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Original poster

Did you regret finding out the gender from your scan?

130 replies

Ceolas · 30/03/2009 12:55

I am expecting DC5 and have never known the gender before birth. I've been offered a 20 wk scan this time though and I'm really tempted. My excuse is it has implications for bedrooms and whether we'll need to move house (although not urgently I admit).

I'll be going alone and I know DH doesn't want to know. We've both said in the past it's like opening your presents before Christmas!

Did you find out and regret it or am I being daft?!

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AnnasBananas · 31/03/2009 13:19

You either want to find out, or not.

Nothing to regret in either sense. The gender isn't going to change unless the estimation of gender was wrong.

I found out with both. Was deperate for a ds first time round, found out it was a dd so plenty of time to get used to the idea which I did. Still a surprise to see her on the day. With the second I was hoping for another girl, which it was. We were very about it.

I only know of one friend who was told 80% girl at 20 weeks only to have that reversed a month later at a private scan, which is unusual. I know they do get it wrong but you don't hear about it much.

Good luck to you having 5 dcs!!

expatinscotland · 31/03/2009 13:27

'Spoils the surprise'.

a) some people don't like surprises.

b) childbirth is full of enough surprises in and of itself.

blondiep14 · 31/03/2009 13:52

We didn't find out although I did quite want to as I am very nosey and very impatient but I am really glad we didn't. I was pretty sure I was having a boy anyway and didn't even ask when he was born (so glad was I it was over!) but I found the not knowing really helped the last few weeks of pregnancy, a little glimmer of excitement brightening up days of whaledom and piles if you like .

nocluemum · 31/03/2009 13:55

Whether you find out at 23 weeks like we did or wait til it arrives it is still a surprise. With DS1 we found out and when I was given him to hold for the first time I was so in awe and wonderment I dont think I would have been anymore surprise had I not known the sex. It just all meant that we could be more prepared with stuff clothes etc. Same reason we have gone to find out this time and it is a little girl!

plumblossom · 31/03/2009 14:19

We didn't find out as I wanted my husband to tell me when the baby was born, it was such a lovely surprise to hear we had a girl as I was convinced we were having a boy. It's one of the few surprises that are guaranteed in life .

MarlaSinger · 31/03/2009 14:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Littlepurpleprincess · 31/03/2009 15:23

I am a total control freak. I have to know what's going to happen and exactly when it will happen or I am a nervous wreck (probably have a few issues need sorting) and there is so much uncertainty with having a baby that knowing what I was having, giving me a bit to plan for was really reasuring for me. A bit extreme I know, but it's how I felt at the time, so I have never regretted finding out.

flooziesusie · 31/03/2009 15:41

we didn't find out with dd or with this one - just because you can, doesn't mean you necessarly should. All personal choice though, and I would never pass judgement on those who choose differently.

With all due respect though, being in a sterile room having someone you don't know telling you what the sex 'might' be just doesn't float my boat. DH told me the sex of dd and he will with the next one too - just to keep it about us as a family as much as possible. Also, choosing the name before it's born? I felt we needed to meet our child and get to know it a while before deciding on a name. Clothes, the same... neutral until she had a personality coming through...

Anyway, I ramble - each to there own, but I'm very happy with not knowing until the big day.

HecAteTheEasterBunny · 31/03/2009 15:57

no. i found out both times and it was right for us. first time, i wanted a girl, was convinced i was having a girl so when the scan said boy, i'll admit, i was initially disappointed but it gave me ample time to get used to it and then get excited about it, and pick a name and everything.

next time round, i was hoping for another boy and pleased to find out on the scan i was. also had time to pick the name.

Heated · 31/03/2009 17:29

Didn't find out with either of mine - I like surprises but the senior mw who came to have a look (she likes surprises too) said most ppl these days know what they are having. What made it extra nice is that dh has always been 'in position' to find out first, although he did get it wrong with dd; think he was looking at the cord!

However, if we have a third we may well find out just for practicalities of room sharing as the OP mentioned. But even then...

mooki · 31/03/2009 17:41

We didn't find out with DD and I guess I was surprised at how many people in my antenatal classes did.

I think my entirely subjective feeling was that if we (me and DH) knew then I wouldn't be able to keep it secret from friends and family. If my mum knew then everyone she knew would know. So there wouldn't be much to announce at the time of the birth, if everyone already knew what we were having and especially if we had decided what the name was in advance. I mean, you know the baby is going to get there at some point, if you already know the name and gender all you've got left to ask is was it a biggun or a little'un?

That only worked though because there was only the one opportunity to find out - you either asked at the 20 week scan or you didn't. If biology had made it possible for me to have peeked at any time, I'm sure I wouldn't have lasted 9 months without looking.

I can understand more people wanting to know with a second one. We're not having any more though so I'm glad we had a 'surprise'.

jujumaman · 31/03/2009 18:09

Well, I loved the surprise element with both dcs and I think friends and families enjoyed the reveal. I always lose interest in people's pregnancies if I know the sex half way through.

