November/December babies

[monkey]

Hell, I've just found out I'm expecting No. 3 mid November, and am very excited. A bit scared too - I can't remember a thing! How can I possibly have done this twice already??? Hope more of you can join me soon!

It is an awfully young age to have parenthood thrust upon you. Can I ask you if you both planned this? It does seem unfair, that a bloke can change his mind about having a baby, but a woman can't! I found that it helped my partner to sit him down and talk about what I was feeling, the mood-swings I was getting and how not to take anything personally. After 12 weeks things do settle down a bit. My partner liked to be involved in everything, so I tried to include him as much as I could.

Or it could be that he needs a bit of space. Women mature faster than men, and at 19 he is still a child himself practically, you both are. Having a baby means a lifetime of responsibility and commitment, it's scary even for me at 31 and happily married! You can't just take a break from it all, you will be no longer free to do you things you want to do. Perhaps your partner is thinking of all the things he will miss, maybe he had ambitions he wanted to fulfill? No doubt you will be feeling some of this too, and it will be particularly hard on you as whilst he can walk away, you can't. Talk to him, but then give him space if he needs it. You need a lot of support right now and if he can't give it, turn to your family and your midwife. It can work out, it did for my best friend, she is still with her partner and now has 3 children. I wish you luck!

Well, one of the reasons I didnt want any more children was because of my kidney problems. I have a stone today! It was bound to happen. My GP was holding off putting me on antibiotics until 13 weeks but I am starting them now - I cant go through all this again.
But I have remembered how good pethedine is! Whoooopee!

susanmt, sorry to hear about your kidney stone. I've no experience of them, but have had chronic UTI's since the birth of dd 3 yrs ago. I think I just about broke the cycle in Dec last year and am now 12wks pg, but I'm terrified of the whole thing starting up again now. Took more antibiotics the last few years than the rest of my life put together. You have my sympathy!

susanmt, I'm really sorry your kidney problems have flared up again. What is it about pregnancy that causes the stones to form??

Susanmt, I'm sorry to hear your kidney stones are back, does this mean you'll get more throughout the pregnancy? From what I gather they are very painful things to have, so you have my sympathies

Hello everyoneseems like there are so many people on this thread now! I've been following it for a while hoping to be able to join and now I can. Actually I've known for a few weeks I was pregnant (now 8 weeks)I told people on the ttc thread--but somehow I am always so busy reading the threads I don't find time to post myself.

This is a very planned pregnancy and I'm really excited, but also feeling grottier than I imagined I would--very very tired (had to take a day off work this week), and nauseous quite a lot of the time, though thank god I haven't actually been sick. I hope things start going better soon for everyone who's finding it difficult for whatever reason. It seems like this is not a very easy stage in pregnancy for lots of people. I'm finding it hard partly because I haven't told many people yet, and almost no-one at work, and I'm finding the 'oh yes, I'm fine' response to polite 'how are yous' a bit difficult to sustain. Roll on 2nd trimester.

Congratulations Ruth21. Best of luck to you. I'm feeling a bit better about being pg, as DH is so ecstatic and keeps telling me that I do need to change my attitude. He is trying to be helpful with DD, so that is good especially since I am so tired all the time. The nausea hasn't set in yet, so I am hoping and praying it doesn't this time round. Still trying to be positive.

Ruth21 - Congratulations ans welcome to the thread. I think most of us are feeling pretty grotty at the moment - as you say roll on 2nd trimester!

THe stones were almost guaranteed to come back. THis one was related to a UTI - or more likely a kidney infection, that had been brewing for a couple of days. I do always seem to be more liable to the infections during pregnancy and then the bacteria act as a base for the stone to form ... which leads to more infections .... which leads to more stones. I am started now on long term low dose antibiotics which should break the cycle, but I will have to take them until after the birth now. If I can break the cycle then the stones could be very mild, but if I cant then I am in for a rough ride. As this is still very early in my pregnancy then hopefully I havent built up many stones, so there wont be too many to come out, and the antibiotis will prevent more from forming.
Some people (about 1 in 2000) are prone to kidney stones in pregnancy - I just happen to be one of the unlucky ones. But then, I have never had any blood pressure probs, both my babies were early, and have had a remarkably easy time in all other ways. Its just the stones are so b***y painful. Ah well, as I said, at least the drugs are good!

awww, susanmt, I've seen a cousin suffer from kidney stones, ouch! hope the antibiotics work really really well for you
and CONGRATULATIONS Ruth21!!!!! I agree, roll on 2 trimester ( is there anyone that likes the first part of this pregnancy stuff??)

Anyone looking to buy some maternity clothes - had a hot tip from my friend earlier - Dorthy Perkins has some nice cords in their sale for £7!! All of my mat clothes from dd (really big ones) are summer, so I've GOT to shop, don't I?!?

