A gentle thread for those starting again after a difficult pregnancy, miscarriage etc.

[woollyjo]

I've just discovered I am 5.5 weeks pregnant.

In the last 2 years I have had 2 mcs and our dd2 was stillborn at term.

So I don't feel like I fit into the antenatal threads, and don't want to frighten anyone with my experiences.

Anyone else out there who needs a gentle thread?

I think it is game-over for me. I had my normal symptoms start, then stop for two days before returning, coinciding with my pregnancy tests getting darker then now they are getting lighter. At least I am familiar with the way things go with me and I will not be surprised when the bleeding starts. I am guessing I will start miscarrying naturally in the next week. I am now not even sure if I will bother going to get the blood tests tomorrow, sitting in a waiting room is not going to be easy when I fairly much know the outcome.

Don't give up hope yet. My pregnancy symptons this time seems less than any of my previous pregnancies but stil they found a little heart beat. I would go for a scan though. It's the not knowing which makes us so anxious.
Fingers crossed.
L

LillaB's right Willit - you might get some reassurance or at least you will know you need to prepare yourself for the worst. Up to you but I think I'd rather know for definite what was going on. Thinking of you x

I've felt a bit funny the last 24 hours & not sure I feel the same as I have been - my tummy's been quite achey but still got sore boobs & feel quite sick so I'm trying not to overeact but it's very difficult! No bleeding or anything but having a small panic that all the medication I'm taking to keep my little apple pip up there would keep it there even if it died (all previous m/c were not MMC but I've read so much about MMC I'm freaking myself out I think!). Feeling quite teary & emotional but trying to keep it together (DH is working all day & I've got too much time on my hands I think) - sorry for rambling on but if you can't do it here where can you?!

Good luck Willit & thinking of the rest of you guys too xx

Hi All,

Be gentle on yourself willitbe - you know your body best but wouldn't it be great to be wrong in this instance?

Hope everyone else is ok.

Hello all,
Lots to catch up on again. Hope I don't miss anyone..

SH77 I am so sorry to hear what's happened. (((((((((big hug))))))))))) Really hope that things move on for you physically.
Lillab, great news about the scan and the HB. keeping everything crossed for a very dul 34 weeks for you.
Onebaby and Woollyjo, glad to hear that I am not the only one who is going to be enormous at the end of this ;-). Back to back pregnancies do not lead to flat tummies.. I definately look about 5 months gone!
One baby, I'm sure everything will be ok. I have been through patches where my symptoms have completely disapeared and then come back worse a few days later.
Woolly, the hormones with the grief make everything hard. ((())))
Willitbe, I think you should definitely pitch up at the epu on monday. Whats the worst they can do? Ours at Kings are great and see you on self referral. I hope yours do the same.

Well I have been really struggling this last week with MW and nuchal and everything. Thankfully all well with both MW and nuchal. Everyone is bending over backwards to help me through this, but its so tough emotionally. It brings back so many memories, and makes me sad for my ds. He should be here.
Also, we've been starting to tell people this weekend and its so hard. Some people seem to think that this is a sticking plaster that will make it all better. Don't get me wrong, I am thrilled to be pg, but that is not going to every change the fact that my son should be here in my arms.
So am now 12+3, nearly in the 2nd tri, and really not sure how I am going to make it through the next 6 months. Hopefully there will be easier times.
rx

Just to update, my local EPU would not see me today, as it is too early to scan, and they said to tell the GP to do the bHCG blood tests to check if the levels are rising or falling....... it means it will take and extra day or so to get the results, but I was not in the frame of mind to plead with them, so I just went to my GP who fortunately was very co-operative. Test today was no lighter than yesterday, but no darker either. Fortunately the results from the blood test on my progesterone levels from last week were at 42.9 which is good, so has given me a flicker of hope in the dying embers!

MrsMV - sorry to hear that people seem to assume that your loss is less important to you now, it is clear that they do not understand. It is hard for you to cope with this pregnancy when you have so many memories of your ds and how much you miss him.

Lunatic - first anniversaries are so hard with grief, christmas is a difficult time for anyone with any loss, but for those whose babies should be with them but are not it is cruel.

Onebaby - hope that today is a little easier for you, but if you need to come here and express your sadness then this is definitely the place to do it. Hopefully we will all manage some happiness at some point.

