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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Pregnant and worried about having a boy! help?

139 replies

nknight85 · 29/07/2009 17:54

I am 13 weeks pregnant with my second child, I already have a boy, but I am worried about being pregnant again with another boy. Dont get me wrong I love my little boy very much, but I have always wanted girls. when I found out I was having a boy first time a round I was so dissapointed even though I already had a feeling I was having a boy, But when i was born i was happy. All my friends are having girls and showing off abit and I feel like I am the only one who's body doesnt want me to conceive a girl and I am so jealous. At the beginning of this pregnancy I was sure I was having a girl because I started my sickness at 5 weeks and was really bad with it, my belly seems to have got bigger so very soon I look 6 months pregnant, and I have put loads of weight on already round my hips and bum, ive gotten more emotional and angry and have spots everywere, were with my boy I had none off that(apart from the sickness started at 12weeks and I wasnt really poorly as much). But now people keep putting in my head its a boy,and friends assume just because there having girls, so and now I feel like i am having a boy. I am so upset with myself for feeling like this but I cant help it, my family would be ideal with a boy and a girl. My husband wanted a girl too but he says he is happy with whatever happens,weres am getting myself worked up over it.

What do you guys think? Am I being stupid and selfish? How will I cope when I find out I am having a boy again?

OP posts:

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FabBakerGirlIsBack · 29/07/2009 17:58

I don't think your friends are showing off about having a girl, I suspect you are just feeling jealous.

You can't chose the sex of your baby so have a scan and find out what you are having and then get on with your pregnancy.

You are hormonal but there is no need to get so stressed. You can't change things so don't waste your energy.

mogend77 · 29/07/2009 18:06

Ah hugs. You can't help a yearning. MPO is yearnings are better acknowledged than repressed. I was lucky to get the answer I wanted both times at scans but before I did I was just lke you - and I would have had a difficult period of adjustment had it been the other way around. I totally agree with you about the comments - I used to want to tell people where to shove their opinions on the sex of my baby.

I do think in your boots I'd want to find out at the scan if I were you. If it's a girl you can forget the worries, if it's a boy you can deal with any disappointment and move on.

devotion · 29/07/2009 18:07

hello

i have two girls and both of the pregnancies were totally different so it means nothing.

i am pregnant for the third time and i would love a boy but if i had anotehr girl then i would still be happy.

they are all individuals and you love them for them not their sex.

i know its only natural to feel like you want a boy or a girl bit please dont worry about it. when you see their little face you will be delighted even if it is a boy.

plus if you have a boy it will be such a gift for your son to have a brother. my two girls adore each other (they do argue too but thats part of life) they share everything from toys to clothes. i can just imagine them chatting about boys when they are older and my friends who have two sons have the same. Its so lovely to watch. They are on the same wave length.

I was very close to my brother growing up but as soon as we hit teens its never been the same. we are still close but its different yet with my sisters it different.

so if you have a boy you will be happy.

try not to let it get you down.

if its just the girly moments you want you can get that from your friends girlfriends and your sons girlfriends when older.

i think its better not to find out, you need to meet this little person first face to face and you accept them for them not if they are male or female.

good luck x

Picante · 29/07/2009 18:07

Yes definitely find out at the scan - then you've got plenty of time to deal with your feelings.

specialmagiclady · 29/07/2009 18:09

Felt exactly the same about my boys. But now I've got boys and friends have girls I think, god all that PINK! Yuk!

Notalone · 29/07/2009 18:14

I think sadly you may end up getting slated on here.

I can understand that you want a girl but isn't it more important that your baby is healthy than the "right sex". And when you get pregnant it is always going to be 50/50 that it will be either sex. If I were you I would think about all the positives about having another boy and try to be prepared for the reality that you may not have a girl. It will be cheaper to have another boy as you can pass down yours sons clothes, they will be partners in crime and probably great friends. Little boys usually worship their mums and are so affectionate.

