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Original poster

Did you regret finding out the gender from your scan?

130 replies

Ceolas · 30/03/2009 12:55

I am expecting DC5 and have never known the gender before birth. I've been offered a 20 wk scan this time though and I'm really tempted. My excuse is it has implications for bedrooms and whether we'll need to move house (although not urgently I admit).

I'll be going alone and I know DH doesn't want to know. We've both said in the past it's like opening your presents before Christmas!

Did you find out and regret it or am I being daft?!

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WindUpBird · 31/03/2009 21:49

A friend desperately wanted a girl and found out the sex at the 20 week scan. It was a boy and she phoned me, sobbing...despite the fact she was carrying a healthy baby. Once he was born she fell totally in love and seems to have forgotten she ever wanted a girl. I just wonder if she'd waited till the birth to find out, would she have had the reaction she had at the scan? Or would she have been so bowled over by hormones etc that she would've been happy with a boy? I've always wondered.
For me, I've had surprises both times and that moment of finding out the sex has been the highlight of my life twice!

crankytwanky · 31/03/2009 22:02

I really didn't want to know with both of mine, although I had a really strong feeling I Knew what they were, which turned out to be right, as it happened.
However, as I was induced with DC2, I went in for a scan the day before, and there in all it's monochrome glory upon the screen was a wee winky, and some definite testicles! The winky was even the same shape as it's daddy's! I was actually really upset I had seen, and had to keep it a secret from DH all night.

The sonographers cannot always be 100% accurate either. Recently where I work a couple had an unexpected boy. They had spent a tidy sum on girly things.

Don't find out; if it's child number 5, there won't be many surprises left! Good luck!

QueenFee · 31/03/2009 22:28

I am pg with No3 and I haven't found out with any of mine. My personal feeling is that if for instance I was told it was a boy and I bonded with my boy bought blue etc and they had got it wrong and it was a girl, I would sort of feel bereaved for my boy IYSWIM however pleased I was at having a girl.
Anyway so far my instincts have been correct!
I was more tempted this time around but am glad I didn't ask now.

bratnav · 31/03/2009 23:14

I am pg with number 3 and DH and I definitely want to find out. DDs and DSD are all itching to find out whether they are having a baby brother or sister.

We obviously have a loft full of pink, but my DSis had a boy last year so we may have to swap with her on clothes. It will also put paid to EVERYONE saying 'Ooh you must want a boy when you already have 3 girls' if we can say 'we are having a X due in the beginning of September'.

I have absolutely no preference either way, neither does DH, but we are control freaky, impatient and nosey the pair of us. Also as DD2 is 5 already I had forgotten how much I hated being pg, so it will be a lovely 'treat' at half time IYSWIM.

usernametaken · 31/03/2009 23:37

We didn't find out with DD, but this time will will. DD is set on a sister, if this turns out to be one with boy bits then we'll need the next 20weeks for therapy for DD. Part of me doesn't want to find out but we have to for DD.

duchesse · 31/03/2009 23:41

I had my 20 week scan today, and despite being sorely tempted (and seriously craning to catch a sneaky peek of any nether bits) we didn't ask, weren't asked if we wanted to know and I think are glad we didn't. We didn't find out with any of the others either. And after the level of detail in today's scan (we basically have a picture of its face, and have inside views of every tiny organ) I think it's actually the last area of surprise left (barring the undetected...). So I am glad.

vlc · 01/04/2009 02:51

I always thought I wouldn't want to know. And then I had problems and had to have an amnio and for weeks all my questions were scared ones. Before I got the final results I realised there was one question I could ask and either way the answer would be joyful, so I asked. Absolutely no regrets.

I think I'll probably go down the same route if the situation arises again.

Gateau · 01/04/2009 08:30

Flooziesusie, that was my wish: for DH to hold our baby first and reveal the sex. I think that's very intimate and much more personal than the stranger doing it in a stertile room,as you describe.
Unfortuntely, I didn'tet what I wanted because I had a c-section. Fingers crossed my wish will be granted with our second baby.

vess · 01/04/2009 09:36

I've always wanted to find out the sex and I did with both ds and dd. Never regretted it. The surprise of a baby finaly comming out is enough for me.
Currently pg with dc3 and was thinking it might be fun not to know.... On the other hand, will be good to tell ds and dd and prepare them, 'cause he wants a brother a she wants a sister and someone will inevitably be disappointed

Momma23 · 01/04/2009 10:00

I have no regrets in finding out with DD2 & 3. DP didnt want to know so i kept it to myself. I did find i bonded with them alot more (even though you will anyway)
But they can get it wrong as i was told it was DD3 was a boy at one scan and later told it was a girl.
The emotions of giving birth and then holding the baby and knowing all is ok with you and baby is all the surprise i needed.

