The Fantastic Forties Forum

[johnworf]

Pregnant or Popped. Partial to Cake. Thrills, Spills & Bellyaches....and SO much more. Come on in for 'mature' chat (go on, I dare you!)

Thanks for the GP advice, gang. I've just never seen a baby at my GPs office so I wasn't sure if that's what happened or what!!

jeannie DH = Dear Husband! And good luck with the going mad bit!

Evening all - first post of the day ! So unlike me but I've been so busy I've not had time to stop. Just come back from the shops as I need a wedding outfit and it wasn't going to happen with 2 LOs in tow!

Also I've got some horrid, nasty infection in my mouth, gums and throat...it hurts....feels all rough and spikey

Not had time to catch up on the posts...except to say that the babies of the 00s are called that cos you can add a couple of extra noughts to virtually everything the 'need' I say bring back the big bottom drawer to stuff the baby in

Off to hospital with Iris tomorrow - it's her ENT check...see if her vocal chords were damaged by the infection she got a year ago - fingers crossed all is ok. Check in tomorrow, night night x

Evening ladies.

tee your baby will go to the same GP as yourself. This is normal practice. You'll have to register baby with them and then you'll get an NHS card (with babies number on it) through to you a few days later.

I must confess I've splurged on K more than I did on my older ones. I didn't have the money to do it with them. Everything was second hand or nearly new. Never did them any harm. K doesn't appreciate anything I buy her (apart from milk and food) and everything else I buy is for my benefit only.

jeannie have a look on Ebay for a bumbo. They're very expensive (for what you use them for) new. Even better, see if you can loan one from someone as floria has done with hers to me

As for older ones I think it depends on what their ages are and how you relate to them. Mine were very happy and pleased for me and love their little sister. However, none live at home now so they see her when they choose to and not when they're woken up during the middle of the night! DSS was affected by it the most - he was 8 when we told him. But he doesn't like change at all so it's completely understandable. Loves her to bits though now she is here and is very protective of her

JJ hope all goes well with Iris tomorrow. Sorry you're feeling under the weather and hope I've not passed my lurgy on to you via t'internet Do let us know how tomorrow goes. xxxx

evenin' all

mad mad busy day at work but off tomorrow - hurrah.

jj that sounds very nasty - are you run down?

I had to buy new stuff for D because I didn't have a single baby thing. But because he is the first grandchild on OH's side and has three great grandparents we got bought a lot of stuff. The Amby was a present from great grandma (she goes out every week and buys D little t shirts or jeans and socks - gives her great pleasure and she actually buys nice stuff so everyone's happy! I dunno if we would have bought the Amby ourselves.

Mr D has been pooing for England all day. He doesn't seem sick still.

good luck tomorrow for Iris !

I think it's when people ask you if you're going to use an Amby and you go all blank that the gaps between when you had your last DC and this one really show . The Amby does seem to be one of the 'new-fangled' things that everyone recommends though, so if I were a first-timer I'd be tempted.

Tee you'll probably go to baby clinics at your GPs for all the developmental tests and weigh-ins and so on. You must have missed those noisy and smelly occasions thus far on account of having the kind of appointments that working people book. You're in for a treat .

*JJ hope you feel better tomorrow, and that all goes well at ENT.

And Jeannie I agree with JW that looking on ebay - or indeed checking out unfamiliar products before buying - is a good idea. Some babies love the bumbo, others can escape its grasp too easily so I'd hold fire until you can actually do a test run, either on loan or in a friend's house or in the showroom if necessary.

I wonder if boys are more instantly pleased at the idea of a new little sibling because it doesn't occur to them that they might actually have to help out with looking after it...

Morning all xx

Really sorry I haven't been very sociable and joining in, I have been lurking tho, hope you don't mind.

Not quite sure why I'm posting really...

I just feel so low and down, what with all the symptoms I have been having, which luckily are easing off so didn't go to the docs, just going to wait until I see MW next week, but then I haven't been doing much at all, just moping around really, sorry if I sound all feeling sorry for myself, I just cant lift my mood at all.

Basically, My DP's business has now folded, and he is going to be made bankrupt, as it was a family business, his mum and Dad will lose their house, as will his sister, and ourselves, and at the moment we cant claim any benefits or anything as until it all kicks in on paper it still looks like he owns business and also his mum an dads house as the mortgage in his name, even tho we have no income of any kind, and now only have £4 between us.