Thinking of you all

Hi All,

I got a letter in the post this morning about going for a swine flu jab. I didn't expect sleepy Shropshire to be so on the ball with it. I haven't had a booking in and I haven't seen the GP at our medical centre who deals with the ante-natal yet so haven't had a chance to discuss it with anyone so I've asked for a telephone appointment to discuss it with her.

The leaflet they sent out with it wasn't reassuring at all (their test sample was small, and whilst they said it included the elderly it made no mention of pregnant women). Normally I wouldn't be so worried about this kind of thing and I'm not sure why I am concerned now. In my heart I think I'd like to get the first trimester out of the way first. I'm lucky that I don't live in a city, I work in a small team and am only in the office (no air con) for about 1.5 days the rest is outside or working at home and I don't seem to catch every bug going round so I'm wondering whether I can put it off for a few more weeks - or am I just being daft?

Please tell me!

Mrs I was concerned that folk would think this baby is to make up for loosing/a replacement for Niamh but no-one had mentioned it yet - we haven't told tactless auntie yet though DH's closest senior relative now his folks are gone, she usually has some gems. Like the week Niamh was still born "everything happens for a reason" repeatedly. It was all I could do to stop from screaming "WHAT POSSIBLE REASON COULD THERE BE FOR THIS?" at her.

Oh dear I have gone on ... sorry

Hi Willit - cross posted, hold on to that flicker, it won't make the outcome any harder either way and may get you through the next few days.

First hcg level taken on monday was 78. considering I got my first positive HPT a week before this, it is clearly not going very far very fast. Although I had the blood drawn for the second hcg level today, I won't get that result til friday. HPT today was very slightly lighter than the last few days, but I know I can't read anything much from this. hey-ho, I just have to sit tight and wait.

wooly - you are not being daft, if you feel more comfortable to wait until you are passed the first trimester then that is what you should do, also sounds like telling that aunt you are pregnant is not a good idea yet!!!

mrsvc and everyone else - how are you doing now

I'd like to join too...
Some of your stories are truly heart wrenching, I'm just glad to see you've not given up all hope .

I've had 2 mc and I'm currently 34 weeks pregnant with a boy. However this pregnancy has been nothing but problem after problem.. First 12wks went fine then started bleeding at 16wks for around 11wks, twice to three times a week. Now baby is measuring small so there's talk of induction, next scan will tell us more. I'm starting to wonder if my body can do anything right.

Fingers crossed for us all to have a happy ending!

Hey willit - don't think too much about your initial HCG being low as the range is so big. There is no normal. I really hope your 2nd hcg will bring good news. Surprised it takes so long to get the result - was it through GP? I have found the local gynae ward to be more useful than the GP. They did my HCG at my request and did them on a priority basis and so got results within 2 hours.

Still waiting for my big bleed as I want to avoid ERPC. I am thinking of having an accupuncture session tomorrow to bring it on.

Ashley - sorry to hear of your losses and your current anxieties. I had regular growth scans. Week 38 was fine. Week 40 one showed slow down in growth and loss of placental fluid and so they induced. I think I lost 4 cm in 2 weeks. Not sure if I had a slow leak. Keep an eye out for fluid leak. Also ask them to make sure there is enough fluid around baby.

Not sure if this is something you have thought about but I wish to God that I had. I knew nothing about infections (Strep B) and so never bothered to ask for swabs before induction. I didn't have any signs but my baby caught infection either during or shortly before the delivery. Maybe something to discuss with MW if you have concerns. Wish you a safe delivery.

Phew! good to see you all here, thought I had killed the tread for a day or so there!

Hi Ashleygee take a seat and settle in - boy do I wish you are as far on as you are and all the next 24 weeks of worry were over although it sounds like the journey has been a tough one, keep us posted as to how you get on.

Hi Willit - I'm so sorry that the whole process is being dragged out, our EPAU seems to have no concept of how urgent these things are to us at the time. Thinking of youx

How are you getting on Sh77? is nature still leading you a merry dance?

I spoke to my GP today and have decided to have the swine flu jab. She is usually very anti medication during pregnancy so I trust her opinion. She gave me some scary stats and told me that there was a lady 13wks pg in our local intensive care unit at the momment. I wasn't that worried about swine flu but at least that is one less thing to worry about.

duh - that'll be thread not tread

Ashleygee - it is hard when pregnancies don't go to plan, I hope that your next scan brings good news and reassurance rather than more worry for you. When is your next scan?