Someone I used to know went through exactly the same thing. Her first was a boy and because her second pregnancy was so different she was convinced she was having a girl. She was so convinced that she bought girls clothes and was on the verge of paining the nursery pink when she found out it was another boy. In her words she went home and cried and mourned for 2 weeks. I wanted to shake her - her baby was healthy while one of my other friends was going through a bereavement as her baby daughter had died at just a few months old. Her son is now 3 and of course she loves him to bits but at the time she was devestated. You too will love your second son because he is your baby.

You really need to get your head around this now because I would hate to think about a lovely baby boy who may be born unwanted . A perfect family is not one with a girl and a boy, it is a family with happy parents and happy kids. Please bear this in mind. your family will not be lacking without a girl in it

Tidey · 29/07/2009 18:16

You say that your 'body doesnt want me to conceive a girl' but it's sperm that decides what the sex of baby is. Please don't think that.

I second the other posters. I found out the sex during my second pregnancy because like you I already had a boy and wanted enough time to get used to the idea if I was having another.

Good luck and best wishes to you, whichever way it turns out.

Calbourne · 29/07/2009 18:18

You poor thing - I completely understand. Please try not to worry about it for now, and deal with it when you have your 20-week scan.

I have 2 boys and it is honestly wonderful.

thisisyesterday · 29/07/2009 18:20

u know whqat? if you're that worried about having a boy then you shouldn't have got pregnant again

nothing can guarantee you a specific sex, when you decide to have another child surely you do it because you want another child, not just because you want another girl???

you say your family would be ideal with a boy and a girl. well i say it would also be ideal with 2 boys.

this is your baby you're talking abot. does i really nmatter what sex it is???
i have 3 beautiful boys and i couldn't be happier.

why do people seem to obsess so much over having a girl???

Flgihtattendant · 29/07/2009 18:20

Try not to worry. I was terrified about having boys, both times, and both times had them

They are not like 'boys' though, iygwim - they are both incredibly diferent, I find ds1 a challenge, he's v active and dangerous and generally gibbon like. But ds2 is a quiet little mouse. totally different and I don't think it'd matter if he was a girl or a boy - he'd have a v similar character.

I'm relieved now, as I think I'd struggle more with girls in a way. I wouldn't swap my boys now but still got a few baby dresses in the vague hope of a next time

thisisyesterday · 29/07/2009 18:21

notalone put it all much better than me!

MrsMattie · 29/07/2009 18:22

I understand your p.o.v - but I do think this is something you need to have a serous talk with yourself about. You are having a baby - a lovely new little person - and it's sex really doesn't matter.

Flgihtattendant · 29/07/2009 18:23

TIY and others - why be so harsh? Goodness you'd think she was considering a termination, fgs.

most of us have a preference initially, some have 'gender disappointment' whatever - you WILL get past it, there's no need to flame her, women. I posted on here when I couldn't bond with my unborn child at all. I got masses of support and guess what, it was fine in the end. Only one eejit shouted at me about it and plenty of people sprang to my defence.

Please leave OP alone, she's done nothing wrong except have some confusing feelings which she can't HELP, and asked to talk about it. Which is what we are here for.

thisisyesterday · 29/07/2009 18:25

i didn;t have a preference any of the times. i wqanted another child,. not a specific sex

the op clearly feels very strongly. look at her last line "how will i cope...?"

if she feels she coldn';t cope with havng another boy then she swhouldn';t have got pregnant as she has a 50/50 chance of having one!

Spoo · 29/07/2009 18:25

I have two boys. I found out with both of mine. When I found out with number two a little peice of me was a bit sad, but now he is here it is fantastic. Having two boys means that they GENERALLY are interested in the same stuff e.g. tv, toys, sports, they share clothes. I also think that when they are a bit older it might be easier with extra curricular activities.

I do not think it necessary to have a mini dad and mini mum to have a 'perfect' family although I can understand how you feel right now.

I hope I do not offend anyone but I find young girls more difficult to manage and a bit more manipulative. Boys seem to be more straight forward to me. It might be that I am more used to them.

Either way I would recommend that you find out at the scan so you can get used to the idea.

I would also tell you that my boys are very different personalities and I love them for being them not for which sex they are.

Good luck with it all.

