Older mums - how did people react when you told them you were pg?

[BonyM]

I found out two weeks ago that I am pg with no.3. Dh and I are very happy (after getting over the initial shock!) but it was unexpected and at 42 I fall well into the "older mother" category.

The only people we have told so far are my good friends that I met when pg with dd2 (who will be 4 in a couple of weeks). They are at least 10 years younger than me and very happy for us, but I am very apprehensive about telling friends who are the same age as me, and my parents. I think they will think we are mad.

I rang to book a private early scan this week and when the secretary asked my date of birth she said "Did you say '66?" in an incredulous tone of voice, and when I said "Yes, I'm an oldey" she remarked that she was 45 and wouldn't want to be doing it at her age.

How have others coped with negative comments?

Well congratulations!
I'm 41 and have had my tubes tied....almost 9 years ago after 3rd child.
But,would love to have the experience of being an "older mum" now.
Well done you.Be proud!

I was 40. Everyone was far too fascinated about how I had got up the duff (I'm gay) to worry about my advancing years

Besides which, I looked young for my age in those days. Funnily enough, since motherhood hit nobody expresses surprise when I tell them my age anymore...

I was 35, and everyone had given up on me procreating. I was the "career girl" of the family. My sister was overjoyed and the rest of them totally gobsmacked. My nan was dismayed at i would "have to give up my job" and then i would be poor etc etc. I was most pissed off that they couldn't at least pretend to be pleased. They all love dd to pieces now though.

I am 42 and currently 30 weeks pg. I have had a lot of

"was it planned?" questions, and from my friends the same age as me. .. Despite being thrilled for us I have had a lot of comments along the lines of "but I wouldn't want to have another one at this age..."

No one has batted an eye for me, but then I don't look my age! I'm 40.

You should pop by over here

None of us will look at you cross eyed!!

interestingly (I hope) I spent 2 weeks on the maternity wing before dd was born. I wasn't the oldest woman there, but the ones that were older than me were on dc 4 or 5. No-one could believe that dd was my first at my geriatic age!

I was the oldest in my NCT group, but not by much: two others reached 40 by the time their babies were born, and none were in their 20s.

Move to West London: the maternity wards are riddled with geriatrics!

Hi, I'm not an older Mum, but I just wanted to tell you that my Mum had me at 36. She had my siblings in her 20's, so i think i was a bit of an "after thought" but i can honestly say that being the daughter of an "older mum" has been a fantastice experience. I'm 24 now, and expecting my first child. Over the years my Mum has always listened & never judged. She has been my confidante, my best friend and my complete rock. Nothing seems to shock her! My siblings all think that I'm lucky too, as she has been much more laid back with me than them.

Ok...sometimes we drive each other mad, and I was a bit embarassed for a while in my teenage years... But the benefits of having an older Mum are massive.

Also, my sister had my nephew at 40 (he was her first), and is having a fantastic time. Ignore the comments...your children are very lucky. CONGRATULATIONS!!!

My nan was 40 when I was born. My mum died when I was little so often my grandparents dropped us off at school and so people made the obvious connection. It was noted that they were positively ancient compared to my peers' parents.

I expect that is just not the case anymore. Certainly at my dd's school there are some obviously young mums but most have a tell tale wrinkle or two....

I didn't really feel like an "older" mum when I had dd2 at 37, but always had it in my mind that I wouldn't have any more after 40 as thought that was "too old". I'm sure that the friends who thought I was "brave' then will just think I'm bonkers now.

Two of the mums at nursery yesterday were chatting about someone who had their last child at "this age" and how they could never contemplate it. I just had to stand there and smile (I think they might be younger than me as well!).

I was 40 the first time and two so called friends looked really shocked and said 'and are you keeping it?'
Sadly I had a miscarriage that time.

I had ds1 at 42 and ds2 at 43. My own family were fab as my dads sisters both had their children late - one had her 4 kids between 38 (1961) and 45 and the other had hers at 37 and 40.

Dps side think its cruel on the children for them to have old parents - they've never said it to my face but they talk loudly behind me about it whenever anyone is pregnant. I'm 8 years older than dp and his mother has never liked that. Its so silly - would they rather be without their lovely grandsons just cos I'm a bit older than all his lot have been when they gave birth?

Friends etc, well after the initial shock they just see me as another mum now. I have sometimes been mistaken for my sons grandma but thats in this part of lancashire with very high teenage pregnancy rates so I don't take it personally as a lot of women here younger than me ARE grandmas!

One advantage is that at playgroups etc if I make suggestions, all the younger mums seem to think that I must know what I'm doing and agree with me. And at sure start the younger mums were asked to join the parents committee whereas I was offered a place on the board of governors (which I took!).

No doubt I'll be the oldest mum at the school gates come september

You have your babies when you bloody well want to missus!

