Pregnant and worried about having a boy! help?

[nknight85]

I am 13 weeks pregnant with my second child, I already have a boy, but I am worried about being pregnant again with another boy. Dont get me wrong I love my little boy very much, but I have always wanted girls. when I found out I was having a boy first time a round I was so dissapointed even though I already had a feeling I was having a boy, But when i was born i was happy. All my friends are having girls and showing off abit and I feel like I am the only one who's body doesnt want me to conceive a girl and I am so jealous. At the beginning of this pregnancy I was sure I was having a girl because I started my sickness at 5 weeks and was really bad with it, my belly seems to have got bigger so very soon I look 6 months pregnant, and I have put loads of weight on already round my hips and bum, ive gotten more emotional and angry and have spots everywere, were with my boy I had none off that(apart from the sickness started at 12weeks and I wasnt really poorly as much). But now people keep putting in my head its a boy,and friends assume just because there having girls, so and now I feel like i am having a boy. I am so upset with myself for feeling like this but I cant help it, my family would be ideal with a boy and a girl. My husband wanted a girl too but he says he is happy with whatever happens,weres am getting myself worked up over it.

What do you guys think? Am I being stupid and selfish? How will I cope when I find out I am having a boy again?

@ TIY btw

but why will a boy be harder to cope with than a girl???

TIY you are being incredibly harsh. She has a yearning for something - it's nothing to do with what society deems a perfect family - it's a real feeling she's trying to deal with, sensibly, now. As already mentioned you don't know how you feel until you conceive often. Clearly you have not experienced this feeling - but you seem to feel qualified to judge her regardless of that.

Why are you worried about coping with another boy?

NK you're allowed to have those feelings, it's how you handle them that counts.

You sound like you'll be fine, please do keep posting.

well she says that her family would be "ideal" with a boy and a girl. so clearly it is to do with that.

doesn't make any sense

"Her" family - for her, not for society. Some people don't want girls, some do.

I think when you find out what gender you're having, some women feel a sadness for the gender they're not having iyswim. It's natural - it's like saying good bye to what might never be.

I for one thought a lot about how life would be with another son when I was pg with DD and was shocked and frightened when I found out I was having a girl. But I adjusted and despite my worries, love having a girl as well as a son.

It's just about letting go of some expectations and becoming ready to cope with things that you're not accustomed. That takes time. And that's fine.

I wouldn't spend an awful lot of time worrying about which one you're having, nknight85. Spend more time thinking about both boys and girls names etc. Have fun imagining another baby of both gender.

Listen TIY you clearly have no insight into this, and no empathy, and OP has made it obvious she understands the reality of what's important so perhaps you should refrain from further unhelpful, judgmental postings.

wen i was pg whith my 3rd i would of liked a girl ,but turn out to be a boy ,i was well chuffed you just love em off the same no matter what the sex is i have 2ds and 1dd

Fwiw I 'grieved' for the girls I wasn't going to have, both times. I really hated the thought of my second child being a boy, for personal reasons. I couldn't love him until he was about half an hour old and was passed back to me from my friend/doula.

From that moment, thank God, I was able to love him very very much. but I do understand how it feels not to bond during pregnancy - I couldn't bear each thump and kick, hid the scan pictures from myself, I felt hideous.

It was feelings. That was all it was, and since he's been here he's been the best loved baby you can imagine.

Dealing with the feelings is what makes the difference and luckily I had help to do that, from here mainly. Had I been shouted down I may never have processed my confused emotions and this child might have had a mother who was unable to care about him in the same way she does now.

It's wrong, prejudiced and desperately unhelpful to villify someone for having this kind of crisis. Please think about that.

OP, I'm feeling exactly the same, and I must admit it was quite nice to read someone else saying what I could have written. I'm 24 weeks with my first, and although I love my little man dearly already, I was so disappointed at the scan I nearly cried. I "felt" it was a boy before hand anyway, but still, having it comfirmed was upsetting. DP was really hoping for a girl, so I feel like I've let him down, and every time we argue now I wonder if we wouldn't if I'd have "given" him the girl he wants. I'm finding it difficult shopping at the moment, as all the dresses look so pretty and colourful, making the boys clothes seem dull in comparison. Its very difficult, and I feel so guilty for feeling that way, but I can't help it.