Woolly - nope you did not manage to kill off the thread unfortunately we all need each other hear so much, virtual handholding is so important right now for each of us in our differing but so similar situations. I am glad that you got some reassurance regarding the swineflu jab.

sh77 - I had positive strep b result with my last pregnancy and did a huge amount of reading and research about it all. It is heartbreaking for people like yourself so acutely affected by it, when help might have been able to have been given to you, it is sad that you were not given antibiotics during the induction. I went the other way and was extremely fortunate with my last birth, it was so fast and the waters went so late that baby was fine, it was even homebirth since we could not make it to the hospital on time (ambulance crew were at my house too late to transfer me). But I spent an anxious 48 hours barely closing my eyes just in case the baby was infected. Nothing came of it for me, and I was so relieved. But when you know you have strep b it does make you think more about what could go wrong and alters what choices you are able to freely make.

Thank you for your reassurances about the hcg levels, unfortunately I had a positive hpt 8 days before the blood test (which was 73 not 78 as I typed earlier!!), so it was definitely not doubling every 48hours in that time or it stopped doubling. I have fairly much resigned myself to hearing that the levels have fallen friday. It was a gp doing the blood tests, as the EPU said not to go to them but see the gp. However if I went to the EPU I would have found out the results on the day, going to the gp means a two day wait for the results. Two of my previous miscarriages have been at 5w1d so my brain is telling me that I will start bleeding on friday.... stupid way of thinking but who says I have to be logical about something that is plainly just not right!

Hello ladies,
Sorry for the lack of posting. I hope that you are all doing ok.

Willitbe- have you got your next HCG results back. Keeping everything crossed for you.

Sh77 hope you are doing ok, really thinking of you. Accupuncture is a good thing to try. It definitely helps with these things.

Woolly - of course you didn't kill off the thread!! Good that your GP was decisive about the SF jab. Just spoke to mine and they want me to check with my consultant... I am a bit peeved, as I was happy to have it done as I live in London and dh commutes on public transport daily and now THEY are making me question it! Typical! I haven't had the leaflet at all. I will let you know what the consultant says (although she is on holiday until next wednesday..)

Ashley - Welcome. Sorry to hear things have been tricky. Like Wooly said though, its good that you are so far down the line ....

Well, I am feeling a bit run down, but otherwise doing ok. Its all still hard emotionally but I guess thats not going to change. I think I would go mad without my counsellor. Is it just me or do you expand a LOT quicker 2nd time round. I swear I look 5 months gone....

((((()))))) all round..
rx

Hi all - sorry I've been off the radar this week - am struggling with the niggling fear that things may not work out again - I think I feel ok but my mind is creating twinges which if I'm being rational aren't even there! This is my 4th pg & no baby to show for all the effort & heartache yet - just really counting on it working out this time. It's hard to keep trying & being so disappointed.
Welcome Ashley - hope the following weeks are easier for you, sounds like you've had a rough time.
Sh77 - hope you're doing ok?
Willit - I hope you get some answers soon & they're positive.
Woolly, Mrs & Lunatic - I can't imagine how hard this must be for you all, crazy hormones & grief are a shocking combination & I think you're all doing great. Sod what crazy old relatives say - just try to let it go in one ear & out the other - a lot of people are good at saying the worst insensitive things instead of just keeping their mouth shut!
I've had my letter asking for me to book a swine flu jab & no further info so I'm waiting for my GP to get back to me about whether I should have it now or after 12 wks etc - I'm asthmatic so think I will definitely have it at some point.
Hope you're all ok girls xx

Evening all

There is a pdf on the department of health website which relates directly to swine flu in pregnancy. I think I got the link from the web chat MN had with david salisbury.

Got nuchal bloods on Monday, a dating scan on weds and my booking in and a nuchal the week after (up here we don't get nuchals on the NHS so have to get them separately).

Since my mcs I always get anxious in the run up to a scan. Just trying to keep busy, which isn't too hard with dd in tow.

Onebaby - I have a sense of what you are feeling (although dd was concieved and born without a thought I wish I had known then how lucky I was) I have been pregnant for most of the past 2 years and still have no more babies to show for it.

Urgh - I have heartburn already. DH is olive skinned and hairy and both my girls have been(I'm a freckly red head (or was)), maybe there is some truth in the old wife's tail lots of heartburn - hairy baby .

