Things they don't tell you before you get pregnant

[AnguaVonUberwald]

I know this has been done before, and that there are lots of bad things they don't tell you before you get pregnant.

But also, everyone goes on about how once you have the baby your life will never be the same again - they don't mention that you will love the baby so much, you will really like the new way, and not mind that everything you once enjoyed about your life has changed, because you have your baby instead.

OK, and then there is:

That you might never get the second trimester energy rush, and in fact might be exhausted all the way through!

That you will get instant attention from the NHS, until you get to 36 weeks pregnant, and then they will ignore you unless you can prove you are in labour (something that is impossible to do)

That you will never see the same midwife twice

That they will make you take home your wee, clean out the tub, and wee in it again a month later!

that you can tear when you give birth

That you will be told to buy paper knickers

That paper knickers are at least two sizes smaller than stated just to make you feel even more like a whale in the last weeks of pregnancy

That after having baby, you'll have night sweats from hell if you've had water retention.

That the first proper pee after having baby seems to take forever.

how horrible it is trying to do your first number 2 with stitches - holding a pad in place to stop them from bursting

That the first shower after having a baby is heaven!

Piles. Nuff said.

That you will be trying to poo, while in labour,not realising that this is actually you pushing.

that you may actually poo in labour and scarily either not notice or literally not give a shit

The only blooming you do is getting blooming bigger, more blooming uncomfortable.

that your skin will revert to teenage conditions. For most of us that means you'll get spotty! And the only 'glow' you get is from sweating whenever your indoors!

that stitches and piles not only hurt, but itch like fury when they start to heal

That you'll have to order soup as a starter every time you go to a restaurant. Prawns, mussels, pate, brie, stilton, parma ham... anything that tastes of anything... all out of bounds.

That iron tablets make your poo black.

That you won't be able to see your pubic hair for months on end.

That matenity clothes are 'designed' by the people who failed their clothes designing diplomas.

That you will have to rub your nips as you're going round the freezer aisles of the supermarket or your tits will feel like they are on fire...for 9 fecking months.

That you will seriously consider bringing your pillow and duvet and sitting on the loo with them, rather than wasting time getting back into bed between pees.

That you will cry on your way to work every morning with tiredness.

That you might get someone else's body back afterwards but you will feel pretty much back to normal after about 6 months or so

That you hips hurt whenever you stand up.
That having a glass of milk gives you indigestion, so you may as well eat curry
That putting your socks on is a major performance
That you get nosebleeds
That when you get constipation you worry you're going to push the baby out right there and then

That despite what people tell you, there ARE nice maternity/nursing bras around
google HOT MILK

That if you specify an epidural in your birth plan, it doesn't mean you will actually get one..

That you would wee on the bed because you are too tired to go the toilet and not care because everything is still soggy from your waters being broken.

iwantasecondone I LOVE you.

am ordering lingerie right now!

That as you are now a mother everything is your fault, whether its the baby not sleeping/feeding whatever, not dhs apparently

Oh and if dh wants a night out on his own, well, he deserves it (really?) but if I do, lots of pursed lips and big sighs (from my mother!)

yep lavieenrose, that any time you forget a single thing, wipes, spare trousers or whatever that its totally your fault but no-one ever notices if you DON'T forget anything!

That hips really hurt for the whole third trimester

nobody ever tells you that the whole process is a bit of a slog really...

and that some women can find being pregnant MUCH harder than having a newborn. I remember being exhausted in the last few weeks with DS (am reaching the same point again) and having people looking at me funny and saying - if you are tired now then how are you going to cope when it's born?

• pretty well actually as it turned out.

oh and that nesting instincts can turn you into a mad woman who suddenly develops a fetish for cushions, throws and cleaning carpets!!

that no matter how much you try convince yourself to the contrary, your sex life will come to a standstill. Hopefully to be revived after baby is born but I've yet to find out that one!

You can get Carpal Tunnel due to water retention, and it sucks...BIG TIME!

Palpitations are normal.

Your body can take forever to get back to normal after the birth, if it actually ever does get back to normal!

Your birth plan may not go quite to plan, no matter how many hours to spend wishing for it!

You will obsess over every possible symptom from the moment you conceive to the moment you give birth.

There will always be an expectant mum having a wonderful glowing pregnancy, if you are having a crap one!