SixtyFootDoll · 29/07/2009 18:27

I felt a bit like you when pg with DS2 really wanted a girl, and was concerned I would be disappointed with another boy.
I tried to find out the sex but couldnt beforehand to give myeslf time to get used to it.
When he was born I fell in love with him straightawayand now we are prob closer thn I m to DS1.
I realised tha I only wanted a girl for selfish superficial reasons - company, clothes - God I love baby girls clothes!!!
I wouldnt change my 2 and was never tempted to keep trying until I got a girl.
I am sure it will all be fine.

Flgihtattendant · 29/07/2009 18:27

How will she cope with ehr feelings, not with the baby, you goon.

That is what we are here for - to talk her through it and reassure her. Not to say 'get a grip, pull your socks up, stiff upper lip and brush it all under the carpet!'

Jeez.

Flgihtattendant · 29/07/2009 18:31

OP you sound really fed up and perhaps a bit affected by those dodgy preggers hormones.

I promise it won't matter a jot if you do have another boy - think about the positives, too - handing down clothes, toys, maybe playing together in a way opposite sexes wouldn't.

Sometimes we don't realise what we're feeling before we conceive and then it hits us from behind. I'd say this could even be a sign that things are unhappy elsewhere in your life - do you feel a bit depressed? That could be hormones too.

I hated being pregnant both times.

mogend77 · 29/07/2009 18:31

I think nknight85 has done the right thing by being honest and trying to deal with it. She isn't being selfish. I'm sure she is well aware that the most important thing is having a healthy baby & she's not pretending her issue is as important as a bereavement but it's still an issue to deal with. The fact is she has a yearning and anyone who has had a yearning will know that they just hit you (after you have got pregnant usually) and you can't just make them go away. My MIL dearly loves her two boys but she still longs for the daughter she never had 30odd years later. She's not a bad person or an undeserving mother - she just got lumped with an unfulfilled need.

Our society makes such a taboo out of gender yearnings which only goes to perpetuate the fears of people like nknight85. All she wants is to share and deal with her fear.

thisisyesterday · 29/07/2009 18:32

yes, i realise that FA. no need to be so patronising,

and i think it's very worrying tbh! if a mum-to-be is worried that she cannot cope with how she will feel if her baby is a partculat sex then i feel quite concerned about tha tbaby

i think it's actually pretty sill to get pregnant if you genuinely feel that scared/worried about having a boy. becase as has been said you have a 50% chance of having one
you HAVE to be prepared to have either sex surely???

thisisyesterday · 29/07/2009 18:34

it really annoys me this idea of an "ideal" family having a boy and a girl.
i got pitied by a lot of people on having another boy instead of a girl. i mean, what's that all about? i love all my dchildren and i don't care what sex they are, that isn't what's important.

if it's more importrant for you to have the perfect familythan to have another CHILD then you should consider why it is you got pregnany in the first place

Deemented · 29/07/2009 18:34

TBH i'm a little worried about having a boy this time, but for reasons different to yours, so i kind of understand where you're coming from.

I had twin boys in 04, and one of them died. If this baby is a boy then it will feel mighty weird telling people that i have two sons, iyswim. I think for my own sanity i would prefer it if it were a girl i was having, but i know if it's a boy i'll just have to deal with it. I know more then most that a healthy baby is all that matters, but you can't help how you feel.

It's hard, isn't it?

FabBakerGirlIsBack · 29/07/2009 18:37

Who decided that a boy-girl scenario was the perfect family?

Surely everyones family is perfect as it is theirs?

Flgihtattendant · 29/07/2009 18:37

patronising? After the way you spoke to the OP?

Original poster

nknight85 · 29/07/2009 18:38

thanks very much for all your comments, and all your opinions, i wanted to get pregnant cuz i love babys and always wanted children, i am sorry if i offend anyone for wanting a girl but i was brought up with alot of girls in my family so wanting a girl is natural, if i have a boy then i have a boy, theres nothing i can do about it, ill love him no matter what, but its the thought of coping with another boy that am worried about. but there have been some really nice and comforting comments thankyou. xx

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