Tidey · 01/04/2009 14:32

The option of finding out the sex wasn't available at my local hospital at the time, so we didn't know with DS. They changed their rules by the time we had DD so we found out with her. I much preferred knowing the sex in advance, personally. We couldn't think of a single boys name we liked but had thought of several girls names, so it was quite a relief just for that extremely daft reason!

thirtysomething · 01/04/2009 21:10

wouldn't recommend knowing in advance unless you really need to for rooms etc. If nothing else the surprise element really keeps you motivated during the birth IMHO - I had the most horrendous second birth but that moment where they said "it's a girl" will be with me for ever and instantly made me less bothered about the mishandling of my labour etc....

lockets · 01/04/2009 21:17

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bels38 · 01/04/2009 21:25

I didn't find out for the first 2 partly as the hospital would not tell. Was very excited for 3rd as planned to find out. It was hard to tell because of the way the baby was lying and I had a very unfriendly woman doing the scan that day who refused to try and make the baby move so i didn't find out. I wanted to find out for all the same reassons as you. I am so glad I didn't in the end. It was lovely not knowing until the end and having the lovely surprise of a big fat, healthy girl on the day.

christywhisty · 01/04/2009 21:31

I had an amnio when I was pregnant with dd and opted to know. There hadn't been a girl in DH's family for generations so she was a surprise

Original poster
Ceolas · 01/04/2009 21:38

I can honestly say that the "it's a girl/boy" bit has been pretty unimportant to me. More important is "It's a baby and labour is over!"

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Snowstorm · 01/04/2009 21:40

I think there's no wrong and no right and only you know whether or not it's right for you. I miscarried our first baby and so our next pregnancy was a worrying time. Being offered the chance of finding out whether our next pregnancy was a boy or a girl felt right to DH and I, it made the bump feel more real and less of a worry (if that makes any sense). We found out that DD1 was a girl at 23 weeks and never, ever regretted it for a moment - it made us feel even closer to our unborn baby. However, we didn't tell anyone else (not parents, best friends, anyone), it was just for us to know and that made it feel like the most wonderful secret between the 3 of us!

When I was pregnant with DD2 we did exactly the same thing and again, it was absolutely right for us.

I've always thought that if a person or their partner were absolutely DESPERATE for a baby of a particular gender, then maybe it'd be better to find out beforehand because then they could come to terms with the reality but in a way that seems less personal to a newly-born babe in arms, but that's just my opinion and I don't know whether it really would help.

If you and your partner both agree as to when you want to find out, then surely that's what's good for you and nothing else matters.

Concordia · 01/04/2009 21:53

another impatient person here. We just wanted to find out and i don't regret it. Both births had their ups and downs and i don't think i'd have really taken in the gender then anyway.
Also, both times we had a preference (DH really really wanted a boy first time so it was nice to be able to confirm this - i just wanted a baby )
and second time i wanted a girl and he wanted another boy - so it was obvious that one of us might be a tad disappointed and it gave time for this to work its way out prior to the birth (girl btw and he loves her ).

thell · 01/04/2009 21:53

Oh Ceolas, I hope you're not too disappointed! With my DD I didn't initially want to know the gender, but DH really did, so that he could get his head round what was happening to us! We conceived on a bit of a whim! I DID NOT want him to know and not me, so I got used to the idea...then the sonographer couldn't see properly and I was pretty cheesed off! Luckily I had to walk around a bit, etc so that she could take some other measurements, and was then able to tell us.
I am not very good with being patient when not prepared.

Will you have any other opportunities to find out, or are you not bothered now?

Concordia · 01/04/2009 21:57

and DH said both time he bonded better with the bump when he knew the gender

Original poster
Ceolas · 01/04/2009 22:18

No, I won't have another scan. Not too bothered really. I suppose I was just asking since I had the opportunity.

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Momma23 · 01/04/2009 22:29

Concordia
I agree with you on the bonding with bump part.. We have 3 girls and of course would love the boy, but didnt happen. I was so glad to know i was having the girls as there was no disapointment edge brough in when they were delivered. Love my little ladies to bits and we are not planning on having any more, or to try for the boy (poor thing would'nt have a chance in our house)..
We didnt find out with the first and i felt that small bit of disapointment when it was not the boy!

lockets · 01/04/2009 22:38

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sweetkitty · 01/04/2009 22:47

Hi Ceolas

I have found out with all 3 girls and never regretted it, I loved knowing, thinking about one set of names then secretly choosing it and DP and I calling her by it and no one else, loved choosing the little pink outfits.

Original poster
Ceolas · 01/04/2009 22:57

Ach, now you're all making me !

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