But it's entirely subjective, if you fancy it go for it. Don't think it makes any difference to bonding either way.

nix72 · 31/03/2009 18:10

I recently had my fourth child and she was the only one I found out about before the birth. My third child was born severely disabled and she died when she was 3.
With this pregnancy I was heavily monitored and had loads of scans so I knew there would be a chance of finding out by accident and wanted to avoid that. We found out at 20 weeks but didn't tell anyone so that it was a surprise for everyone else. I had always been against finding out before but this time it just felt right. I wasn't bothered either way, I just wanted a healthy baby. None of the joy of her arrival was spoiled and it was still exciting telling everyone the news.

PortAndLemon · 31/03/2009 19:20

I didn't regret it either time. It made choosing names much easier and got me used to my rubbish maternal instinct (I'd had strong feelings that DS was a girl and that DD was a boy). And second time around it meant DS knew he was having a sister and could adjust to that. We don't tell people the name in advance so there's still something to tell family and friends after the birth.

TigerFeet · 31/03/2009 19:34

I found out I was having a girl at dd's 20 week scan. I had no preference, but was interested in knowing, possibly because I hate the thought of information being available that I could have, but not being told it iyswim.

This time, we will find out again but for more practical reasons. I would like to know whether I need to hang on to dd's baby stuff or swap/buy/beg/borrow/steal clothes etc for a baby boy. DD has her heart set on a brother so I think it would be kinder for her to get used to the idea of a sister (should it be a sister) before the baby arrives. FIL has put in a request for a grandson named Thomas. DH has expressed a preference for a boy. Myself, I'm not bothered, but I would like to know either way if I can.

BriocheDoree · 31/03/2009 20:01

Didn't find out with DD because Edinburgh (at the time) only offered 12-week scans. Found out with DS because it was kind of obvious even before we had decided to ask or not (just the way he was sitting IYSWIM) and at that point I was so sure of what I was seeing that I thought I might as well have it confirmed!

ilovetochat · 31/03/2009 20:08

didnt regret it, easier to buy things and pick a name.

moomaa · 31/03/2009 20:36

I found out with DS and DD and liked telling everyone and the surprise at the scan. I got what I preferred both times (btw I know that's shallow). I think there's a lot in what people have said about getting used to it if it's not what you expect. I'd like another DC and don't mind which I have and think I'd wait.

I don't think one of us could know and the other not, that would be infuriating.

There is a danger with knowing allowing you to pick the name. I wouldn't have called DD the name she has if I could see her when I picked it, but it was too late by the time she came out, we'd been calling her x for months by then!

Original poster
Ceolas · 31/03/2009 20:44

Well sonographer said she couldn't be sure, so I'm none the wiser

OP posts:
pulapula · 31/03/2009 20:58

With my first, we didn't find out and it was wonderful when DD was born.

With my second, we found out we were having DS but pretended we didn't know which was lovely too, as it was ours and DDs secret- she was 2, so old enough to understand but too young to tell anyone else!

With my third (currently 32weeks) we found out and have told anyone who wants to know. I was hoping for a DD so it was good that I found out at 20 weeks it was another DS so I didn't spend my pg imagining i was having a girl. It took a good few weeks to get excited about my little man.

Each pg has been special in different ways and for practical reasons, and for preparing the DCs i think its good to know. When I told my mum, I think she was disappointed as it was a bit of an anti-climax for her. So if you think you might think it might spoil the surprise, then don't do it.

sazm · 31/03/2009 21:15

we were told we were having a girl, so bought a lovely pink car seat and loads of outfits........
then i gave birth to a boy!!!!!!
now that WAS a surprise!!!

flockwallpaper · 31/03/2009 21:20

Didn't regret knowing, but that was for our first. I would probably leave it a surprise for any future pregnancies probably. But completely up to you....

JodieO · 31/03/2009 21:23

I found out 3 times and didn't regret it at all, I wanted to know and the only surprise it would really be if I waited was if I gave birth to a dog or something.

Bibmother · 31/03/2009 21:33

We found out with both of our ds's except that we didn't really as they told us that ds2 was going to be a girl which I was quite excited about as I thought a girl and a boy that'll be nice. Then when he was born, I asked is it a girl and no it wasn't!!! Didn't mind a bit though as two ds are lovely too. Not sure I'd bother finding out if I had a third though as I'd probably presume I was having a boy no matter what they said!

MumtoCharlieandLola · 31/03/2009 21:34

With my second child, we asked the sex and were told we were expecting a little girl. I was gutted, I already had one boy but as my pregnancy progressed, I patted my bump and talked to my gorgeous girl, who we would call Romily (or madeleine)

We decorated her room in pink, I made pink gingham curtains, put down the pink carpet and bought lots of little girly dresses. There was rabbit wallpaper and all the things that I didn't do with my first ds.

When my baby was born, 'she' came out with 10% extra ! The midwife said, "here she is", swiftly followed by "oh, its a boy".

We were totally and utterly delighted, only a week before the birth I had been crying and saying I don't want a girl, I want a boy.

We took back the dresses and things, sold the carpet and the curtains and painted the room cream, which is what I should have done in the first place !

So, two lessons, one sometimes you do get what you wish for, and two, don't always trust your sonographer !!