Is one large glass of wine every other night whilst pg ok, or not?

[AuntieSocial]

and if your friend was drinking this much, would you say something, or not?

Nobody has even ever told me to take folic acid either - mind you by the the you first get to see a midwife its too late anyway...

I would agree with you Expat of course, I was basically using units to point out that she is quite close to the arbitary "safe" level for non pg women. Again, she may not give a toss about government recommendations and such, thats her decision which I can understand but I would feel like a bad friend if I thought she wasn't aware of how much she was drinking. You can only make informed choices if you have all the information.

If the OP feels that her friend is quite aware of the amount she is drinking and that its well over recommended levels but she still does it then there is probably no point in saying anything. I would just hate to feel I had let my friend down if there was a chance she was not aware.

Thanks playingthewaitinggame, this is exactly my concern - I think because the advice is so contradictory my friend isn't totally sure a) how much she's drinking and b) how safe it is.

My question, really, as per the OP is to try to ascertain whether a large glass of wine is safe, not whether it's ok to have 2 units a few times a week. My friend normally drinks fairly strong red wine, and as I've said it's normally a large glass. I'm not totally sure she will have made the connection that there could be 4 units in there. That's what I wondered whether to broach with her. Some people on this thread seem to think I just want to judge her for drinking anything at all, that's not the case, I want to find out whether what she's doing is safe.

And to the people who just joined this thread to do nothing other than try to make me look judgy - take a bow MegReally - if you don't have anything constructive to add then don't bother posting.

My GP and midwives recommended I have a small glass of wine with dinner, especially on holiday, to help me relax! (this was a few months ago).

If she's not getting tipsy on it and it's not every day, it's very unlikely to be a problem, but you could try saying something like "apparently most pregnant women find they can't tolerate more than a one-unit glass of wine - how strong is this stuff anyway? (look at bottle, do quick sum) - wow, there must be 3-4 units in one of these glasses! Let me know if you want me to help finish yours!"

A large glass even of 13% alcohol wine is probably closer to 2-3 units, and beyond the first trimester there's going to be less effect on the brain anyway. It may not be ideal but providing her with a supportive friend who she can relax around is probably just as important if not more so.

Whats that - 2 units every other day? Not a problem I'd say.

It's probably mroe risky getting behind the wheel of a car to be honest.

Why don;t you check out the stats in France where it's perfectly accepttable and normal for a woman to have a glass of wine with dinner every day in pregnancy.

I don't understand why tipsyness or lack of it would make any difference, as people's tolerance levels can vary so much.

I don't think there is any established limits as to what is safe or unsafe. I'ld be inclined to suggest she switched to something less strong.

If anyone tried to lecture to me in such a patronising way I really dont think it would change the way I thought about that friendship - so beware. She's an adult.

sorry, really do think it would change the way I thought about that friendship

'If she's not getting tipsy on it and it's not every day, it's very unlikely to be a problem, but you could try saying something like "apparently most pregnant women find they can't tolerate more than a one-unit glass of wine - how strong is this stuff anyway? (look at bottle, do quick sum) - wow, there must be 3-4 units in one of these glasses! Let me know if you want me to help finish yours!" '

to me, that would come across as incredibly patronising.

sorry, but it would.

It's more than the reccomended amount but I doubt it would be causing any damage. My mw admitted they 'say' no alcohol now just to be on the safe side as they don't really know. I probably wouldn't say anything about this amount but if she was drinking more than this or say a bottle of wine/spirits every day then I would. I know plenty of people who have drank the amount your friend is drinking or near this amount during pg and all their babies have been fine. The thing is, some people need the odd glass to unwind and help with stress which is bad for babies aswell.

Me too Expat

If you value the friendship just don't do it.

It's all a bit too judgemental and weell..good friends don;t do that. If she was necking half a bottle a night you;d have cause for concern - anyting else is just...well I dunno what it is - I don;t know whay but I get the feeling this is about other stuff, not the wine at all.

Actually in France the current advice is no alcohol at all during pregnancy. It has been for at least 2 years.

and if you really are that concerned about it, please don't try to be sneaky about it with 'wow, this is really strong' because it's not sneaky at all.

just be upfront.

but every other night?

i just don't see where that's a big deal.

Advice is one thing. How many women take it?

Look, people have been trying to control what women do with their bodies for milennia, as if they don';t already know what's best for them and are all either stupid or deadbeat.

Some women are it';s true, but the vast majority are not, and know their limits and can read their own bodies to discern what is and is not good for them.

If you are a friend support her, don't judge her like some contemptible holier than thou jeremiah

Sorry, I don;t mean that you are a contemptible holier then though jeremiah - I have no idea - just that a lot of the judgemental stuff about women, dening them self-responsibilyt, infantising them, denying their individuality and self knowledge is.

Well put, MT.

Guidelines change so often it's incredibly confusing. I assume most people are sensible and use their own discretion. Most alcohol tastes like meths to me when am pregnant, so I assume that's my body's way of telling me not to bother. But if I fancy the odd cold beer on a hot day, then I will.

Live and let live, I reckon.

Well I drank at least that much when I was PG and DS is fine. Advanced, even. FAS is rare and almost certainly has a genetic component, and most of the 'advice' on drinking while PG is misogyny not medicine.

I've posted this link before but it's worth a read. And no I don't think you should say anything

Well exactly SM, if you can get away with a glass of wine instead of Diamorphine or Pethadine, go for it!

I would personally think it is far too much, OP.

alcohol as pain relief - will bear that in mind when they deny me the epidural (again). Am looking forward to seeing the look on the mw's face when I produce a large G&T in the delivery suite