What is 3 under 3 like

[ChicNavyPanda]

Currently have a 16month old and almost 5 month old and am considering getting pregnant again.
if I got pregnant straight away I would have a newborn, a 13 month old, and 25month old.
has anyone else been in this situation. Financially it would not be a problem. I would need to get a new car for 3 car seats, but wanted to know the raw truth of the ins and outs of this.
I absolutely love having 2 under 2 and just thinking would 3 under 3 be that bad?
should I wait a few more months, should I wait a few years, or should I get pregnant now?

please be kind, I understand this is not for everyone

Personally I'd have been fine with this in terms of the looking after the kids part. It makes it easier later on having all three close in age too. I think this part will vary hugely between women depending on her own personality, the children's personalities/additional needs, and what the support network is like.

However, I would not have deliberately put my body through three pregnancies that close together.

I had 3 under 3 (just). Eldest was one month away from turning 3, my second was 18months and then my newborn. I was unfortunately a single parent as well. It was a nightmare!! But I had a good number of years where it was simply coping with the workload and I went back to work very, very soon after the third was born to give myself a break. It’s doable if you have close family and/or amazing partner. I had neither and found it overwhelming.
Saying that, I wouldn’t have changed it for the world and now have three amazing teenagers.
I say just go for it!!

I think it would be lovely! I have three but the eldest was 3y 8m when the youngest arrived. I like smaller age gaps but I’ve never managed to get my period back quickly. I would like a fourth but youngest is now 16m and no sign of fertility returning - what’s your secret?!? 😂

Your time would be so divided that it wouldn’t be fair on the children to do this.

I think additional support would be key. Preferably family support rather than paid. Depends a lot on your personality.

I think this too.
The children miss out on one to one time.

It takes around 2 years for your body to physically recover from a pregnancy. There are levels of healing that need to happen and hormones need to rebalance. Just because you have taken a (much cautioned against) risk and got away with it once, doesn’t mean you should be irresponsible again. Your body needs to recover, and your babies need your time and attention. Accidental close pregnancies are one thing, deliberately doing it again is foolhardy.

It must depend on both you and the children because I found 2 under 3 more than I could manage and stay sane!
Are your eldest toilet trained? That could be a bit challenging with a new baby. What about teaching the eldest to read?

Also when they are teenagers, having just had a Friday night involving 13&14 yo’s, vodka, ambulances, A&E and other children’s parents and grandparents I would not be doing that x3!!! I hasten to add that my girl was the most sensible one and did not end up in hospital herself but it was super-stressful.

A friend had 3 under 2! Years of infertility then had a baby. Next was twins. She has a lot of family support.

1 thing she'd never considered was that on flights, you need 1 adult per child if under 2 and there are only 3 oxygen masks between 2 chairs. They therefore had to all sit in different rows and took along family to sit with the 3rd baby.

My sister’s DGS and his wife had twins when their elder child was 21 months. Not easy!

I think a lot of it depends on finances. Do you have plenty of space in your house, a good suitable car? Could you afford to feed & entertain them, pay for baby classes and outings etc? Would you need to pay for childcare?

If you've got the resources, you'll be absolutely fine, go for it. If you're trying to bring up 3 children in a 1 bedroom flat stretching every penny, then less so.

It really depends how much support you have.

On a good day, it can be exhausting with lack of sleep but you are also much less anxious or nervous and you just get on with it.

It becomes a nightmare if you are unwell. Normally tired, you take them all with you and you all have your afternoon nap together. Unwell and needing to lie down, or even to sit for 5mn? It's harder than you think and it's relentless.

That said, other mum find it harder with a big gap, because there are the little ones to manage at the same time as the school run, activities for the older ones are impacted by the little one and so on.

It's much easier when they are so close in age for things like that, they are either portable or interested in pretty much the same things.

Feel like your answer was unnecessary, I understand to allow my body to heal and to give attention to my babies. However to say I was stupid to purposely get pregnant again and am now considering it again is rude.
I am entitled to do what I want and love that my 2 boys are so close in age and love seeing their bond grow everyday. Just because it isn’t for you doesn’t mean you need to be mean about it.

I had 3 under three. I struggled to maintain control but I had massive unrealistic expectations and dh “help” seemed short of useless.
My trio although close in age are not close to one another at all.
We survived
tip; toilet train them asap I was very lucky that way.

wanderingwillows
Your time would be so divided that it wouldn’t be fair on the children to do this.