Hana - Next have some quite nice stuff, a bit big for now but nicefor later on...and Hennes if you can bear struggling through that shop (I hate it!)

Blimey - I can't believe how long this is getting, and it's only just May! Hope you all enjoyed your bank holiday.

Anyway, I'm writing to ask for your thoughts & advice (as ever!). Briefly, I had emergancy c-section with ds1, with ds2 I really wanted the natural birth I never had & boy did I have it! I had a very quick labour & delivery & lots & lots of stiches. I was in pain for nearly a year after the birth. Last time I was at the doctors he'd got my notes from the hospital at my request & read through - blah blah blah - enormous episiotomy blah blah - third degree tear. I never knew this & wasn't told. I thought all the stitches & pain were just due to the episiotomy. I'd been worrying anyway about the birth, but now I'm really scared about tearing that badly again, 9 - 12 months of agony & maybe them not even being able to repair it as well 2nd time around. I've been only a bit seriously toying with the idea of an elective c-section. I wish I hadn't ever had my 'natural' birth.

Last night I had a terrible dream about the birth culminating in me demanding, & finally getting a c-section, so maybe it's more seriously considered in my mind than I thought. I've mentioned it to a coupl eof people & they're just really negative about having a section with already 2 small children to look after, but after learning about the 3rd degree tear it's really troubled me. Any thoughts you brilliant lot?

I have delivered women who have had previous third degree tears and they have not needed stitches next time round. I have always been prepared to do an episiotomy if there was any sign of tearing. Best not to deliver in a sitting up position to allow more room for the baby to deliver more easily ie. lying on your side which allows the talbone to move back.
However, if you have concerns about a repeat tear and do not want to risk it, you would have np problem getting an elective C/S. It is appalling your were not told of the third degree tear after your last delivery - I presume you did not have a follow-up appointment either to ensure that the tear had healed properly and that you had no ongoing problems.
Talk it over with your midwife and consultant.

quick update: I am feeling so much better it's unbelievable, It's as if someone has shown me the light and I am now so grateful to be healthy. I'm still getting sick occasionally, but the constant nausea seems to have gone. I hope everyone else is getting through it ok as well? Grommit and elliot I know you two were feeling rotten as well, has it passed?
My friends have guessed as I'm not drinking anymore, but I won't confirm until after the scan shows all is well.
How are the kidney stones Susanmt?

Thanks a lot Mears for your comments. I just read that you are having problems with work. I know how draining and demoralising this can be and I always value your help, as I'm sure your ptients/ladies/customers (whatever they're referred to as these days!) do, and your colleagues, so I hope things calm down for you & get resolved quickly.

Re the third degree tear, well I had lots of follow up visits and in tyhe week I was in hospital I had lots off attentive care - I think half the hospital must have looked at my nethers, I just wasn't told it was a 3rd degree tear, i just thought, like I said, it was an episiotomy. I'm sure there are loads of cases of women who don't tear 2nd time around, and women that do. Can you tell me which is more likely? TBH, it's not just the tear, although this is pretty major, as it took over 9 months before I was pain-free and was very traumastic, it was the birth itself too. I dunno how common this is. I went into it full of confidence and almost excitment - I'd waited 2 pregnancies for this moment after all. But it was horrendous. I felt actually like I was very very drunk. I was vomiting, disorientated, I couldn't move myself (I tried at one point to get on all 4's - it took dh + at least 1 other person to hoist me up, but it just made my head spin terribly & I couldn't support my own weight & had to be helped back down) I felt no urge to push at all, I couldn't distinguish voices other than dh's a bit & I only gave 1 big push consciously & that was when the midwife said sh'es have to use forceps. I had no pain killers & it took about 2 hours from 1st contraction to delivery & it was a really awful experience. Post natal care was fantastic (apart form not being told had tear!. With ds1 I almost have fond memories of the emergency section - the staff were so lovely, but the post natal care was atrocious. The recovery time was probably about the same, but seemed worse 2nd time, I guess you undercarriage is more delicate than belly.

Mears specifically, but anyone else - is this experience of labour familiar/common. I am really stressing about the birth. Don't go back to doctor for 3/4 weeks, so would appreciate comments very much.

As for the actual pregnancy, I am feeling miles better, glad to hear you are too, eefs. Everyone else? Have you had your nuchal scan yet www? Let us know how you get on

Hi. What's classed as a third degree tear? I tore about 5 inches - right up and past my anus -(that's probably far too much information!). Is that really unusual? I also had acute back pain. I can't decide whether I should be really optimistic, assume this time will be different and go for a water birth - or to be pessimistic (ralistic?) and ask for an elective c-section in case the problems hit again....

No 2 is due mid-November.