I'm almost 37 and will be having my first baby in 8 weeks time.

About 2 years ago we were at a wedding and my MIL (who is a miserable old witch at the best of times) had a couple of glasses of champagne and said to me one of the rudest things I have ever heard. She said 'I expect at your age you aren't going to have any children now are you, your ovaries are all shrivelled by now' - I just turned and walke away from her (and then burst into tears where she couldn't see). In fact we were trying, and as it turned out I actually was pregnant at the time although didn't know it yet. Sadly I ended up with a missed miscarriage and then had further recurrent miscarriages so now by the time I got a sticky one I am even older. If she dares to say even one word to me now I will slap her, I swear!

But I honestly didn't feel ready to even think about it till I was in my mid 30s - I still don't really feel old enough even now. Does anyone, no matter how old you are?

My Granny had her 5th and final child at the age of 47 though, he was 50 last year (granny is now 96) - at that time she must have been really unusual!

i have had a baby at 40

i do feel old - but wow i am a much better happier more laid back mum than ever i was in my 20's or even 30's

i love being a young mum - at ds school the youngest mum at parents evening
but

thats superficial really

i LOVE being a free spirit in my 40's - able to parent how i want and not give a damn what others think

congratulations on the pg - what fun!

I'm not an older mum first baby due soon and i'm 20's, but I was an older baby - mum 38 when I came along, and both grandmothers had babies in their late 40s (I'm talking at 46 way back in the 1940s!).
All of my mums family have an 'extra' baby in their late 30's/40's, never planned but always somewhat expected due to the family history - they always joke that it isn't just teenage girls who have accidents. What I'm trying to say is that it is natural to me to have older mums, and they all do a great job - congratulations and enjoy!

Mags98, if you e-mail me her address I'd be glad to go and give your MiL a slap for you. Or at least point out that at her age every reproductive organ has probably melted like the witch in the Wizard of Oz? I am incandesent with rage on your behalf!!!

I had dd at 37, and am expecting dc2 imminently at 39. I will probably draw a line there, but more because I'm knackered, find being pg and having a toddler very physically wearing, and have a stressful tiring job that requires a lot of patience and energy than because of my advanced years.

My nan had my mum in the 1940s at the age of 42, whilst grandad was away fighting, and she was agreat mum, and looked after me as a baby when she was 70+

No-one would bat an eye if it was bloke becoming a dad.

Oh yes, congratulations!

I'm pg with my first and (at the F age) definitely fall into the older mum category. I haven't really told anyone but nobody's made any adverse comments. If anything parents/PILs have chirped on about how good a situation we are in to have a baby now, etc. I'm in good health and don't look my age but whatever, I can't do anything about it - I'm the age I am and that's all there is to it!

To the babies of older mums who've posted; thanks ever so for your posts, they were really encouraging!

Everyone else congratulated us and were over the moon.

MIL said "I'm glad you can still have children at your age but there won't be any more, will there?" (looking hopeful)

I'm 31..DP is 37

You just have to pick your demographic. Around my way, you can absolutely guarantee that any fresh young lovely-looking 25-year-old in the park with a child is the nanny.

I was 35 but had friends who are older and pregnant or trying so wasn't considered anything weird. My parents were over the moon - they had long ago given up hope that I was the family type.

Good for you, congratulations! I had my dcs at 41 and 43, both straightforward pg. One of the GPs pointed out (and it's definitely borne out on this thread) that women have always had babies in their 40s - what has changed is that more women are starting their families later, so more first babies born to older mothers.

I am another geriatric mummy 41 with a six-month old boy and currently debating whether to have another. No one said anything to me really except my 21 yar old son who said "isn't it good you can still manage it at yor age"

However I am a far far far better mum now than I was in my 20's. More laid back, much more patient, much less selfish. I enjoy it and appreciate it all far more and I have the confidence to do things my way rather that worry about how others are doing it. T

The only disadvantage to being an older mum really that people can come up with is that you might die young - well people die a lot younger than 40 and leave their kids behind. If we didn't have kids because we might die and leave them behind no one would ever have kids!

I had DS at 37 and wasn't the oldest first timer in my ante natal group.

My great granny had her first at 42 and went on to have 3. That was pre WW1. It's always happened. There's just more of us now.

Ooh, lots of lovely positive comments here. Great to hear from 40+ mums in particular. There are in fact quite a few older mums where I live, lots about my age who have children dd2's age, but afaik, they have all finished now!

I guess the way to look at it is if I was too old to be pregnant then I wouldn't be!

Oops, meant area rather than demographic in my previous post. Am a bit pissed but it's 10pm here so not quite as naughty as it would be to be pissed where you are.

Do psych yourself up for the occasional remark from an insensitive consultant. In my first appointment, I got asked why I waited so long.