A gentle thread for those starting again after a difficult pregnancy, miscarriage etc.

[woollyjo]

I've just discovered I am 5.5 weeks pregnant.

In the last 2 years I have had 2 mcs and our dd2 was stillborn at term.

So I don't feel like I fit into the antenatal threads, and don't want to frighten anyone with my experiences.

Anyone else out there who needs a gentle thread?

Moneli sorry you are having a crap time.

I lost my DS2 last August and later m/c on his due date - was shite so I understand how you feel. It compounded our original loss so much more and felt (to brutally over simplify) really bloody unfair!

woolly I also struggle with whether to mention my DS2. I feel somehow disloyal if I don't and I want people to understand that he is so much a part of me but equally I find more often that not I end up comforting the person who has asked because they end up so upset. IME it is very rare that someone reacts in a way which makes me feel better

Lunatic and julez wishing you the best for your scans. I'm on hols and can't have on till I am back in three weeks - I am climbing the walls. had a bit of spotting and just desperately want to know all is ok....

Thanks for your replies
woollyjo congratulations on the birth of your daughter. I hope you are enjoying the happiness you deserve after all the pain you have experienced.
onebaby and congratulations to you too, I hope you are having a wonderful time with your DS after the difficult times you have had.
Nancydrew I'm so sorry to hear of your experiences. It sounds from your post as if maybe you are pregnant again. If so I really hope things are going OK for you and you are feeling as well/relaxed as possible.

On a practical note, I was wondering if any of you have any advice. I feel in a mental rut. I feel very negative and pessimistic and want to get out of the habit of thinking like this. I know it's because I feel sad but this constant negative thought cycle is making me feel even worse. I've tried a counsellor at my hospital but she was a bit useless and didn't say anything friends/family hadn't already said. Have any of you read any books/articles that have helped? Not necessarily about m/c or losing babies specifically, but more about trying to be rational, if not positive about the future?

Moneli

Hey all.

moneli have you read lesley regans miscarraige book? I picked up a copy on Amazon for about £3 a few years ago.

It is hard to stay positive and I am sorry you are having to deal with two losses so close together I am trying to remain positive now and each scan we have gets me that little bit closer but I dont think I will relax until baby is safely in my arms.

I had my scan today. I have been dated at 11 weeks exactly and now Due valentines day So relieved. Still so sick so moping around and generally scared to leave the house. Next scan will be Nuchal when the appt comes through

nancy I have had spotting too at 4, 5 and 8 weeks and all is well for me so far!

Hope everyone else is well x

moneli yes I am pregnant again and terrified. I think maybe you are in a similar place to where I was a few months back...grieving, frustrated and hurting beacuse I wasn't conceieving and unable to focus on anything other than that quite deperate wish for a child.

If I am honest I don't think I have felt particularly positive since I lost DS, I have tried counselling with some degree of success but what has really brought the glimmer of hope is my pregnancy. I am sorry that doesn't help you but I just wanted you to know how much I understand.

One thing that did help a bit (and was very hard) was to try ignore the ttc (easily said I know) so for months I hadn't booked a holiday (in case I got pregnant) bought any new clothes (in case I got pregnant) joined the gym (in case I got pregnant - you get the picture) Although of course I was still thinking and hoping I might get pregnant I forced myself to do all those things and not put my life on hold.

julez thanks for the reassurance.

Thanks Julez I've just looked at the book and it does look like it might help.

Nancy that is really quite funny because that's exactly what I'm doing. My body is showing the effects of being pregnant twice in a short space of time so my normal stuff doesn't fit me well but I don't want to buy anything new 'just in case'. I also have a new fitness DVD that is languishing in the cupboard 'just in case'. I keep telling myself to be thankful for what I've got and to enjoy the summer with my son, but then the ache for what I want overwhelms me. But your advice is good and I'll try to stop putting my life on hold. And now you're pregnant and that's fantastic. Can you go to an EPU for an early scan to reassure yourself?

x

Hi again Moneli - great advice from Julez - I spent 5 years going from wishing I was pregnant to being pregnant to wishing I was pregnant & the cycle repeating . . . DH & I tried hard not to only focus on having a baby incase it never happened & we would never be parents but inside it was all consuming. We made sure that sex continued to be fun & not just to try to have a baby - I was terrified that it would just become a means to an end so I never made a big deal when I was ovulating etc - I just made sure I instigated sex instead!
Just try to stay positive - so difficult when your heart is hurting I know, but each time I've fallen pregnant it's been when I was least focusing on it - I had holidays booked each time & was consciously forcing myself not to do the 'just in case' thing.
With your history when you are pregnant you should see your GP & ask to be referred to EPU - or contact them direct - I don't think you need a referral at some but you do at mine.
I really hope it all works out for you xx

Glad your scan was good Julez

Hope everyone else is ok too xx

Hey all,

Hope everyone is okay.