Monkey - I had a bad tear like Nobby -not sure if it was 3rd degree. I had such strong painkillers I felt nothing down there for months. I had a horrible induction and plan on asking for an elective C-S if I am late with this one. I suppose you just need to talk with your midwife and doctor - perhaps ask to see a consultant to put your mind at rest - the worry is not doing you any good
Eefs - yes, feeling much better thanks - just a few waves of nausea now and starting to feel like I am alive again. Glad you are feeling better and thanks for asking! Still seems like the slowest pregancy on record ...

Hello - hope I can now join in this thread! I've just done two pregnancy tests & to my complete surprise they are POSITIVE!! We have been trying since DS was born (41/2 years) and although we were grateful for our 'miracle' (lots of fertility problems) always hoped for a brother or sister for him. I am still in shock & although I know it is very early days (reckon I must be about 6 weeks) am really excited - feel bad though as I have already told my sister & here I am broadcasting it on Mumsnet before even telling dear hubby....!!

zippyb - that is great news - congratulations, you must be very excited! Welcome to the thread - warning - we mostly moan on this thread

Congrats zippyb and welcome to the moaning - we do seem to mostly do that here! Monkey, sorry to hear about your bad time. I sympathise re the fear, even though I didn't have a particularly bad time first time. I am absolutely terrified this time, really scared but the midwife tells me it's completely normal. Her advice was to try not to think about it until nearer the time and she for her part promises not to let me go into denial. Hmm. My nuchal scan is this Friday (12 weeks) and I'm nervous about that too, especially since ds is coming. I have visions of being told there's no heartbeat or something and having to deal with ds's reaction (he's 5.5) as well as my own. I know it's irrational but hey, that's pregnancy it seems. But I do feel a lot better in myself and less miserable and angry, so that's good all round and a bit of a relief for poor dp who was getting his head bitten off regularly! My breasts hurt soooooooo much though, agony. Susanmt, how are you feeling? Any more used to the idea? Eefs, glad you're feeling better too.

Monkey - were you in labour for a long time? Were you able to eat and drink in the early stages? If not did you have a drip to give you fluids. You sound as though you were possibly dehydrated. Did you use gas and air? Some people do not regard that as a painkiller but can make you feel drunk.
Subsequent labours usually are easier (not always) because your body has done it before and 'knows' what to do. Labour tends to be shorter. Episiotomies are less likely because the tissues stretch more easily. I myself had episiotomies with the first 2 but not with the second 2.
It might be helpful to read some active birth books to arm yourself with information before you make a choice about delivery. Jane Balaskas' New Active Birth is quite good.HTH.

mears, since you're around just now, I'll pester you with my own anxieties!
First birth was v straightforward, if rather intense/scary towards the end (3cm to fully in 2 hours). did all the balaskas stuff (great book), stayed upright the whole time and delivered kneeling on the bed. The only thing I have misgivings about is that I was really encouraged to push like mad during second stage (35 mins) and with hindsight wonder whether if I had been allowed to go more slowly and gently I wouldn't have torn. The tear wasn't bad, but to be honest the repair was a bit useless (stitches so loose they might as well not have been there). They also said I had a short perineum which coupled with my rather more open (sorry!) anatomy now makes me worried that even a small tear next time could extend into the anal area.

My fear is that number 2 will be quicker/mroe intense and that I will tear badly. What do you think is the best way to encourage the midwives to help me go more slowly? I will read up about positions to help slow things down but last time I felt I had to be pretty assertive to resist lying down on the bed, so I don't expect much active encouragement on that front. If I deliver in hospital it will be pot luck who I get on labour ward, and I certainly won't have met them beforehand. If I roll up in advanced labour I won't even be able to tell them what is important to me! So I wonder about a home birth. But on the other hand, if I do tear, it will be better to be in hospital to get a decent repair. Also the hospital has just installed a pool which they will allow you to deliver in, and I wondered if that might help slow the second stage down (assuming its available of course).

Any thoughts or reassuring words?? (and is perineal message at all worthwhile?!!)

congrats Zippyb and welcome ruth21!! You must be over the moon zippyb - I'm now 10 weeks pregnant following IVF and still can't believe my luck (but I wonder if you will be due in Jan rather than Dec if you are around 6 weeks now??)
eefs, thanks for asking - I haven't had it too bad really, apart from tiredness. Nausea is certainly improving and I'm just waiting for the tiredness to lift in a few weeks.
All this talk about 12 week scans is getting me really jealous though!
Monkey, I'm not sure I can help with your worries. I have heard some rather awful stories of very intense fast labours though (and am a bit worried on that score myself). But I also know that no 3 might not necessarily be quicker etc than no 2. Sorry, not much help.

A major Canadian study I read said perineum massage is worthwile for a first vaginal delivery... there was no difference in "tearing" outcome for women who had done it and those who had not after a 2nd vaginal birth.
Tearing is less common 2nd time around.
Mears is more qualifies to talk about pushing and tearing... but from what I know, tearing is a lot down to how quickly the shoulders came after the head... if there is no time to turn the shoulders then you can tear.

thanks pupuce.