40 + mums with baby tums & those who've already 'popped' with muffin tops - come say Hi!

[jeanjeannie]

Yet ANOTHER thread. Like it says - those of you who've waved bye bye to 39 come and say Hi to us instead.

We think that 40 is the new 20, cyber cake is the new weight-watchers and older mums rock

So, if you fit that description come and play with us. We like cake, gossip an occasional luke warm debate and a good moan! Oh and we're also very friendly and supportive!

OK everyone.....take it away x

could he not find the cows this morning JJ???

sadly we do not have a scanner

I think have sussed out what the problem is with Ben, he has reacted very well to Ollies arrival but I think he is a tad jealous of him being in our bed so Ben wants to sleep with us too. I have put him in our bed rather than make a big deal of it. Sleep is for wusses anyway!

JJ hope you enjoyed that afternoon cuppa once milko finally arrived.

JW I bought Nutella for my DC's pancakes for the very first time today. . Is it the slippery slope and will I end up hanging about Arndale Centres with high ponytail? Tell me it ain't so.

Not much chance of it corrupting their digestive systems, DH and I have had spoons in there already .

I too am off to bed, with my DH and a couple of Killer Sudoku. God, I'd have been horrified at that sentence ten years ago. Night night.

Good morning.

Can someone explain HVs to me? Seems like, based on what I am reading here, they are ignorant busy bodies, but if you ignore them you can get reported to Social Services?!?!?! And they recommend things like sausages for a 3 month old.

Another very busy day at work, so won't be around much, if at all.

tee let me just get back to your post....

"Seems like, based on what I am reading here, they are ignorant busy bodies but if you ignore them you can get reported to Social Services?!?!?!"

Well no. They can't report you for not wanting to see them. You see them on a purely voluntary basis. However, they do some health checks on baby such as 8 month development check and PKU (heel prick). In fact, my HV told me that one of her clients told her in no uncertain terms to 'f**k off and not come back again'. And as she explained to me, there is nothing she can do. She was with this clients GP at the time too as there were concerns over the health of the baby....so there you go.

"And they recommend things like sausages for a 3 month old". Well not strictly true but they seem to want to wean a baby as soon as they can. Mine was griping about me not taking weaning seriously last time she came. But what's the rush?

Basically tee take everything they say with a large pinch of salt otherwise you'll worry yourself into an early grave. If your baby isn't doing 'something that they should be' when they come round then they'll try and put the fear of god into you. Us older ones with a few kids already under our belts already know about the ways of the HV but a lot of us had to learn the hard way, believe me (points tee to her grey hair).

Milkman at 4pm ??? Sack him!

Morning all hedgepig sleep is indeed for wusses....we think it's highly over-rated !

ermintrude wow - at least you weren't off to bed with a 'killer husband' I'm coming to Notts very soon and I expect to see you and your family hanging around the Broadmarsh bus station - Nutella in hand

tee HVs are a strange bunch - some are great and enjoy passing on their years of wisdom (those that have any) however (and it's a BIG however) they often seem to have a 'god' complex and percieve that they know it all on the child-front. I've seen some very perculiar ones.

Last conversation on getting Verity weighed at three months(*to be read out in a typically bad Radio 4 in the afternoon play)

HV: Oh she's big - you might want to think about cutting back the bottles
ME: She's breastfed
HV: Not totally though - you may need to just stick to bottles - cut out the breast
ME: No, she's never had formula
HV: Oh well you should just put her on formula from now on or being this big she'll start to lack iron; breastmilk has no iron in it and she;ll get ill..............
ME; Well I'm not happy about doing that at all
HV: well then you MUST start her on soilds NOW!

*cue sounds of me running out of doctors to escape the mad loon

hedgepig no, still have to see the diet team, but will be calling today and hopefully catch them to schedule an appointment

jean thank you - that really does make me feel better. I think right now I am just being buried under stress and am trying so hard (between FIL, GD, DD has surgery on Saturday, and now this) to stay sane, it's just a bit much. I just have to get through things day by day and not let it get the better of me.

Ooooh, HVs! We had one that came to the house that spent 10 minutes trying to tell me about how a toddler pointing was a form of their communication! Cuz I wasn't aware of that? She asked if he pointed at things, and I said not much, because he generally had just enough words to give me an idea of what he wanted, to which HV calmly replied "that's not normal - he should be pointing to things - it's an important part of their development." And it all went downhill from there....