I am 11+3 today and boy have the hormones kicked in. I am hiding upstairs crying over DH saying silly things that normally i would just tell him to piss off over. I am still vomiting quite a bit, i have the odd days where I am okay but its my body playing tricks and the next day will be bad again lol. Still, hopefully when/if i reach 13 weeks it will settle down.

Fantastic Lunatic!!!

Great news Lunatic, got everything crossed for you.

Go easy on yourself Julez - hormones have a lot to answer for!

Hope everyone else is ok xx

Great news that the scan went well Lunatic. I hope that you're feeling well and that the rest of your pregnancy goes smoothly.

Hope you're doing OK Julez. At least on a positive note (easy for me to say because I'm not hormonal or nauseous) but at least strong pregnancy hormones mean the baby has got a firm grip on you and is doing well!

I still haven't got AF. It's 5 weeks tomorrow that I had the m/c. I'm definitely not pregnant. Any of you who m/c, how long did you have to wait? I think I'll feel better once I get it and know everything is back to working order. I got my new book (thanks for the tip Julez) and have booked myself a course of acupuncture to a) give myself a treat and b) give my fertility a boost so feeling calmer, if not happier.

Wishing you all a good weekend x

kcoffin ope it went okau x

moneli Im another one who's AF comes right on time, even after I have given birth, 28 days later I got it! So cant help you, but I knowa few people ave waiting 6-9 weeks as lunatic says.

I'm okay, had a bit of a calmer day today and my mum is here tomorrow to get a rein on things, just feel like I have no control over anything at the moment and i dont like it !

HI all sorry only quick post to say all went ok Ruby was born at 2.49 weighing 6lb 11oz. will post more later. Take care all x

congrats!! xx

Kcoffin congrats!!

lunatic glad scan went well - first hurdle done!

I phoned hospital today to ask if they had booked me in for my first scan as GP said she'd refer me a couple of weeks ago but haven't heard anything since I am on hols. I was actually due in tomorrow but since I am 2000 miles away they have changed it to the day after i get back.

Now feel very nervous although if everything OK they will refer me on for a CVS and I guess that is when I really start panicking!

Congratulations Kcoffin can't wait to hear more!

Thanks Lunatic I really appreciate that

And yes it would be a bit much to fly back but I can't say I didn't seriously consider it especially when I was spotting (madness!)

The CVS is a weird one for me. Before F (who had downs), I would have said I wouldn't have continued with a pregnancy if the baby had a disability but I know later when we were trying to get a diagnosis for him we would have continued if there had been any hope he could have survived, regardless of the problems.

Now, for me, it isn't about a having baby with Downs. It is about losing a baby with Downs. I just don't think I could go through another labour without a baby at the end of it and I don't think I could put my family through that (particularly DD who is 5 and has been very effected by the loss of F)

We will see xx

gosh that was long sorry!

Hi all, my birth announcment:
went into hospital at 7.30, theater was ready for me at 9.00 but there was a problem with my notes as half of them were in storage so they had to pay £200 to get them collected! Finally went to theater at 2.30ish, had a spinal which worked this time It was lovely to be awake they lifted Ruby up to show us she cried which made us both cry
both of us are doing fine now, I was abit tearful for no reason for a few days but ok today. still cant believe that I finally got to have her

how is everyone doing?

great news kcoffin, those hormones are going to have you crying over the slightest things for weeks yet, just go with it and keep the tissues handy!

Shocked that you had to pay to get your notes out of storage (I'm guessing you didn't put them there). I bet you would have chewed off your own arm to get Ruby where you could see her.

Congrats again

Hi Kcoffin, I'm new to this thread but wanted to say congratulations on the birth of Ruby, I hope you are having a wonderful time with her!

Hi all - just back fom a week in Devon visiting my family - lovely!

Just catching up with what's been going on - kcoffin - CONGRATULATIONS!! Hope you & Ruby are doing well!

Hope everyone else is ok too!

DS is growing very fast, he's 8 weeks now! Chunky & gorgeous!! x