will be oK - it must be such a worry for you, but like you say you just need to keep that chant up! He will be fine, he will be fine, he will be fine...

Rainbow, when is your next scan?

Oh ready - sorry that this is still playing on your mind so much. To be honest I think it is worth speaking to someone about it, perhaps ask your HV. If a birth was traumatic then it can have such a big impact on how you feel about things and how positively you feel about giving birth again. And if you still think about it often then its still at the forefront of your mind. I know I was affected and still am by my second labour when my baby was only 21 weeks. I was left with a horrible view of labour wards as my most recent memory was of giving birth to a baby who was not alive. The haemorrage afterwards also left me terrified about dying in / after labour. I didn't really think of these things too much at the time but they really hit home when pregnant with DS2, and then again when I was pregnant recently. To be honest I think that was a big part in me feeling a little negative when I first found out - I just had a gloomy feeling.

But in the meantime, I really hope you know that you didn't fail H in anyway - in fact you did what anyone would have done and thats the safest thing for your baby and for you. You did what you had to do and no-one can ask any more of you than that.

Dear ready- you really had a lot of bad luck when it came to your labour with H. You mustn't feel like you failed. Induction is never the best way to start labour- a lot of women who are induced end up with a caesarean. And that must have been so scary for you when they lost H's heartbeat. I would have had the c-section without any hesitation. But this doesn't have any bearing on your next birth experience. Also it is interesting to know that when you are scared or stressed your body releases adrenalin. Adrenalin is the fight or flight hormone- so not the best for labour. If you think of an animal going into labour in the wild- if they are suddenly in danger, adrenalin kicks in which stops labour so that the animal can get somewhere safe. Humans are the same. I experienced this with my first birth- having contractions fine at home- get to hospital and contractions completely stopped! It would definitely be worth talking through your experience with someone.

Ready dont be sad - I totally emphasise with you and totally know what you are feeling, I think after DS1 I totally removed everything from my mind - how awful it had been the pre-eclampsia then the nightmare birth then eclampsia for several weeks, but when I fell pg with DS2 I knew this was for real and had to face up to my fears so I spoke to all the preofessional people I came into contact with the midwifes, consultants and especially the aneatheatist once my decision was to have an elective (I didn't make that choice until 36 weeks!!i was so scared) So like Honey says too there is no right or wrong way and you will know the next time as I think the first time you feel very initimidated and just want to go with what they say as you have never done this before...but don't worry yourself talk to people and when you get round to number 2 you will know what to do for the best..

ANyway I had my dating scan today and for the first time felt happy that all was ok, thankfully only one but it measure about 8.3 weeks due 14th Sep... but had a happy moment after all the negativity and stress I had been feeling so now looking slightly more positive- though have had a dreadful stomach bug last 24 hours and not feeling the best,... Im hoping it goes soon as its so painful having stomach cramps and rushing to the loo!!

Hope everyone ok - pains have started again so off to lie down..not in good shape!

Great you are feeling more positive minxi - its a lot to get your head round but good that you are seeing the good aspects of another baby - it really be great . Ooooh, the bug sounds nasty, hope you are feeling better soon