Hi all

Hope you are all well.

I hear hiccups leads to hairy baby - my daughter had the funniest and very regular hiccups and was born with the most amazing head of hair. Bless her.

Wooly - all the best for Monday. I hope it brings happiness and relief.

Willit - how are you feeling? Will be thinking of you tomorrow. It is always good to hear about positive outcomes with Strep B. I know what happened with me was so so rare and I have found on many forums that many women think the case the overstated. I suppose I can understand their view.

mrsvc - I have a tenant who practices Chinese medicine. I went to meet hom today as I needed a walk and we spoke about accupuncture. He basically said that I should wait 3-4 months before trying again as I need to let the womb lining thicken and strengthen otherwise I risk miscarrying again. He asked for a rent reduction and so might ask him to give me some accupuncture sessions in return!

My update - I dragged myself out of bed for a walk for 1 st time in 3 weeks (apart from hospital visits). Started to cramp and bleed and so I am pleased that things are moving. I hope it is over soon.

sh77 - it seems awful to say that I am glad to hear that things are getting moving for you. Sounds like your body is going to do this its own way afterall. I hope it is not too bad for you. Have you got plenty of painkillers etc, just in case? I will be thinking of you over the next few days.

sh77 - also wanted to say about the strepB side of things, where I have seen you telling your story here on mn, has been great. I think it is so important for people to hear about your experience. But I also appriciate that you are sensitive to people who want to find out the information to decide what they want to do and not trying to frighten them. Thank you for being so open here.

mrsvc - hope you are looking after yourself if you are rundown, hope you get some tlc over the weekend.

onebaby - hope that you are doing ok, it is so tough being in the early stages.

woolly - sorry to hear you are getting heartburn already, not fun.

I got my results but it was already all over by the time my doc rang this evening. I started bleeding wednesday evening, and (sorry tmi) passed the sac on thurday, and since then it has been like a very light period. Emotionally I am doing ok, it is easier to deal with the physical side, it is harder to deal with the not knowing stage for me. So it was a strange phone call when my doc rang to say that my hcg levels from wednesday were down to 20! Dr confirmed that I was miscarrying, and asked did I think it would be more sensible to go earlier to the EPU next time!!!!! I can't even think of next time yet. I need to just get my head around this time first. But I was grateful for the GP being so supportive.

One thing I did do yesterday was as soon as I had passed the sac and knew for certain that it was over - I went and got the swine flu vaccine!!!!! I thought well if my belly is going to carry on hurting, I might as well get a sore arm too and be able to be really miserable . But it has helped me to think that if I do get pregnant again soon, that at least swineflu is one less thing for me to worry about.

Willit - was thinking about you today. So sorry about how it turned out. I suppose physically you will have closure. Take a good rest and make sure you are spoiled at the weekend. Have you been/are you going to be tested to see why this is happening?

I have to applaud you on the swine flu vaccine. I think I will follow your lead once my saga is over.

Thank you for your comments re strep b. I really don't want to evangalise about it or magnify the risk because I know what happened to me was so very rare. For me, risk means nothing anymore but I know in theory it is a small risk.

Bleeding stopped again. Really pissed off as looks like I will need some intervention.

Please could someone advise me on the best painkillers for natural loss (if it happens)? I was thinking Feminax made sense.

So sorry to hear that Willitbe, I think I am in the same boat now. I have had 2 previous m/c's and was 6 weeks pregnant but now am passing bright red blood. Can't believe it's happening again.

Sh77, in m experience, a combination of paracetamol & codine(SP?) alternated with neurofen worked best for me. Also found comfort in a lot of tea and biscuits!
I wish you well
Boo

keevamum - sorry for what you are going through. I am in the same boat except my bleeding is stop start. Have you had any tests for your MCs?

Boopen - thank you for this.

Hi all, just checking in to see how you are all doing.

So sorry to hear from so many that you are having such a bloody awful time.

Keevamum - All the stories about bleeds during healthy pregnancies are no help at all if you have mc'd before. Hope you can get to see someone soon who can tell you what is going on. I agree with Willit, its the not knowing for certain one way or another that is the worst and no HCP seems to be in any sort of a hurry when mcs are concerned!

Willit & Sh77 - hope the next few days pass quickly and life can get back on track for you both.

I'd second BooPen's suggestion of paracetamol & codine, I used that mix both times.