Older mums - how did people react when you told them you were pg?

[BonyM]

I found out two weeks ago that I am pg with no.3. Dh and I are very happy (after getting over the initial shock!) but it was unexpected and at 42 I fall well into the "older mother" category.

The only people we have told so far are my good friends that I met when pg with dd2 (who will be 4 in a couple of weeks). They are at least 10 years younger than me and very happy for us, but I am very apprehensive about telling friends who are the same age as me, and my parents. I think they will think we are mad.

I rang to book a private early scan this week and when the secretary asked my date of birth she said "Did you say '66?" in an incredulous tone of voice, and when I said "Yes, I'm an oldey" she remarked that she was 45 and wouldn't want to be doing it at her age.

How have others coped with negative comments?

To me, the biggest drawback to being over 37 is that you go straight under a consultant (is this the same everywhere?).
I have never met the bloke supposedly responsible for my care, but have only had one ANC appointment I didn't leave feeling angry, upset, confused, or on one notable occasion inconsolably upset and in floods of tears!

Give me the lovely midwives any day; at least they don't touch your bump as if being asked to handle rotting tripe.

Hi BonyM Congratulations! I have just had my 2nd at 42 (1st at 37) and I don't remember anyone commenting on my age even health professionals. I am a little at the secretary at the scan place being so unprofessional with her comments!
I feel much more calm with my sons something I would ever have been in my 20's or early 30's. Good luck with the scan

2helenback I think going to the consultant must be a specific thing for your area, it is certainly not the case here. We have been talking about the differences between health authorities on the 40+ mummy's tread and there seems a wide difference in "standard" procedures for older mums across the country.

I didn't have any negative comments even though I was 40 when DS was born - perhaps because he was my first? And because F&F all knew my circs and that it wasn't exactly through choice that I had waited so long to get pg with DS - just had to wait for the right man to come along!

I'm 37 and 13 weeks pg with number 2. Haven't had any negative comments yet. Have been trying for several years but due to recurrent m/c (4) it wasn't to be.
Mags - absolutely shocked at that comment from your mil No wonder you were upset Congrats on your pg
The OP shocked me as well. How unprofessional of that secretary

I had my DS when I was 42 and am currently 20 weeks pregnant with no.2 at 46. Like Tee, I don't look my age - most people who don't know, assume I'm about 10 years younger than I am so that might have helped prevent any comments from people in general but I think most friends and family were genuinely so delighted for us that that outweighed any thoughts about my age.

I was 39 when pregnant with my dd who was my first child and had just turned 40 when she was born. Have had no comments other than "You don't look your age" if my age comes up in conversation. I too live in London and here it is the norm to be at least in your mid 30s when you have your first child - only one girl was less than 30 in our NCT group and 2 others were 38. In my toddler group there are at least 3 other mothers in their 40s.

The only comment I had was from my mother. When we were applying for a joint bank account when I was pregnant the guy in the bank asked if this was my first. At which point my mum said, to a complete stranger, "Oh, she had problems before". I was as she is normally so private about family stuff.

I had a normal delivery, only using gas and air and Pethidine - despite what you hear about older mothers nearly always needing a c-section. Best of luck and enjoy.

I'm 43, and due my first in June. I didn't even contemplate children until I reached about 38, and since then have had lots of miscarriages - so if anyone I knew did have the temerity to comment on how long I'd left it, they'd get a punch in the face.

I haven't had a single negative comment. The hospital isn't treating me any differently to any other pregnant woman - in fact, the midwives hardly want to see me at all. I haven't seen a consultant since I left the EPU area, and having babies at my age seems totally standard practice in North East London.

I love that point: If you were too old to be pregnant you wouldn't be pregnant!

I got pregnant with my first at 41 after a catastrophically accidented lovelife with a series of commitment phobes.

My DP and I told my parents at a family dinner. I didn't know how to break the news so I just got out my 6 week scan pic (the one that looks like a baked bean) and said, we've got a surprise for you! My mum looked at the scan pic and said, "Is it a puppy?"

