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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

OLD temp buddies, still together.

589 replies

rainbowdays · 13/10/2009 16:33

Sorry I could not think of an original title

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Chooster · 25/01/2010 10:56

Its really emotional Lottie! You love them so much but they can also be little buggers! And especially when its your first time, I think you're still in a state of shock for a while! Bless DH for soldiering on . If you do want to them to take a dummy try again in a few weeks. Neither of my DS's were that keen early on but at around 2 months or so they thought a dummy was a great idea . Of course some mums wouldn't be that keen to try to encourage it but it can give you a bit of much required peace sometimes - particularly if you're flying / travelling. And I've not found weaning them off dummies that tricky - maybe I've just been lucky...

Good luck today rainbow! Let us know how you get on?

greedygreedyguzzler · 26/01/2010 11:24

i agree on the dummy thing. only ellis had one, but he didnt like it to start with and then after a couple of months we tried again and he loved it.

good luck today rainbow, you really deserve this time to be the time!

londonlottie · 26/01/2010 12:21

This reply has been deleted

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Chooster · 26/01/2010 13:10

You go for all those things Lottie! I think wth twins as well you just have to do whats necessary!. Even with just one, I used dummies, breastfed them to sleep, carried on bottles longer than I should have done etc.... Hoe much longer are you in Switz for? I think it was a placement? I moved (only to Edinburgh though! ) when I was 8 months pregnant with DS1 and I really missed London. I think you'll get used to it a bit more when you are more mobile and able to explore all the great things that will be around you .

Rainbow - hows things? Hope yesterday went well.

rainbowdays · 26/01/2010 13:22

Sorry for the delay in updating you all, and thank you for asking after my scan. Unfortunately I am still in limbo land with this pregnancy. The scan showed that the gestational sac had grown but not as much as would have been expected. A yolk sac has appeared but no fetal pole evident yet. So I have to go back in two weeks time, for yet another scan. I do have some hope as with my dd I had a scan at the same time and it showed growth two weeks behind, yet when I went 11 days later it had caught up and was exactly to dates. So I just hope this one does the same. And that in two weeks I get to see the heartbeat. Doctor just rang and moved my appointment back from next week to the following week. I got the hcg results which are now 12000, from 3000 10 days previously. So at least for the moment things seem to be going the right way.

Lottie - on the dummy thing, each of my children refused the standard "orthodontic" dummies, but all of them immeditely took to the "cherry" teat dummies. I think the bigger fatter teat reminded them more of the nipple!!!! , but it is worth a try. I suggested it to another friend of mine and it worked for her too! Sounds like your two little monkey's are working out that they prefer the mummy boob to the bottle!!!! It will be hard for your dh to get past that one. My little darlings would never take a bottle from me or anyone else if I was in the vicinity. It was only if I was out of the house that they would take the bottle!!!!!! Children are clever even when they are so small!!!! And totally agree with the tired and emotional bit with having children.

OP posts:
minxi · 26/01/2010 14:41

Just a quick note before I need to do the school run..
Rainbow fingers crossed all is okay at the next scan..not very nice to wait though for what ifs...Hope you are okay

Lottie My ds1 had a dummy did cold turkey at 2 years DS2 no dummy and DS3 have just stopped dummy today, he doesn't rely on it too much and he starts nursery next week for a couple sessions and didn't want them just plugging it in his mouth etc.. so far so good but it is great if they like it as gives them some comfort first few months plus they don't end up sucking fingers (a friend of mine who's son is 7 his fingers are always red raw!!)and thumbs which you can't throw away!! Sounds like you are having fun though - one thing I did with all mine is keep them awake as much as you can from about 2/3pm with a half hour nap about 4ish then start the bedtime routine about 6pm...got mine into bed 7/7.30 particularly early!! Must confess though I was rubbish keeping them awake mu mum howver managed it fine...I got her over most afternoons for a couple of weeeks - is your mum coming back soon..?!

