Pregnant and worried about having a boy! help?

[nknight85]

I am 13 weeks pregnant with my second child, I already have a boy, but I am worried about being pregnant again with another boy. Dont get me wrong I love my little boy very much, but I have always wanted girls. when I found out I was having a boy first time a round I was so dissapointed even though I already had a feeling I was having a boy, But when i was born i was happy. All my friends are having girls and showing off abit and I feel like I am the only one who's body doesnt want me to conceive a girl and I am so jealous. At the beginning of this pregnancy I was sure I was having a girl because I started my sickness at 5 weeks and was really bad with it, my belly seems to have got bigger so very soon I look 6 months pregnant, and I have put loads of weight on already round my hips and bum, ive gotten more emotional and angry and have spots everywere, were with my boy I had none off that(apart from the sickness started at 12weeks and I wasnt really poorly as much). But now people keep putting in my head its a boy,and friends assume just because there having girls, so and now I feel like i am having a boy. I am so upset with myself for feeling like this but I cant help it, my family would be ideal with a boy and a girl. My husband wanted a girl too but he says he is happy with whatever happens,weres am getting myself worked up over it.

What do you guys think? Am I being stupid and selfish? How will I cope when I find out I am having a boy again?

nknight85, I hope you have found some support and advice on this thread. I'm sorry to see that a few people have decided to find fault with feelings you can't help having.

I think maybe this started out as a niggling doubt and worry and you may have built up in your mind the scan as something much bigger than it should be. I'm sure you know already that the most important thing is that the baby is loved, healthy and wanted.

Even if you do have some moments of disappointment if you find out you're having a another boy, you will soon get used to the idea. I hope you can put all this behind you very quickly and enjoy your pregnancy.

Eh? Loads of women worry about different issues when pregnant and many them are gender related. To say you shouldn't get pregnant if you think you can't cope if it's a boy, is daft.

I know lots of women who, before having their babies, worried themselves a lot about coping and in their pregnancies, some even felt they wouldn't be able to cope. They shouldn't have got pregnant then?

Trouble is with having a baby is that nobody knows what it's really like until they have one. And whether they'll cope or not.

The majority do cope very well. It's fine to have doubts, fears and worries about the smallest of issues. It's not fine to attack someone who tries to talk about it.

That's pretty pathetic if you ask me.

I'll be upfront and admit that I'm biased in that I've conceived 7 babies, but have only one living child (a gorgeous ds). I'm pg at the moment and couldn't care less what gender my child is.

I feel that if people honestly (and OP you're brave to be honest) don't want a child of a particular sex then they should seriously think about whether they want children at all (a bit late in your case now, I admit). No child should be deliberately brought into the world already loved less, disliked even, for being a particular sex. Your child will know that they are not what you wanted and that there is absolutely nothing they can do about it .

winkywinkola, yes i would say that if people are worried they couldn;t cope then they shpouldn't get pregnant

thankyou so much WINKYWINKOLA AND TIDENY, thats supoort i wanted, thankyou for understanding and helping me. i know that in the end i will hopefully have a healthy baby, and i wont know why i worried so much.

FBGIB- i dont know why i wont cope, i just feel that i wont cope, i think with all the pressure of wanting a girl has just made me feel i dont want a boy, and the thought of crying myself sensless just because i found out its aboy is scary lol, maybe its my hormones, i dont know whatever it is its caused alot of nasty comments lol

I have 2 ds and now a dd. The boys are 7 and 4 and dd is 9 months. When i had ds1 i wanted a girl, I just found it hard to imagine a boy then he came and i loved him to bits. Then with ds2 i was happy that ds1 would have a brother but still yearned for a girl. Then dd1, I couldnt believe she was a girl! She is beautiful and what is even more beautiful is how the boy s are with her. Now I love them all equally. But, the thing is I am still broody!! I think we all have to come to terms with the children we will never have. For some this is more painful, mcs (i have had 3) etc but it is there for us all.

nothing wrong with having a bit of a preferance towards either gender, i freely admit that although i adore my daughter i find my boys easier..... but to obsess about it to this extent and to state that 'my family would be ideal with a boy and a girl' is pathetic imo... and you did come on here and ask for peoples opinions didn't you?

is the gender really the only thing you can think to worry about with regards the scan?

here's a few the rest of us worried about: spina bifida, down's syndrome, trisomy 18, missing limbs, heart defects, cleft palete.

how 'ideal' would your family be then, if you can't 'cope' with the thought of a boy then i wonder how you'd 'cope' if your child was SN...

But you are worrying about something that might never happen

you might have a girl you might not mind it is another boy

it is really awful to know you are the wrong sex..

And sorry to those if i have offended you, people have a right to their own opions, but it was hard telling people how i felt because i new i would get hard reactions like this. and yes i cant do anything about it if its a boy, and yes ill love him just the same, so i wish people would understand i am a hormonal confused pregant woman who was a little sad and had no one to talk to cuz she had a little silly thing on her mind.

nknight85, I really really wanted a girl first time round, as did ex-dh. I have 2 sisters and just automatically imagined myself with a baby girl. Until I got pregnant it had never even crossed my mind that I might actually have a baby boy. Anyway, I did have the girl that I yearned.

Roll on to ttc for no. 2. If we got to choose the sex, then I would have chosen another girl. Same reasons as above I expect... girls were a known quantity. Anyway, after ttc for 1.5 years & going through infertility treatment I obviously abandoned any wish for a particular sex... just simply wanted a healthy baby.