Er, no mum, we're having a BABY!

From this I deduce my mum a) had given up on me having a baby so it was very far from her mind despite the fact that I'm in a happy relationship and b) she thinks I'm said enough to show a scan pic of a dog's uterus.

In her defense we had been talking about getting a dog but still!!!!

Actually everyone has been brilliant when I've told them, (including my parents eventually!) and I think made an extra special fuss of me because they knew how long I had wanted a baby and worried that I wouldn't have one.

Being pregnant at 41 is ace

I got pregnant with my first at 41 after a catastrophically accidented lovelife with a series of commitment phobes.

My DP and I told my parents at a family dinner. I didn't know how to break the news so I just got out my 6 week scan pic (the one that looks like a baked bean) and said, we've got a surprise for you! My mum looked at the scan pic and said, "Is it a puppy?"

Er, no mum, we're having a BABY!

From this I deduce my mum a) had given up on me having a baby so it was very far from her mind despite the fact that I'm in a happy relationship and b) she thinks I'm sad enough to show a scan pic of a dog's uterus.

In her defense we had been talking about getting a dog but still!!!!

Actually everyone has been brilliant when I've told them, (including my parents eventually!) and I think made an extra special fuss of me because they knew how long I had wanted a baby and worried that I wouldn't have one.

Being pregnant at 41 is ace

Well my MIL had her unplanned 5th child at age 42 (her youngest was 18 when DC5 was born) Apparently when she told her sister the reply was 'I'll come to the clinic with you - you won't do it if someone doesn't go with you' (she had no intention of terminating btw)
She has a gorgeous healthy 3yo now

Oh and she had a home birth (very nearly freebirthed as the mw's didn't turn up when called)

Why oh why are people so judgemental about what age you have babies at? Some of the comments here shock me!

Is it jealousy? Bitterness? After all it is nothing to do with them. If they don't want babies after a certain age they don't have to!

rofl peachyfox at dog scan pic

I'm 41 pg with no. 2 and will be very surprised if I get any ooooh oldie comments when I start telling all and sundry. I know lots of 40+ mums. A friend had her lo at 48 which is just brilliant and they are very happy and well.

Congrats BoneyM*

People comment if you have:

a baby when you're 'too young'
a baby when you're 'too old'
a baby when you're single
no baby
only one baby
a baby when your other dc are old enough to be out of your hair a bit.
an IVF baby
too many babies
babies without being married

I could be on the receiving end of 3 of the above, but frankly they'd be risking their health.

Who cares? I'm having a baby!

I've heard midwives say that lots of women around here seem to get pregnant when they hit 39 - something about now or never.

I had my first at 36 and will have my third when I'm 40. No-one has so much as raised an eyebrow. Very normal around here.

peachy i like your style

i have seven in your list !!!

I have six!!

i am 47 in a few weeks and my sil asked me recently if i was pg. in a "wouldnt that be nice" way, not a "are you mad ???? " way. others have asked me if i'm having any more

i had babies at 42 and 43 and never had any ageist comments

this thread makes me broody

what is ovulation for?

The only comments I got when I had DD2 at 43 were from people who assumed it was a new relationship. Medical staff in particular were always surprised when told that it was the same father as my teens.

Other people were only shocked because my youngest was 15. Now I have a 2 yo I'm always being asked if I plan any more (I always smile and say "isn't 5 enough?")

I am 45 and am 26 weeks pregnant with my first (after a series of miscarriages)and no-one has said anything other than expressions of delight for me.

I am 39, hubby is 31 and we are trying for our first child together, I have two from a previous marriage. I am terrified of telling my mum and my peers, so far nobody knows we are TTC. I think they'll be horribly judgemental and spoil it all for us, so I'm keeping it all to myself for now, which is a shame as I'd love to be able to cry on someone else's shoulder for a while, poor hubby

fab thread!