We had a call a few months later about DS having a 2yr check from HV, and I insisted that a different HV deal with it. This one was a normal person and very pleasant, which from what I've seen is a rarity! The one in Devon (from before we moved here) was an absolute loon.

triggles you can only deal with so much before the stress hits. With your results the odds are stacked heavily in favour of your LO not having Downs. Thing is the way the odds are presented makes it sound worse than if they were given to you in a percentage format.

Also if you had the triple test it is notorious unreliable and no longer used where I am.

Did anyone hear the Radio 4 news this morning? If you did, can you tell me who the three chairman are who've been picked to host I'm Sorry I Haven't Got a Clue???? TA!

Oh. Oh, Oh...triggles just read your post...SNAP, SNAP and thrice SNAP!!!!!

Iris rarely points and two have told us straight out "oh, she's definately autistic...it's the number one red flag" I've subsequently taken her to a paediatrician, great Ormond street, the GP, physio and now speech therapy and none of them can find more than a mild speech delay due probably to being a bit prem

jean I'm not sure what the triple test is. I had bloodwork only, taken at 13wks and 16wks.

Didn't catch it on R4 JJ but this is what the unofficial website says:

22nd february
new series recordings announced
The dates and locations of the recordings for this Summer?s 51st series has now been announed. Full details for booking tickets can be found here. For this series some past panellists have been asked to deputise as chairman as follows:

• Her Majesty's Theatre, London - Stephen Fry
• Mayflower Theatre, Southampton - Jack Dee
• Theatre Royal, Newcastle - Rob Brydon

2/3 of the replacemtns that I suggested on the ISIHAC thread months back

I lurve Mr Fry so much...!

Mornin' all.

Well, the playground talk was all about pancakes and their fillings. I think I did quite well with forest fruit compote and clotted cream [smug middle-class emoticon] and I did come clean about DCs having Nutella. Someone else had given their DC the Hotel Chocolat version which is 5 times the price - JJ will KWIM when I say that's very West Bridgford

HVs - my North London one spoke very broken English, smiled a lot and wrote down things in my little book like 'Mum says baby is gorgeous'. Very benign. In the 'burbs (near Twickenham) I had a v jolly lady called Cressida who did all the weighing, measuring and encouraging and left it that. Feels like I've been extremely lucky to avoid criticism/ lunacy!

Triggles and JJ my sis had exactly the same with her DD who is now 2 and only just beginning to talk. All sorts of mad diagnoses were mentioned and she's had every test under the sun but they've found nothing. Whilst not v verbal, she's extremely communicative and sociable, and to start worrying her parents about autism seems to be the height of irresponsibility. They're finding a bit of Makaton signing useful. She's especially fond of MORE when it comes to mealtimes

Thanks for the info gang re HVs.

What I don't get, and this must be part of the 'not make a fuss we're British' thing, is why no one calls these loony ones on things! From what I understand they are suppose to have extra training and yet they say things like this to people!!! Surely they must have supervisors to complain to?

There is a thread here on MN that I was reading last night where the HV, when the mum said she didn't want to see them, told the mum that it was for the baby's safety and the mum could be reported to social services! WHAT?!?!

I'm American. I smell lawsuit.

Ooh, thanks for the ISIHAC info JW. I was expecting an email about it - John Naismith is always sending them. We caught Humph in Nottingham on the final tour and I'm so glad we finally saw it live. I'd just started sending jokes in for them to use, too . But those replacements will be brilliant. .

I did go through a phase of posting on the Archers site too but blimey, those people are extremists!

Just had BBC newsflash saying David Cameron's son has died

OMG ermintrude that's so sad

On a lighter note - is this the point where I get down on my knees and shout "I'm not worthy"? you get emails from John Naismith AND send in material for them.... ....

*runs off to pikey playgroup wishing she was ermintrude!!!!

JJ only from the mailing list everyone can belong to, he's not a mate or anything (my post did make it sound like we were bezzie fiends, I admit). And I'd only just started sending stuff in to the producer on spec and was encouraged to continue. What else is a writer to do when she can't be bothered to do any proper work?

That's so sad, that poor family

Poor little Ivan- he'd really been through the mill.