I saw dr yesterday and have a dating scan next Friday as they need exact dates as this will be a fourth c-sec and under no circumstances can I go into labour - felt even workse when i had come out of there!!!
Must dash as school run..will catch upo later...
fettlehpe you having a lovely time with dh x

honeyapple · 26/01/2010 19:46

rainbow- sorry to hear your scan wasn't very conclusive- but good to hear your levels are increasing and everything seems to be going good. Keeping everything still crossed for you .

Well I very excitedly sold my buggy for MORE than the buy it now price- which is totally nuts! Although still waiting for the money... Bidding finished on sunday night and I sent an invoice straight away.

Had a great (tiring) weekend away with NCT. Very full on- lots of working in groups and all that sort of stuff. But I feel really enthused and ready to get on with the work ahead. Was great just doing something for me!

Lottie- boy my boys had dummies (well Dex still does) but DD was a thumb sucker (and still is...) She spat dummies out and eventually found her own fingers- which i was happy with.

Chooster · 28/01/2010 13:03

Just bringing us out the depths... Hope you get some conclusive news soon Rainbow - I know how much you want this and I really hope its good news this time! .

Glad NCT weekend was good - its all sounding really good! I wonder if it will make you more or less broody...

How is everyone else?

honeyapple · 28/01/2010 14:14

chooster- i've just been at a postnatal meet up with the group that i observed last year so got lots of baby cuddles in. Part of me felt broody but also i got a sense that maybe that part of my life is over- and I can move on! I'm not sure that i need to do it again!

iamamummy · 28/01/2010 16:07

hi ladies!

Lottie - welldone to you and dh!! you sound like you are coping so incredibly well and your both naturals! i found it so so hard in the early days with oscar so i cannot imagine how overwhelming it all is with 2!! oscar never had a dummy i kept trying to introduce it to him but he had none of it...at 3 months he found his thumb and they are yet to be seperated whereas herbie LOVES his dummy!

seaside - happy birthday to cassius!!! wow where have these last 2 years gone? cannot believe i shall be a mummy to a 2 year old next week either.

rainbow - im keeping everything crossed that things are going smoothly for you xxx

sorry this is so brief got so much on here.

can i just ask a quick question...what is the role of your dh/dp when he gets in from work? and what sort of job does he do? and also at weekends how does he contribute to the house? me and dp seem to constantly be at each others throats lately and there is obviously some bad feeling on both sides...its a long story but basically my dp expects me to take care of everything in the home, be his personal secretary (he runs 2 businesses) i have just done 2 years of accounts for him, plus other things/jobs he tells me to do during the day while he is at work...one of the ones currently on my list is re-dec a 2 bed flat and clean it all of this is to be done aswell as looking after 2 under 2. I am coping pretty damn well i think and i do get most tasks done which he asks daily.
I broached the subject of returning to work with him and he said he doesnt want me to and he would rather i be at home with the kids. I really only want to go back to work 2 nights a week just for a bit of my own independancy really some of my own cash in my own pocket. So lately i have been doing the odd bit of betterware which is paying for our holiday this year and i also said to him that i would go back into hairdressing and work from home (which i am fully qualified to do) but before i do i would need a small refresher course for 10/12 weeks just to get back into the swing of things. He has now gone off on one saying i need to be at home with the kids and sort things out for him bla bla bla. Now when he gets in from work he goes for a bath, which is uninterupted for a minimum of 30 mins. when he comes downstairs he makes all his phonecalls etc which can take up to an hour, he then has dinner and will sit on the sofa and "relax" he does have a very physical job, he is a tradesman but at the end of the day if i ask him to give ds2 a bottle its a chore, or get the kids undressed its a chore. herbie is nearly 4 months old and he hasnt even changed 1 nappy yet If i say to him can you have the kids for half hour while i pick up the betterware books he says no he shouldnt have to look after the kids after a hard day at work. when do i get time out? at weekends i still run and do everything apart from he may cook a meal on a saturday evening but he still comes and goes as he chooses all weekend. he doesnt go out down the pub etc but i just would like a little help. i explained this to him and his response was ok so if i help out with the kids get them ready for bed etc... you are then redundant so whats the point in being with you, i knew what the deal was when we decided to have children

so last night i finally got both kids down by midnight and collapsed into bed myself dp had been in bed since 9:30. we wake at 7am this morning and he wants some "relief" i told him no and why does he have to hassle me every morning when im half asleep...he said because i prefer it in the morning. so i said well why cant we wait until tonight....he said i dont like it at night so forget it.