Finally got pregnant... and had a boy! And he is the most adorable, loving, sweetest child imaginable. Far, far easier than my dd ever was/is I'm SO glad we're not able to choose the sex of our children!

As for my dd, she is such a tomboy she might as well have been born a boy anyway. No pink dresses or dolls for her... it's football kits all the way

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy. Wish I was having another xx

I'm afraid that I'm also a hormonal pregnant woman who gets really annoyed that we think that we can have what we want and feel deprived when we don't get it.

I want a healthy baby but there's no guarantee that I'll get it.

do you know you are a HORRIBLE PINKTULIPS, yes there are more conserning things to think about other than wanting a girl or boy, but i come on here with an opionion for help, so does that make me bad, and yes it worries me about havingg a boy so what thats my view, and i have so many things wrong with my first son, and have many ms that tha fact i am thinking about wanting a girl is keeping my mind of other things thankyou god damn much

Well, then I shouldn't have got pg at all then because I was convinced I wouldn't be able to cope with one or two children. But only when I was actually pregnant. Wonder if that had anything to do with it?

With pregnancy, there are so many issues to consider, worry about, evaluate etc. And of course there are some serious defects to worry about too.

But lots of women also think about the smaller issues such as coping with two boys who are, according to stereotype and gender, boisterous, very demanding etc... Of course they're not necessarily going to fit in with that cliche. And pg women worry about all sorts of stuff - coping with breastfeeding, whether they'll love their baby immediately, whether they will actually cope with a newborn. How does one know if one has never had a baby before?

And lots and lots of women feel great disappointment when their baby isn't the gender they'd hoped for. I'm not sure that dismissing them is helpful to the women or the baby. Very rarely does it become a problem after a baby is born.

sorry i ment to say i have had many MC, i am sorry for getting very angry, but many people do have issues during pregnancy, i , had alot of them with my first, but i never thought i would have had a proplem with the gender. I dont mean to be rude but if you have come to be nasty then i dont want to hear it, yes i do understand and symposise with people who have had problems and troubles but who hasnt, i was just being a normal woman with a problem who wanted it answerd by people who had advise and understood not people who think i am being ridiculas and stupid, but its what normal pregnant woman do, they think of silly things to worry about, and i just chose this to worry about. thanks for all you honest opinions.

(sorry about spellings)

OK, but you need to be a little clearer in what you want out of these discussions then and maybe don't ask things like 'am I being stupid and selfish' if what you want is to hear people agreeing with you and giving you reassurance rather than honest opinions.

I hope that you manage to resolve these issues and are able to celebrate the unique little life you have created. Good luck.

nknight i feel for you i am pg with no3 i have 2dd's and thrilled that i am having a boy completely utterly thrilled.

i was desperate for a boy and i admit i think i would have been sad had it been a girl

lots of personal reasons for this and i just feel that some people have slated you on here for no reason

this is a pg forum for support and you have every right to ask for it!

i hope that you are ok and that this thread has gven you some support

NK so sorry some people chose to just have a pop at you. It's pointless people trying to rationalise your problem, as it's probably highly irrational and that's what makes it hard to deal with.

Looks like you might have found the answer though - perhaps it is a displacement thing because you're so worried about other things that might be wrong.

I'm really sorry you've had problems with pregnancies in the past and wish you the best with this one

Thoroughly ashamed of some of the responses on here, it makes me so angry when people can't stop themselves piling in.

I think everything is heightened when you are pregnant. So I am sure the rational part of you is saying, of course I would love a boy as much as a girl.

But the overloaded pregnant part is saying I WANNA GIRL!

I have a slight preference the other way. My DS is SOOOOO much fun and we are a very "boyish" household that I just can't imagine a girl fitting in. On the other hand I would rather enjoy a little girl to teach to be empowered and just a little difficult (like her Mama ).

Try to put it all aside until you have a scan, then if you get a girl, well no worries eh? However if you are blessed with a boy just work through it, try to think about WHY you would find it hard to cope with a boy and WHY the whole "ideal" family thing matters so much to you.

thankyou most people have, and i have read everyone's opinion and noted them, and i am sure we will all be happy in the end. lol

i suffer with ante natal and post natal depression and its horrid how hormones play havoc and make things such a huge thing.

find out so you can prepare that was my reason for finding out i feel i can bond better

i also hope thatyou have a very happy healthy pg

thankyou. but its not the Ideal family that i wanted i think growing up with sisters made me want girls, and because i have already had a boy, i just made myself want a girl to make my self feel better, then i would have had one each. but people have made me feel so much better, that i am getting round the idea of having boys, yes i will be a little sad i think if its a boy, but hey am sure i will get over it, and like people have said, as long as its a healthy baby just enjoy it. which i am gunna. so thankyou

wow rings true to me

i grew wanting a perfect family ( i had step familys etc etc)

i have ended up being second wife with a step son

i built up such huge expectations for myself that i have wrecked myself along the way

its only now i am understanding that life is what we make it and nothing is perfect and i make the most of what i have etc

thats taken me a long road to realise that but it has come

have faith in yourself

I personally think there are few things more fun too watch than two brothers tussling about and generally being "brothers".

You will be fine. I am one of 6 girls! All of my sisters have girls (with the exception of one nephew), so DS was a bit of a shock TBH.

am new on here and dont really understand these little codes such as DS and dd and DH and TBH etc can someone just help me?

yep DS dear son DH dear husband DD dear daughter