Tee - I'm American too, although DH is British. I have to say that he sometimes raises his eyebrows at those little things that I get aggravated about - must be that "must not complain" thing. I will admit, while I love the whole idea of HV, I get a bit edgy with someone coming in to my home and then getting critical with me over strange things. The one in Devon listed a whole bunch of things she thought I was doing wrong (formula feeding after an emergency bout of gallbladder problems followed by surgery to remove it, not weaning yet at 4 mos, and about 5-6 other things that escape my mind at present), then had the nerve to sigh and say "well, you're doing the best you can." I spoke to the GP afterwards who stated DS was doing great and there were absolutely no problems. I could have cheerfully slapped the HV!

We had a substitute midwife that popped in for an unannounced visit (with a second health worker I didn't know), and then proceeded to demand that I breast feed DS in front of her to check that he was feeding okay. I refused. I told her that his weight was fine, and he was healthy, which was proof enough he was feeding fine. I refused to deal with her again.

Although the midwife that came to our house yesterday was brilliant - very nice, well informed. Again, it makes me wonder if the good ones are quite rare.

oh it is very sad for them - he will leave a very big hole in their lives. Didn't realise quite how ill he was but understand it was unexpected all the same.

I am not a great fan or HVs etc coming to the house but mine is ok and is quite laid back - she more or less decided early on that D was being well looked after and hasn't bothered me since. Met her at the doctor's a few weeks back and asked me whether she had done his 4 month check - I said no you haven't and she said oh I will pop round sometime. Also asked if I was weaning and I said no he isn't six months yet and she went oh, right and buggered off. Suits me!

I would be a bit worried about telling them to get lost though as you never know how it might come back on you later - take the child to the hospital with a bump on the head and they add two and two and get four hundred and seventy. It happens.

Oh dear, that's awful news about little Ivan

ermintrude you must have a BBC ticker like me on your pc? My DH thinks I'm a freak for having mine. Ahem...I'm not...don't think so anyway

I saw ISIHAC about 5 years ago at Bradford Alhambra. It was brill apart from the re-takes at the end where we had to feign guffawing several times. Meh.

tee we don't do lawsuits on HV's...but that's only at the mo. I'm sure given time, you could sue the pants off anyone who dares cross you. Yep, we're British and we do like to carry on regardless as that's our nature. I wouldn't be anything other

...I think JJ should sue her milkman for personal trauma

My HV is due end of this week but will have to put her off as we've got the plasterer here then. She's ok. She knows DH from when DSS was little so there is a small element of continuity, albeit not for me. She's fine. Laid back. She's one of the old school black HV's and doesn't really take up the challenge of saying K isn't doing this, that and other as she knows K is my 4th and I think by then, they feel pretty much beaten into submission. She always has a cup of tea and a moan about the stresses of her job when she's here! I do feel a bit sorry for her sometimes I must admit. There's too many chavs and not enough time it seems.

JW I like to be informed about everything approx 10 secs before the rest of the world, makes me feel at the centre of things . Not freakish at all! .. Was the Alhambra show the one where Sandi Toksvig loses it - at the Samantha joke I think - and laughs like a drain for about 5 mins straight? That would be one of my desert island discs.

See, all my cultural references are from the Beeb, particularly R4, and most of them come from childhood. I haven't really moved on much...

I think one prob with HVs is that they're given the latest wisdom to spout and they don't always agree with it so they're conflicted because they believe the way they brought their kids up was perfect. But some are just fine and a reassuring presence. I'm sure that after all these horrid cases in the news they're being pressurised to check up on babies' safety and they can't say - well, I can see this is a nice middle-class household so I shan't ask any questions. But the way in which they ask, and their reasons for asking, are often insensitive or badly-judged.

I have always been so lucky with my health visitors. My first was a lovely Geordie in her late 50s, who believed that happy mum=happy baby, and urged her charges to drink a glass of wine a day and look after themselves, and always used to write lovely things like "beautiful baby" in the red book.

My second was much younger (late 30s), was married to a Ghanaian and had lived in a traditional community in Ghana. She was the only voice of sanity in my life when my daughters both decided that 2oz a week was a perfectly adequate weight gain from birth. She'd seen starving babies and knew mine weren't. She just used to ask me I was worried about them, and when I said no she said she wasn't either. Her colleague on the other hand was a neurotic arse. Glad I never had to deal with her....