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Original poster

How to answer the 'Was it planned' question?

56 replies

stickybean · 24/08/2009 07:06

I know its been done before but i can't find it when searching the archives...

I have just begun to tell people i'm pregnant, I'm 13 weeks and have a 12 month old so there will be an 18 month age gap...not that shocking i don't think. Anyway, so many people have asked if the baby is a 'suprise' or a 'happy accident' etc. It is actually very much planned but even if it wasn't, what makes anyone think its their buisness.. I am so shocked!

So come on ladies, give me so good comebacks!

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Original poster
stickybean · 24/08/2009 07:08

excuse the typo...Some good come backs even

OP posts:
esselle · 24/08/2009 07:12

Just say "of course!" and look at them like they are crazy!!

I've been getting this lately too and I find it rude and annoying!

lilysam · 24/08/2009 07:18

Congratulations!

We've just started telling people we're expecting DC4, and are getting asked the same. Think its a bit cheeky really. I think most think 2 is the 'norm' and anything more is just a bit silly, so must be an accident!

Given our history I have to take 5mg of folic acid for a month or so beforehand, so would never take any chances really..

I just reply, 'yes definitly planned and we're thrilled about it'

No real comeback just the truth!

juuule · 24/08/2009 07:44

I think people just ask so that they don't put their foot in it congratulating you if instead they should be commiserating and vice versa type of thing. Maybe just asking to see what the situation is before they carry on.

If you're happy about your pg why not say so.

Congrats by the way

Tigresswoods · 24/08/2009 07:50

I have gone with, in response to that question,

"Oh God yeah!"

Deemented · 24/08/2009 07:51

I keep getting the 'Obviously it wasn't planned, i take it?' Well, no, it wasn't, but there we are. Some people have the ability to make me feel like a stupid teenager...

mrswee · 24/08/2009 08:39

I am pregnant with my first and I got this question from just about everyone I told, that didn't already know we were trying!
My come back was yes we have been trying for 3 years actually!

girlsyearapart · 24/08/2009 08:44

ARGH yes soooooo annoying.
My dds are a year and 3 days apart and pretty much everyone assumed the 2nd wasn't planned.
It makes you mad doesn't it?
I just said yes of course the baby is planned we loved the first so much why would we wait for the 2nd?
That was to people who don't know me well but to others I explained it was because I take strong medication which has to be stopped 3 months bef ttc and we wanted a small age gap so we went for it.
Congratulations to you!

juuule · 24/08/2009 08:49

While I think it could be irritating that people might assume that a pregnancy is an accident, why is it annoying if they ask whether it was planned?

What other more diplomatic way could someone find out how to react to the news?

girlsyearapart · 24/08/2009 09:02

It wasn't specifically that people thought it was an accident it was more the 'oh my god how could you possibly PLAN to have 2 kids so close together' that irritated me..

lal123 · 24/08/2009 09:20

I usually answer that question with a "Pardon????" and a bemused look. We've been trying for DC2 for about 3 years, had two miscarriages and are delighted about my preg. But I don't feel the need to share any of that with other people

ReneRusso · 24/08/2009 10:08

I am expecting a lot of this when I go public because I am pregnant with #3 and my DC are 9 and 7, so I expect people will think I'm mad to have done it intentionally. I don't think it's rude to ask, but will just smile and say 'of course'.

SoupDragon · 24/08/2009 10:13

Well, was it planned?

[childish snigger]

I think just a withering look and "Of course it was." works.

ExtraFancy · 24/08/2009 10:16

"Nope, he promised he'd pull out in time"

That should shut 'em up for a while

fishie · 24/08/2009 10:31

it is just the same sort of thing as "are you having another one?" when you can't. or "have you been trying long?" as if they want to know every time you have had sex in the last six months....

these idiotic questions force a choice between sucking it up and feeling bad oneself or making the questioner feel bad for being insensitive.

depends on mood or how much you like the person who has put foot in mouth i suppose. i tend to be kind to them but really secretly long to re-educate them.

notjustapuppymum · 24/08/2009 10:32

If you've got the guts, say "oooh yes, we were having loads of sex..."...it will embarass the hell out of them!

mogend77 · 24/08/2009 10:33

I do think it's rude to ask because actually planned, or not, it is not your business to have to discuss that. I really believe that (with the possible exception maybe of someone very close sobbing their eyes out saying "OMG I have made a stupid mistake, I'm pregnant - what do I do?" there is only ever one acceptable way to react to the news that someone is pregnant & that is "congratulations".

AmazingBouncingFerret · 24/08/2009 10:38

I dont understand why anyone would want to say anything other than "congratulations" to a pregnancy regardless of it being planned or an accident.

I found that a "yes, thank you" worked very well with both mine. I would of loved to have some sarcastic retort ready but pregnancy slows my already dimwitted brain.

AmazingBouncingFerret · 24/08/2009 10:39

LOL x posts mogend77

FlouryBap · 24/08/2009 10:54

this question pissed me off too (am going to have a 17 month age gap and had just gone back to work) and i use to say "well we are aware that unprotected sex may lead to more babies". however, after my hormones had settled down, i reflected that this may not be the most sensitive response to give, so just started doing the big grin "of course, isn't it BRILLIANT" thing instead.

arolf · 24/08/2009 12:26

My parents still think my pg was unplanned, but apart from them, everyone else who has asked 'was it planned?' has been told either 'what do you think?' or 'yes, why wouldn't it be?' I did want to say 'yup, and we've really enjoyed all the practising baby making too, why do you ask?' but luckily held back...

mum and dad just assumed it was a 'happy accident', and mum actually told me not to even consider a termination (um, I wasn't). Although I think she may have twigged by now that this was a very much planned for baby, even if we didn't tell the world of our intentions .

GodzillasBumcheek · 24/08/2009 12:33

I've never really thought about how nosey that question is before.

I think i've only ever been asked once! And i just said (as it was DD3) 'well we've been trying for her for three years and i eventually had to take medication so i should think so!'.

Mistymoo · 24/08/2009 12:36

Yes but what if it wasn't planned? That's my dilema. I will def get asked too because I have a 9 and 6 year old.

eightisseventoomany · 24/08/2009 12:41

when ppl asked me if I planned to get pg with twins 5&6 !!!!!

firstly you dont plan twins !!!

but the horror on ppls faces when announcing we were pg again !!!! its quite upsetting

whats wrong with wanting a big family ???

anyways.....after being asked this hundreds of times..(before we knew it was twins) ..my funny answer (to make me smile) was:

It shouldnt happen again....we've finally figured this contraception thing !!
and we now know how it works....

GodzillasBumcheek · 24/08/2009 12:42

Say either 'yes', 'why?' or 'kind of!'

When people ask is it planned, i don't think they're expecting a blow by blow description of either 'actually we've been at it three times a day ttc' or 'well the condom broke so it was fairly unexpected'.

You can conceive without it being an 'accident' or 'on purpose' IYSWIM.

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