A gentle thread for those starting again after a difficult pregnancy, miscarriage etc.

[woollyjo]

I've just discovered I am 5.5 weeks pregnant.

In the last 2 years I have had 2 mcs and our dd2 was stillborn at term.

So I don't feel like I fit into the antenatal threads, and don't want to frighten anyone with my experiences.

Anyone else out there who needs a gentle thread?

Hello everyone

I think it is about time that I introduce myself (thanks to Woollyjo).

I am currently 12 wks and this is my 4th pregnancy following the death of my daughter shortly after birth (April 2009) and 2 MCs. I am finding this pregnancy emotionally pretty tough but very relieved that I have passed the 12 wk mark.

I have 3 scans at 7, 9, and 12 wks and all is looking super. Cried all the way through the 12 wk scan as I remembered so clearly what it was like with my DD. The ante natal care at the Chelsea and Westminster has been brilliant and I have been assigned to 2 consultants in the high risk obstetrics team. I feel very reassured that I will be well looked after but I know that doesn't guarantee me anything. Nonetheless, I am really grateful for what the NHS is providing me with.

I hope to get to know others on this forum and to be able to offer advice.

Just wondered if any of the London mothers and fathers meet up in real life?

Sh77 congratulations on your pregnancy and im very sorry to hear about your daughter.

LunaticFringe - You have been a great help to me on my thread about my daughter. Thank you and congratulations on your nuchal results.

Im keeping everything crossed for all of you...Off to make up some more pregnancy symptoms that are slowly driving me mad, i hate all this waiting around to take a test.

Welcome BDB and sh77

SH77 congratulations on your pregnancy, I hope this thread eases the way for you.

BDB sorry for your loss and best of luck with TTC - I think all of us here remember how hard it is when you want something so badly after a loss.

lunatic not unreasonable at all - people are insensitive fuckwits - We can't say that enough on these threads can we?

I kind of suffer the opposite problem as DS2 was a miscarriage (born just before 23 wks) but I just can't see it like that and feel very angry when people seem to take perverse pleasure in pointing out that I didn't have a stillbirth I "only" had a miscarriage. I was in full labour for 7 hours and had to push with all my strength (both emotionally and physically) to deliver my DS who was a fully formed beautiful boy.

But as I say people are fuckwits insenstive.

There's a lot of assholes out there guys!
Some utterly awful & insensitive people. But you're safe here - none hanging around this thread!!

Glad all's well with everyone & thanks for all the good wishes.
DS is 13 weeks today & sooooooo lovely!

Have a relaxing weekend everyone xx

lunatic I didn't think for a minute that you were being insensitive towards me just illustrating that some people are just idiots and would say deeply inappropriate things whatever your situation.

Glad your consultant appears to be on the ball and great news about getting what you want re the induction. I am debating an induction for "social reasons" i.e. to guarantee that DH can be there....but not sure.

Having had the joy of the all clear on the CVS last week I am back to panicking about the fact that whichever way you look at it my NT is abnormal and so panicking about other possible causes. All I can do now is sit it out to 21weeks when they do the anomoly scan.

I have asked to be seen earlier and they have been very kind but said just no point they wont see what they need to until that point.

Oh well - feet up and wait I guess.

Lunatic So if you are induced at 35 wks lunatic when will that be?

xx

Yes Lunatic I'm nosy too!

I had a very brief conversation with Dr about delivery - and there is a possibility of going for 18 Feb if we get that far....but oh I don't know!

Yey! valentine's day is my birthday!

This is such a nice idea for a thread. I had a m/c at 9.5 weeks at the end of March and I'm now 4 weeks pregnant.... worried but hopeful! My cousin sadly lost her baby the week before I did, and last November my twin sister had to have a termination at 14 weeks due to anecephaly... she's now 5 months pregnant so hopefully the family luck has turned!

Lunatic Yes I did have the CVS due to DS2 so I didn't have the bloods done. Just went for dating scan at 9 ish weeks and then the CVS two weeks later but whilst doing the CVS I could see that the NT was thick (and to think first pregnancy I couldn't even identify the blob as a baby - how things change!)

After I asked, the prof. told me it was 3.4 - so really quite high (at 11 it should have been less than 2). Although he was not keen to discuss as in his words it was irrelevant: I was having the CVS and that was definitive.

So I got the all clear for the three trisomy's which is fab but I obviously have this underlying concern about the high measurement. St. Georges wont do a full chromosome work up unless you are over 3.5 so I am left with the residual worry of there being a really rare chromosome issue or a heart problem which apparently high NT's are often indicative of.

Anyway nothing to be done now. I will have my anomoly scan at 22 weeks with a consultant radiologist who I have been assured will pick up anything if it is there.

I have asked for an earlier scan and the consultants have been great but have said there is little point because they can't see what they need to see until 22 weeks. I even contacted the private clinic I viisted last year who do anomoly scans from 18 weeks but the consultant there said where there is the possibility of an issue they would urge an appointment as near to 22 weeks as possible - apparently even the difference between what they can see at 20 and 22 is huge.

So as I said feet up and wait.

janoschi welcome - what a tought time you and your family have had. Best of luck. I think there are now a few TTC ers lurking if not posting now

Hope everyone else is doing ok?