I hope that regardless of your baby's sex, you have a healthy happy pregnancy, resulting in a total bundle of joy after

yes, clearly only people who agree with the OP should post here, you're right

the OP by her own admission is worried about nbot having an ideal family, and coping with another boy
that concerns me.

i've asked why she is concerned abpout a boy. aside freom it not meeting her idea of the "ideal" family. am awaiting reply to see if i can offer and words of wisdom as a mum of 3 boys

That's great - maybe you'll be able to help.

It's not about 'agreeing' though. She didn't say 'AIBU to not want a boy?' she said she's worried and upset and needs help.

Can you see there is a big difference there.

The fixation on shopping for 'girly things' and 'pretty dresses' really disturbs me, actually. Am I allowed to raise that issue?

Seriously, when I hear people say 'Oh, if only I had a daughter I could buy cute little frocks and we could do girly things like shopping together' it makes me cringe. Cringe. Cringe.

(not referring to the OP, just musing...)

But until we know why another boy is such a problem, no one can realistically help.

yeh she also says
"What do you guys think? Am I being stupid and selfish?"

i am sorry if you all think i am being too harsh. but look at the op again. this person has always wanted girls. she was disappointed to find out her first was a boy despite suspecting it already.
she must hav eknown she would be disappointed this time too if it was another boy if she feels that strongly abpout having a girl.

and under those circumstances I would have thought it'd be sensible to try and deal with how you feel about that before TTC surely? you have to go into a pregnancy knowing that you;d be happy having either sex. otherwise it isn't fair on you or the baby.

this isn't someone who is pregnant and has suddenly, shock horror, discovered that she really wnats a girl. she knew she wanted a girl before getting pregnant

You see, i don't get this. Didn't mind either way with my two - both were boys and they get on brilliantly which is fab in itself.

DH is one of two boys and his DMum has never made any bones about the fact she wanted a girl. Mentions it loads - even now. When Sil had a girl she was overjoyed! Makes DH feel like shit (twice over really) as i'm sure you can imagine. Thing is - if she had told him about her period probs etc. in his teens he would have been so supportive and he loves shopping but she never thought to take him.

As DS1 is watching Top Gear repeats on Youtube and DS2 is challenging me to a game of Mario Kart i wonder how i would have coped with all that pink!

We get the children we deserve .

True Fab. Perhaps it's too complicated for OP even to understand why she feels this way.

MrsM - I reckon some people kind of anticipate both sexes, before they know which it'll be - i know I did/ then when it was the boy, I had to 'lose' the whole idea of the girl which I'd been building in my head in preparation.

I loved buying 'her' things as well as 'him'. Actually didn't enjoy the boy clothes much - many of them are just blue, camo or boring

so it was almost like a grief.

yes i understand were your all comming from, but at the start of my pregnancy i didnt care what i had, infact having a boy would have been so much easier, but as times gone on ive got obsessed and worried about it, its not my fault on how i feel, i feel stupid and selfish about it, and worried, so the people out there that keep going on at me, just shut up and leave me alone, i came on here for advice and comfort, not to be slated, am sure youve all had your dissapointements and worrys so let people have theirs. I am not the only person in the world to have wanted a certain gender.

ok, b ut that isn't how your original post came over, and that's all we have to go on.

we've asked why you're particularly worried about coping with another boy, but you won't/can't answer that, whicch makes it pretty hard to offer advice.

and you must see that it seems concerning to others that you feel you can't cope with an impending baby?

you know what NK - I felt exactly the same way at 13wks. I always thought/felt/dreamed even I'd have two boys, but somewhere along the way I thought maybe that had changed.

Between about 12 and 20 weeks I was convinced that it was a girl, and was v. disappointed when we couldnt find out the sex at the anomoly scan. I ended up having another scan at 23 weeks, and found out then its a boy. And after the initial disappointment, I actually got over it pretty quickly. As in within a day or two. I'm really happy to be having another little fella now. In fact the only thing that bothers me is that I wont love him as much as the one I've got. Because the one I've got already is perfect (well you know, tantrums asides )

Dont be made to feel guilty - you feel how you feel and you will cope and whilst you may feel some sadness at not getting your little girl this time around, meeting your little chap will make up for it

I mean to say IF its a little chap!!

Am not saying a boy is harder or even a girl is, am just saying i wanted a girl is their any harm in wanting a girl or boy? i am not looking for an ideal family, i just thought that having a one of each gender would of been nice thats all, like i said i am not the only human being on this planet to have wanted differnt genders.