I am so worried what's going to happen and I suppose my hormones at the moment really aren't helping and I am crying constantly.

Really hope I don't bring you all down and as I said i don't know why Im posting, maybe I just needed to get it off my chest, as I have only lived in MK for a year now I don't know anyone really, not well enough to share all the probs, if you know what I mean and I'm quite away from my family and friends and my grown up kids and don't have the money for petrol to go an see them, there is only so many times you can ring someone for a chat and its not fair on them to keep harping on about it, I'm feeling so lonely and cut off really, DP has his family around him everyday and all I have is him.... god I sound so ungrateful.

sorry all for it being such a downer of a post

xxXxx

wonderwitch how terrible! no wonder you are feeling down ...I assume it is the economic climate atm that has hit your dhs business so hard..it is so dreadful when you have obviously put so much into it and are losing so much because of it. I wish I had some positive advise for you but I'm afraid I know nothing about these things...I hope one of the other ladies can help.

...and don't worry about posting less that positive news, that is what MN is all about, being there for each other especially when your normal support group is unavailable for whatever reason...your hormones won't be helping you cope with the situation either. Feel free to vent anytime you want, at least we can offer cyber cake and genuine sympathy and you can get get it off your chest as often as you need to.

Thank you so much FloriaTosca, it made me cry again

so nice to know ppl are here

xxXxx

Oh wonderwitch You poor love What an awful situation to be in with the added worry of a baby. Do you have any plans of ways forward? Praps speaking to the Citizens Advice if you're not sure. I'm sure that as a pregnant lady you will be priority for any help or benefits.

Don't worry about coming on here and having a moan, we've all done it (me more than anyone!).

((((((hug)))))

Hi JW

no there is no plans yet as its only just happened in the past few days altho we have known it was probably going to happen for a while but was hoping and praying everything would be ok.

Being PG isn't going to help at all with the benefits, housing etc, until I am 11 weeks off of giving birth apparently, I did phone them last week just to inquire about things.

I am going to ring the CAB today when they open to get some advice from them, if i can get through

thank you for your good wishes

xxXxx

Good morning all.

Wonderwitch as others have said, feel free to moan away! That's what we're here for.

Sorry to hear you are going through this. I have no advice either, but I'll keep your whole family in my prayers.

((((hug)))

Wonderwitch This all sounds horrific and I very frightening and I'm sure that all of us here will give you as much support as we can.

Bankruptcy isn't my speialisation but you can get good free legal advice from the Community Legal Advice Service on 0845 345 4 345 or The UK Insolvency Helpline (0800 074 6918)is usually very good.

Sorry to be all technical (and me on a day off!) but getting advice at the outset is crucial with these things.

Hello all, and so sorry to hear about your troubles Wonderwitch. Pregnancy hormones will make it all seem even worse than it is so as everyone's said, feel free to come on MN for a wail whenever you need one.

Meanwhile, I'm trying to work but cannot engage brain, and just keep thinking that if I do get Maternity Allowance I'm theoretically on maternity leave and shouldn't be doing anything anyway. But I'm in limbo rather because my agent still hasn't managed to sell the next book, despite getting v positive reactions - times is tough in publishing as elsewhere - so I feel unable to separate myself from that one yet. . It'll all come right in the end I expect but coming at the Really Fed Up bit of pregnancy doesn't help.

But the sun is peeping through so I will go to the greenhouse and talk to things

Hey tee I was hoping you'd be around this morning. My DD#1 has this american guy coming to stay with her next month. If all goes well she hopes to go over and stay with him in September. I think, from the way she's talking, he might be 'the one' and we're getting hints of 'well I'd just go live over there as he's got a good job and won't leave it'. I've feelings that it's hard to get a green card these days but didn't like to say that to her. What do you reckon? It may come to nothing but wouldn't like her to fall at the final hurdle.

wonderwitch I'm really surprised they won't help you whilst you are pregnant. Do you have other children? If you have to sell your house might be worth talking to a housing association in your local area. They're usually very good, offer good quality housing at affordable rents. Much better than the council. Keep us updated and feel free to come on here anytime. That's what we're here for

JW part of the reason I live here as oppose to DH coming to the US is that absolute hell it is to get a Green Card or Resident Alien Visa for the US. It can take, no exaggeration, up to two years to do it. And if they aren't married? Even longer.

It took about 2 hours to get my first UK Visa (although I understand its not as easy as it once was, either. This was 5 years ago now!)