Some long months ahead girls but hoping it all goes quickly & smoothly for you all x

Welcome Sh77 and Janoschi too, lots of best wishes x

Hi all ? thought I?d pop my head in and say hello. I had my nuchal scan last week which was all fine and a great relief. I was terrified and struck dumb but my DH piped up and explained about our previous history and asked the sonographer to talk us through everything and have no long silences. She was lovely and showed us all the measurements really quickly at first to show the nuchal was fine, heartbeat etc and then got on with the business of proper measurements.
Unfortunately after all that I started bleeding again over the weekend - felt like after Friday I might start to relax again but no chance. Fortunately it?s stopped yesterday and was no way near as heavy plus what is getting me through is I?m seeing a consultant at the hospital on Friday? trying to take one day at a time and hope he?ll have some answers/reassurance for me on why the bleeding keeps on stop / starting.
I know from what everyone says I may just carry on bleeding but it?s so stressful!
Anyway, I hope you lovely ladies are all doing well. Am so sorry to hear some of your distressing stories and hope you all manage to ignore those insensitive souls out there who just don?t know what they?re talking about or put their foot in it. xx

Whizzymummy good luck with the consultant tomorrow and I hope you get some reassurance, if not answers.

Thanks ladies. Unfortunately been back in EGU today and told I have a large subchorionic haematoma - so another bleed. It's 7 x 3 x 2 cm. Not sure if it's same site as before. Just gone back home to bed and hope Consultant has something to tell me tomorrow but at the EGU they were fairly honest: this can go either way just need to rest and wait and see if the bleed reabsorbs. Pretty gutted as I feel back where I was 3 weeks ago and any progress wiped out. Sigh. Wish me luck, not sure my nerves can take much more. I have been back at work and normal this week, just hope have not caused this by being too active again.

whizzy I am so sorry you are dealing with this...I really am wishing you all the very best today.

Don't even begin to imagine you could have done anything differently - it is a form of torture to think like that and the fact is there is nothing any of us can do differently in these situations.

Thinking about you.

hi nancydrew, thanks for checking in. How are you feeling?
Suppose you're right, no need to torture myself and also not a lot I can do about it now anyway.
Today was a bit of a waste of time unfortunately, consultant was not even at the clinic and we saw someone who clearly had no idea about this. She didn't scan me and said she would probably have difficulty spotting it anyway - at least she was honest and admitted it - but she did go and talk to the sonographer in EGU and look at the scans. However there is not much to say, she had no idea about whether it was large or not, whether location matters etc. Though I do get the impression that no one may, just one of those things that happens in nature.
So, no other way forward that sit it out and wait. She was convinced bed rest and light movement around the house was the way forward so am signed off work. Count down starts until next scan on 29th and just pray the little nipper can hold on and the bleed reabsorbs. It's pretty depressing but I've borrowed 30 DVDs from friends to distract myself - figured however things pan out over next couple of weeks I need some good chick flicks to watch.
Hope everyone else is doing well :)

Whizzy - take it easy & look after yourself & little bean - fingers crossed it works out for you both. Totally second Nancy re blaming yourself - it's just nature throwing you a scarey curve ball. Hang in there. Thinking of you.

Hope everyone else is doing ok too xx

Whizzy how utterly, irritatingly, annoyingingly trying desperately hard not to swear here frustrating for you that the consultant wasn't there.

I have my fingers crossed for you and happy to join you in the miserable wait for news.

Hope everyone else is OK.

Would it be ok to join? I haven't read the whole thread but I'm really struggling with thinking about having another baby. Life/routine is going on as 'normal' and we're even able to go out with friends and enjoy life at times. I have a dd and lost my ds aged 2 weeks in June this year. He was perfect but something happened at some point during labour and he had severe oxygen starvation. We made the difficult decision to let him go rather than keep him alive at all costs - he couldn't even swallow for himself and needed regular suctioning by the nurses.

I know having another baby will never bring him back. However, I feel desperate to get pregnant again. Before we had our dd we'd been trying for 12 months and had one very prolonged miscarriage. I think my cycles were pretty regular (28) all in all. I've had one period since his bith, 35 days ago. Did a hpt just in case today but it was negative. I've tried to talk to DH about whether he wants another baby yet and he doesn't think it's a good idea. He was very non-commital about contraception though and so far we haven't been using anything. I feel that if he really did feel like this then he would have sorted something out. He knows I don't want to go back on the pill.

The other problem is I feel as if I'm betraying my ds by even having sex, and I sometimes struggle not to think about his labour whilst we're having sex.

Sorry - I'm not really sure what I'm asking. I guess I want someone to tell me that it's ok to be trying for a baby. On a practical note, how long did it take for your cycles to settle down? Sorry it's so long

dcb Of course you are welcome to join - I am so sorry for your loss. I know this isn't a bereavement thread but would you like to talk about your DS - tell us his name? Of course it is up to you and it must still be very raw.

I (as do so many of the woman here) totally understand the desperation to be pregnant following the loss of a baby. I think it is absolutely natural, a way of allowing you to look forward and to feel hope for the future which is so important.

Of course it is Ok to try for another baby - something that reassured me enormously was the way in which even in the immediate aftermath of losing my DS all the midwives and my consultants talked about "next time". Somehow having their "approval" made it easier to contemplate and realise that my desire for another baby wasn't a betrayal, it was a very natural part of the healing process.

FWIW early on my DH said he didn't think having another baby was a good idea. he actually changed his mind fairly quickly and when we discussed the issue further it became clear that he simply didn't want me to suffer. Although he had to lose a son I think he honestly feels more anguish for the pain he witnessed me suffer and he was so scared for me that I might have to go through that again. Is it possible that is how your DH might feel? You have been through an enormously stressful and painful experience and maybe he simply wants to protect you?

I think the sex issue is also fairly normal - not something I have talked about with any friends (even those that have lost) in any detail but I certainly felt dreadful the first few times I had sex - it was to emotionally overwhelming. I am sure one of the recent sands newsletters had an article on how common the feeling of betrayal is (the "how dare I have a good time" issue and also the fact that sex can remind you of the physical realities of your labour) anyway the article made it very clear that those feelings were completely normal and very common.

Your loss is still very recent and raw so I know it sounds trite but give yourself time.