As someone with four children who had three under 5 at one stage this is very true, you’re just chasing your tail the whole time and you don’t get to enjoy the milestones, the special moments, and your older children will probably lose out on the things that give them a better start (talking to you one to one, playing with you one to one, helping to do things, holding your hands). Plus you’ll be in such a fog. I know people have twins, triplets etc but choosing it is very different

That makes a lot of sense. Thank you.
At the moment they both get so much 1:1 time, especially as their naps are staggered, and when my partner is home we tend to take a child and focus solely on that child. I can understand that adding another child into the mix may rock the boat a little and lessen the amount of attention they get

very helpful post, thank you

You do how u feel, if you love what u have and generally think another one would be fine, no financial stress also then go for it.
I had twins when my daughter was just 3. And yes it was hard becausw it look up alot of my time and tiring also but I suppose twins might be different rhat your lots age. At the same time id have them all over again regardless. My kids are my life as im sure yours are.
There is no rush for u to have more but if you want them all simular aged, and your financially good. And have a supportive partner then why not :)

From the point of view of the child (i was oldest) it was awful, never getting 1-1 attention and having to alwsys help out/be the big sister to the others even when i was a child myself “oh get the nappies for mummy or help your sister whilst i see to little brother”. Awful I became a people pleaser and a carer. So stop thinking about yourself and think about the children leave a reasonable age gap

Yes I was similar to this. The eldest of three siblings close in age. There was never enough time, energy or resources from my parents to go round. They weren’t bad people but should never have had three children especially so close together. Obviously your situation maybe completely different @ChicNavyPanda regarding those things. I used to wish I was an only child 😂. I was not particularly close to my siblings and that’s still how it is now.

As the middle one of 3 in this situation of 3 DC under 3 it was pretty lonely and as adults both my elder DSis and I have a distant relationship with our parents , our mum in particular. My DSis ended up as the helper constantly being asked to grab the nappy / wipes / bottle etc. and I got left to work things out for myself. DD was working so during the week it was just DM doing the childcare and the youngest as the baby got all the attention. I learnt early on that I had to rely on myself and my DSis learnt she was mummy’s helper. We actually got very little one on one time with DM in particular.

As a result I grew up fast , hit milestones early and couldn’t wait to be independent and leave home at 18. my DSis left home at 18 as well and neither of us moved back home and stayed away. In my case I moved 200 miles away and now live 250 miles away ! My DB - the youngest - stayed at home until he finished uni and only left home for his job at 23.

there is no guarantee that the 3 will have a super close bond because they are close in age and with 3 it will be difficult not to end up with a perceived favourite if one on one time effectively has to be rationed and there will always be one left out. It certainly has made for complex dynamics in my family even well into adulthood . You might get lucky and then you might not. 3 close together might work well for you in terms of getting the baby stage out of the way fairly quickly and the practical stuff but the emotional dynamics are much more complex to manage.

I would also think about how you will plan to finance potentially all 3 at Uni at the same time - unless you have managed to win the lottery ! Only you and DH can ultimately decide if the dynamics will work in your family, but based on my lived experience for me personally in this situation it would be a no.

I come from 3 under 4 and whilst my parents are comfortable, (6 figure salary, 6 bedroom house, I had a pony as a child, etc etc) university was financially crippling for them. My sister the oldest took a gap year, so her and I went together for the duration (my course was 4y and hers was 3, (we both worked through uni) then my sister did an NHS degree 18 ish months later January entry - and due to placements on nursing couldn’t really get a job, aside from the odd bar shift) so for the first 2 years they had 2 at uni, then midway through this second year for the older two in the January first year for my little sister started all three of us were at uni at the same time for 20 odd months, then my 4th year was DS’s second/third year, and her final six months from July when I graduated to January when she did was just her.
its wise to think about your ages and the nature of your work too, my dad had a very demanding job, that he had done for many years, and ideally would’ve looked to go down to part time/semi retirement around the time my youngest sister left school, but due to uni costs they had to remortgage and extended their term by 5 years to keep some quality of life, which was difficult I think for them.

the other thing to note is how much a third pregnancy will affect your body. I flew through the first two pregnancies (I left hospital with my last child at two days postnatal in a pair of size eight non stretch skinny jeans, and I air wrapped my hair and did my make up before I left the bloody hospital room) I am not old now, (early-mid 30’s) first pregnancy was in 2017, second in 2020, third due any second now.
I am a regular weight pre baby, have a healthy diet, do my pelvic floor exercises, delivered vaginally and unmedicated and so on and so forth, but I am on my arse. I feel like I have been hit by a bloody train, I’m exhausted, I’ve put on nearly 4 stone, have been incontinent of urine since I was 18 weeks pregnant, I have PGP, I had HG from 5-36 weeks. It’s been incredibly tough, And my pregnancies have been nine years apart with many years breaks in between. (All girls too so nothing odd about this time round!)

that said I absolutely adore my sisters, we are so close and it’s the best thing ever! So I wouldn’t say don’t do it at all there are ways and means.

There’s more negative posts on here than I would have thought there would be. I didn’t even think about my body recovering after 3 in 3. I was 39,40 and 41 years old and yes, I was obviously tired, but only the same as having any baby with an older sibling. I kept my weight reasonable and kept active. Yes, it’s hard work, but if it feels right, then go for it!

Thank you. Yes a lot of negative posts I was hoping there would be a few more positive stories.

I’m surprised by all the negativity too! As I said, mine were 3 under 4 rather than 3 under 3 but I don’t find it particularly horrible. I suppose a lot of it depends on your personality, their personality and the whole family situation. My social life is on the back burner and I’m all in on family, but that’s because I’m conscious that it was my choice (not theirs) to have three kids and I don’t want them to miss out as a result.