I would strongly encourage your daughter to check out her options before she makes any decisions one way or another!!

Thanks Jeannie for you advice, i will pass those numbers on to my DP.

JW

My kids are now 18 and 20 so they dont get taken into account now, and also they are staying with their dad, as when I moved up here for a 'fresh start' ha ha!! they didn't want to change college and my son was doing an apprenticeship.
We are renting at the moment and because we are already in arrears we will have to be out soon, not sure of exactly when yet.

Just absolutely brilliant and my luck, went to ring the CAB and the phone has been cut off, the phone very nearly went thro the window just now , i hadn't realised it hadn't been paid , will probably lose the internet and tv soon then, so if you don't hear from me u will know why.

sorry rant over

xxXxx

wonderwitch good luck to you.

I just got the best news...coworker has gotten a new job and will no longer be at my office when I return from maternity leave. That might be the deciding factor to get me to go back in a year.

Morning everyone - just to say Iris is fine - all good and dandy - no probs with vocal chords. Apparently she 'chooses' to cough in a seal-like manner! It's like a tick; so, it's similar to when a kid coughs out of habit and it's very common!

wonderwitch bloody hell No words really apart from trying to arm yourselves with info - even if it means sitting for hours outside the CAB to get seen in person. Both me and DP are self employed - he's a builder and I have to say it is nerve wracking at times. I really, really hope something comes through to give you guys a break and a way forward xxx

jw DP was married to an American for 10 years....and she came here to live, as even being married and with a skill in demand for the US, it was an unmitigated nightmare to get a green card. I've got friends who've been in full time employment in the US for 8 years and still can't get one! The thing they've done is buy a business and show a deposit of £250,000 in a bank account All a bit excessive to live in Florida (Bocca....pur-leease!) me thinks - but there's no accounting for taste!

wonderwitch i really feel for you and your family. i am sorry to hear about it. must be extra hard now that you are pregnant.

i know it is easy for me to say this. you must look after yourself and your little one. i hope the govt will help you at this time. and not have to wait until you are 10 weeks before due date!

Hi ladies, was on this thread ages ago and then had mc and all sorts of stressy stuff so let mn slip for a while. Just a reminder- am 43, have a dd(21), dd(18) and ds 16months. I love being a mummy and am enjoying every minute of doing it all 'second time round'. Would love another one but since mc last dec have had no luck at all. Spoke to GP about my age and she just went on about risk (which I know)and made me an appointment to have coil fitted. I know my paents and sister will be horrified if i have another baby at my age but i'd love a sibling for ds that is a similar age. Just to clarify, this is second marriage but we have been togther for 11 years and married for 7. dh didn't want any children of his own and then following a break down went 'er.. i think i like a baby'. This was when i was in my late 30s. It took us a while to concieve ds and now dh wants another one. I feel really crap beacuse i wish i had pushed things years ago (so does dh). He says he knows it's his fau;lt but that doesn't help! Basically, what are your thoughts on carrying on trying? Is anyone else as old as me and still wanting another baby?

Sorry for the ranting on. Have to go now. Hope all ok, will try to catch up with news (as far as i can, after such a long time, later).

ginger- sorry to hear about your miscarriage- they're almost worse (if that's possible) when you feel the sands of time are against you.

On this thread there are many ladies in their 40s with newish babies and pregnant. So being over 40 is evidently not too old. Whether or not it is more hazardous for any individual woman to get pregnant in her 40s depends largely on her general state of health I think. Your GP may be reading too much research (which objectively is actually a good thing) but it is not up to her to try to put you off unless she has serious concerns about your health. As long as you are healthy and you are aware of the implications of chromosomal abnormalities that are more common at our ages, then you are well enough informed to make your own decision about whether or not it's right for you.

hi ginger welcome
i am 43 and have a 18 week old . he is my 2nd, my first just turned 5. initially we only wanted one child. and as DS1 got older, he started asking for a brother. so we decided to have another one. we got pregnant on the 3rd month of trying. i have regular cycle and monitored it. also used pre-seed. and had acupuncture.

so dont let your age bother you

Gingermumi - I'd say go for it.

I'm 42 and will be 43 by the time baby arrives. Not planned (stupidly thought that at my age my eggs would be well past their use by date) but my GP has been brilliant. Her 2 children go to my sons school and she just said that she'd had her youngest at 42 without any problems at all and that I see the living proof of that every day running around the school yard.