He got up, i got up to make his sandwiches for work and he started slamming everything down in a strop and i asked him what was the matter and he just shouted GO AWAY! have not spoken to him since. he came home for a bit earlier said hello to ds1 and completely blanked me.

so i just wondered what all your dh contribute, i told him to ask people he works with and see how they help their other halfs out as he thinks i am being unreasonable demanding he help me in the evenings and weekends...he just replied they are not together anymore so i should thank myself lucky im not in a council house.

I cant win can i?

iamamummy · 28/01/2010 16:08

sorry that was so selfishly all me me me post.

hello to everyone i didnt mention xxx

rainbowdays · 28/01/2010 16:35

Iam - your post reminded me of an email I got sent:

What Do You Do All Day?

A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pyjamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard.

The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.

In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfa! st food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened.

He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.

As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still cur! led up in the bed in her pyjamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went.

He looked at her bewildered and asked, 'What happened here today?'

She again smiled and answered, 'You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me sarcastically what in the world I do all day?'

'Yes,' was his incredulous reply.

She answered, 'Well, today, I didn't do it.'

Send this page to a woman.
Priceless

OP posts:
greedygreedyguzzler · 28/01/2010 16:47

oh dear iamamummy. what can i say? obviously it sounds like your dp isnt doing much at all and is being completely selfish. i think some men are just like this though aren't they. you said you knew the deal before you had kids, did you know he wouldn't change nappies etc? did he tell you all along? what was he like with oscar? did he help out more with him? is there any way you can get him to agree to you going away for a night or a weekend even, so that he can see what it is like looking after them and how hard it is for you? my dh is generally fab and does loads around the house and with the kids, but i still have to moan at him to do stuff and he often doesnt think to do things by himself. he still gets lots of 'me' time too, cos he goes to karate once a week and out jogging twice a week, but he normally wont go out until they are all in bed, so i dont mind so much.

every couple is different, and have their own ways of doing things, but you have to make sure you are BOTH happy with your way of doing things. sounds like he is getting everything all his way at the moment.

greedygreedyguzzler · 28/01/2010 20:18

rainbowdays - that was great!!!! i missed your post before! wouldn't it just be great to do that one day? who would have to clean up the mess in the end though? it just wouldn't be worth it would it?

honeyapple · 28/01/2010 20:37

Hi all

iam- . I really feel for you. Your DP spounds like he is being a bit of an ar*e at the moment. I think it is a really hard situation to be in. You obviously need him to help you a bit more than he does, but I can also hear how you sound like you don't feel appreciated by him- for all the things that you are doing. It is HARD work being a mum and we all don't get enough thanks for it. My DP isn't brilliant at helping me out and I am constantly moaning at him! Sometimes I just have to say- LOOK! OI! I need a hand here! To be fair to him, when I ask he does help- but he just doesnt realise that I am struggling- so I have to ask. He very rarely says- 'right I'm going to go and give Dex a bath' for example. I have to say- 'Darling- can you do Dex's bath...' .
He is excellent with the older ones- does all the football and stuff with DS1- so mainly he happily does all the fun stuff! As for nappies- if I am here he doesnt do them! (not poo ones anyway).
It is also hard when you are not earning any money for yourself.
You need to have a good talk with your DP- without getting cross or moaning- tell him the things that are good about him as well as the things you'd like help with. Remind him that you are a team and he needs to be an equal player in all aspects- childcare and housework included. Remember all the good things that made you fall in love with him in the first place.

