I want to get excited, and I am... but this has been ruined forever and I can't see me ever really relaxing.

[OracleInaCoracle]

ok, so got a bfp on thursday morning and Im shitting myself (not literally, obviously) theres no real reason for me to, i have no pains/backache/niggles the way i have done with ALL of my mc's. i feel sick and tired (god, how I love that feeling - every retch makes me smile) and my hair is glorious, tummy v bloated and glamour-girl breats (as when pg with ds) but i am aware that tomorrow I dont call the gp to arrange to see the mw, instead I call the clinic to arrange a scan. Im not allowed to lift a thing, in fact im surprised dh hasnt banned me from breathing tbh im so grateful to be up-duffed, especially since we have just been turned down for IVF and were on last cycle of clomid, but i feel a tiny bit bitter that i cant enjoy it and am unable to relax and/or start telling people.

i want to shriek "I'm pregnant (love typing that) I'm not barren, dont have shitty eggs" but i cant because we are so far from the end of the tunnel that the light is just a speck.

please god, let this one stick.

lissie, sorry to hear you had a bad night, although I think under the circumstances it'd be a miracle if you could sleep well . How is the bleeding and fever this morning? Really, as lulu said if you still bleed heavily AND have a fever do get yourself checked out.
The emotional turmoil is bad enough and difficult to cope with even without feeling physically rubbish. I realise this does not help you currently one bit, but I have been there too, and it is just horrible and unfair and not deserved. When thinking "why me, what have done to deserve this?" was driving me round the bend it helped me to think instead "well, why not me, what makes me so special" IYKWIM.
I do realise that I do not know you and untimately cannot help you, but you are in my thoughts.
Take care of yourself.

I'm so very sorry Lissie. I just don't know what to say that will help, because i know it doesn't help at this time. Just i am thinking of oyu, your DH and your ds, and your loss.

Please will you get a GBS test? Privately?

i am really sorry you are feeling rough please get a GBS test done privately. the GBS website can advise you xxxx

ok, have seen gp today and i have a fever with abdominal swelling and tenderness on my right side, unfortunately, my right side is the tubed side. the upshot is that i have a scan 1st thing tomorrow morning. bleeding has almost stopped though, which is something i suppose.

thank you all again for your support, love you all.

ps, am still v hormonal.

xxx Call me tomorrow if you want a chat/cry/rant. x

i will, thank you. suppose it shows that this (how ill i feel) isnt in my head. definately need another gbs test done on uterine lining though. shall ask cons about it again.

if i could, i would do this for you lissie

hope that the pain and swelling is an infection and nothing more.

please keep us posted

Lulu - that is a lovely thing to say.

Lissie you must rest sweetheart. I will be watching out for you.

Lulu you are lovely.

Scorpio - is that you?

Yes

I haven't seen you for ages - nice to see you around. x We must chat soon. (sorry for the hijack Liss)

hi all, thank you once again (lulu, thats lovely)

scan went as well as can be expected. they saw a fluid sac which got my hopes up a bit, but test was bfn. so complete mc. fluid was remnants of mc. so at least its not an ep, but definately a mc.

am so sad.

oh lissie (((hugs))

Oh no - hope lissie is getting some answers today xx

x post, so sorry lissie, it is so unfair

Lissie
not much I can say, sorry seems so little.
Did they do the GBS swab?

Look after yourself hun

So sorry Lissie

Big {{{hugs}}} to you!!

lissie - so sorry.

Look after yourself.

thank you all, im very emotional. keep crying and bleeding is very start/stop. have taken rest of weekend off work to rest, cant cope with seeing pregnant co-workers (one of whom is still smoking, drinking and using drugs) and new babies etc. i am very, very fragile.

I don't blame you lissie!!!

Look after yourself and I can imagine how sickened you feel about the pregnant co worker.

Lissie, first time here but feel so much for you and your suffering.

Can so understand how you must feel - so much pain grief and anger.
I am sure you must know how common it is to miscarry a precious baby, though that doesn't make it easier.

My thoughts are with you.

After 9 yrs of fertility treatment, 6 pregnancies which all ended in mc's and oceans of tears, I feel your pain.

10 yrs later we have 3 beautiful DC, but have never forgotten those dark days.

Don't give up. HugsXXX