londonlottie · 29/01/2010 08:45

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Chooster · 29/01/2010 10:13

I have to agree with the others - it seems DP is being very self-centred. I know they say that men tend to come into their own once their kids get to about 3 and become more intersting - i.e. do more play stuff... but he has to pull his weight more at this stage because this is when its hard and tiring. Its not fair to leave you to being full time mum for 24 hrs a day while he enjoys nice relaxing baths etc... I know you say he works hard and I sure he does but then so do you. I think you work miracles if you can do accounts / re-decroate flats and have the 2 boys full time! . Sometimes I know I complain about my DH but he does so so much more with our kids. He does their dinner if I've been working, he pops them in the bath and plays with them until they go to bed. I think London Lottie's advice is good about speaking with him and talking about how you feel about things. Maybe start with him bathing the kids after he's had a chance to relax and at least that will give you 20 mins to do some things for yourself. I really feel for you and hope you get through to DP soon - for his sake as well as he'll be so much closer to his boys if he gets involved now.

iamamummy · 29/01/2010 16:33

Hi ladies

thanks all for your messages.

What dp meant when he said i knew what i was letting myself in for was...when we spoke about having children we always agreed he would be the breadwinner and i would be the housewife and i am perfectly happy with that, i dont mind housework, having dinner on the table at a certain time, having the 2 children 5 days a week for 12 hours a day on my own. but i did not realise it entailed 24 hour 7 days a week all around the clock care with just me being the sole carer for the children but guess i was wrong.

we live in a lovely house which he has done all the work himself and i suppose he sees it as his job is done now. i come from a family who didnt have much money and was bought up in a council house so this is where his comments came in as his view is he "rescued" me.

I have spoken to him before about this and it ends in heated discussions all of the time and me being accused of being unreasonable. When ds1 was 5 months i actually walked out on him. He did get a lot better and as ds1 has got older he does more things with him but like one of you has said its all the "fun" things. when i was pregnant and working nights he helped out too by getting ds1 changed and in bed but now ds2 is here its back to the same mundane routine of me doing everything. I dont know maybe as the boys get older he will help out more but at the moment i feel as if i am suffocating as i do not have a life of my own, i never go out on my own i barely see friends and regularly have to cancel lunch dates as im so bogged down with chores and just lately i feel as if i havnt even been doing a great job at being mum because i have been so stressed and snowed under with accounts and paperwork i have had no playtime with the children at all.

and on the nappy front i am deadly serious not 1 nappy since ds2 was born. last night i bathed and put ds1 to bed then bathed ds2 and bought him down for his bottle before bed....we did have a slight breakthrough as dp actually took him off me for 10 mins for a cuddle then passed him back and said sit him in his chair...to which i didnt i cuddled him to sleep then took him up to bed.

i guess its just a waiting game until they get a little older and maybe he will help more.

Fettle · 29/01/2010 16:44

Oh Iamamummy - poor you! He does sound a tad unreasonable - I'm not sure what to say other than echo what the others have said. It is not healthy for you, let alone your relationship to carry on like this - something has to give. Are you watching out for PND? Parts of your last post just made me worry a little for you - that obviously won't make DH help anymore but it might be making you feel you are suffocating more IYSWIM? Sorry not really something I can put across properly on paper (or screen), but I hope you understand the sentiment? Just promise me you will talk to someone in RL? But then you really do need to talk to DH - you need some you time. Believe me after being a "single" mother for the past 4 months, I'd forgotten what it was like to have anothr pair of hands around and to have some time to myself. It is so important for your own well-being, as is keeping some sense of independence. Do you have any family near-by who could help with the boys for just a couple of hours a week, so you could at least get some you time and maybe do some Betterware work?

Right - I have to get on, just popping on to say I'm thinking of you Rainbow and wave to everyone else. I'll be back properly (probably a bit sad), next week once DH has gone back. We're having a great time, but it is suddenly dawning on me that he has to go back and I know everyone keeps saying but it's only for 9 weeks, but that's still 9 weeks! It seems quite a long time from where I'm sitting, especially with an exam to pass and a housemove to sort at the end of it all!!! I'm also more worried about him than ever - didn't let myself worry before, but now I've seen him, we've talked about the future and I've seen the effect some things have had on him, I'm going to worry my way through until he's safely home again.

Anyway, that was very self-centred....

Hope you all have fantastic weekends.

xxx

minxi · 29/01/2010 20:37

iamammummy I also read your post with sadness and feel that you have a right as a person and an individual to have some me time too... Maybe because you both end up arguing when discussing these matters at home - could someone babysit and you go out for a meal and a long chat about your feelings etc and that every now and again you would love it if he came home and said he was going to bath ds1 and 2 and put them to bed etc - your not asking every night but maybe once a week or every couple of weeks so you can sit down with a glass wine and just chill... My Dh works 12 - 15 hours a day used to fly out mondays at 5 amd and get home at 7pm fridays but he would come in pour me glass wine (and himself) and sort the boys out.. will now take all 3 swimming or something at weekends - even though they work very hard YOU do too and you still need a break - quite often DH would be flying in on a Friday night and I would be going out with girlfriends... there has to be some give and take in a relationship so in this instance I would say this is totally unreasonable behaviour! But you do need to talk about it and hopefully it will work out a bit better.

Fettle enjoy the last week with DH - it will be okay

Rainbow hope you are feeling alright...

Hello to everyone else I must go as my eldest is in from football training and I need to get them to bed and the baby is poorly full of cold and cough... will be back over the weekend - and just as complaining about other husbands my husband has gone one a golfing trip until Wednesday and its my birthday today!! I didn;t mind as I said before give and take and all that he works so very hard and I think he deserves a few days away.. must gooooo xx

rainbowdays · 30/01/2010 00:57

Happy Birthday Minxi!

OP posts:
iamamummy · 30/01/2010 11:15

Happy belated birthday minxi!

fettle - after 9 weeks is dh back for good? where abouts are you moving too? i know you have probably said before but i have forgotten.

well i think we have had a breakthrough i am not going to sit down and talk to him about the way i feel at the moment as i think our last discussion was only a while ago and emotions from that may come out, however i did go out last night to deliver books after dp had had his bath, i called him after 30 mins to make sure he was ok with the kids. I was out in total for an hour and when i got back both boys were sitting on his lap and he had made ds1 and himself a cup of tea and they were just chilling out drinking that watching tv. I am now thinking that he can definately cope with them and maybe i am the problem i do too much and i should ask him to help more than i do and show him i need help as i do just tend to get on with things to avoid tension in the evenings.
Anyway thanks ladies for all your advice and words of wisdom - you all have fab dhs by the sounds of it!

minxi · 01/02/2010 12:41

iamamummy hope all is better in iam house..how was Oscar 2nd birthday?
Rainbow how are you feeling? When is your scan?
lottie how are the girls - is the 'routine' any better? Have you managed to get at least one of them to take the dummy?
Fettle enjoy last few days with DH - 9 weeks not too long, but we will be here for you to shout and scream!
ready how are you and your baby girl - hope all is well...
seaside how was Cassius 2nd birthday, did he have a lovely time ? Hope you okay..
chooster how are you all ?
greedy how is business in your new premises?
honey hope the course is going well...think may come back to you soon with ? about 4 c-sec!!!
must dash as baba just awake... hello to all have forgot, was trying to fit everyone in x

Chooster · 01/02/2010 13:39

Hi all, glad you made some progress with DP Iamamummy - everyone has said what I think anyway, which is that you still need time off / time to yourself as a SAHM. Even though you agreed these roles up front, I doubt you considered you'd get no help... After all from the sounds of things DP asks you to help him (i.e accounts) so he should expect you to ask for help too - its only fair . Hope this continues... If I were you I would start thinking of things that will get you out for an hour in the evening. Can you take up some kind of exercise or do some food shopping etc in the evening? Even if only an hour at most it will start making this more normal...

Hi Minxi - Happy belated birthday!!! Hope you had a good weekend even if DH away - hope his golf trip was good...

All fine here - working hard and doing loads with the boys so life is good. We're planning a 10 day road trip down to our old neck of the woods at DS1's half term break which I'm really excited about - going to be staying with 4 sets of friends and it'll be a great chance to catch up!!! Hope the kids will behave and sleep OK on blow up beds ....

Chooster · 01/02/2010 13:41

BTW - had nausea for about a week but period came on Sunday - still have a constant mild nausea though.... I know it couldn't be BFP but... we did have a small accident about 5 days before OV... No, it can't be - its probably thinking about it thats causing the nausea.

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